Ask a STM+ - October

tessiesmom26

This is a place for first time moms to ask questions of those who have been there before, as well as asking other moms about the transition from 1 to 2, 2 to 3, etc. 

fertile-turtle

This is genuinely great timing, because we’re trying to figure out how to plan for postpartum.

We live 3 hours from the closest family, including my parents and my in-laws (all retired/semi-retired). We are trying to figure out if and when to have them come stay and help.

Relevant information: we both get some leave, DH will use 2 weeks of leave after the birth and 1 week when I go back to work. I get up to 12 weeks paid leave, but to use it all I have to use up all of my accumulated sick leave, so I plan to use 10.5 weeks (return to work for half days for the first week back) and leave 1.5 weeks untouched for when we get the inevitable daycare illnesses.

Both of our parents have offered to come stay and help if/when we want, and our house is more than large enough to afford privacy while also having them in one of the guest rooms. Has anybody done something similar, with a prolonged visit/help from family at some point in the postpartum period? What worked/didn’t work for you?

Paturkey

@fertile-turtle I live in the UK and my family live in the US. When my first two were born, my then-H took two weeks leave. We invited my mother to come first and she arrived after 1.5 weeks so the "support team" could overlap for a few days. She then stayed for two weeks. After another 1.5 weeks, my MIL came out for two weeks. The schedule looked like this:
Week 1 - then-H
Week 2 - then-H and my mom for half-week
Week 3 - my mom
Week 4 - my mom for half-week and MIL for week
Week 5 - my MIL
The result was that I had help during the first five weeks with both of my babies which worked well for me. I'm not sure what I will do this time because my partner and I will both take the first 16 weeks off together so there is less need for the support team right away (I recognize what a luxury our situation is). We will probably do something similar but less regimented as the grandparents will want to come meet the baby.

For me it was useful just to have someone watch the baby while I took a shower or to cook me meals, grocery shop, tidy up or walk the dog. They didn't need to do a lot of baby-specific things, more just general help and support around the house. Anything to take things off your to-do list will be a big help!