@kboydbowman I loveeee that!! Hubby feels some strong kicks now and I noticed yesterday I can finally see my skin pop up when he moves too. It’s mind blowing, really. 😳 my mom was here this last weekend and was super excited to be able to feel him but I never told her whenever he actually was kicking. Selfishly, I love that intimate time with just me and babe and my husband!
@melyrae I was invited to a bachelorette party recently. Same as you, it involved going downtown for lunch, karaoke, dinner, then games at someone's apartment. I really wanted to go because I've been friends with this person for a long time, but I had to be honest and say I wasn't up for it. I was exhausted and wanted to nap all afternoon. It's tough bc you don't want to be viewed as "sick" (bc we're not sick, we're just pregnant), but at the same time we do need to rest and set our boundaries!
Really dragging today. My son’s 6th birthday is today and we’re ordering pizza tonight. I have a half day off of work tomorrow afternoon and a morning filled with meetings where I don’t have to participate and just show up. Zero motivation to do just about anything. I think it’s about time for a nap. 😴 😂
@melyrae I was very fortunate to have my husband home with me for 6 weeks the first time around, but I want to reassure you a bit. Both you and your husband will make adjustments to make things work. For us, this is what we did last time and will do again this time, modifying if and when needed.
I would go to bed at about 8:30 or 9, and he would give her a twilight feed bottle at about 10:00 or 10:30. That is when you give a bottle to the baby while it basically stays asleep in your arms. We did that starting in the hospital and kept it up for several months until she didn't need it anymore. It would help her get through until about 3 in the morning. At that time, I would take over any wakeups (only changing poop diapers and feeding). Once the clock hit 4:30, he was back on. He would wake, get ready for work, wash any baby dishes, and tend to her if she needed it. Then I was back on after he went to work (at approximately 6:30), and we both took care of her in the evening.
I need a LOT of sleep to function, and he has always gotten up for work around 5, so it wasn't much of an adjustment for him. Once we figured out that timing routine, we were both so much more functional and content. He knew he had a good stretch to sleep uninterrupted, and I got the same benefit. We were both still tired, but we weren't zombies the majority of the time. Obviously there were times we both needed to be up at night, but they were few and far between.
All this to say, you'll find a way to survive, and remember that he's your teammate: nothing more, nothing less. You're both in this together.
@bigworldlittleg karaoke is between lunch and dinner?! That’s quite a party 😂 my karaoke confidence doesn’t usually come out until after dark after several drinks of liquid courage hahaha
@bigworldlittleg good to know! I feel bad for straight up saying "I'm not up for it" or "I need the rest".. Like I am sure she would understand but usually I want like super foolproof excuses hahaha. Some people might see that as a "floppy excuse"
@trapperkeeper87 I appreciate the advice! I really appreciate your positivity and kind words. I am sure we will figured it out. Baby will be due JUST as he is going back to school after summer break so it will be a big adjustment for him! But yes, we will survive!!!
So my husband and I have tentatively discussed that he’ll take feedings from 9-12 with pumped milk because he’s a night owl and I’m not, and he just wants that time with the baby. Is this not realistic?! 😳
I was kinda counting on at least a 3 hour uninterrupted stretched of sleep (10-1ish). I’ll take all a.m. feedings since he’ll still be at work. But he’s regularly awake until midnight anyway. I pass out at 9, thank you early school schedule 😂
The boy person will be a stay-at-home dad. I told him just bring a baby and attach him to my sleeping ass when he's hungry lol.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@laj0217 your husband has already dealt with having a baby, so I'm sure this will work out great. My husband gamed all night before we had kids every weekend. I assumed he could take night feedings, but I didn't take in account that he'd never held a newborn nevermind taken care of one. He could not bottle feed our kids, they freaked out anytime he tried. I sadly left for 36 hours to help my cousin during her birth when my oldest was 5 months. I came back and he was admit that I needed to teach or baby how to use a bottle and feed all night that way. I told him if that was going to happen I'd be up pumping and he'd be bottle feeding because I'm not doing both. That ended that conversation, and with my second I had no expectation that he would ever feed our baby. I will go into this one the same way.
(Once again, data is primarily gathered from the introductions and ultrasounds posts, with occasional additions from the weekly updates thread).
1) We currently have 56 women who are active in this board. "Active" in this case being defined as having posted within the past two weeks. Of our active ladies,
1 is due in middle August but has chosen to hang out with us
14 are due in the first week of September (9/1-9/7)
17 are due in the second week of September (9/8-9/15)
12 are due in the third week of September (9/16-9/22)
12 are due in the last week of September (9/23-9/30)
2) In terms of age, of our active ladies,
12 are age 25-29
15 are age 30-34
8 are age 35-39
2 are 40 and over
19 have not disclosed their age
3) What baby number is it for our active ladies?
For 32 of us, it's the first baby.
For 13 of us, it's the second baby.
For 5 of us, it's the third or more baby.
For 6 of us, this data is unknown.
4) Where are our active ladies?
10 are outside the U.S. (Australia, Canada, Costa Rica, Norway)
7 are in the Pacific coast states (CA, OR, WA)
8 are in the Midwest (MI, MN, NE, WI, unknown)
3 are in the Northeast (MA, NH)
1 is in the mid-Atlantic (PA)
4 are in the Southeast (GA, NC, SC)
1 is in the Deep South (LA)
22 have not disclosed their location.
So far we have no ladies who have reported their location as Appalachia (e.g., WV, KY), the mid-Atlantic (e.g., NY, PA), the Southwest (e.g., AZ, NM) or non-continental states (HI, AK)
6) For sex, so far...
20 mamas have announced for team blue
Planned boy names: Ellis, Ephraim, Jackson, Nevillen, William, Wyoming, Zig
15 mamas has officially announced for team pink
Planned girl names: Amy, Gracelyn, Hazel, Ivy
5 mamas have reported they plan to be team green
1 mama has announced she is having one of each (blue/pink twins!)
*Note that these tallies indicate specific usernames who have stated explicitly the sex of their baby(ies) - this does not encapsulate the total courts on the "I'm Just Here for the SEX" post, which are higher.
7) So far, two of our active ladies has reported they are having twins (but we do have some inactive ladies with multiples as well).
8) Other factoids:
We have 14 women who have posted more than 2 weeks ago but less than a month ago (5 of these have only posted once).
We have 201 women who have posted more than a month ago (79 of these only posted once).
We have unfortunately also had 8 women who have left us following confirmed losses.
We have 5 women who previously posted but have since deleted their accounts.
We have 1 woman who has since relocated to the October board.
If you don't think I'm accounting for your data (or you want to check), let me know and I'll update my spreadsheet.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
In unrelated news, work is crazy as of late. We had our 3rd murder today in less than a month.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
So in other news, looks like we're moving to NY next year, I'm hoping to find a way to bring in some income after I take 12 weeks off, but doing the finances tonight, it looks like as long as we budget very well and cut out some extras I might be able to stay home all year. We talked about if a long term sub position opens up, I'd take that but regular sub pay wouldn't cover daycare expenses. We'd have to look at any day work that would add in daycare for two kids because that's going to be about $20k for the year and if my salary isn't much more than that doing part time work there's no point.
I'm excited to be able to stay home with the youngest, nervous about not knowing anyone and having a MIL who lives 45 minutes away who I feel will just show up whenever, and now having to worry about money and being stuck at home constantly. I guess we'll see what happens.
@trapperkeeper87 the comments were just making it sound like it’d all be on me, especially since I plan to breastfeed/pump. I’m aware a lot of FTM expectations turn out to be unrealistic. Just wondering if my 3 hour stretch of sleep was one of them! 😆
@jhysmath eh, it’s a complicated situation. His daughter and her mom moved across the country when she was 4 weeks old, and just moved back 2 years ago. He saw her sporadically during that time when mom would let him because there wasn’t a court order. We got a court order last year, though, so visitation is regular now and not at mom’s whim. But, it means he got 4 weeks of caring for a newborn part time. Plus, some experience with his nephew (he lived with his sister when the nephew was small/baby but not a newborn).
@laj0217 I breastfed for 2 years and pumped for about 6ish months of that. However, after a few weeks, we decided to combo feed using a formula bottle about once a day. That took some of the pressure off me, and it helped me pump during that feed, usually giving me two bottles worth. It also ensured that she would always have a feeding option, regardless of what was going on in our world. I know it isn't for everyone, but as someone who struggled a lot with anxiety and depression (still do, just not nearly as badly), it made a massive difference for us. We plan to do the same thing this time around.
The point being that you'll find what works for you and your family, and as long as your child is fed and loved, you'll be great!
@trapperkeeper87 yeah! This! I told my doctor I was going to try, but fed is best and what happens, happens. I got a whole conversation about how my attitude can impact what happens 🙄
@laj0217 I don't agree with your doctor there. Yes, to a point, but honestly, this isn't just about the baby (which so many people forget); this is about the new relationship you'll be building with your baby, husband, and other children.
I was lucky to find a doctor who pushed breastfeeding, but also believes in doing what is best for Mom. Our pediatrician also makes sure that Mom isn't being "abused" by Baby. What he means by that is that both Mom and Baby are happy in the relationship, and that both are healthy mentally and physically. If that means 100% formula, so be it. Same with breastfeeding. He agrees that breastfeeding has a lot of benefits, but there's a point for some women where it just doesn't make sense and the risk to Mom outweighs the benefits.
There should be NO shame in your feeding method, and once I personally accepted that, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I had no idea how badly it was affecting me.
@trapperkeeper87 I completely agree with you and can relate. I never got diagnosed with pp anxiety but looking back, I'm pretty sure I had it and so much of it was caused by the pressure to breastfeed. I had a lot of supply issues and ended up needing to supplement after every feed but never actually switched to formula because I somehow thought I’d be a lesser mom if I did. And it’s so weird because I’ve literally told other moms at the same time that they should do whatever is best for them and I had zero judgement towards formula feeding 🤦🏻♀️ But somehow my brain kept tricking me over and over saying nope, you can’t stop, keep trying, keep going, and it was a challenge for almost the whole time I breastfed which was a year. Looking back, so much of those newborn days are shaded by the breastfeeding issues and the anxiety I felt because of it and I know I didn’t enjoy them as I should’ve and now I feel bad for that lol. How twisted is that?! Anyways. I’m going into this one with “I will give this a solid try like a did with my first, but if after a few weeks I’m killing myself over it, I’m done. Formula it is”. I truly believe mom’s happiness needs to be taken into consideration as well and is so so important. I’ve also been talking about that with my husband and he is on board with the plan. He didn’t know how much was going on internally for me last time and feels so bad.
Ok so I'm super excited my husband was offered the other schools health insurance which has no deductible starting when ours ends, but he has to agree to teach summer school for 6 weeks 3 hours a day 3 days a week. He so does not want to do this, but he agreed because he knows how much I want that insurance. He told me happy mother's day lol.
He also had flowers delivered to school, which we're not that type of couple. So it was extra sweet to get them, he had 5 roses put in it (not 6 like the florist charged him for) because there's one for each of us in the family. It was super sweet she completely out of the blue. It's a gorgeous bouquet. What made me even happier was the fact BIL called and asked if he had done anything for their mom and he said no.... Normally he sends there mom something and nothing for me.
I have to echo what the others are saying about breastfeeding vs formula. I was told not to introduce a bottle or pacifier for the first month or until nursing was established. I'm so glad that I said screw that. I gave my daughter a paci at the hospital (will 100% do that again) and since my milk took some time to come in, I was pumping and the hospital had me use these little cups to feed her. It was so stressful! We bought some from the hospital pharmacy but as soon as we got home I pull out a bottle and haven't looked back. The first 4 months I mostly nursed her but gave a bottle often enough that I knew she would take it. Around 4 months she went through a growth spurt and despite all the nursing, pumping and eating "lactation foods", my milk supply never caught up with her. I've never felt more relieved to be able to give my baby formula so she'd stop screaming in hunger. I felt so helpless when she'd cry for food and she had literally just sucked me dry. I would massage my breasts to try and get any more drops of milk and I had nothing. I will try again with breast feeding, even ordered a better pump in hopes it'll help but I will 100% have formula on hand just in case.
@babywiik that whole no bottle and paci for a month (or I heard even longer like 3 months) is such BS. My MIL was an NICU nurse her whole life and they had to use bottles to feed babies and pacis to soothe them because many had some health conditions and most moms were still able to breastfeed when they visited and babies were just fine when they went home. Sure some moms had issues with breastfeeding but that was mainly due to lip/tongue ties or milk supply issues. My cousin on the other hand completely listened to her midwives and refused to give her baby a bottle so he never ended up taking it and she couldn’t leave him for longer than a couple of hours. Thankfully she was a stay at home mom but imagine if she needed to go back to work a few months in for one reason or another. It was very stressful for her and she regretted it.
@newbabymama27 both of mine refused bottles. My first would drink enough from a sippy to keep herself happy until I was with her again. My second took a few weeks took a bottle for a few months then refused them again. They end up reverse cycling and getting enough to keep their curves. I had a 50th and 99th percentile babies so both got their fill even without bottles and me going to work.
@jhysmath oh my cousin’s baby was fine too without bottles, but he was glued to her boobs and she never got a break which was hard for her. I wasn’t saying other babies don’t refuse bottles too (sorry if that’s how it came across). I just mean it’s helpful if you can get them to take an occasional bottle here or there, if needed.
I exclusively breastfed my son for 12 weeks and then introduced bottles 2 weeks prior to starting daycare at 14 weeks. He did awesome and I just gave them the milk I pumped from the day before and it worked out really well. We nursed when I got home and it was fine!!
My daughter wouldn't latch (and never did). I saw the LC at the hospital, tried a nipple shield, etc. I cried at the hospital bc I felt like I was failing amd she wasn't getting fed. They offered Me antidepressants and said I had PPD. Step in DH who said, why can't she pump and give that to baby. They hemmed and hawed and he demanded they find me a breast pump. I exclusively pumped for a year. It was hard, but worth it. For the first 3 months or so I gave her a bottle of formula before bed (bc it kept her full a little longer. So I could get just a little more of a block of sleep). Exclusively pumping isn't easy, I pumped ever 2 hours around the clock for the first 3 months. If you go this route, there's Facebook groups about it and I recommend joining. There's a lot that goes into pumping. For example, do you know a lot of women need a different size flange than the standard 24 or 26mm? For example I need 19mm. If you don't have the right size, it will affect your output and then supply.
Just wanted to share a bit of my story and experience in case one of you ladies find yourselves in the same boat.
@rebornlotus wow! I'm so glad your husband stepped in and made demands. Pumping is hard! I only pumped once a day and it felt hard. I can only imagine the full time job it was to pump full time. So glad that worked for you.
@rebornlotus You have an amazing husband for him stepping up for you like that. And I've never understood how someone can be attached to a pump for so long. You're a warrior! Thank you for mentioning the flange part too. The ones they sent were so huge for me (same sizes you have listed) and once I bought some Pumpin' Pal ones, I output more and was so much more comfortable. I'll say that it's important to measure yourself under the right circumstances, or your measurement will be off. And it's possible to be different on both sides.
Re: Weekly randoms, 5.2
I would go to bed at about 8:30 or 9, and he would give her a twilight feed bottle at about 10:00 or 10:30. That is when you give a bottle to the baby while it basically stays asleep in your arms. We did that starting in the hospital and kept it up for several months until she didn't need it anymore. It would help her get through until about 3 in the morning. At that time, I would take over any wakeups (only changing poop diapers and feeding). Once the clock hit 4:30, he was back on. He would wake, get ready for work, wash any baby dishes, and tend to her if she needed it. Then I was back on after he went to work (at approximately 6:30), and we both took care of her in the evening.
I need a LOT of sleep to function, and he has always gotten up for work around 5, so it wasn't much of an adjustment for him. Once we figured out that timing routine, we were both so much more functional and content. He knew he had a good stretch to sleep uninterrupted, and I got the same benefit. We were both still tired, but we weren't zombies the majority of the time. Obviously there were times we both needed to be up at night, but they were few and far between.
All this to say, you'll find a way to survive, and remember that he's your teammate: nothing more, nothing less. You're both in this together.
@trapperkeeper87 I appreciate the advice! I really appreciate your positivity and kind words. I am sure we will figured it out. Baby will be due JUST as he is going back to school after summer break so it will be a big adjustment for him! But yes, we will survive!!!
I was kinda counting on at least a 3 hour uninterrupted stretched of sleep (10-1ish). I’ll take all a.m. feedings since he’ll still be at work. But he’s regularly awake until midnight anyway. I pass out at 9, thank you early school schedule 😂
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
This week's fun with stats:
(Once again, data is primarily gathered from the introductions and ultrasounds posts, with occasional additions from the weekly updates thread).
1) We currently have 56 women who are active in this board. "Active" in this case being defined as having posted within the past two weeks. Of our active ladies,
- 1 is due in middle August but has chosen to hang out with us
- 14 are due in the first week of September (9/1-9/7)
- 17 are due in the second week of September (9/8-9/15)
- 12 are due in the third week of September (9/16-9/22)
- 12 are due in the last week of September (9/23-9/30)
2) In terms of age, of our active ladies,- 12 are age 25-29
- 15 are age 30-34
- 8 are age 35-39
- 2 are 40 and over
- 19 have not disclosed their age
3) What baby number is it for our active ladies?- For 32 of us, it's the first baby.
- For 13 of us, it's the second baby.
- For 5 of us, it's the third or more baby.
- For 6 of us, this data is unknown.
4) Where are our active ladies?- 10 are outside the U.S. (Australia, Canada, Costa Rica, Norway)
- 7 are in the Pacific coast states (CA, OR, WA)
- 8 are in the Midwest (MI, MN, NE, WI, unknown)
- 3 are in the Northeast (MA, NH)
- 1 is in the mid-Atlantic (PA)
- 4 are in the Southeast (GA, NC, SC)
- 1 is in the Deep South (LA)
- 22 have not disclosed their location.
- So far we have no ladies who have reported their location as Appalachia (e.g., WV, KY), the mid-Atlantic (e.g., NY, PA), the Southwest (e.g., AZ, NM) or non-continental states (HI, AK)
6) For sex, so far...- 20 mamas have announced for team blue
- Planned boy names: Ellis, Ephraim, Jackson, Nevillen, William, Wyoming, Zig
- 15 mamas has officially announced for team pink
- Planned girl names: Amy, Gracelyn, Hazel, Ivy
- 5 mamas have reported they plan to be team green
- 1 mama has announced she is having one of each (blue/pink twins!)
*Note that these tallies indicate specific usernames who have stated explicitly the sex of their baby(ies) - this does not encapsulate the total courts on the "I'm Just Here for the SEX" post, which are higher.7) So far, two of our active ladies has reported they are having twins (but we do have some inactive ladies with multiples as well).
8) Other factoids:
If you don't think I'm accounting for your data (or you want to check), let me know and I'll update my spreadsheet.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
I'm excited to be able to stay home with the youngest, nervous about not knowing anyone and having a MIL who lives 45 minutes away who I feel will just show up whenever, and now having to worry about money and being stuck at home constantly. I guess we'll see what happens.
@jhysmath eh, it’s a complicated situation. His daughter and her mom moved across the country when she was 4 weeks old, and just moved back 2 years ago. He saw her sporadically during that time when mom would let him because there wasn’t a court order. We got a court order last year, though, so visitation is regular now and not at mom’s whim. But, it means he got 4 weeks of caring for a newborn part time. Plus, some experience with his nephew (he lived with his sister when the nephew was small/baby but not a newborn).
The point being that you'll find what works for you and your family, and as long as your child is fed and loved, you'll be great!
I was lucky to find a doctor who pushed breastfeeding, but also believes in doing what is best for Mom. Our pediatrician also makes sure that Mom isn't being "abused" by Baby. What he means by that is that both Mom and Baby are happy in the relationship, and that both are healthy mentally and physically. If that means 100% formula, so be it. Same with breastfeeding. He agrees that breastfeeding has a lot of benefits, but there's a point for some women where it just doesn't make sense and the risk to Mom outweighs the benefits.
There should be NO shame in your feeding method, and once I personally accepted that, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I had no idea how badly it was affecting me.
He also had flowers delivered to school, which we're not that type of couple. So it was extra sweet to get them, he had 5 roses put in it (not 6 like the florist charged him for) because there's one for each of us in the family. It was super sweet she completely out of the blue. It's a gorgeous bouquet. What made me even happier was the fact BIL called and asked if he had done anything for their mom and he said no.... Normally he sends there mom something and nothing for me.
Just wanted to share a bit of my story and experience in case one of you ladies find yourselves in the same boat.