For those who didn't take husband's last name...

knottie9640e4aee2247f5c

Hi everyone! I did not take my husband's last name, due to a variety of reasons, but now that we are having a baby the issue of last name has come up. Our last names are both very long and would be horrendous if we decided to hyphenate! I'm just wondering what others in the same or similar situation have done?? Thanks 😊. 

jenandandrew2021

I haven’t taken my husbands last name, I might hyphenate my own last name to add his but we gave our son my husband’s last name. We didn’t want his last name hyphenated for a the same reason! I figure more and more women are keeping their last names so it shouldn’t be much of an issue hopefully!

knottie_knottie1

I didn't take my husband's last name either and we plan to give our child both our last names with no hyphen. We both have short last names (4 + 5 letters) though, so not exactly your situation. I've heard of giving the child the mom's last name as the middle name and the dad's last name as their last name as a different option to two last names. I've also know people like the PP where the kids have the dad's last name and the mother hyphenates and I've also seen it where the kids have dad's last name and the mom keeps her own name. I think it really just depends on what you and your husband decide is best for your family

mb0112

I would give the dads last name and consider using your last name as the middle name. Not a fan of hyphens especially if the names are long and I guess I'm old fashioned with wanting the kid to have dads last name. When kids have moms last name I assume dad is not married to mom or in the picture. Working in a school I've seen lots of times where moms last name doesn't match the kid but sometimes they sign off with both to avoid confusion. Eg if you are Jane Smith married to John Jones and child is Will Jones you'd sign your emails Jane Smith Jones even if that's not your legal name just to help them associate you with the kid.

knottie0474a54045eed5ff

I didn’t take my husbands name. (Down with the patriarchy) Ours would be terrible hypenated. We are passing down a family name that died out to our children and my husband and I will both hypenate our name with the child’s last name. 

paytonpedro

I’d give baby dads last name. 

m2a

Two of my best friends didn’t take their husbands last names but their children have the husbands last name. 

bearcatbaby

Baby will have husband’s last name.

knottie_knottie1

Just throwing this out there, it's also ok to fuck the patriarchy and go against societal norms by giving your child your last name instead of your husband's. Just because because it's the norm doesn't mean it's "correct" and the only way to do it.

knottieabd4081bee7d4369

We are in the same situation and we ended up choosing to combine our last names into a new last name that has parts of each of our last names! We will each retain our own last names legally but we won’t mind when our kids’ friends call us Mrs. and Mr. new last name. We did this because we personally wanted all our kids to have the same last name as each other. However I also know others who have given one partner’s last name to one kid and the other’s to another kid. And I know others who then let their kids choose for themselves once they got old enough. Whatever you choose will be right for your family!!

acamomma18

Same situation! I have my doctorate and didn’t want to take husband’s name lol. We decided our kids would take his last name. 

paperbirdlady

FTM. I didn't take my husband's last name. My husband didn't want to hyphenate or use my name as our child's middle name. We both have names rooted in our different nationalities. My name is much more common though. 

We agreed to name our baby along gender lines. Boys will get his last name and girls will get mine. (He wants a girl to be harder to find.) I agreed because I knew a few days before him that we're having a girl.

knottie_knottie1

😂😂😂 love it @paperbirdlady. Curious, does he know the gender yet and is he still cool with using your last name? 

kookai8

I did not take my husband’s name. I always thought I’d just let my kid have my husband’s last name, but the more I think about it, the more that bothers me. I’m doing most of the work growing this baby ( ) and I decided to keep my name for a reason—I am proud of who I am. My husband and I are both very independent and he does not care at all what we choose for our child, so we are going to hyphenate our last names. Our son might have a bit of a clunker for a name, but I want to honor where he comes from on both sides. He can always choose to drop one of the names once he enters school if it gets to be too long, but I want his legal name to contain both of ours. 

Anything you choose to do will be great! It’s up to you and your partner!

mahalove108

I'd say use your husband's last name as your child's middle name and your last name as your child's last name.  

fertile-turtle

I also didn’t change my last name, and my husband has a long name (in general - 2 middle names and a total of 30 letters without spaces) which has given him trouble his whole life as far as filling out paperwork, etc. so he objects to hyphenated names or double middle names or anything else that adds more complications and mess. I’m also not really attached to my last name except professionally, so we’re just giving his last name for simplicity’s sake. Plus, we already have enough confusion with just us in our conservative, traditional region… no need to subject the kid(s) to rumors that their dad isn’t really their dad, or whatever other nonsense kids can come up with.

knottiec1bd6c5399b4642a

This is my second pregnancy. With my 3 year old, we hyphenated her last name even though my husband and my last names are both long. So far, it's only annoying when I call the doctor's office to make an appointment for her. Luckily, her first name is short.

With my son I'm pregnant with now, we're doing the same, but we decided to deliberately give him short first and middle names so that at least those will be easy .

Having a super long, hyphenated last name is not ideal, but none of the other options personally felt ideal to me, either.  I figure when the kids are older, if they are bothered by the super long last name, we can change it (probably to my husband's last name since there are already 13 grandkids on my side, but our kids are the only ones on his side). 

knottieed65871391e7c39f

I didn't take my husband's last name, we decided to use my last name as a middle name for our son and will do the same for this baby. Our last names were also too long to hyphenate

knottie92eb33d4e0d639ef

We gave our son mama's (my) last name 😊

firsttimemama1987

Could you husband take your last name? My friend who has her PhD had her husband take her name and that is the last name of the baby too.

purpleorchid4

Our baby will have my (mama's) last name, since I'm the one growing them :) We'll use my partner's last name as a middle name.

knottiee34f320e1b9de3fc

I didn’t take my husbands name at our wedding because the way I see it, we’re two equal people with our own individualities, however, I always said I’d take his last name once I got pregnant so that by the time
our child arrives, we’ll all have the same last name. I didn’t want to be married and have a different last name than my kid and I also feel like a shared name makes more sense for us as a group (3+ people) rather than as just 2 of us.

My Aunt did not take her husband’s last name AND gave their kids her last name (her husband’s last name is Smith and she just couldn’t..no offense to Smiths out there! Her decision, not mine). When I asked how she feels about it now, she said she wouldn’t change it but the one downside to her is that she has been asked if her husband is her kid’s biological father or a stepdad. 

I grew up with a different last name than my mom (I got my dad’s last name) and it never bothered me because they we’re not together.

Lastly… do what you want to do. There is a “norm” but there is no right or wrong. If you decide to do something untraditional, great! But do it because it feels right to you, not because you’re making a social point to “stick it to the man.” Eye roll.

awhite1020

My partner and I are not married, but I am leaning towards the baby having his last name simply because I like it better. If I liked mine better, then I would go with mine.

knottie32c1fb56ed007578

> @knottie_knottie1 said:
> Just throwing this out there, it's also ok to fuck the patriarchy and go against societal norms by giving your child your last name instead of your husband's. Just because because it's the norm doesn't mean it's "correct" and the only way to do it.

Yes, I love this. I kept my last name, we hyphenated my son’s last name, AND put my last name first to really agitate the patriarchy. We also knew my in-laws would try to drop my last name if it was second (they are very……traditional? and do not appreciate that I kept my last name - even after their son expressed his full support)

*Only suggestion that I found helpful: most of the women in my family kept their last name after marriage. Their only mutual complaint with their kids solely taking dad’s name is that schools and medical offices would approach mom as if she was a step-mom solely based on her having a different last name. They all agreed, in hindsight, that they would’ve hyphenated to avoid this small nuisance.

vizmama

Also kept my name! We agreed the kids would get his last name so I get to exclusively choose the first name (obviously I want him to like it, but he would only get to vote on my curated list). I’m taking this as a win.

turtletaylor0522

Just throwing this out there, different states have different naming laws. In Georgia (where I have experience), the mother or the parent with custody (if unmarried) has the choice to give the child her own or the father’s surname (if the father consents to be listed on the birth certificate). You can’t pick a random surname. In Mississippi it defaults to the father’s surname. In Florida if the parents can’t agree on a name the courts can choose a name for the child (I found this interesting, not that it’s applicable for you).