October 2022 Moms

When to tell your boss??

When and how does everyone like to tell their boss their pregnant. I foundout fairly early but this is also my first pregnancy so I'm very nervous to tell my boss and how too! I was close to being at this workplace for a year but not quite. Any suggestions are welcome!

Re: When to tell your boss??

  • I think it really depends on the dynamic you have. I plan to tell management soon, mainly because my work is very physical and I may need their support in lining up my client appointments in a way that allows moments of rest. I have a very supportive all-female leadership team where transparency is valued, and if we were to have a loss I would want them to know. I do want to wait until my due date is confirmed so that I can give them something concrete. 

    Many mamas wait until closer to the end of the first trimester, so before you go public on social media, but after you've had a chance to think about what kind of mat leave you're planning to take etc. There are no rules though! You do what feels right for you and your workplace vibes. Know that you have not done anything wrong by getting pregnant, so it's really just sharing exciting information that pertains to your work life.
  • my first pregnancy I didn’t inform my boss until I was about 5.5 months, solely because I wasn’t sure until then if I wanted to continue my employment after baby’s arrival and I wanted to have my plan before talking to them. i was also lucky enough that I could hide it for that long. My second (current) pregnancy I told my boss at 5 weeks. my current job is a much better place dynamically and I knew she would be supportive of early pregnancy symptoms. i think it totally depends on what you feel is right and what works best for the plan that you have.
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  • I’m a chemist, so I had to tell my boss immediately after getting my bfp for safety reasons. She’s very supportive, so I was alright with spilling the beans so early. 
  • @merostomata Hello!! I’m very glad to meet another science nerd XD 
  • Hi! Looking for advice…I took a new job and 2 weeks later found out I was pregnant. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I am afraid to tell my new boss because I am so new and not sure how he will react.
  • I’m in the same boat. Accepted the job before I knew I was pregnant and unsure of how they are going to react since I just started two weeks ago.
  • I’ve been with my company about 2 years. My boss and I have a good relationship luckily. I’m almost 7 weeks and I told her as soon as I found out. The previous week I had been on a mood coaster and took some stuff out on her and so it was an apology/I know why I’ve been nuts! Lol
  • I'm a nurse.  I told my boss right away at 5 weeks because I can't work with patients on radiation or chemo. I think it's important to let your boss know early enough so they can plan your absence but also you need to feel comfortable telling them when you are ready.  You got this mama! 
  • Thank you for all the advice I work in a vet clinic and plan on telling them around the 2 month mark after I go for the first prenatal appointment! 
  • I told my boss at work both times (two pregnancies, two different bosses) at 17 weeks. I was starting to show and it was far enough along to feel comfortable sharing yet early enough to plan for coverage. I didn’t have any concerns though about my job and pregnancy. The only thing was no travel once it got later. Now I think I’ll wait until then too because even though I’ll show earlier, nobody will see because of work from home. It also will give me time to show I’m worth waiting for (just got a new role and want a few extra weeks leave).
  • I’m most worried about the fact I have to push heavy machines around sometimes. Like should I tell my boss next week even though i’m only 5 weeks so I can not do that anymore or should I just wait till my 7 week ultrasound and then yeah? 
  • @slowlilg I mentioned this in the other thread but I think you should ask your OB if it’s okay to keep pushing the machines. If they think you need to ease up, then I would tell your boss. What is your relationship with your boss like? Last time I told mine when I was around 5 weeks because we had an out of town trip and it would have been obvious when I didn’t have a glass of wine with dinner. It was no big deal, I just said it was really early and that I would let him know when I was ready for other people at work to know. 
  • With DD I had to tell my boss really early because we had a work trip the week after I found out and it would have been obvious when I didn’t drink with dinner. This time I don’t have any reason to tell anyone so I’ll probably hold off for as long as I can but after my ultrasound next week I’ll be open to telling my boss if I feel like he needs to know (there are some things that only I do so it will take some planning) 

    @EmilyE13 how did it go with your boss today? I bet she is thrilled for you!
  • I told my boss today at 4 weeks. I am a preschool teacher and have a very active job and a very active class with kids who can sometimes be violent,  and can’t just up and run to the bathroom if I feel sick! Do what you gotta do to survive, you and the baby are number one! 
  • I've been thinking about this a ton lately. With DS I told my then boss early because we were meeting with vendors to possible change Short Term Disability plans and I asked in every meeting if people would be grandfathered for the purpose of pregnancies (so it was getting obvious). I didn't tell my now boss back in June/July as we really don't get along and I didn't want him to know then. This time, based on how my appointments next week go, I might just to justify all the appts I've had lately. Also, I feel like if I get to the point of hearing a heartbeat and then something happens, I will need a lot more time to process, not just one day, so I might need to take a few days off and want to be open about why. It's all still a juggle right now though. 
    Me: 34  DH: 34
    Married 10/28/17
    Our TTC Journey
    TTC #1 February '18
    Team Green turned Team Blue 10/15/18

    TTC #2 January '21
    BFP June '21
    MMC/Blighted Ovum that led to D&C July '21
    Jan '22 - started IF testing
    BFP Jan '22
    MMC/Blighted Ovum that led to D&C Feb '22
    BFP May '22

  • I’ve always told my bosses pretty early (4-6 weeks). I’m waiting until after my first appointment, so that I can come to her with a plan for my mat leave. I pretty much run out learning system by myself, so people will need to be up skilled before I go out, which will take a few months. I know she’s going to panic, so I want to come prepared with timelines, and people who can fill gaps. 
  • I agree with everything @krthouse said. It totally depends on your work environment and relationship with your boss.  In past work environments I waited to share until it impacted my work unfortunately this was always early for me because I get horrendous morning sickness. 

    This time I told my boss this week. We have a great relationship and since things are kind of crazy right now it has been helpful to let her know where I am at each day (super sick, migraine, doing great). 
  • I think it is interesting how many people are telling their bosses so early! I guess I also don’t have much of a work impact yet and honestly nobody is checking up on me for appointments - I just go do them. I’m the outlier I guess. :) I haven’t even told my family though, we want to wait until the first appointment just to feel more sure about passing that higher risk period for spontaneous miscarriages. Have you guys told your families too?
  • I say it greatly depends on your plan post baby, your relationship with your boss and the physical requirements of your job. I also had to inform my boss as soon as I got the BFP due to physical labor restrictions. We spread the story to my coworkers of a knee injury until we got the 8wk all clear from the doc.
  • @g_gabs71016 we have told the majority of our family (parents and siblings). For me, I have always wanted to have family and those closest to be there to support me if/when I have experienced a loss.  So it made sense for me to share earlier. I think whatever you are comfortable with works :) 
  • Told my boss at 11 weeks. I had a crazy bout of nausea and fatigue one day and had to miss work the whole day. Thought I should tell her after that in case anything like that happened again. She’s super understanding and said if I needed to take longer breaks or a day off I could whenever. 
    If you work at a vet clinic and work with X-rays at all I’d tell asap. 
  • Told my boss almost immediately because I was taking meds for ADHD, wasn’t expecting to get pregnant so didn’t taper them off and stopped taking them the day I found out. Needless to say, my ability to stay awake, let alone focus, was substantially impacted so I needed his support to help with work load. He was incredibly cool about it and is keeping it a secret from the rest of my team until I feel comfortable telling them.

    (I know some people choose to continue stimulant meds throughout pregnancy - no judgement at all - but for me personally, the risks aren’t worth it)
  • I’ll contribute. We have a couple of substitute teachers permanently in my school district, but not all of them like to come to the high school and for a while, our teaching staff of 13 when-everyone-is-there were covering three-four teachers every single day.
    I told my boss out of necessity about a month ago. He was my friend long before he became my boss, which is as of this year, so this was not how I wanted to tell him.
    I’ve been sleeping through my prep (midday attached to lunch) to function through the afternoon. I was about to get asked to cover so I pulled him into the office, explained in an almost-crying panic why I can’t cover for people, and he was super supportive. I wish it hadn’t come to necessity and could have been me actually sharing the news, but that is how I told my boss.

    It was a huge relief to tell the entire staff this week. They totally thought I’d had covid complications and that’s why I was so tired and having stayed home weekly for a while.
  • I told mine earlier than I expected to around 7 weeks. She’s also pregnant but further along, so I knew she’d be super supportive. Still keeping it to myself from other coworkers though until at least after 12 week.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I finally told my boss this week! I wanted to after my 8 week ultrasound but could never get him alone, so I called him one morning when I was on my way to a client. It was probably better to do over the phone because it was easier for him to pretend to be happy about it 😂. I then also told another partner that I am close with, but asked them not to share with anyone else right now. I have a meeting with 2 other partners and our HR manager this week to talk about our summer internship program that I lead, so I’ll probably tell them as well because I’ll want to start/end the program as early as possible this year. 
  • I told my boss at 10 weeks because of some inclement weather that I was not willing to drive in (worked from home instead). I’ve only told two of my coworkers. We have 2 remote workers on our team, and I want to tell them too, but all of our meetings keep getting switched to “everyone zoom from your laptop” rather than those of us in the office zooming together from a meeting room. I am not ready to inadvertently announce to my whole office by sharing with my 5-person team on a zoom call from my cubicle. So they’ll just have to wait 🤷‍♀️
  • @jellybellie the stopping adhd meds is so hard! I have been really struggling myself and had to do a sudden stop too. Solidarity my friend! 
  • I told my boss a few days ago! I'm 11 weeks now and wanted to wait until after my first ultrasound. She was really excited and supportive, although we didn't talk about plans yet. It's kind of a funny situation because I've been transparent about quitting/transitioning out gradually over 2022 anyway. I'm hoping she'll be ok with me staying on through at least a quick maternity leave, then wrapping up some things at the end of the year before quitting for good by the new year.
  • @merostomata the way the job market is right now and how hard it is to find people, I’m sure she will be happy with whatever you can give her 
  • So I am debating telling my manager this week. I am new to my position- I started in November- and I am 100% WFH so I have not built up a relationship with her yet. On top of that I have a complicated pregnancy which will be very overwhelming when I explain it. I am very nervous to say anything due to a previous late term loss and I don’t want to say anything to early. Ill be 11 weeks but at 16 weeks I will be moved to the high risk group which will come up with a care plan for the remainder of my pregnancy including monitoring and bed rest for the third trimester. I can obviously get away with waiting until after 16 weeks to say anything since im WFH and no one sees me. In addition my uncle is not doing well health wise and I feel like if i hit her with the pregnancy and then have to take time for my uncle ill seem complicated and i am not - my entire goal with any place i work is to have a reputation of a high performer so i can fade into the background and be ignored because everyone is assured of my abilities and no additional monitoring or attention is needed for me. Any suggestions?
  • Okay unrelated but I misread as “when to KILL your boss” and was like… wow, holy crap, that escalated quickly.
  • merostomatamerostomata member
    edited March 2022
    @relizabethp I think either now or after 16 weeks would be perfectly acceptable-- whichever would make you feel more comfortable. If you did it now, you could be more upfront with any appointments in the meantime, but waiting until you have more information would also make sense.

    The one thing I'd recommend by the time you tell her is having a rough plan in place for what you'd want to do for a maternity leave (about how long, etc), and who might be able to take over your tasks while you are away, and which tasks can wait. You can also offer to take care of any training of your coworkers. Doing that is what will set you apart and give your boss that high degree of trust in you--assuming they are a decent boss and this is a place you'd like to stay at. 
  • Who has successfully negotiated longer leave? Or dropping to either 4 days per week or a compressed work week?

    I get the standard 12 week leave but want mooooore.

    I took 18 with my daughter and 14 with my son and I want at least 16. But it’d be unprotected and unpaid… And I now live in the boonies and think it’d be hard to find another job at my current pay and level. But I also think they want to keep me. So anyway, any advice?
  • @g_gabs71016My job is really flexible but taking a longer leave would be a tough sell. I don’t even think I’m going to be able to be totally off for 12 weeks (last time I did 8 weeks off, 8 weeks at 20 hours/week). 

    I asked for a 4 day work week after I had DD and got it. I only do it outside of tax season. We only work 35 hours during this time so I work for 4 8-hour days and then use 3 hours of pto to take off on Fridays. I get 5 weeks of pto so I have plenty to do this and also take a vacation and time off around the holidays. I like my setup because if I do get crazy and have to work some on Fridays (from home), I don’t have to give up that pto, so I still feel like I’m getting something in return for working more than I’m supposed to. But something else might work better for your situation. 
  • @g_gabs71016 I did-- our standard leave is also 12 weeks, but I took almost 20 weeks off. It wasn't particularly hard; I just asked and came up with a plan to make it feasible and they said ok. I basically covered the extra time with a mix of PTO anyway, which is hard to deny an employee. If they want to keep you, they'll likely oblige. If you'd have a hard time finding another job as good as this one in your area, it's also likely they'd have a hard time finding a qualified replacement. Hiring is especially tough these days, which is good for us employees...more leverage!!

    Just see it from their perspective and do your best to come up with a reasonable plan so they can survive the months off without you. If there are any other moms who have taken more leave at your institution, definitely ask them how it went as well. 

    If they really are resisting your proposal for some reason, you can come back at them with a counter offer-- maybe coming back at 12 weeks or shortly after, but slowly easing back into it (like 2 days a week for a couple weeks, then 3 days, etc) or working from home. Ask them specifically what their concern is, determine if it is legitimate, and try to fix it, if possible. If they're hardasses for no good reason then it might be an annoying place to work as a new mother anyway.
  • Thanks. I have unlimited PTO which is code for not being able to accumulate any PTO and I’m not allowed to use vacation to lengthen my leave per my company policy. I will think about how to broach the topic and a plan for coverage.
  • @merostomata thanks for the advice - i spoke with another coworker and she convinced me
    to tell my boss tomorrow with are one on one- she said it would be better to give notification before the high risk scheduling goes into effect so it’s less of a surprise.

    For you- does your company offer “bonding time” if they do you could take it all at once to lengthen your maternity leave? I did that with my first and then took two weeks of PTO to take an additional 4 weeks 
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