I also understand where you’re coming from. We definitely have been in grooves like that. I think ultimately (and please don’t take this wrong I say it because men are stupid) we just have to be the bigger person. It sucks in the moment but ultimately it’s better for both of you. Hugs. ❤️
@paytonpedro Thank you!! And hair takes so long to grow!! Especially when you want it to!😩
@leahrnmom I’m sorry it’s rough right now. Everything is a stage/phase that will change at some point. Hard times don’t last. Have you read the 5 Love Languages? That book helped me realize how we sometimes need/give a different type of love to the other, but can understand each other better. Try to tell him how you feel and that you want to feel closer to each other. I’m sorry you feel like you have to initiate growth. I hope he’s willing and wanting to grow too. Do you think he’d be willing to do a weekly date night (maybe even phones down?) My husband and I have realized fitting in even an hour of board games/card games, a walk, a movie night, or dinner date isn’t as hard as it seems. I initiated us doing even the simplest intentional date once a week (any evening) for the year, because I’m nervous about how this could be a hard year on us with all these changes. You know you guys best. I hope you guys can get a break from the stresses to enjoy some life and each other.💕
@leahrnmom@meagan822 ‘s suggestion of the 5 love languages is a great suggestion! They have a free online quiz you can do as well. It’s super helpful to know what kind of love you need but also what kind of love your husband needs!
@paytonpedro@meagan822 I have read it. I am definitely words of affirmation, and quality time. My husband is acts of service and maybe gifts. I'm not sure what the other is. I have had several talks with him and sometimes it does get better. I listened to a podcast and it said to say "I think" instead of "I feel" and I did that this morning and he shut the door and came to sit down before leaving for work. I told him "I think I am unloved". Do I really think he doesn't love me, no. But I don't feel loved the way I need to. We need to do better at date nights. Some of the problem is that I work 3-11, 11-11, or 7a-7p. Then on my days off, like Monday he didn't get home until 755 pm. By 755 I put my son to bed and my H went to bed at 9. It makes it hard to do much when all my days off he works so late. That's what I'm struggling with most. He left a job that he got home by 530 but wasn't really happy and now works much later and longer hours.
@leahrnmom so I stay home, but last year we had DS3 in January and MH didn’t take any paternity leave. He was home for like 2 days and then went back to work. He worked long hours in January and February, was training and working long hours in March and in April he went back to 12 hour overnight shifts and weekends. It was such a crappy time. I know that I am very fortunate because MH was previously married so he is always the first one to apologize and to try to do things differently. Anyway, I decided to take the time that we had together and to forget trying to get things done around the house that weren’t necessary and I asked if he would watch the entire Marvel series with me—I know he loves those movies, I don’t mind them and we snuggled on the couch or our bed with 1-3 boys and slowly it got better. My house wasn’t clean, but it wasn’t gross and we managed to reconnect and then I could fix the house and everything else. Hugs. Just know that I’ve been there and I understand.
@mdfarmchick thank you so much for that. It really helped. I need to make more of an effort when he gets home. I've been so grumpy that the work for our marriage always feels like it falls on my that I feel like I haven't been trying. Monday I made dinner, we didn't talk all day and then around 7 he finally texted and said it would be around 8 when he got home. I had waited for him to eat even though I get nauseous if I wait, and then he didn't eat. I just felt so defeated from that day. I need to go to counseling to figure out how to reframe maybe how I'm thinking about it. I don't know. I truly appreciate your response and insight. I think I've just been trying for so long and having days like this past Monday so often that continuing to try and try is hard.
@paytonpedro Ugh, we got the snow day today. Did you? 2-hour delay for all the Catholic schools and county schools, virtual day for the city publics. And of course nothing from my university and my husband's high school is paternal discretion, so he has to go to work. That means I'm teaching both my classes on Zoom this morning because they're at 8 and 10 and I have to drive my kids to school at 9:30.
On the good news end, weather will clear up and then we'll have a great evening for family skiing and tubing later!! (Yes I asked my ob and he approved tubing.) I'm so excited!!
@wisewitch222 full snow day for us and almost all the other districts near us today! Funny part is, it’s not snowing anymore and the roads don’t look as bad as yesterday. I’m not complaining though! We got about a 8-12 inches overnight but mh dug us all out before he left this morning.
I did sledding when pregnant with ds2 but after the first time going down, I didn’t feel comfortable because of all the bumping. I hope you don’t have that experience and can enjoy it!! I’d love to go snowboarding but mh doesn’t ski/snowboard and obv being pregnant I just wouldn’t feel comfortable. Boo.
@paytonpedro I think tubing will be okay because it's on a groomed field at the ski place with a lift that brings you up on your tube. I don't feel comfortable sledding on the (very steep) neighborhood sledding hill this year.
@and_peggy and @paytonpedro I have an anterior placenta this time so I’m not even anticipating feeling anything any time soon and it’s a bummer. My placenta with DD was fundal so I felt movement fairly early
@wigglyicecream I have insanely active kids in utero. I remember feeling my daughter around 15 weeks with anterior placenta 😳 I don’t know what I have this time
@wigglyicecream I was also told I have an anterior and might not feel anything until 20+ weeks, but good to know others have felt sooner with anterior placenta. ***places hand on stomach for the rest of the day***
Baby was super active at my 9 week ultrasound (to the point where the ultrasound technician pointed it out) so I've been expecting to feel some movement early on. I may have felt so movement but with baby being so small it is hard to tell.
@starkette it’s so weird! It’s one of those things I guess I forgot about. Or maybe I’ve never experienced the quickening thing. I only ever remember real movement. So crazy! How exciting for you!
I currently stalking the Youth Theater Arts Centre's website waiting for their summer theater camp sign ups to be updated. They said sign ups should be posted in the next couple days. They fill up fast and there's only one session that works for our schedule because of baby. Gotta snag a spot! DD loved doing the camp last summer. They're only 2 weeks long and she had a blast. She did Aladdin Jr and this year we hope to sign up for one of the sessions doing Lion King Jr. Fingers crossed!
@starkette There's a local theater camp for little kids in our area too and this year they're doing 101 Dalmatians. I want to sign up #2, who will be four, because he loves singing and performing and is so good at it.
Thanks! I was so worried she'd hate it. I was a huge theater nerd in high school and college, it was my life and brought me so much joy. The best friendships I've ever made was through theater. Even met MH doing theater. But she loved it and it warms my thespian heart.
My sister finally made it here last night and I have been MIA all day because we were running around. We are celebrating my almost-4-year-old’s birthday this weekend so I’ll probably be somewhat MIA for that too.
Just bought our first thing for the baby….. two packs of diapers. So boring. We had a coupon though that was about to expire. I’m still too nervous to buy anything!
@itsme215 I bought a double stroller back in December but I haven't bought anything else yet. I'll probably wait until after we find out the sex before I buy anything else.
@itsme215 I'm the same way! With my first, I remember buying an adorable baby blanket (neutral color) around 12 weeks and thought I'd jinxed myself. With my second, I was so sure we were having a boy I got a newborn boy outfit around 10 weeks. Luckily both pregnancies worked out but I had another girl haven't bought anything this time. Gonna wait for gender scan, too @darkrose88 .
@itsme215 I got a car seat cover around this time while I was pregnant with my first and mh thought I jinxed the whole thing and was upset with me. Lol. I had a coupon and wanted to get it before it expired. Good thing everything worked out. I definitely haven’t bought anything yet. Mostly because all I’ll need at this point is (girl) clothes and diapers. Maybe bottles. Lol.
My rational brain is like “don’t be silly, there’s nothing you can do to jinx it! Buy whatever you want”
Meanwhile, my irrational brain is like “don’t you dare buy anything!”
We’re going to my parents’ tomorrow for dinner and I’m curious to see how many things they’ve bought already. I know of 2 for sure but I suspect there’s more.
@itsme215@paytonepedro@starkette@darkrose88 definitely with y’all. We haven’t bought anything and probably won’t until families know. Part of that I can “rationalize” - between our families all being some kind of whackadoo, the likelihood that we will actually have to buy ANYTHING for Lil Bear is basically nil. But part of it is “YOU WILL JINX IT BUY NOTHING”.
Also I read @mangoandguava response as YOU WILL JINX IT IF YOU BUY NOTHING and that kind of got me thinking that that could totally be reasonable! But you didn’t say that and now idk what to think 🤣
Re: Weekly Randoms 1/31
@leahrnmom I’m sorry it’s rough right now. Everything is a stage/phase that will change at some point. Hard times don’t last. Have you read the 5 Love Languages? That book helped me realize how we sometimes need/give a different type of love to the other, but can understand each other better. Try to tell him how you feel and that you want to feel closer to each other. I’m sorry you feel like you have to initiate growth. I hope he’s willing and wanting to grow too. Do you think he’d be willing to do a weekly date night (maybe even phones down?) My husband and I have realized fitting in even an hour of board games/card games, a walk, a movie night, or dinner date isn’t as hard as it seems. I initiated us doing even the simplest intentional date once a week (any evening) for the year, because I’m nervous about how this could be a hard year on us with all these changes. You know you guys best. I hope you guys can get a break from the stresses to enjoy some life and each other.💕
I have read it. I am definitely words of affirmation, and quality time. My husband is acts of service and maybe gifts. I'm not sure what the other is. I have had several talks with him and sometimes it does get better. I listened to a podcast and it said to say "I think" instead of "I feel" and I did that this morning and he shut the door and came to sit down before leaving for work. I told him "I think I am unloved". Do I really think he doesn't love me, no. But I don't feel loved the way I need to. We need to do better at date nights. Some of the problem is that I work 3-11, 11-11, or 7a-7p. Then on my days off, like Monday he didn't get home until 755 pm. By 755 I put my son to bed and my H went to bed at 9. It makes it hard to do much when all my days off he works so late. That's what I'm struggling with most. He left a job that he got home by 530 but wasn't really happy and now works much later and longer hours.
Sorry for the novel. I'm just struggling.
On the good news end, weather will clear up and then we'll have a great evening for family skiing and tubing later!! (Yes I asked my ob and he approved tubing.) I'm so excited!!
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
Meanwhile, my irrational brain is like “don’t you dare buy anything!”
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19