IF Testing & Treatment w/o 6.13

abjm0325

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have started infertility testing and/or treatments. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on infertility. TTC can be a long journey naturally, then add in the difficulties associated with infertility, and it becomes a whole new ballgame. The road to infertility can be lonely, frustrating, and complicated, so let's make this a place where we can vent, ask questions, and support one another. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this as an ongoing conversation.

Diagnosis (if you've been): 

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): 

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): 

How are things going?: 

Any questions?: 

GTKY: What outfit (or beauty treatment, etc.) makes you feel confident and beautiful?

mambo5-2

Diagnosis (if you've been): RPL, MFI, Possible Funky Blood

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): IVF

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Menopur, Ganirelix and Trigger for retrieval 

How are things going?: Good started Ganirelix last night, hopefully the follicles are growing.  I'm anxious because I feel less bloated but I drank a ton of water over the weekend because of the heat so I hope that is part of it. I was super uncomfortable last night and couldn't belly sleep so hopefully all is well.  Ultrasound in the AM. 

Any questions?: No I don't think so 

GTKY: What outfit (or beauty treatment, etc.) makes you feel confident and beautiful?  This is a hard question, I am not a like fancy person.  I love doing my make up, I am very good at it thanks to high school cheerleading but I rarely wear it because lazy and I hate washing it off.  When I do wear it I feel fire. 

kiki047

@mambo5-2 IVF bloating is such a mindf***, one minute you feel like a whale and the next you feel fine and panic ensues. It's not a bad thing if the bloat subsides a little, try not to read into it too much. Make sure you stock up on gatorade for post-retrieval though, especially if you're already feeling the discomfort. 


Diagnosis (if you've been): PCOS, RPL/RIF, alien pod subserosal fibroid, and some MFI 

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): FETs forever 

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Another failed cycle, back to the drawing board

How are things going?: Not good. I'm so tired of being sad. It's in my bones. I still have to go for my beta tomorrow but my test yesterday at 10dp5dt was stark white so I've been at this long enough to know when I'm out. We're traveling a bit in the next 3 weeks so I'll need to take a cycle off but hoping I can go on BCP for a month then jump right back into things for my July cycle. Right now I'm mostly just grappling with the guilt of knowing that this was our last chance to have a baby in our arms before MH's 40th birthday next March, and while I know a lot can change in 9 months, literally nothing has changed in the last 4.5 years since we started trying so excuse me if I am struggling to have any faith in this process at this rate. 

Any questions?: Nope.

GTKY: What outfit (or beauty treatment, etc.) makes you feel confident and beautiful? I feel like crawling out of my own skin in this broken dumpster fire of a body that is inhospitable to fostering human life so self-love isn't really a thing right now. That said, my wedding dress made me feel beautiful and is the reason I chose a 100lb satin princess ballgown for a July wedding when I specifically said I didn't want satin or strapless or off-white. I've recently discovered that spray tans make me feel badass too. 

anniemarie887

hello, i am in fact alive and back.

@mambo5-2 i hope your u/s goes perfectly this morning!
@kiki047 i am big on the fact that it's ok to sit in your feelings, i will spoiler a post i screenshotted over the weekend from someone on IG who i follow that has has many losses, TW she is currently pregnant!, but the post is in re to grief.

Diagnosis (if you've been): uncooperative uterus/RPL, tbd

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): benched

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): waiting on appt w/RE on 6/23 and for AF to return, today is day 29 so like helllloooooo, where are you!?

How are things going?: i think i'm still hungover and sleep deprived from Vegas, wowsa. i went into the trip with the plan for r&r and wound up packing my college self in my suitcase. i had a great time considering i hate vegas, lol. it was good to see some ppl i have no seen since 2019. @kiki047 i know you said you're going end of month, have you been to Kabuto Edomae Sushi (kabutolv.com)? 10/10 recommend. i went solo and it was top 10 best meals of my life - and loved that it was off the strip.

Any questions?: natm

GTKY: What outfit (or beauty treatment, etc.) makes you feel confident and beautiful? i do love a good hair situation, i have done some balayage highlights in the last 6 mos, and i managed to get my hair done friday before i left for vegas and my blowout lasted until tuesday! through walking 8+ miles daily, a workout, pool time, my hair girl is a magician. i think i may book a blowout before we leave for europe... that one might last the entire trip since it won't be subjected to 100*+ heat. also, no shame... love my forehead botox. 

mambo5-2

@kiki047 Hugs my friend, I am so sorry that this sh*ttiness is happening, its not fair. 

bearmomma1

@kiki047 big hugs to you. it's not fair at all. the guilt is real. My H just turned 40 and it's such a bummer there's no baby on the way.

@mambo5-2 fingers crossed for a better US tomorrow.

@anniemarie887 oh man I love vegas so much. my mom and I used to go every year together. Our last trip was march2020. can't wait to go back.

Diagnosis (if you've been): DOR, Luteal phase defect, unexplained

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): TI/IUI

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): did clomid, didn't have a chance to trigger due to a very eager follicle and I had such high hopes for this little eager beaver eggy.

How are things going?: blah. I'm super bummed out. BFN this morning at 11 dpo. I have to go for a beta on Thursday and I don't have anymore PG tests, so unless some late implanting miracle happens. We'll probably go for an IUI next cycle, but I don't even know if it's worth it with my non-reactive ovaries. I'm wondering if I can ask for anther day 3 labwork is to see what my sad lowly amh number is now. I also wouldn't mind a baseline ultrasound so we don't get surprised again by another day 10 ovulation. I think our timing just sucked because of that. I don't normally eat my feelings, but all I want to do is eat lots of carbs right now. It might be due to the fact my period is around the corner. idk. I guess I'll take this day to eat like shit and be sad, and then tomorrow will be better.

Any questions?: nope

GTKY: What outfit (or beauty treatment, etc.) makes you feel confident and beautiful? I guess a new hair color/cut/blowout. My hair kinda sucks and I don't ever know what to do with it. So when someone else does it it makes me feel good. speaking of which, I think i'm going to call now for an appt.

mambo5-2

@bearmomma1 hugs my friend, eat all the carbs and get your hair did. You deserve it. 

anniemarie887

@bearmomma1 i'm sorry about the BFN, i always support doing something nice for yourself in moments like this.

kiki047

@anniemarie887 I love that you partied it up a little in Vegas, it's not my favourite place either but heck if you're gonna do it, it sounds like you did it right. I had not heard of that resto before but holy hell that looks amazing. They don't have reservations available on any of the days we're going to be there but I'm adding it to my list of places we have to try next time we go, because we'll definitely be back to Vegas many more times in the future. //thank you for your kind words, and for sharing that IG story/response. I'm very much the same in concentrating on the things I can control, which is both good and bad when I am so easily triggered by food/diets. But one thing I am looking forward to is getting back on my Peloton. I'm gonna do it ladies, this is a declaration. Even if it's just 5 mins a day. 
@mambo5-2 thank you friend, I will gratefully accept any and all hugs. 
@bearmomma1 those milestone birthdays are so triggering, it's a hard pill to swallow. // I'm so sorry for the BFN, ugh, but I'll join you in the eating of carbs today. I had a fried chicken sandwich and sweet potato fries for lunch and I'm not even sorry. 

anniemarie887

@kiki047 if you have some flexibility go on the waitlist for when you’re there, worst case you just don’t take the resy. And yea, I’m glad I did it, 2am after many espresso martinis hurts at about to 35 yo though! LOL! Glad my company only makes this a every 3-4 year expedition. I’m not built for Vegas any more frequently than that. Start small! Even if you do one ride a week that counts! I was bummed I lost my streak, but like nobody is writing on my tombstone “she held her peloton streak for a year!” 😂

optimistgardener

@mambo5-2 i second what kiki said that you can't read too much into whether you feel bloated or not. there's definitely some weird stuff going on down in your lower abdomen right now, but just because you stop feeling it for a sec doesn't mean the follicles have deflated,  i promise! with my three retrievals under my belt now, i feel pretty confident in saying that although there's some kind of a relationship between what's happening and how much of it is happening vs. how intensely i feel its effects, that relationship is far from a 1:1. Can't wait to hear how things are progressing after your u/s!

@kiki047 dang it, hug. apologies if my reply is not very useful for you and please feel free to ignore me, but it seems my default response to bad news is to launch myself into troubleshooting, whether requested or not. anyway, I keep thinking about your fibroid. i know you've already spoken to your docs before about her, but just for ticking boxes purposes, I wonder if it would be worth revisiting the topic with your doc re: any possibility that she's causing you unseen trouble before you launch into another round, perhaps by stealing blood supply? As for feeling like your body is arrayed against you, I totally feel that. I keep trying to remind myself that even though my body has not proven to be any good at getting or staying pregnant, she's pretty good at a whole slew of other stuff.

@anniemarie887 good luck on the post-Vegas recovery! and i hope AF turns up soon for you.

@bearmomma1 sorry about the bfn.

Diagnosis (if you've been): elderly ovary on the verge of crapping out

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): IVF

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): birth control, waiting for my july start on the next retrieval!

How are things going?: i'm in the limbo phase of things and my life is super busy right now so pretty much fine. my recent attitude towards this process has been to mostly ignore it as best as i can while dealing with the rest of my world, which may or may not be the healthiest thing, tbd.

Any questions?: not at the moment

GTKY: What outfit (or beauty treatment, etc.) makes you feel confident and beautiful? Hmmm... I am realio trulio not someone who spends much time on these things. Like literally I have never owned makeup and my mom never taught me how to shave my legs/armpits and then I couldn't be bothered to teach myself so I am just by default a hairy hippy and have been since childhood. I probably feel at my most badass in simple clothes, though: a well-worn v-neck t-shirt that drapes well, a pair of worn-in jeans that fit me in the right places, and maybe some combat boots.

rockstarmomma152

Diagnosis (if you've been): just “old” ☺️

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): medicated IUI w donor Sperm 

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): clomid, menopur, OPK and trigger (I think they waited too late and missed my window last month!) 

How are things going?: this is try #8, since June of 2021. 2 CPs and 1 MMC. I feel ok, sad sometimes, but not a lot of felt hope. I tell myself that I obviously do have hope because I keep doing all of this every month, and that’s all that’s required, but I can get real
sucked in to beliefs about needing to do the right rituals and prayers, and be “feeling the right way” to invite a baby in. So far reminding myself that I don’t really believe that, it’s just an attempt to want something to have some control over all of this uncertainty. 

Also weight gain. 😑 hate it. 35 lbs in the past few months. Have some plantar fasciitis now, so my hiking 5+ miles to cope is out. Trying to do short walks on the days I can, and finding other ways to exercise that aren’t on my feet.

Any questions?: no

GTKY: What outfit (or beauty treatment, etc.) makes you feel confident and beautiful? Oh gosh - nothing lately! But the good thing about moving to the country is that I hardly ever have to wear anything other than yoga pants, just put my hair in a pony and not even wearing mascara most days. Just working around the house or out in the yard, getting sweaty so there’s no use in looking cute! I am trying to buy some clothes that fit though. Just v. v. Frustrated about that right now. Willing for my body to change for a baby. Not so willing for it to change this much for no baby. 

kiki047

@rockstarmomma152 "Willing for my body to change for a baby. Not so willing for it to change this much for no baby." Oh boy do I ever feel this. I talk to my therapist a lot about what feels "worth it", and the hours long commute into the city for a 1 minute beta blood test that is inevitably going to be negative does NOT feel worth it. The needles and bruises and pills and diets do not feel worth it when the end result is no baby. Someday I hope I can look back on this experience and be able to pat myself on the back for getting through it, but when we're still in the thick of it I'm just in survival mode. I'm so sorry you're finding yourself here, after your many many months of TTC, but you're in good company. 
@optimistgardener I think you're right, I've always had this nagging feeling like I ought to do something about it but I was scared off by my OB who said that sometimes the scar tissue from removing it could be worse than the fibroid itself. It's worth another discussion though. 
@anniemarie887 At this rate trying to achieve a year-long streak might just cause my early demise  


Beta blood draw done, now I just wait for the fated call. Of course I'm in meetings all afternoon so I'm basically expecting not to be able to pick up anyway, they can leave the bad news on my VM. 

mambo5-2

I had 18 follicles today. Trigger on Wednesday night, retrieval on Friday Morning. 

anniemarie887

@optimistgardener forgive my goldfish memory - do you get off at all for the summer? or are you teaching summer sessions?
@rockstarmomma152 if you are feeling frustrated by clothes i can't say enough good things about doing rent the runway monthly sub, there is another company called nuuly that has great reviews. it's been really helpful as i've fluctuated a little between sizes, and also i refuse to keep things i buy unless i totally love them, so this is no hard feelings when i'm lukewarm about something. i just send it back!
@kiki047 to be clear, there has never, and will never be a year long streak in my cards lol

edit to add: @mambo5-2 yay!

abjm0325

@mambo5-2 Yay for getting a trigger and retrieval scheduled! Fingers crossed that it will be a good, mature crop of follicles.

@kiki047 Damn. That sadness is completely justified. I hope you will let all of us carry a little bit of the sadness for you to lighten the load. I hate those dates/anniversaries that put even more pressure on a difficult situation. You feel how you need to feel and know that we are all here for you.

 @anniemarie887 Welcome back! It sounds like it was a great trip (if not a little painful as well 😉). Totally want to look up the sushi restaurant you mentioned if I find my way back out there in the next few years.

@bearmomma1 I am so sorry. I hope you took the day to wallow and take care of yourself. I do love a good haircut/blowout and firmly support that self-care.

@optimistgardener I hope the busy-ness of life proves a good distraction for you during limbo. +1 to good-fitting jeans making me feel like a bombshell.

@rockstarmomma152 The need for control in this situation is strong! Some days I feel very practical and level-headed and other days I worry about the stupidest rituals.

abjm0325

Diagnosis (if you've been): old, RPL, unknown

Status (TI/ICI/IUI/IVF/FET/benched): TI (TWW)

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Had my SHG last week and started on a baby aspirin this cycle (in addition to the other things).

How are things going?: Ovulated early and then decided it would be fun to get Covid. So not feeling overly hopeful for this cycle. I’m mostly back on my feet, but still get fatigued easily. This is not how I anticipated starting my time off between jobs, but I guess I’m glad not to be worrying about work on top of everything else. I think I’m going to press the RE to let me go ahead and start Clomid next cycle if this cycle is unsuccessful (he originally suggested I try naturally another three cycles, but that seems arbitrary).

Any questions?: Not today

GTKY: What outfit (or beauty treatment, etc.) makes you feel confident and beautiful? A well-fitting dress or pair of jeans with a cute top just makes me feel really put together even when I don’t feel that way on the inside.

mambo5-2

ugh @abjm0325 I am so sorry you are sick! That is the pits. 

rockstarmomma152

@optimistgardener - yessss. “Ignoring it” is the stage I feel like I’m in right now. In some ways it does feel like the healthiest thing for me, but it also feels so strange. Even when I get positive tests, I stay in this “ignoring it” zone, and I think I will feel that way until I get a measurable heartbeat. Then I’ll probably shift to some intense combo of hope and fear. 😂

optimistgardener

@rockstarmomma152 i feel like ignoring things is my best survival/coping mechanism when the rest of my life is so crazy most of the time. do you have a sense of future treatment plans? will you continue to do IUIs or is there a point at which you would decide to do IVF? i know that's a huge financial question in addition to everything else.

@mambo5-2 almost time for trigger! do you feel ready?

@kiki047 i'm definitely no expert on these things. i did a bit of snooping around the r e d d i t forums plus the medical literature and it seems like mostly the sense is that subserosal fibroids don't make a difference in terms of pregnancy rates. but i did see a few references to larger ones potentially pulling away necessary blood supply, and at least one woman complained that her large subserosal fibroid was responsible for her ectopic, since it disrupted the orientation of her fallopian tube. as for post-surgical scarring, your OB is right that it can be an issue, but i think that's more often the case for cases like mine, where they had to carve intramural or submucosal out of the wall of the uterus. in my case they actually had to cut the uterus open, carve out the fibroid, and then sew the whole thing back together again. my RE was super suspish about it when he read the surgical report and was worried that he would see a lot of scarring during my hysteroscopy. surprisingly though, the uterine cavity looked good.

mambo5-2

@optimistgardener am I ready? I don't know. I am ready to get to retrieval, I am anxious as all get out for the procedure, the fertilization, transfer.  I am still on track for fresh transfer though!

anniemarie887

@abjm0325 how was the shg? have you gotten results? sorry if i missed you already sharing this.

abjm0325

@anniemarie887 It was okay. Very quick and only painful for a few minutes. The RE is a super fast talker and just shared during the exam that all looked normal and I have a retroverted uterus. I'm not sure any more detailed information will be forthcoming. He wants me to try naturally for three cycles (which I am deciding if I want to push back on) and then start Clomid. 

rockstarmomma152

@optimistgardener - I think my treatment plan is just gonna be IUIs until I get a baby or get tired trying. Initially I thought I would just do unmedicated IUIs, so adding the medications has already been more than I thought I was willing to do to my body. My RE also said he doesn’t think that IVF would increase my odds that much. It’s just a matter of getting a good egg, because I am having pretty good success getting pregnant at least. So he thinks it’s a numbers game and that it will happen. 

My chosen sperm donor has hit his family limit, so after this round if I keep going, I’ll have to pick a new donor. I think I would do at least a few more rounds with a different donor just to make sure I “tried everything.” I don’t know when I’ll stop, but I think probably 3-6 months more max that I’d be willing to keep going through all of this. It’s hard to say. I thought I was going to quit once already, but couldn’t. I even decided once not even to start trying when my dad was diagnosed with cancer, but I kinda had a nervous breakdown and realized not trying wasn’t an option for me. 

If I added up all I’ve spent, I’d probably barf. 

optimistgardener

@rockstarmomma152 oh man, your situation sounds so familiar. Firstly re $$, i've just decided to never ever do the math because i can't bear it. (Silver lining though: you can and should, assuming your tax situation makes sense for it, claim as much as humanly possible of your fertility treatment-related expenses. and that includes donor sperm. i spent a long time trying to figure out whether i could indeed claim donor sperm as an expense, and the answer appears to be yes.) // Secondly re: donors, I spent ages figuring out my first few sperm donors, looking at profiles and thinking about what kinds of inheritable traits I'd like my genes to get mixed up with, but at this point I've probably purchased the sperm of a dozen different donors, and all I care about anymore is that they don't have any obvious red flags in terms of heritable diseases and that they seem like nice people who aren't egotists. i just stopped having the energy to devote to looking at profiles when it seemed as likely as not that any given donor would not wind up being the donor. // Next, re: your RE's logic about it being a numbers game, that does seem to make sense in your case. Pregnancy/MC-related stuff in spoiler

You have demonstrated yourself capable of getting pregnant, which is good (albeit the pain of RPL seems like it must be pretty awful). My situation is slightly more mysterious; IVF with PGT-A testing has taught me that I make sturdy but nevertheless chromosomally disastrous eggs. I've only ever turned a test once in my life though, and that was for a very brief CP after my one and only frozen embryo transfer this past winter. So there's a solid chance there could be other structural reasons for my not being able to hold onto a pregnancy (see my myomectomy story in my reply to @kiki047 above) apart from just generally making bad eggs.

I joined this board around the time when i was first thinking about making the leap from sequential IUIs to the more involved IVF process. I knew I needed support and feedback from others to try to manage it all. At this time last January, i thought to myself I'd do 1 round of injectables combined with an IUI. that turned into 2 injectable rounds (the second converted to an at-home insem after i responded poorly to the meds), and then I thought to myself I'd do one round of IVF, and call it quits. Now here i am about to do my fourth egg retrieval. I do believe I'm homing in on the final stretch here, though, whatever the outcome.

rockstarmomma152

Yes, I can totally relate to plans evolving. I started this in June of 2021, though I had done some preliminary testing in Jan-March of 2021, and had asked a friend to be a known donor back in March of 2020, but I knew that was probably gonna be a no-go, for many complicated reasons on his part. 

My losses have been 2 CPs, and then one MMC at 10 weeks, but no growth past 6 weeks. So, for each one I’ve known fairly quickly in the process that something wasn’t quite right and not to get my hopes up too much. I’m grateful for that. Overall, they feel frustrating and sad to me in the sense that my chances are dwindling, and with each “loss” it feels less likely that I’ll get to be a mom in the way I want to. I really consider them more “failed pregnancy attempts,” if that makes sense. It doesn’t feel like the kind of grief some people experience where they are mourning a baby. Totally understand how folks would feel that way, and compassion to them, but that’s not how it feels for me. For me it’s just more like getting a “no” when I really want a yes, and those “no”s are coming later in the process. My prayer is always - if it ain’t gonna work, please let it not work quickly. 

And 100% I deduct all of it!!! One of the few silver linings! I don’t get too hung up on sperm donor, but I do love the one I’ve been using. He’s not quite so young, and was conceived via donor and raised by a single mom himself! But I have my eye on another option, who is also around 30. I know I’m not sleeping with them, but reading profiles of obviously very young men skeeves  me out! 😂😂 I mainly look for someone with physical traits similar to my own, and no increased risk for medical issues. I like that the older guys seem more reliable about their family history and you can better gauge if they’ve been successful in their lives. 

rockstarmomma152

@optimistgardener - when is your next retrieval? I’ll be sending lots of good vibes. 

kiki047

@rockstarmomma152 not to creepily eavesdrop on your convo about donors but I totally never thought about the age aspect, that's a really good point about feeling like a cougar reading profiles of really young men lol. I'd also feel similarly with men who are significantly older than me (I say this as though I'm not on the AMA side of the scale, hah! I'm no spring chicken myself). 

@optimistgardener the blood flow part is definitely a cause for concern. In any case, I'll bring it up with my RE when I go in again and see if I can be put on a list. Hoping if it can be done laparascopically it also means he can poke around in there and check for endo while he's at it. He told me 12-18 month wait for an exploratory lap with no symptoms and no cause for concern other than RIF, but if the wait for a myomectomy is shorter then who's to say they can't just kill two birds with one stone? 


Womp womp, negative beta confirmed yesterday. Had a good cry last night. Gritting my teeth today and trying to just keep moving forward. My acupuncturist was really sweet, she said some of the points she was targeting today could result in a release of emotions so to just let it out and not feel bad about crying on the table. I did not cry, I fell asleep, but her compassion was really touching. 

Sorry little embies, I wish I could do better by you.   


ETA: For those following my MIL drama, we've reached a new level of insensitivity and just general ignorance of what to do/say ... her new tactic is to reassure DH that she's already a grandma so he doesn't have to worry about 'making her a Grandma', and that she thinks he can live a perfectly fulfilled, childfree life, if only he would try harder. *cue inner rage*  In my effort to rationalize why someone would say such horrible things, I know she's trying to ease his inner guilt and this is her twisted way of reassuring him that the partnership he shares with me is solid and loving and that we can survive this together, but it comes out all wrong and just really isn't what we need right now. 

gingermama29

@kiki047 sending so many hugs. I’m sorry friend

rockstarmomma152

@kiki047 😂😂 no worries - creepy eavesdropping definitely invited.

So sorry to hear about your negative test. 

Your MIL sounds like a pill to deal with. 😑 hearing her reassure you or your husband that you don’t have to worry about “making her a grandma”… that would enrage me! I just can’t stand it when someone is in the center of a hard storm, and the folks that are supposed to be helping act like they’re at the center, and seem to think we are supposed to be helping them with their feelings about what WE are going through!!  

My parents are pretty supportive, but 100% clueless about the process and what all is involved. So keeping them informed can really get on my nerves sometimes. Like, learn a thing so you can actually offer support maybe? Plus my mom is constantly searching for clues about whether or not my spirituality meets her approval. So the other day I was crying about this whole process and saying that sometimes it just feels like I’m not praying right. She lit up. “I’m so glad to hear you’re praying about it!” 🙄🙄🙄 Cool, glad this could be about your feelings and judgment of me. Glad you’re excited about my spirituality, because it’s kinda doing nothing for me lately. 

anniemarie887

@kiki047 big, big, this effing sucks hug. I’ve got layovers in Toronto bc we’re flying Air Canada to Europe, do I need to knock some sense into your MIL? Happy to be of service. 

kiki047

@gingermama29 thank you, hugs gratefully accepted. 
@rockstarmomma152 oh yes, this is very much about easing her own discomfort knowing that we're hurting. She definitely has no idea she's making it worse, for me anyway, and she's a smart lady so like maybe read a thing or two about how to support people through this?! Your parents sound like mine, my dad asks a lot of questions but seems to retain none of it between cycles, and my mom is totally clueless and just kind of blunders through it anyway. She's the type that tries to "inspire" me by telling me ALL the success stories of literally anyone and everyone she can think of that is or has ever been pregnant. 
@anniemarie887 first of all, my condolences that you have to fly Air Canada, and that you have to fly through the worst airport in North America right now (Pearson). But yeah if you can shit on her house as you're flying overhead, that'd be cool. She's the nicest lady but she just has no idea how to relate to people going through a hard time.
*TW* LC mentioned

Her life revolves around her (existing) grandchild because BIL and SIL are the world's laziest parents and will do anything to get out of having to actually parent their child. He's basically an accessory to them, and BIL's attitude is "Hark! I made you a [grand]child! You're welcome! Now I'm going to take a nap, don't wake me." 

mambo5-2

Triggered last night, I am very bloated and nauseous and so very tired. 

anniemarie887

@kiki047 oh no, it's been like 15 years since i've flown Air Canada but it was great then. now i'm scared! 

acleverusername

@kiki047 sending YOU hugs of support; and piles of shite to go on top of your MIL's house. 
@mambo5-2 I know you feel like crap, but I'm excited for your retrieval tomorrow! Good luck. 
@anniemarie887 Tbh, I fly AC whenever I go home, and I quite like them. But then again, my expectations are super low, so maybe that's it? Anyways, don't forget to take advantage of free booze on the trans-Atlantic flights (do they still do that? I think last time I flew trans-Atlantic was 2017, and they definitely had free booze (unlimited) even in coach). 
@abjm0325 I'm happy to hear that your HSG went fine! I vote Clomid. What's the point of waiting really? Plus you're more fertile for like 3 months now so just throw everything you got at it!
@optimistgardener @rockstarmomma152: Optimist... I remember when you first started coming around here, you said you're now in the "Tinder phase" of donor selection. I still giggle about that. 

optimistgardener

@rockstarmomma152 my next retrieval, assuming all goes well, will be in july. i should do my baseline u/s on the 2nd or 3rd, and then hopefully retrieve on the 15th. right now i'm doing a daily "priming" show of microdose omnitrope, which is human growth hormone. i find it bizarre to be taking the same stuff that the bodybuilders take (albeit in tiny doses), but for my last retrieval i am giving it credit for resulting in my largest follicle collection thus far. fx it works the same way on this next retrieval.

as for the skeevy feeling of selecting a donor from amongst all the young (sometimes very young) men on the donor list, yeah, i totally feel ya. the bank i work with is based in berkeley and a lot of their donors are students. considering i used to teach there when i was a grad student, it takes on an extra weird element for me. the current donor i'm using is, i think, about 24 years old, which is just totally bananas. but he checks all the other boxes in terms of being a good person, expressing a loving relationship with his siblings, being excited by the topics he chosen to pursue in his life, etc. i have to not think about the age thing too hard.

@kiki047 big hugs. it would be nice if you were able to address two things with a laparoscopic procedure at once. i will say, my laparoscopic myomectomy was a bit of a humdinger to recover from, especially in those first couple of weeks. but once the basic stuff was on its way to healing, i was surprised by how quickly my body wanted to start doing normal cycles again. like, considering they cut my uterus wide open and then sewed it back together again, i think it's crazy that my next CD1 was only about a week off track. still, they made me wait for 3 months before they gave me permission to "try" again afterwards. a subserosal would definitely be way simpler and faster in terms of recovery.

ETA @acleverusername i didn't see your post when i was composing mine! yeah i stand by my description. like, donor profiles get a real swift once-over and then i pretty much go by whatever instinctual response i have to their profile writeup. it's not quite swipe left/right, but it's not much better.

rockstarmomma152

@optimistgardener I made the mistake early on of listening to some voice recordings of why guys were choosing to be donors. Some of them were beautiful and made me cry. Some of them sounded like they were still navigating puberty, and generally clueless about life. 😝 But, I’m sure their sperm is (are?) great! 😂 Fingers crossed that July is a very lucky month for us all!!  

I had my mid cycle ultrasound this morning in Atlanta. Awaiting results and also got t-boned on my way to the hotel, so that’s cool. I’m fine. My passenger doors will shut, but my car won’t recognize they’re shut, so constant dinging and I can’t lock my doors. Not excited about figuring out this mess in the middle of fertility appointments, but glad I’m ok. I already messaged my clinic and they assured me that it probably didn’t jostle my ovaries loose. ❤️

Off to a massage, which I’m hoping will make all things better. 

anniemarie887

@acleverusername good to know! i did some light googling and didn't see anything awful, we have flown british the last two times to london, but they wanted far too much more for this adventure than i was willing to pay. rip to the days of free checked bags, but i've become a carry on only gal, so not a huge deal to me.

bearmomma1

@rockstarmomma152 ouch! Glad you're OK. Glad you have a massage scheduled to make things better.

@kiki047 sorry about your confirmed negative beta. I'm waiting for my call today to confirm the neg. So annoying that there's a still a litter glimmer of hope inside.

@mambo5-2 I'm so excited for your retrieval tomorrow! Can't wait to hear how it all goes.

optimistgardener

@rockstarmomma152 oh ffs i'm so sorry that had to happen to you in the midst of all the mid-cycle stuff. i hope the other driver has insurance? hope the massage improves things.

kiki047

@anniemarie887 I've also had some good experiences with them, so they're not all bad. There have definitely been some pandemic pains though so hopefully things will be resolved by the time you fly out. We hope this is the case for us too because we're flying AC in Sept en route to Hawaii. Taking WestJet to Vegas though. AC does still give you one free checked bag for int'l flights but not if you're in Basic Economy. 
@acleverusername I don't think they still do the free booze in economy, only Business class and up. You do get a complimentary meal for international flights though. 
@rockstarmomma152 omg I'm glad you're ok after your accident, how scary. So sorry you now have that to deal with on top of everything else. Hope the massage helps!