TTCAL w/o 5/16

ejoseph16

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status: 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Questions? 

GTKY: If you are a reader, what are you currently reading?

ejoseph16

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
My first loss was April of 2019, a BO at 9 weeks. This time it was a CP at 5 weeks. 

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I took the day off today to process during some alone time. I told my students on Friday that I was having complications, and they were amazing about it. So hopefully they are good today while I’m gone. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I got my hcg checked Friday and got the results Saturday. I was at 5. So yeah no real surprise that everything went into motion on Saturday. I’m supposed to get my blood work done again today… I have a call in to my doctor to make sure she still wants that. 

Questions? NATM

GTKY: If you are a reader, what are you currently reading? I’m getting ready to read bridgerton when I’m on summer vacation. I bought the 3 books, so that’s my summer read I think! 

tessiesmom26

@ejoseph16 I am so sorry that you are going through all this right now. I am glad that you have been open and receiving IRL support, that is so huge.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC/BO at 9 wks with D&C July '21, and MMC/BO at 7 wks with D&C Feb '22.

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Things are going well. My upped meds are starting to kick in and therapy is going super well, so just chugging along over here. I honestly think the biggest struggle would be if I get the opportunity to be pregnant again and then worrying about staying pregnant. Especially in the TWW all I can hope for is to get pregnant again, but I am so fearful that I am going to go down the same road as the last two and it's scary.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

Questions? NATM

GTKY: If you are a reader, what are you currently reading? I used to read a lot, especially in the summer, but I haven't in a long time. I barely get any time to myself to be able to read, so I would need that in order to get back into a good book. I would love to though, so maybe I need to make time for that.

gingermama29

@ejoseph16 so sorry for your loss. Also there’s 7 Bridgerton books!! One for each of the children. I read them all last year and enjoyed them. The author has a very distinct style and there are definitely similarities between all of the books but they were enjoyable.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Blighted ovum in Jan 21, CP in Aug 21, MC yesterday 

Status: waiting for HCG to go back to 0

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? 
I started cramping and bleeding yesterday so silver lining is that I’m miscarrying without medical intervention which means I won’t have to be benched for 2 months. I just called my RE and am waiting to hear back from them. I’m supposed to get another beta on Wednesday.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Beta on Wednesday. HCG was down to 87 on Saturday. I’m hoping with the cramping and bleeding that started yesterday, it’ll drop quickly.

Questions? Natm 

GTKY: If you are a reader, what are you currently reading? 

Rereading the Outlander series. I haven’t read the newest one yet but it’s been too long since I’ve read the other 8 so that’s what I’m binging. Currently on the 4th.

gingermama29

@tessiesmom26 oops looks like we posted at the same time. I’m glad therapy is going well and meds are kicking in. I definitely understand what you’re feeling about PGAL. The anxiety is so hard!

mambo5-2

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. - Lots 5 or 6 losses between 5 and 14 weeks

Status: BCP cycle leading to IVF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I'm ok, I'm really anxious.  I was asking H like what if it doesn't work.  What if we have no embryos.  He has had to talk me down a lot

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

Questions? Nope

GTKY: If you are a reader, what are you currently reading? I finished a Billionaire Romance Book yesterday.  I will need another book to read.  I am such a like smutty romance or YA fiction person. I like mindless reading. 

mambo5-2

@ejoseph16 I am so sorry hun, I love the Bridgerton books.  TW on Francesca's book though it has some heavy stuff in it. 

@tessiesmom26 I have pregnancy induced PTSD and did EMDR therapy and start therapy whenever I get a positive.  Its rough. I had an entire like list for my OB regarding my PTSD. 

@gingermama29 I hate that you are back.  I'm glad you started bleeding on your own. I am so sorry babe. I've never read outlander, someone told me I should but I don't know if I could do it. 

maggiemadeit

@ejoseph16 I'm so sorry that you are here again. Glad you have support around you.

@tessiesmom26 I'm glad that therapy is going so well for you. PGAL is so hard. I'm glad you'll have someone to help you through it and give you that support. 

@gingermama29 I'm sorry for what you are going through. So happy to hear that things are progressing on their own though. I hope it will be over quickly for you.

@mambo5-2 I love me some good light reading. My favorite are silly old detective type mystery novels. Like Hercule Poirot or Nero Wolfe.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Spontaneous loss in Aug 2021 at 6 weeks, MMC and D&C at 12 weeks in Feb 2022

Status: WTO. 4th cycle since loss. 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Therapy is helping. Nothing concrete really, just I think it helps to let it out a little. I get an emotional hangover after every session, but after that I feel significantly better. I'm going to try to put my big girl pants on this week and talk to my husband about trying again. I am afraid of the outcome, but I guess you only get what you have the courage to ask for.

GTKY: If you are a reader, what are you currently reading? Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr. I'm not sure if I like it but I've already invested 200 pages, and I'm one of those who can't walk away from a started book, even if it's torture. I mean, I can't walk around knowing that I have unfinished books. The horror! 

mambo5-2

@maggiemadeit I used to have to finish a book and then I got kindle unlimited so I leave books unfinished all the time. 

acleverusername

I'm just gonna hang out here for now since none of the other threads are a good fit for me atm. 

@ejoseph16 that's really brave of you to share with your class that you need another day. Glad that your hCG came down on its own. 

@gingermama29 I really hope you don't get into the same situation as @anniemarie887. Praying really hard for you. 

@tessiesmom26 I think I'm going to have all those same fears as you... and I don't know how to handle it. But it's OK not knowing right now. Hopefully therapy will help to get you the answer. 

@mambo5-2 recommend watching this IG reel. I'm not yet a parent, so I didn't know about biglittlefeelings IG account, but – save some medical inaccuracies – this was a pretty good IVF journey reel: https://www.instagram.com/stories/highlights/17931936712805575/

@maggiemadeit good luck talking with YH. Has he had a chance to process his feelings after your losses? 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP in Sep 2021; as-of-yet-unresolved MMC May 2022

Status: waiting to either naturally miscarry (nothing happening there), or to test negative for Covid so that I can have a D&C

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Last week I was a total mess from the loss + from Covid. I had the fun side effect of sleeping for 14-16 hours on Tue, Wed, Thu. Finally by Friday, I managed to take a shower and get outside (went to the beach with H and dog and it was a remarkably nice day so that put me in high spirits. Then we got really drunk on Friday and spent Saturday recovering. Not the best life choices, but hey... that's what I need right now.We both were off last week. He's back to work this week, I opted to take another week off. I both feel grateful to my team that they can support my absence and also super guilty because there's a lot going on right now, but I just can't right now.  

I also finally got the energy to redo my vitamins for the week (next 2 weeks actually). I didn't take any vitamins last week, and actually was pretty sporadic with my anxiety + thyroid medication too. Once again, don't really care. 

As I mentioned to some friends over the weekend, my current mood is: "life sucks, and then you die." So warning to you all, you can expect a lot of bitterness and absolutely no mercy on any Peggy that dares to show up in the next month or so. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just waiting to see if I can get some tissue from the pregnancy for genetic testing. 

Questions? Not really. I posted to r/Miscarriage over the weekend asking how long it takes for the body to miscarry naturally, and apparently it can take weeks. Some ppl reported scheduling a D&C 3 weeks from confirmed MMC and having no spotting or cramping leading up to the procedure. 

GTKY: If you are a reader, what are you currently reading? I was such an avid reader before I went to university. Nowadays, I have a very little attention span to get through a book, but I have my days. Currently making my way through the 3rd of His Dark Materials book in anticipation of the 3rd mini-series installment being released soon (it's in post-production now!)

mambo5-2

@acleverusername
Hugs lady, I really hope you can reach an end of this current journey soon, either through a D&C or naturally. Go away COVID. I had a D&C with my MMC because my body was being stupid and my HCG was still going up slowly even though my twins were definitely gone, I can't imagine having to wait it out.  

My therapist self is going to tell you, you should never feel guilty for putting yourself first.  Our society tells us we should but it is appropriate and healthy to be selfish sometimes and I can think of no better time to be selfish with our time, our boundaries and our emotions than when going through a loss. 

acleverusername

@mambo5-2 you're totally right re: 'putting self first.' It's just hard to get over the societal rhetoric. But my team members are totally awesome and I know they are doing an excellent job covering for me. 

ejoseph16

@acleverusername girl I drank so many margaritas last night, and was not even the slightest bit sorry about it! Take care of YOU first! Everything else can wait. 

maggiemadeit

@acleverusername I’m so sorry for what you are going through. You should have all the drinks and walks on the beach and time off of work that you need right now. Seriously. I hope that one way or the other you can put this behind you soon.

In terms of how long it takes, my MMC was found around 11 weeks, but the pregnancy stopped progressing around 7 weeks. I had to wait a week to get the D&C, so at 12 weeks I still had no bleeding or cramping at all, no signs of miscarriage 5 weeks after the pregnancy was essentially over. It still baffles me how my body didn’t know. 

tessiesmom26

@gingermama29 I am so sorry you are miscarrying, but I am glad for you that it was all natural and that you didn't need medical intervention. I hope it's not too hard on you physically, since we all know how hard it is mentally. 
@mambo5-2 What's your favorite smutty books? Asking for a friend... lol
@maggiemadeit I hope the conversation with DH goes well this week!
@acleverusername I think it depends on your body honestly. Both times I had MMC my body never started it's own thing. The first one my D&C was done at 10wks, but the baby stopped growing at 5ish weeks, so 5ish weeks total, and the second one was about 4 weeks between the growth stopping and having my procedure. In all my feelings, one of the ones I had frequently is that my body didn't know how to miscarry. It's so hard, and I am sorry sorry you are in the boat of having to go through this as well.

No where else to really put this so I'll add it in here. I work in payroll for a school and therefore handle all the leaves. In the last two days I have found out that two of our teachers are going out on maternity, both due in Oct. My latest due date was October, so it hurts extra to have to put on a smile, congratulate these people and help them out along the way. This is also coming off of DH telling me that a guy he works with is expecting in Dec and then asking me if this was our cycle. I am only 6 DPO so had to try to talk DH off the ledge to let him know that I won't know for a few days. Ugh this shit sucks. 

bbrahmbhatt

@ejoseph16 I'm so sorry you're here. I'm so glad you have support, that is so, so important. 

@acleverusername I'm so sorry you're going through this. You definitely should take whatever time you need, you're grieving and it's so important to sit with it and process it. Like @ejoseph16 said, everything else can wait. I hope that you are able to move forward soon; being stuck in the hellacious limbo is so effing hard and my heart hurts so much for you.  

@gingermama29 ugh I'm so sorry you're going through the active process, but I'm glad that you progressed naturally. I've heard good things about Outlander, but I have a hard time reading about sexual assault scenes so idk if I could handle it. 

@tessiesmom26 ugh, that sucks. Those milestone months freaking suck so much, and there's so many triggers there all at once. I'm sorry you're going through that. 

kiki047

*lurking* 
@tessiesmom26 I've also had to talk DH off the ledge a few times lately. His BFF (and best man from our wedding) is expecting his 3rd with his wife and I know we both so badly want to be there for them again like we have been for the other two but it has gotten progressively harder to be around them when all we've known is loss. They've been incredibly supportive but it still hurts. FWIW I so hope this is your cycle!! 

acleverusername

@maggiemadeit all I'm hearing it that it can take weeks and weeks. Someone mentioned "what happened in days of no ultrasound"? I guess eventually the body figures it out, but holy hell what torture. 

@tessiesmom26 I am so sorry you have the additional burden of having to deal with coworker's mat leaves. It just effing ain't fair. As for YH, I've had had to pull out the good ol diagram of fertilization/implantation so that he knows how long 'til a test would show anything. It's actually helpful to "teach" him about this stuff. 

AFM, I've been sleeping 12-14 hours days still, so clearly, even though I thought it was over, Covid still had/has a grasp on me. What a sneaking lil SOB. This morning I took another test (I've been testing daily) and it's finally looking like the line is barely there. I'm thinking of going for it and scheduling the D&C for Friday. H just went off to get more tests so I'll first see how the others turn out. But just in case, I also asked my doctor for misaprostol so that I have it. Alas, it won't get here until tomorrow (Thu) anyways, so the earliest I would take it is Friday. 

anniemarie887

hi, just chiming in over here - i haven't had the mental energy to post. but wanted to add @acleverusername that it can take weeks. when i had the MMC in jan my OB went over the 3 options - and she literally was like i don't know anyone who picks to just let nature happen because of the fact that it can take weeks. my d&c in Jan was done at 10w, had been measuring 8w... and well, everyone knows about this time around's never ending sob story.

acleverusername

@anniemarie887 wise doctor.

Okay then… tips for taking misaprostol? I have Tylenol + Codeine on hand to help with the pain. Should I take it in the morning? At night? Middle of the day? On a week-end?

ReadyForaB

*lurking*

@acleverusername I took it last year. What worked for me was right before bed at about 9 or 10. Woke up to the start of it about 4am and by about 6am the majority of it was over and I slept through most of it. And definitely on a weekend with nowhere to go the next day. 

acleverusername

Thank you @ReadyForaB!!! I also got really great info (including graphic photos of what to look for) from someone in my (former) BMB. 

ReadyForaB

@acleverusername great idea. I really wish someone prepared me for that part.  I was basically given the pills and a pat on my back from my doctor. 😩

anniemarie887

My OB phrased it as “you will wonder if you need to go the ER, but that means it should be about to be done”

acleverusername

Fml. That’s all. 

acleverusername

But also this…

acleverusername

You guys! Finally something went my way: I tested negative for Covid and my wonderful doctor made room to do my D&C tonight at 5:45pm! 

maggiemadeit

@acleverusername That’s great! I hope the procedure goes smoothly and your recovery is easy. 

ejoseph16

@acleverusername hooray for finally being able to schedule! Take care of yourself! Hoping for a safe procedure… ❤️

acleverusername

Everything went well, and the pain has been manageable with some Tylenol 3s. Very little bleeding so far. I'm hoping that it stay that way, although I had a nightmare that I was hemorrhaging. Not a fun way to wake up. 

optimistgardener

*lurking* and sending a hug your way, @acleverusername

wunderkai

@acleverusername so glad you were able to get that taken care off and they got you squeezed in! Sending hugs for a speedy recovery.