Will be keeping you and babies in my thoughts tomorrow @Katek819
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@Katek819 I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. Praying you still find joy in your pregnancy and also have a way to grieve the baby you lost. I can imagine your emotions are all over the place. If you ever need to talk we are here.
So sorry to hear @Katek819, lots of mixed emotions I’m sure. I hope the other twin keeps growing strong 💜
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@Katek819 I’m so sorry for your loss. I learned at my first scan that I was carrying twins, but only one looked viable. So I sort of know what you’re going through. I’m here if you want to talk.
I'm trying not to panic, but they couldn't find a heartbeat with the Doppler at my intake today. The nurse tried so hard to find it, and she told me not to worry, that it might just be too early at 10 weeks. Praying the call from booking comes quickly and we can get in for an ultrasound soon. I was so desperate to hear that sound, now I think I should have just waited, because my PGAL brain is spiraling. Just sharing because PGAL is hard, and I know you all understand.
@maggiemadeit oh that is the worst! 10 weeks is super early for the Doppler, neither my OB previously or my MFM would try with the Doppler before 14/15 weeks because it’s so scary when you can’t find it. I hope you can get in for a reassuring ultrasound asap.
@maggiemadeit I am so sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s so hard, but try not to stress. I hope they get back to you very soon and can schedule an u/s ASAP! Maybe you could call and ask them to schedule one?
@Katek819 I'm so sorry for the loss of your twin. I'm sending all the positive vibes for a healthy and happy pregnancy for your other twin.
@maggiemadeit I'm so sorry you're going through this. 10 weeks is very early, but I understand why you wanted to hear that heartbeat. *TW* I know when I was having on again off again spotting at 9 weeks the nurse had to call around at several places to get me in on the same day and it took her awhile to get me a stop, but she made every effort to get me one knowing I had had several losses. Hopefully your office will do the same and get back to you ASAP!
@maggiemadeit I feel for you and I know it’s hard not to spiral. FWIW they tried at my 10 week and couldn’t hear a single thing. Could have heard a pin drop on the Doppler. I think it’s border line cruel that they tried to Doppler the baby and didn’t have a bedside US to ease your worry. Thinking of you and baby
Thanks a lot for the support . She gave me the option to wait and not try the doppler today and I should have taken it. We live in a fairly small town and the local hospital system does all the imaging through a central booking, so just have to wait and see when we can get in. Luckily I have a ton of work to do this week, which should keep my mind busy during the day at least.
@maggiemadeit Fingers crossed and all the good vibes for a perfect ultrasound We couldn't hear the HB reliably at our 9-week appointment with a TV ultrasound, much less on a doppler. I know waiting feels impossible, but I hope you can find some peace in the wait.
@maggiemadeit ok I’m officially mad for you. They refused to see you before 10 weeks and then didn’t even plan to have a reliable method to check on baby?? I would be so upset. I really hope they can pull some strings to get you an ultrasound ASAP, I agree with wiggly, it feels cruel to put you through this when you’re PGAL. 10 weeks can definitely be hard with the Doppler, I hope baby was just hiding and all is well in there 💜
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@maggiemadeit I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt here. A lot of times insurance requires a medical necessary reason to do an early ultrasound so maybe she did the Doppler to force insurance to cover an ultrasound?? Any word on when they can get you in??
Is it just me or is the PGAL brain extra intense this week? Not gestatuonally speaking just this week in general.
I woke up today just so worried. I literally couldn't make myself wait until February 11th for our next ultrasound so I booked one at a private place just so we can see the babies and make sure they are ok. There isn't even anything we can do at this point if something were wrong but I just have this need to see them and waiting another 2 weeks would send me into a panic attack
@Karissa764 +1 to PGAL brain being at an all time high. I think a possibility contributing to this might be the recent losses our group has experienced and how absolutely heartbreaking they are. I think you’re doing the right thing for your mental health by checking in on the babies. Also solidarity! I’ve gotten to see my baby quite a few times this pregnancy already and still ache to see baby more.
I had a moment last night where I was trying not to sob. We lost one of our babies a little over two years ago at 11 weeks after two good ultrasounds and a heartbeat obviously. So my oldest already knew and then we had to explain that the baby died and was in heaven. So he knows it’s a very long time until August and something could go wrong. He was saying his prayers last night and he added a new couple of lines:” And dear God, please don’t let our baby be dead this time. We want to have a happy baby that we get to hold for my birthday. Please God, don’t let our baby be dead and go to heaven before we get to meet her. We love her already.” He has the best, sweetest heart, and sometimes I wonder if I should protect his heart in case something bad happens, but mostly I hope he doesn’t regret knowing that we have some babies in heaven. Anyway, now my PGAL brain is working overtime and we have nothing scheduled to reassure me until 10 February which seems so far away.
@mdfarmchick your DS sounds so sweet and caring. I can imagine losses after seeing a heartbeat are especially hard. I would have been a sobbing mess. I also think it’s the right thing to do to let him in on what’s s going on. Using age appropriate ways to explain stuff. Fingers crossed that we all have healthy babies to hold in august ❤️
@maggiemadeit Oh no, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sending you positive energy - you got this!
@Karissa764 Totally relate! It's a tough time for us all as most of us are nearing the end of the first trimester. Lots of nerves in this period. I'm also contemplating another screening before we go in for the NT.
@mdfarmchick that is the sweetest, saddest thing. What a precious kid. I'm so sorry you're worrying about the emotional burden on him in addition to your own mental load. This baby deserves to be loved and celebrated, and it's special for your son to be part of knowing her. If it's an option for you, I'd highly recommend going for an early ultrasound, even if you need to go somewhere other than your doctor's office, like a freestanding clinic or pregnancy spa type of place.
@aukeev that’s why I love my OB so much, she told me last appointment she has an open-door policy and I can come in anytime. I went in this morning just to check on babe before I go in for my NIPT this afternoon. I wish it was an option for all women who are PGAL, I hate that people have to wait weeks between appointments when they’re dealing with anxiety.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@mdfarmchick What a sweetheart. It sounds to me like you're doing an incredible job, what a big heart! @Karissa764 I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious. I absolutely agree, this edge of second trimester seems to be triggering an extra amount of PGAL anxiety. @coco2787 I love your OB. I wish all providers were that sensitive to PGAL.
@aukeev thanks. I just had an appointment and ultrasound on Friday. I go to the MFM and they are so cautious about early ultrasounds and don’t even measure the heartbeat until second trimester so as not to potentially stress the baby with the sound waves. So now I am just more conservative about ultrasounds too. Not about having them—I’ll have one at almost every appointment, but just about the sound waves and stuff.
I’m just going to be a mess for a few weeks because my latest loss is at 11 weeks and that’s when and why I have a scan on the 10th at 11 weeks. But thank you. If I get too anxious, I can text him and I know he would get me in for an ultrasound asap. I 1000% think that having a provider who listens to you and takes all the steps to reassure you is huge, especially when dealing with PGAL brain.
I’m just a big mess of conflicting emotions because on the other hand I’m shopping for newborn outfits at 9 weeks as a sign of faith that this is going to all be okay. 😝
I’ve also been having a lot of anxiety this week. I work in ultrasound R&D and needed to be in the office today. I wasn’t going to, but then my meeting ended and I was alone in the room with a scanner. Won’t make a habit of it, but I had a very nice moment watching my baby, and now I feel like I can survive until my NT scan next week
@mdfarmchick your son sounds like the absolute sweetest! My ds2 is convinced this baby is a girl and will be so sad if it’s not. I’ve thought about having to tell my children if we loose this baby and it breaks my heart thinking about it. I’m really just hoping neither of us have to go through that!
@fuzzywombat I’m super jealous! I work for a vet hospital and kindaaa wanna do the same thing Saturday lol. If my one friend is working I might have her pop it on for me. My nt scan is Monday though so it’s not a super long wait.
Re: PGAL 1/20
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@maggiemadeit I'm so sorry you're going through this. 10 weeks is very early, but I understand why you wanted to hear that heartbeat. *TW* I know when I was having on again off again spotting at 9 weeks the nurse had to call around at several places to get me in on the same day and it took her awhile to get me a stop, but she made every effort to get me one knowing I had had several losses. Hopefully your office will do the same and get back to you ASAP!
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
I woke up today just so worried. I literally couldn't make myself wait until February 11th for our next ultrasound so I booked one at a private place just so we can see the babies and make sure they are ok. There isn't even anything we can do at this point if something were wrong but I just have this need to see them and waiting another 2 weeks would send me into a panic attack
@Karissa764 Totally relate! It's a tough time for us all as most of us are nearing the end of the first trimester. Lots of nerves in this period. I'm also contemplating another screening before we go in for the NT.
@aukeev that’s why I love my OB so much, she told me last appointment she has an open-door policy and I can come in anytime. I went in this morning just to check on babe before I go in for my NIPT this afternoon. I wish it was an option for all women who are PGAL, I hate that people have to wait weeks between appointments when they’re dealing with anxiety.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@Karissa764 I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious. I absolutely agree, this edge of second trimester seems to be triggering an extra amount of PGAL anxiety.
@coco2787 I love your OB. I wish all providers were that sensitive to PGAL.
I’m just going to be a mess for a few weeks because my latest loss is at 11 weeks and that’s when and why I have a scan on the 10th at 11 weeks. But thank you. If I get too anxious, I can text him and I know he would get me in for an ultrasound asap. I 1000% think that having a provider who listens to you and takes all the steps to reassure you is huge, especially when dealing with PGAL brain.
I’m just a big mess of conflicting emotions because on the other hand I’m shopping for newborn outfits at 9 weeks as a sign of faith that this is going to all be okay. 😝