TTCAL w/o 9.26.22

anniemarie887

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?

Any testing coming up/any recent results

Questions?

GTKY:  If your pet could suddenly talk like the celebrity of your choice, whose voice would they have?

maggiemadeit

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: Early loss at 6 weeks in Aug 2021, MMC and D&C at 12 weeks in Feb 2022

Status: Expecting a new cycle to start today, but we not actively TTC again until we can make a plan with my OBGYN.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I honestly did not think we would try again, and I have not been taking great care of myself. So of course TTC anxiety is back with a vengeance. Now I am doing ALL THE THINGS: eating well, laying off the booze and other recreationals, sleeping, reducing exercise intensity (which SUCKS), limiting caffeine, prenatals, all the egg quality supplements, etc. I even bought one of those PROOV kits. Not sure what I think this is going to help with, but TTC turns me into a crazy person! 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I see the OBGYN in November to make a game plan. She took such good care of me during the aftermath of my last loss, I am looking forward to seeing her for a happier reason. 

Questions? None today

GTKY:  If your pet could suddenly talk like the celebrity of your choice, whose voice would they have? I don’t have a pet, but I've always wanted a Jack Russell who I would name Clementine, and I picture her voice being very Kardashian. 

kiki047

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC @ 11w Nov '20, MC @ 5w3d Mar '21. At least 1 known CP

Status: Taking a break, NTNP for a few cycles before we start back up again with FET #9 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Physically I feel pretty good. It's been a while since I've been completely off IVF meds (like 2 years) so even the bloat is starting to subside, which feels great. I've also been trying to use this time to take better care of myself, that's a work in progress.
Very much struggling with feeling left behind, especially with all the announcements around me lately. 

*TW* PG announcement talk

Some of you may remember my cousin that just got married and got KU immediately. Just found out yesterday that her maid of honour is also KU, due a few weeks before her, and her SIL is also due around the same time. Her social media is just full of all of the stereotypical stuff that I will never get, like surprising her husband, being excited for a BFP, and now getting to be KU at the same time as her besties. All my friends have already had their kids, I'd need to make all new friends if I wanted to have kids around the same age as them. I am so bitter and jealous that IF has robbed me of all the joy that I have longed for all these years, and it physically hurts to see how blissful they are in a non-IF world.  

Any testing coming up/any recent results: Nope. 

Questions? No, but I could use some affirmations and reassurance that I'm not the selfish one for refusing to participate or be excited about family members' gender reveals or baby showers, etc. I've packed up all my maternity clothes that I may never get to wear (it's like 5 pairs of $$$ Blanqi leggings and some GAP maternity tops) to give to her, but that's about as excited as I'm going to get at this point. 

GTKY:  If your pet could suddenly talk like the celebrity of your choice, whose voice would they have?
*Disclaimer, I first read this as asking whose voice I think my pet would have, not whose voice I want them to have, and I think I'll just leave my answers the way they are* 

I imagined my Angel kitty to sound something like a cross between Kristin Chenoweth and Reese Witherspoon - a little ditzy, but assertive and loud for her size. 
Our tuxedo kitty is pretty no-nonsense, but has a soft side. Maybe a Lucy Liu or a Sandra Bullock - tough girl exterior but with a good sense of humour. 
Our dog is a doofus, easily excitable, very whiny, super awkward, full of anxiety, wants to hump everything... like Wolowitz from Big Bang Theory. 

kiki047

@maggiemadeit that's so nice that your OB is so great. We all need someone like that in our corner. I wouldn't worry too much about your lifestyle as of late, I'd like to think we can't do too much damage during the periods where we're not actively doing ALL THE THINGS. Remind me again, how long has it been since you decided to stop trying? If your last MMC was in Feb '22 it couldn't have been too long ago so I don't think ~6 months of bingeing completely reversed all the good you've done previously. Don't be too hard on yourself there, friend. After all you've been through I think your body probably needed to let loose a little. 

maggiemadeit

@kiki047 I'm sorry that IF has taken so much from you. It just isn't fair. It's more than generous of you to share your maternity clothes, and I fully support you in distancing yourself from things that are hurtful to you right now. That's not selfish, that's self care and self preservation, and you deserve to take care of yourself first, and other people's feelings second. 

And thank you for your kind words. I am a classic type A spreadsheet making fool, and being hard on myself is part of my personality, so your perspective is very helpful. My husband decided he was done trying after our loss in February, and I will admit that the depression sent me a little off the deep end, and leaning much too hard on food and alcohol. But you are so right, those 6 months of neglect are nothing that can't be undone!