Pregnant After Loss (PGAL) 6/16

tessiesmom26

*** TW: Loss will be mentioned throughout this thread (without TWs on individual posts). Please read with caution and care ***

How far along are you?

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)?

Do you have any upcoming milestones?

How are you feeling?

Any questions or concerns?

tessiesmom26

How far along are you? 7w2d

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)? MMC/BO  July '21 with D&C, and MMC/BO Feb '22 with D&C.

Do you have any upcoming milestones? We saw baby again yesterday, we are measuring right on track and heart rate was 141. This is our milestone as we never saw heartbeats with the last two. 

How are you feeling? Feeling good, honestly. I am still trying to not get my hopes up too much, but also feeling like screaming from the rooftops that we are pregnant again. It's so weird. Can't wait until we feel confident sharing.

Any questions or concerns? Have a follow up with my Dr this morning at 11. The US tech mentioned yesterday that I am considered high risk now, so I want to check that with my Dr and see what exactly that entails. Is anyone else high risk? Or have been high risk before?

cpk3535

Hi @tessiesmom26! I was considered high risk my last two pregnancies, one due to medication and one due to age and a previous MC. It really only resulted in what seemed like a ton of ultrasounds last time and some extra testing for the most part. Hopefully that’s all you have to deal with, too ❤️

How far along are you? 5W3D

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)? Odd miscarriage in 2018- when I went in for my first ultrasound (kind of late at around 10 weeks), they couldn’t find the baby. It was like a really long CP. I had a super scary bleed out and ended up in the ER for an emergency D&C, thanks to my super tilted (or as one doc said, “backward”) uterus not being able to flush out the tissue. 

Do you have any upcoming milestones? Not really.

How are you feeling? I’m feeling a little nervous and anxious about this one. Yes, I’m still testing positive, but I’m not even getting to speak to a nurse for a phone appointment until next week and then won’t scan until sometime probably the week after that. That seems a little too similar to what happened the last time, and they nagged me for waiting too long to get an ultrasound the time I miscarried!!! Needless to say, I’m very hesitant to celebrate or share this with anybody besides my immediate family.

Any questions or concerns?  Do you think I should pester for an earlier appointment? I have Kaiser in California and they SUCK. I can’t imagine why I’m not already marked as high risk and they aren’t rushing me in. Ever get the feeling they’re brushing you off thinking you’ll just miscarry and save them some time? I hate to think that’s possible, but like I said, I’m just a number in Kaiser’s system. Scary 😟 

emeraldisle17

Fingers crossed for you @cpk3535!!  Speaking from just a general patient advocacy lens, I'd say go with your gut; call everyday to see if there's been any cancellations and if you can get in sooner, especially given your history.  I've learned with healthcare that you need to advocate for your own health!  These front desk scheduling people are not usually medically trained and we really have no idea what the communication is (if any) with the doctors each day about incoming patients. 

I'm going in for my first ultrasound next week at 7w3d, which is earlier than my office wanted to schedule me but I will be out of town for a month long vacation starting the following week. The scheduling person needed to confirm with my OB and called me a day later to confirm that she'd see me at 5pm (after hours for them).  I've delivered 2 babies with this OB and we have a great rapport; honestly if I was a new patient I don't think she/they would have given me any wiggle room.  Totally not fair; all's to say they probably CAN fit you in if you are a squeaky wheel! 

cpk3535

@emeraldisle17 Thank you! That’s what I was thinking of doing. I might email my doctor’s office daily just to see what I can accomplish.  Polite stalking usually pays off! 😂 

angbaby83

@cpk3535 sorry Kaiser is being difficult. I had them here in Colorado and they were so good after my MMC.  When I got pregnant again they offered me to come in early and more frequently than normal.  I would definitely pester them! 

tessiesmom26

@cpk3535 Thank you for sharing your experience. They are actually not going to classify me as high risk, so I don't have to worry about that as this point in time. The OB said because of my age (34) and history (one full term birth and two MMC) that I can continue to be a regular patient. I agree that you should call the office and be the squeaky wheel, especially given your age and history. 

knit-sew-mama

How far along are you?

4 weeks, 3 days

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)?

My daughter Hattie suffered a severe brain injury during labor in October 2020 along with meconium aspiration at the final push (no meconium was previously present). She lived for 39 days and died in November 2020. I have a living son who is almost 5

Do you have any upcoming milestones?

Just had my blood work and progesterone and HCG both are good (HCG increases like 5x in 48 hours). While I’ve carried both of my pregnancies to term I have been a part of the loss community and know so many things that can go wrong at this point that I want to do anything we can (including that I will have a 39 week schedule c-section: what happened to Hattie mirrors issues my son had in labor that led to his c-section delivery. Hattie was a VBAC and didn’t show the signs of distress my son showed but my doctor and I both feel my babies don’t handle labor and I don’t feel I can emotionally go through labor not knowing the outcome)

How are you feeling?

A little detached and in shock even though we had been trying. I always wanted 2 kids and I have 2 kids but only one living kid in my home so being pregnant a third time is surreal. We told our parents, siblings, and our son and their excitement helped me be excited. And nobody said anything stupid about it being “God’s plan” or whatever. 

Any questions or concerns?

Oh I have all the concerns but I’m trying to breathe and deal with things as I can. 

cpk3535

@knit-sew-mama Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think having your c-section choice made in advance is a great way to be a little more at ease. I’m most likely going c-section again, too- after my daughter Ellie kicked the placenta off the wall of my uterus, she essentially curled up right next to my rib cage holding on for super tight. The doc told me it was the hardest he’d ever yanked a baby out, and my ribs felt it!!

Anyway, I’m also trying really hard not to get overly anything yet, excited or worried. We’re here to support each other, feel free to anonymously dump on us anytime❤️ Really glad to hear things are going well so far for you- lots of love to you.

laurenmicheley

How far along are you?

5w+4

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)?
MMC D&C Feb 2019 10 Weeks Genetically Normal Male Kareotype 
MMC D&C June 2019 10 Weeks Fetus was not developing properly, Saw HB but was low and eventually stopped

Do you have any upcoming milestones? 

Going for an U/S Monday to locate the pregnancy with the RE, then around 1 week later dating with RE. 

My main milestones are to see HB, “graduate” from RE, get past 10 weeks, get out of first trimester, 20 weeks, viability. Pregnancy, for me, is a constant game of moving goal posts. 

How are you feeling?
Anxious and impatient. Excited, but also worried that we will have another loss. Tired AF because this is my first pregnancy having a child to care for all day. 

Any questions or concerns?

None I can really think of. 

willowoak952022

Currently: 5w+1
Losses: Miscarriage 1.5 yrs ago at 7w
Feeling nervous and anxious. Trying to be excited but also holding things loosely in case I lose another one 😕

nwshay

How far along are you? 4w1d so eeeek. 

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)? I had a early loss in 2016, and MC also in 2016, a live birth in 2017, a miscarriage at 9 weeks in 2019, and a miscarriage at 8 weeks earlier this year. 

Do you have any upcoming milestones? I will be counting down the next 4 weeks until my first U/S on 7/25. I am trying to get in earlier, but Kaiser refused to schedule be before 8 weeks. I am trying to get in touch with my doctor to see if he can approve a 6 week or 7 week appt instead. 

How are you feeling? Anxious anxious anxious! I have had some tiny bouts of nausea/heartburn, but only slight. Besides that, zero symptoms. Maybe a little pulling in the pelvic area, which I ahve had with all my pregnancies

Any questions or concerns? Not yet!

nwshay

@cpk3535 I have had major issues with KP in WA myself. Both with past miscarriages and with advocating for myself with my epilepsy and past/current pregnancies.

I literally diagnosed myself with epilepsy after they thought I was crazy with my symptoms and passing out spells (that ended up being seizures), and then with my last pregnancy they refused to see me before 8 weeks, which I understand, but then I had bleeding and knew it was a miscarriage. They would not see me in OB unless I was soaking through 2+ pads per hour. I insisted that I had been through this many times and I KNEW I was miscarrying. The last thing I wanted to do was go to urgent care during a pandemic for 5 hours just to be told yep, that's what going on and be stuck with a huge bill. Of course, that's what happened and it was awful.

Anyway, they're doing the same thing this time, so I am just going to harass the hell out of them until they schedule me sooner. Gotta advocate. Call, send emails through the app to nurses, PCPs and OB. It does help!

cpk3535

@nwshay It’s both good and bad to know I’m not alone with my struggle with Kaiser. I have some epically bad stories to share about them with pregnancies and miscarriage. I almost bled to death on my one documented miscarriage because they just told me to “wait it out” at home. I ended up calling from my shower floor, white as a sheet with my blood pressure plummeting before they told me to go to urgent care for an emergency d&c. I’m annoyed that this week I was scheduled to speak to a nurse on the phone…by another nurse over the phone. What the hell is this supposed to accomplish?? I’m going to pester the hell out of her when I’m on the appointment. I need confirmation of what’s happening here!!

EmilyE13

*lurking from Oct 22 BMB*

@tessiesmom26 just popping on to say how thrilled I am that you’re expecting again! I’ve thought about you a lot since your loss and am so very happy to see you back in a BMB. Yay!

nwshay

@cpk3535 that's probably what would have happened to me if I wouldn't have just gone to urgent care! It's ridiculous. I am so sorry about your experiences. 

I can't stand the "over the phone appt". They can literally accomplish that with an online questionnaire. That's basically what it is! Just them going through your history and questions and what not. I hope we both have better experiences and can push to be seen sooner. I was able to schedule both my phone appt and my in person appt. Were you able to get your in person one scheduled? I'd call back and try if not. It was hard to find an opening here for 8weeks. 

emy162

How far along are you?

6 weeks today! 

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)?

We had a miscarriage in February this year.  I was about 8.5 weeks along and there was no heartbeat at the first ultrasound.  Missed Miscarriage, as my body hadn't recognized it yet.  The ultrasound tech did not seem properly trained in how to handle the situation and it was so awkward and heartbreaking, I'm scared to go back to that place again.  

Do you have any upcoming milestones?

June 30th I'm having my first ultrasound, I'll be at 7.5 weeks.  

How are you feeling?

So anxious and scared.  Therapy is helping, and I'm trying to remember to journal as well.  I'm also feeling some optimism and excitement at times, but then super scared to feel that optimism.  A vicious cycle

Any questions or concerns?
I'm concerned in general about how little miscarriages are talked about in our society and how little support is out there.  There is such a stigma around talking about it.  I get asked at gatherings or by coworkers ALL THE TIME "when are you guys going to have kids" and I want to be able to push back and explain the loss without feeling like I'm inappropriately trauma dumping on people.  I still don't feel like I've processed much because it has felt like such secret grief, or even just awkward grief with the few people who did know. I read about Jizo statues in Japan recently, and that tradition just seems so beautiful.

My question for the group: what methods/activities have you found to help with anxiety during pregnancy after loss? 

nwshay

@emy162 that's really hard! After several MCs I have learned to just be super honest. I don't do it in a rude way, but when people ask when we're going to have another, I just say, well, we've been trying for 3 years an unfortunately have suffered a couple of miscarriages, so hoping the next one sticks! They're always supportive and apologetic, and I'm always sure to let them know that it's OK. 

As far as coping with anxiety, I just talk about it a lot. I let my husband know how I'm feeling mentally, and I tell my close friends and family that I'm pregnant. That way I have a big support system if something does go wrong again. 

tessiesmom26

@EmilyE13 Hey there! Thank you for saying that  I hope all continues to be well with you!

tessiesmom26

@emy162 Your story sounds very similar to mine. I also had a MMC in February of this year. I also agree about people not talking about it enough. I know this isn't for everyone, but after that last MMC which was my second in a year, I made a post on FB about it. No one knew and the people that did just wanted me to "stay positive" and I wasn't having that at all. The outpouring of love I got on that post was unbelievable. I also had others reaching out who had been through the same thing and wanted someone to talk to about it. Again that method isn't for everyone but it did help me immensely. The other things that helped were getting resources from my OBs office, including meds and a referral to the therapist who I see once a week. 

laurenmicheley

@tessiesmom26 I will not shut up about infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. Such an isolating experience and the lack of normalizing it makes it even more so. It will take so much effort to destigmatize reproductive challenges in the mainstream, but I think strides have been make in recent years. 

malbry7

Hi! I’m 6 weeks 5 days today.

I’ve had 3 chemical pregnancies and a MMC in April with D&C around 7 w 3 d. We never saw a HB.

We saw HB last week and go again next week. I’m still freaking out that it’ll just happen again! Just trying to relax and trust things will go as they’re supposed to!

seeds_of_joy

 @malbry7 Well you and I both made it past our 3 chemicals! Definitely a milestone.

seeds_of_joy

https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart?mode=table

Here's a chart I found that you can use to put in your specifics. I know ultimately statistics don't matter, but it does put my mind at ease knowing I have about a 75 percent chance of having this baby even after 4 losses and being my age. And the chance goes up each week. I thought some of you might be encouraged by it seeing your own.

seeds_of_joy

Unfortunately I think the calculator is lying because I just tried putting that I'm 98 years old and I weigh 300 pounds and my odds don't change much. I'll see if there is a more realistic one. 

malbry7

Haha go figure. It does help overall- just trying to stay positive and taking it one step at a time..