Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

My second run.

I'm finding it hard to even write this.. This is my second miscarriage. I had my first in April this year , 08-04-2022. It's now September and after a long time of feeling hopeless we had successfully conceived. My bloods for week 1/2 were 15,000 and they were running tests , scans and what not to figure out if it was multiple or molar or if the baby had something wrong. After a long horrible 3 weeks , my bloods started to drop drastically , I was getting unwell and my scans were showing different each time. From 6 weeks they could see my baby a tad pole , then the next week my baby was hiding and they had the tests back , either the placenta was struggling or the baby was double chromosome then at 8 weeks found 3 three sacs then roughly about 8 weeks two days after my intravaginal scan , I started to bleed and have severe pains. I went back to the hospital RHH for them to give me 4 tablets and send me home to take them as my baby had detached and I could no longer keep baby. I went home , took the tablets at 10pm that night and by 6 A.M. on the 7th of Sept I started to heamourage , I was bleeding uncontrollably, my house looked like a crime scene by lower half was red and I became faint. I had to go to hospital to be monitored while passing my first baby (what we thought was my only baby) , while waiting for an OBG I was discharged with the hopes I was fine , not being seen by the OBG I went home and within 5 days time 12th sept I started to heamourage again. It was exactly like the days prior but nothing like the April loss. I had to go back to hospital and this time the OBG came to see me , she cleaned me out with cotton on the end of forceps before giving me an intravaginal. She found what she thought was a mass of clots and blood so it was hard to see, and my placenta still pumping blood which she couldn't work out why. I was sent home with antibiotics and told to come back the next day for another couple of scans and so I did. On the 13th of Sept I went back to the RHH and had my scans done , where they found another sac , smaller in size to bub. The doctor was against a D & C and still sent me home with more antibiotics to help me and hoped the baby would come away in its own like the other did. By the 14th sept (yesterday in Australian time) I had gone into really bad pain again , this time the bleeding was not as bad and I was only dripping. And as I got upto the toilet I passed what I believe is the second baby , pictured below. I was emotionally distraught and I still am because I have all these... I don't even know if there questions. I feel like I done so much but not enough. And I feel like my body keeps letting me down. All I want to do is hold my babys , but instead one had to be left for tests at the RHH and one was buried 😭💔💔 how is it okay? And why do I feel like I'm the only one affected in such a way? :( :(
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