Weekly randoms 10/31

kalesix3

New week new randoms! 

kalesix3

Incoming rant about medical professionals- feel free to skip, I just wanted to get it off my chest. 

I had the worst time at the new practice I transferred to and was supposed to have had my first appointment today. They booked me with the wrong provider and then had nobody to see me and the front desk gave me an awful time, so I drove an hour and 40 minutes all to not get any prenatal appointment at all and had to turn around and go home after the ultrasound, I don't even know how the baby is doing. They tried to reschedule me at a closer office but then someone actually read my transfer records and realized they messed up and called me back and said I can't see any of their CNMs I can only get care with their OBs. I literally don't know why, I'm not too high risk to see CNMs, I saw one for my ultrasound a few weeks ago. Every single medical issue this whole pregnancy so far has been nothing but stress and an enormous hassle. I guess I'll see the OB they scheduled me with since they're forcing me to and then try to figure out what I'm doing for care the rest of this pregnancy after that appointment. It's on Thursday so I guess I'll have plenty of time to think about it. I just can't get over how they're refusing to let me see a cnm... I was higher risk last pregnancy and nobody told me I couldn't see CNMs, even my MFM specialists signed off on my care. Ugh. I'm so irritated. 

I don't want to go back to the practice I had my son with because they won't do ultrasounds in office, I have to go to the hospital for them all, and I also need to see an endocrinologist or a naturopath about my thyroid which the practice also doesn't have so I'd have to juggle three different providers and appointments with a toddler and a partner who can't go to any of the appointments because of his schedule.. it's just way too much for me to do alone so I was trying to just get all my care through one practice but apparently that's a pipe dream. Sigh. 

abilbro

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I wish I had some sort of advice to offer you. I’ve been very frustrated with where I go as well. It’s a shame.

francesgs

Venting* I was supposed to have my first prenatal appointment today but when I got in my car it wouldn’t start.. my husband works over 30 mins away and I would have never made my appointment on time so i sat in my car and cried 😭 my battery died.. Had to reschedule for Nov 3rd. I was so sad 😞 

francesgs

@kalesix3 Wow that is super frustrating… I’m sorry you had to deal with that. 

kalesix3

@francesgs oh that's so frustrating 😢 today was a bad day for appointments all around  
My reschedule is on the 3rd too, it's such a bummer, I hope this is the end of car troubles for you. 🤞🏻
@abilbro I'm so sorry you're experiencing similar, it makes so much extra stress when you and your providers just don't mesh well 😩 I've been in the dumps all night. I hope you can transfer elsewhere. 🤞🏻

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 that is so frustrating! I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I can't stand feeling like you get the run around without anybody in the office caring. I hope you're able to find a practice who will at minimum communicate better, but you deserved better care and consideration all around! 

kalesix3

@thescarletmom yeah for sure run around and not being heard or given the care and experience you deserve and need is the worst. I hope I get it all sorted ASAP so I can be less stressed. 🤞🏻

ReadyForaB

I STILL don't even have an appointment on the books.  Currently 8.5 weeks.  I had a dating ultrasound LAST Monday and it still isn't read.  I think my doctor is waiting for that to set me up with an appointment. I mean, honestly I don't care too much about the actual appointments since I had an ultrasound but it's just frustrating. 

hitcj4687

We have audits happening this week at work and I always feel extremely anxious when I'm being audited. I manage three group homes and I'm good about my paper work, but I know between the wedding, honeymoon, and getting pregnant I've been a little off my game so I'm sure I'm missing something.   I also haven't haven't grocery shopping in a hot minute and I really need to go, but I don't want to! Lmao

Sorry to the mama's experiencing issues with your medical practices. How frustrating.  Having a baby is supposed to be one of those things where people try to relieve stress for you, not make it worse!! 

thescarletmom

Guess whooooo had a negative comment to make about the unknown sex of my baby the instant we announced to my in laws 🙃 DHs grandma went on and on about how there's "too many boys around here" in front of both of my sons and DH. It was so hard not to blow up. I had a quick retort about how the baby is guaranteed to be a boy now, and everybody laughed but inside I was fuming. Later on DH (without me asking 🥺) told me he was going to talk to her about the way it makes us feel when she says things like that, especially in front of the kids. We both know she's going to play innocent and say that it's not like that at all, blah blah. But I appreciate that he's going to talk to her about it and maybe it will finally stop. It hurts my feelings that she makes me feel like my kids are lesser to her somehow, but I also know it hurts DH in a more personal way because it's always been clear to him that he was a disappointment for being a boy, whether or not that's how she means to make them feel.

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom ugh.  People suck.  I am preparing myself for the inevitable "maybe you will get your girl" comments that will come after we announce. Not so much from family but others.  I almost want to wait until we know to say anything. 

katies1213

Random Q (not nearly as serious as the other comments- but I feel for you with the MIL and appt issues): is anybody else gagging when they brush their teeth? Any recommendations on how to cope? It’s awful!! 

kalesix3

@ReadyForaB oh no that sounds so stressful, it shouldn't take this long to get ultrasound records back, someone is clearly being negligent! Ugh I'm irritated for you, I hope they get it together soon 🤞🏻 

@thescarletmom 🤬 you knew it was coming but good grief that attitude sucks, your poor boys having to hear that too 😔😢 I'm sorry she's such an awful person, hopefully some firm boundaries will help keep most of it from happening again. 
Yeah her intent when she says cruel things is less important than the resulting feelings she makes your DH and boys feel for the audacity to be boys as if any of them could help it. My MIL will do the same thing, "but I didn't mean it like that so stop feeling things and see it from my perspective" like no you're accountable for how you make others feel and I don't frankly give a hoot what your intent was, I care how you hurt and made others feel terrible. Have some humility, say you're sorry, and stop saying stupid things, it's not hard. 

ReadyForaB

@kalesix3 the nurse called me this morning and said they do not have them back and unfortunately, I am not the only one.  My area is extremely short staffed in the medical field currently.  It's bad.  Honestly, coming off of losses, I know if there was something wrong, they "stat" the results.  I would always have them within  a day or so if something was up.  So, I guess I shouldn't be complaining that it is (most likely) a normal ultrasound.  I did, however, get my first appointment scheduled for next Tuesday.  So, that is a plus. 

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB people looove to be like "oh a chance for a girl!" No?? I'm not collecting baby genitals? I told my husband that I kinda want to keep the sex of the baby to ourselves if we find out that its a girl so I don't have to hear any bullshit about it while I'm pregnant. I'm sorry about your appointment though! At least we can assume no news is good news on the u/s front ❤️

@kalesix3 honestly I wish this woman would try my husband like that because he does not play around. He's not confrontational at all but he is 1000% willing to be brutally honest with his family. 

Knottie, unfortunately like half the time brushing my teeth makes me vomit in my mouth haha. What a waste of brushing your teeth! I've found that honestly the best way for me to cope currently is to only brush the parts of my teeth at the front of my mouth, and if I feel like gaging is likely I do mouthwash for the rest. Sometimes I'm okay to do the whole mouth! It may not be the best but it's better than nothing and I know it will go away eventually.

kalesix3

@thescarletmom my partner will be confrontational if he has to but I've always gotten the sense that his parents think I brainwashed him into being mean to them and are far less likely to take him seriously. One time in particular my partner yelled at his mom about her behavior and how upset he was about it and she brushed him off and later made a snide comment to me about forcing people to change and hate their family and how it never works out that way and I should just give up 💀 the delusions people come up with! If I were in your shoes I would %100 keep the gender a secret, the comments either way will be out of control probably  

Knottie I was going to suggest mouthwash too, brushing your teeth is important but you gotta make exceptions sometimes. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 wow, talk about twisting things to fit your own narrative. Love when someone has to make you the bad guy instead of taking any personal responsibility.

The worst part is sure I'm angry, but really what I am is hurt. And I don't want to keep the news from MY family (which I actually don't think would matter because our families don't really comingle?) since they don't make rude comments about the gender of my kids, and I want to be able to share and be excited and celebrate. It's just lame to have someone suck the joy out of you, ya know? I would love another baby boy, regardless of any outside influence I think if I *had* to have a preference, it would be boy just because it feels like what I'm used to I guess? And I don't want to be made to feel like that would be a bad thing 😞 ugh! I feel like I've been complaining about this for days but it just breaks my heart.

kalesix3

@thescarletmom no but like it's such a complex mix of emotions over the entire thing and %100 worth talking about for days. Like if you have one side of the family who isn't rude and toxic about it I say go for it so you can celebrate and share the important news, and just protect your peace by not telling those who won't understand and be excited, it doesn't have to be all or nothing I guess is what I'm trying to say! At least that's what I'd probably do if I were in your shoes but I hope whatever choice you make you feel peace over and your baby is so freaking loved and wanted and your opinion matters most! 

puffling2023

Sorry for the frustrations with doctors offices, that sounds awful!

Random question (or maybe just looking for reassurance): how seriously should I take the BMI-based weight gain recommendations all the books and apps make? This is my first pregnancy, currently 7 weeks, and I’m 39 today. Apparently my BMI is just over the rate for obese! I was shocked to learn I shouldn’t gain more than 15 pounds the entire pregnancy. I’m 5’4” and 180lbs pre-pregnancy but I don’t think I look or feel obese (I walk a lot and think I’m pretty active), but I am curvy. Ugh, it’s just so disheartening to read about that. I’ve already been feeling crappy enough about my body image. For what it’s worth, haven’t had my first OB appointment yet (next Monday). Sorry if this post is a weird or sensitive subject for anyone! 

thescarletmom

@puffling2023 I'm not your doctor, but personally, my understanding is that BMI is junk and not a measure of health whatsoever. The calculations don't make sense for people who are very tall or very petite. I'm sure your doctor would answer any questions you have on healthy weight gain, but I think as long as you lead a relatively healthy lifestyle, there's no need for concern.

puffling2023

@thescarletmom thanks for your thoughts! I hope it’s something my doctor doesn’t seem concerned about. I’d like to think BMI is junk, or at the very least, not a particularly useful metric. 

kalesix3

@puffling2023 just a reminder that if your Dr is fatphobic or obsessed over arbitrary bmi that's been debunked multiple times you can find another provider who treats you like a person and not a number on a scale. 
That said I was around the same weight as you going into my last pregnancy and I only gained 12 pounds total, I didn't try to lose or restrict my diet, I just gained as much as my body needed. Personally I think with good active habits and a balanced diet your body will gain exactly what it needs to. Our bodies aren't here to sabotage us, and none of us need to be stuck in body size boxes. 

bridgettetheboxer

@puffling2023 I totally agree with what’s above. I generally turn around when my weight is taken, and if my dr see there’s and issue, they can bring it up. It’s definitely less emotional for me that way. BMI is kind of garbage, from what I’ve researched. That’s a crappy feeling though, I’m so sorry!!

hitcj4687

I agree with what's been said here! I don't have a thyroid and gaining weight is a huge problem for me. I live a very active life style! I lift, I walk, I do jiu jitsu. I eat a well balanced diet (usually. I have bad days) and I still fall into a "thick woman" category. It's just my body type now. My weight puts my bmi in an over weight category, and I so do not look at myself and agree with that! I try not to pay attention to the scale for that reason. Just listen to your body!! You're doing something beautiful and growing another life! 

cassafrass123

The bump logged me off for a while there. I couldn’t like or comment on anything. Happy to be back!

@thescarletmom @kalesix3 I’m sorry your families are being such anuses about arbitrary stuff that hurts you and your children! It’s wild the stuff people come up with. My MIL once told me I was selfish for breastfeeding (and DH didn’t believe me until she doubled down in his presence). Fortunately we live far from them and they try to keep things positive so they can see the kids.

@puffling2023 BMI is crap. Listen to your body and do your best. Weight gain is one of many metrics for your maternal health, and it’s really different between different people and pregnancies. I usually gain a ton of weight every pregnancy and it honestly takes me about 2 1/2 years to get back to normal afterwards. And that’s my normal and that’s ok. Some people gain very little or even lose weight pregnant, and some people lose weight from breastfeeding. That’s ok too. Just do your best and give yourself the grace you’d want to give anybody else!

puffling2023

I really appreciate all the reassurance. Y’all are an amazing group of moms and soon-to-be moms!

thescarletmom

@cassafrass123 yikes, selfish. How does that even make any sense?? I've had tons of relatives ask very incredulously when I was going to give up/stop breastfeeding when my baby was like, less than 3 months old. Note: bfing was going great for us and it was not a supportive type comment. My DH once told me that some aunts on my dad's side asked him how breastfeeding was going for me and how long I planned to go, and he told them ideally 1-2 years and he said they all gasped haha. I don't think I know of anyone in my family above my generation level that breastfed for more than a few months so they're all kind of weirded out by it.

hitcj4687

I cant bring myself to understand why people make other women's bodies and parenting choices their business. Breastfeeding is an incredible experience and if it's going well, why stop? And why is there this deadline?? It's so bizarre to me!!! I was told I was spoiling my son by continuing to nurse. Though I can't understand how that makes sense 😂 what exactly is selfish about Breastfeeding???? Lol people are WILD

kalesix3

@cassafrass123 thank you 🥲 I'd say I don't understand how people think they're entitled to have an opinion on how anyone feeds their babies but then I remember how we lost our reproductive rights because of ignorant opinions and it checks out but I'm still enraged for you. I've heard the argument that you're selfish by breastfeeding because it means nobody else can feed the baby but thanks to our crappy society mothers already lose out on so much in a push to go back to work as soon as possible, why would anyone want to deny them as much one on one time with their baby as they want to? Maybe 2023 is the year everyone collectively shuts up about how anyone parents their own kids! I can dream! 

On another note I finally had my rescheduled appointment this morning, I only wanted to know if the baby was doing well from the ultrasound but nobody read the ultrasound report and I sat and waited two hours alone in a room until a Dr I didn't know and wasn't scheduled with came in and told me they had shuffled their schedule around. The only thing she told me was that the baby is now measuring a week behind according to them, but that literally doesn't track because I got a scan at 8 weeks measuring 8 weeks on the dot and the baby was much smaller and not even developmentally the same gestational age, the baby clearly had grown so much at my scan on Monday so I think they just effed it up. I should have been 9 weeks and she said I measured 8.  I almost cried I was so frustrated and upset. Then the Dr told me they don't do thyroid care for pregnancy and because I've had losses I have to go see MFM specialists anyways so I came home and cancelled my account with them and booked into the midwives I had last pregnancy. If I have to be running around to fifty different appointments I might as well do it in my favorite city just a few minutes away instead of going an hour and a half just to sit in an office for hours and see clueless providers who couldn't care less about me. 
I'll have a scan at 12 weeks with my midwives and hopefully baby measured just fine by then. I'm so tired of the back and forth with measuring okay or measuring concerningly behind. I feel like most people are fine but as soon as they hear I lost a full term baby they freak out if I measure behind at all so it's been a lot of stress on my plate wondering if anything is actually okay. 

hitcj4687

@kalesix3 I am SO sorry this has been your experience!! How incredibly frustrating! I would be livid. You made the right choice by switching back to your midwives in my opinion. I hope you can find an excellent endocrinologist for your thyroid as well. I know exactly how terrible thyroid issues are, especially during pregnancy! Doctors seem to think their patients have nothing but time and don't seem to give a shit about people's schedules and it drives me nuts! So incredibly unprofessional and unacceptable to say the VERY least. Fingers crossed your next ultrasound shows you everything is just fine and there's nothing to have concern about. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 oh my god that's just nuts. I can't imagine thinking that's an acceptable way to treat a patient as a provider. And how awful for you to have someone treat you so callously when they clearly didn't even do the bare minimum. Especially when they know you've had losses, to so flippantly suggest this baby is measuring behind. I'm sorry it will be inconvenient to see your old midwives, but at least you'll be cared for ❤️

kalesix3

@hitcj4687 I was more concerned and sad that my first visit ended up being so awful and full of bad news but now that's it's over I'm really irked by just how terrible they are. I was dreading going since the front desk staff was so horrible to me the first time I called and my gut was right. 
My thyroid is doing really well now, I was hoping I could get off medication for it but I'll probably just stay on it until after I deliver and try to figure out what the issue is with my TSH rising like it was with no other indication of a problem. It could be way worse and one of the midwives at my old practice works with thyroid issues at another functional medicine clinic so they told me she'd be great for me to ask her any questions and get support. I'm so relieved. 

@thescarletmom that was the worst part for me. Like ask me all my loss history and then just flippantly tell me the baby is measuring an entire week behind and give me zero follow up. She also cancelled all my prenatal lab work because they didn't have enough time 🙄 
I'll be in really good hands at my birth center, they're so amazing. The receptionist is a personal friend and when I called she remembered how I don't like appointments during work hours and immediately found me two slots at the end of the day no drama. She told me they're swamped right now with an OB office closing suddenly and a huge influx of new clients scrambling for care and a place to deliver, and they still fit me in next week on short notice because they're just awesome like that. It's such a good feeling. 
I shouldn't have tried to go anywhere else but lesson learned lol. 

hitcj4687

You're going to be so much more comfortable at this location! I'm so glad you are making this choice and that they're so accommodating!! You deserve that! Pregnancy is stressful all by itself, especially when you've already experienced such a tragic loss, there's no need for them to just add insult to injury here and get you worked up with zero follow up and then to proceed to cancel labs on you? Gross. They don't deserve to take care of you and baby! Not that they were doing that anyways.. super happy you have a better support system with this other center. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 I know for me, because of my losses I feel much more particular about what level of care I'll accept from a provider. I've had chronic health issues my entire life and more or less felt like my doctor had to be the boss of me. I simply do not put up with that anymore since getting pregnant, in any sphere of care. I'm glad you have a safe landing place to go back to where you're respected first and foremost ❤️ your comfort matters and you deserve the best care!

annemarie96

@cassafrass123 selfish for breastfeeding? She is off her rocker. Absolutely delusional. I can’t get over that level of stupidity. 

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB I have to complain to someone who gets it. So, I took two weeks off work to rest when I was really sick. My attorneys were great about it, and i have to preface this with i love my coworkers. But. I came back to work this week, and worked from home M/Th, in the office Tu/W/F. It's a small office, and while I was out, one of 5 attorneys tested positive for covid. So he's been WFH all week. On Mon, our only other paralegal (who's been here 1 billion years) WFH as well because she was sick. Tues morning SHE tests positive for covid. Yikes. Well, I find out WEDNESDAY we have an arbitration next week!!! And I've spent all day doing the trial prep, printing binders and exhibits and all that. ALONE!! BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS HERE!! The two covid sickies are the only two that are working on this case, this is not a case i know anything about! The amount of phone/email tag and general nonsense today has been insane. It's so not their fault or anything, just bad timing. But damn, I'm nauseated and tired of walking back and forth to the printer and standing up filling binders with 150+ exhibits!!

kalesix3

Small update on my incompetent clinic, I was hoping the Dr yesterday was mistaken about measuring a week behind because she said she hadn't even read my report because the other physician never signed off on it. But they loaded it into my portal this morning and it says the baby measured 9 days behind 💔 
So I called the office a few times and got a bunch of run around and waiting on hold and finally got a nurse on the line to ask her about it. She said that nobody read my chart and they didn't know I'd already had an ultrasound before so they were just doing a loose estimate ultrasound. She also said she has no idea why the sonographer dated me as far behind as I am and she thinks it was a measuring error. She also said I needed to come back first thing on Monday to do a repeat because it was concerning how much different the measurements were compared to my fertility clinic ultrasound a week before that they had in my chart and didn't bother to read it before I brought it up. 
I told her I was transferring my care on Monday and she said she'd send them a note to get me a stat ultrasound to rule out the start of a miscarriage. 
So I'll see on Monday if my new clinic can just get me a quick scan to see what's up. They don't normally do last minute ultrasounds but hopefully they'll help me out because I'm going to have so much anxiety this weekend just wondering if everything is actually okay. Dates being slightly off at a first ultrasound are stressful enough but suddenly measuring more than a week behind is really scary. I thought the baby looked like it had grown and I actually saw it moving around like it didn't previously so I'm hoping the tech just messed everything up, but also what a horrible thing to hope. I'm so over the incompetence and I'm glad to be done with them for good. 
I'm ready to hit the downhill of this pregnancy after all the stress and hassle of the first two months with providers and run around and stressful ultrasounds for viability and this terrible practice botching literally everything. 

potato3000

@kalesix3 So sorry you're getting such a run around and having to deal with all of that! Hoping Monday comes as quickly as it can for you and you do get to see baby happily growing on track, unaffected by the incompetence 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 my heart breaks for you, I hope you can get a scan for your own peace on Monday ❤️ this whole situation just feels so negligent on the providers behalf and I can't imagine how awful this has been for you. I'm sure that your gut instinct that baby looked to be doing well is accurate, because I wouldn't put anything past this clinic to make mistakes in reading the ultrasound. I know it's little comfort for those big anxieties.

ReadyForaB

@kalesix3 I am so sorry you are going through this. 💔 FX you go in Monday and everything is just as it should be. I’ll be thinking of you.