PGAL 1/20

paytonpedro

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es). TW for entire thread due to discussion of MC, TFMR, CP, etc. 

Weeks/EDD?

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 

Any appointment updates? 

Any big milestones?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

wigglyicecream

Weeks/EDD? 11+1   8/10

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? 

MMC@ 8 weeks 2017, Coronal ectopic MC @ 8weeks 2021

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 

Emotionally kind of more of the same. Not feeling connected yet, hoping once I can feel movement things feel more “real”. Physically ok most of the time, nausea is mostly mild now. Aversions come and go, cravings come and go. Recently tweaked my back so trying to work through that. 😕

Any appointment updates? 

Counting down the days until my next US 2/1 and OB follow up 2/8

Any big milestones?

Once I reach Feb I will have past the dates of my last loss. 

Rants/Raves/Questions?

Rant: Between this vivid off the wall pregnancy dreams, having to pee 5 times a night and my toddler not always sleeping through the night I’m tired. 

darkrose88

@wigglyicecream I'm not feeling connected to baby yet either. I 100% think it is because I haven't felt movement. I read STM+ can feel it earlier than FTM. I definitely hope so because I don't think I felt DS move until later (after his 20 week ultrasound). Also +1 for vivid random pregnancy dreams & needing to frequently pee leading to poor sleep. This is not okay

Weeks/EDD? 11w5d, 8/6

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? MC @ 6 weeks before DS, MC @ 7 weeks after DS

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Emotionally the same. I've passed all my major milestones. Really looking forward to hitting 2nd tri where risk of MC falls further. Physically - nausea is on and off, and so is cravings/aversions. Nothing major to complain about. 

Any appointment updates? Next appointment on 1/26. 

Any big milestones?

Rants/Raves/Questions? Not much to rant/rave about. We are surviving with DS being out of preschool until the 31st. It is a hassle, but we are making it work. 

paytonpedro

Weeks/EDD? 11weeks/ 8-11

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? Mc at 5 weeks in July 2021

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I’ve been really struggling over here the past week. I don’t think it’s covid related at this point, and that it’s just “normal pregnancy mumbo jumbo” or my ibs (or some fun combination of everything). I have had such a wonky belly and I’m getting nauseous and slightly dizzy when I stand up to do anything. Staying hydrated has been a struggle because water is making me nauseous. I’m really hoping by the end of this week that it will just stop already. Emotionally, I’m feeling really detached. I can’t wait for this next u/s and to start feeling baby moving. I don’t feel pregnant, I just feel sick at this point. 

Any appointment updates? Next appt is 1/31 along with nt scan

Any big milestones? 

Rants/Raves/Questions? I’m so sick of feeling sick. I just want to feel better. My one goal was to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I could (despite pgal and being uncomfortable etc) and I’m failing miserably. I’m miserable and I hate it. I feel like I’m letting myself down. And being so detached makes me feel even worse. 

wigglyicecream

@paytonpedro @darkrose88 solidarity ladies. 

@paytonpedro I feel what you’re saying about the guilt around feeling disconnected in my soul. This is my last hooray and everything surrounding this pregnancy is so different and I still can’t get into it. My fiancé is all about it and wants to kiss my belly and rub it and it honestly makes me cringe. Then I feel guilty bc when I was pregnant with Dd her father wasn’t very engaged at all and it’s all I ever wanted. I asked for it, got what I wanted and now I don’t enjoy it. Know I’m always here to commiserate with you and we can always talk through stuff. ❤️

paytonpedro

@wigglyicecream thank you ❤️ Mh has touched my belly when he cuddles me and like it’s sweet and all but I feel the same way you do at this point. I just feel fat and bloated so him rubbing on it just feels gross to me. Hopefully once baby pops out a little more, it will be less cringey for both of us!

wigglyicecream

@paytonpedro

this is how I feel. Without fail. 

maggiemadeit

@wigglyicecream I completely relate to not feeling connected to this pregnancy. It just isn't real to me until I hear that heartbeat.
@darkrose88 I don't want to be a downer, but I felt my first baby (at 15 weeks) way before I felt my second (at 19/20 weeks), because #2 was anterior placenta. 
@paytonpedro I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten, but please give yourself some grace. You're doing the best you can in this tough early season of pregnancy. You will have so many more days to enjoy it, please don't add to your misery by beating yourself up about it 

Weeks/EDD? Aug 23/ 9+ weeks

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? Early spontaneous loss Aug 21

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? The exhaustion hit me so hard this week. I have never been more tired in my life. I went to bed at 8:15 last night. Emotionally I'm a wreck. As our first appointment gets closer I am getting more and more anxious, and I just found out that my husband can't come with me, so that's hard. I understand it, but I'd really like to have some support there. 

Any appointment updates? Intake is next Tuesday, finally! 

Rants/Raves/Questions? Why are pregnancy dreams so weird? Every morning I wake up like WTF just happened?

paytonpedro

@maggiemadeit thank you so much for your kind words ❤️ I’m so sorry yh can’t go with you to your appt. Mh cannot go either and it’s definitely different than previous pregnancies. Maybe you could talk to your doctor directly and see if he/she can make an exception? My dr did tell me that mh can come to ultrasounds which is the exact opposite of what the practice itself has told me. 

@wigglyicecream yes absolutely same. 

mdfarmchick

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es). TW for entire thread due to discussion of MC, TFMR, CP, etc. 

Weeks/EDD?

8+1 / 31 August 

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? 

1 MC between DS1 and DS2, 11 week D&E and 8 week MC between DS2 and DS3

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 

Physically, I’m miserable. The throwing up has begun and I’m up to 2-3 times a day of actually being sick and gagging. Emotionally? I feel more hopeful this time than I did with DS3. I didn’t announce we were even pregnant with DS3 until 23 or 24 weeks? Ha. I think I’ll feel more comfortable earlier this time. Overall I’m in an ambivalent place of knowing there’s nothing I can do to stop anything from going wrong and we will either have a baby to hold in August or we won’t. 

Any appointment updates? My first appointment is tomorrow and I think I’m just starting to feel nervous about them finding a heartbeat. 

Any big milestones? I still have a few more weeks before my hardest loss, but I’m actually trying to not focus on those milestones. 

Rants/Raves/Questions? 

@wigglyicecream @paytonpedro @darkrose88 I understand the disconnected feeling. It is so hard when you feel that inherent need to protect your heart. It got better for me when I could feel movement. But my last pregnancy was something that I kept kind of private because of all of my mixed up emotions. That’s okay and he was still very wanted, celebrated and loved. I think this is my last time so I kind of don’t want to be so guarded but I don’t know how that’s going to work with my brain. 

coco2787

Weeks/EDD?

9+3 8/22

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? 9 week MMC, 14 week MMC of a baby girl with no chromosomal anomalies, and 2 chemical 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 

Other than some intermittent nausea I’m feeling pretty good. Emotionally I’m starting to feel more attached after a third positive ultrasound. DH and I both told a couple close friends yesterday and it’s starting to feel more real and the excitement is creeping in a little. But it’s also scary because it’ll hurt that much more if we have a loss so in some ways my anxiety increases as time passes because with every passing day I feel like I have more to lose. 

Any appointment updates? 
Had an appointment yesterday with the OB I saw during my last pregnancy. She runs a clinic just for people who have experienced loss and she’s so amazing, seeing her again brought back a lot of emotions and I got a little teary lol. She lets you come in anytime you want and will do bedside ultrasounds just for reassurance. It was truly a sanity saver in my last pregnancy to be able to have weekly first tri ultrasounds. 

Any big milestones? Past a couple milestones but the 12 week ultrasound is the next big one for me. 

Rants/Raves/Questions? Add me to team crappy sleep. Every night around 2/3 am I wake up and spend at least an hour tossing and turning because I can’t find any position that feels comfortable for more than about 2 minutes. 

wigglyicecream

@coco2787 where do you live again? Bc that sounds like a dream, a provider that is willing to reassure you! 

coco2787

@wigglyicecream I live in Madison, WI. She’s truly incredible, I’m so lucky to have her.

I’ll be back for tags later! 

and_peggy

Weeks/EDD? 11+4, 8/7

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? 

MC at 6 weeks 2015, Blighted ovum/d&c at 13 weeks in September

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 

Had an off day yesterday. Threw up multiple times but that seems to be random and I’m fine now. I have been taking aspirin for my blood pressure and I sliced my finger this morning. It took 3 hours to stop the bleeding so that was scary. Emotionally, I feel pretty good. My latest appt went well so obviously that helped calm me.

Any appointment updates? 

Next appointment not until 2/17

Any big milestones? Almost out of the first tri. I am looking forward to passing 13 weeks when my situation lasted until.

Rants/Raves/Questions?
We told the kids the other night. My 5.5 year old was so excited, nearly crying. She asked if we were joking. It was so sweet how excited. My 4 year old said, “that new baby is the best part of my day.” Followed by, “I hope it’s a sister.” They’ve been asking every day if we can feel the baby yet. I am glad they’re so excited 💞

I told all my family. Mostly received well. Telling my husband’s parents tonight and I can’t wait to see their reactions. It’ll be interesting to see if they get through the door before my kids blab.

paytonpedro

@and_peggy your children’s reactions are the best! What little sweeties!!!
@coco2787 that sounds like an amazing doctor. I wish there was more of that in health care nowadays but everything is so methodical, which is great, but not when your pgal. 

@mdfarmchick I’m sorry your feeling icky. I know that place you’re in with how you’re feeling ambivalent all too well. It’s how I’ve spent all of my first tri’s. It’s almost like some how it makes everything easier without actually making it easier. It’s a weird mind trick for me. 

paytonpedro

I’m going to put this here because it’s my pgal brain at work… today is 11 weeks and I took a picture because I missed last week. My belly is so much smaller than in either of my first two pregnancies. My logical brain is telling me this is ok and every pregnancy is different but my pgal brain is telling me something must be wrong. I have lost 6lbs already but I was skinny when I got pregnant with ds1 and even there was a noticeable difference at this point. Ugh. 

bridgiebee82

@paytonpedro you've also been dealing with covid, and that's super stressful. So maybe that's why your bump isn't as big this go around. But I can see why you'd be anxious. Sending you love. ❤ 

maggiemadeit

@paytonpedro I’m sorry, really what an absolutely mindfuck PGAL brain is. You’ve lost 6 pounds plus the stress of COVID, that seems like a reasonable explanation for being smaller this time around. But I completely understand the stress. Any chance you can see your doc sooner than your next appointment? Hugs to you.

I have worry rattling around my PGAL brain too, and all the worry is getting worse the closer I get to that intake appointment next week. Every time I am pregnant I get this fairly rare complication called erythema nodosum (basically big super painful lumps under your skin, so fun), they think it’s an autoimmune reaction to pregnancy hormones. Only I don’t have it with this pregnancy and it freaks me out. 

paytonpedro

Thank you @bridgiebee82 ❤️

@maggiemadeit I can’t get in any sooner because I don’t have anyone to watch my children. It’s been difficult organizing appts around other people schedules. I’m sorry you’re kinda also going through this. That condition sounds no fun at all! I hope all is well at your intake appt!

maggiemadeit

@paytonpedro Sorry you can’t get in sooner. I’ll be thinking you until that next appointment! 

wigglyicecream

@paytonpedro here to echo what the others have said. Give yourself some grace, you’ve been sick and still doing all the other things that come with motherhood. 

@maggiemadeit hoping the lack of symptoms for your painful condition doesn’t mean something is wrong with the pregnancy. 

coco2787

@wigglyicecream I want to feel movement so bad too, it helps so much with that connection. 

@darkrose88 so exciting to have passed your milestones! 

@paytonpedro I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so awful, I hope things improve for you soon. Try not to stress too much about your bump- remember at 11 weeks baby is still less than 2 inches. I know everyone says you show earlier in subsequent pregnancies but every body is different and every pregnancy is different. I was way smaller in my last pregnancy the whole time than I was with my first, and if you’ve lost weight it makes sense to not have a belly yet. I know how hard it is to not stress about all the things. 

@maggiemadeit aw man I’m sorry your H can’t come to your appointment, I understand the reasons but it just feels cruel to make women go alone to these appointments.

@mdfarmchick I hope your appointment today goes perfectly! 

@and_peggy that’s adorable your kids are so excited 💜

mdfarmchick

@maggiemadeit i feel the same nervousness about my first appointment which is in an hour and a half and the worry has definitely ramped up the closer we get. I hope everything is well with the pregnancy. Pregnancy is so weird so fingers crossed you are just lucky this time. 

@paytonpedro I carried much smaller with my third. I was able to hide my pregnancy behind a mask and baggy shirts until we hit 24 weeks I think. So I wouldn’t worry too much about not showing yet. But it is so easy to compare with PGAL brain. 

@and_peggy I love how happy your kids are! Hopefully your ILs are thrilled as well. 

wigglyicecream

I wasn’t sure where to put this but these recent losses our group has experienced is hitting me hard. Like a ton of bricks. My heart is so broken for these women having to go through this and it also stirs up all my anxiety about my own losses and PGAL brain goes into overdrive. 

and_peggy

@wigglyicecream I’m feeling this too. I definitely go back into how horrible that feeling was and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

coco2787

Same @wigglyicecream, the recent losses have been so similar to my own personal experiences. It’s one of those things that’s hard to understand if you haven’t been there and no matter how long ago it’s been since your losses you never forget how those moments felt, I wish no one ever had to experience it. 

wigglyicecream

I agree with both of you. I’ve told people that I wouldn’t wish a pregnancy loss on my worst enemy. It’s the worst and most supportive “club” to be apart of 

maggiemadeit

@wigglyicecream @and_peggy @coco2787 I am right there with you ladies. It sits so heavy on my heart knowing other women are struggling through it. It really is an awful sisterhood that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but at the same time I feel so grateful for this group of women who understands the very specific pain of losing a pregnancy and the minefield of being pregnant again after a loss. Much love to you all today. 

mdfarmchick

I agree with all of you. I know I haven’t been around until this week but some of that was because I know how hard the early losses hit for me. @wigglyicecream exactly—the worst and most supportive “club” I’ve ever been in.

My MFM knows me so well that at the end of my appointment, he stopped me, looked me in the eyes and said, you’ve seen the baby. There is no room for any thoughts that don’t involve us having a baby in August. It was really nice. 

paytonpedro

Ugh yes I’m there too @wigglyicecream. I even had to mention one to mh because it especially saddened me knowing what she is going through. I feel so bad for all of them and as everyone else said, wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Such a crappy club. 

@mdfarmchick thank you so much for mentioning that! It actually really helps knowing that you carried your 3rd smaller. I have no torso and baby has no place to go but out so I carry really, really big…. I’m actually kind of ok with the prospect of carrying smaller! After the u/s in about a week I think I’ll be better. 

mdfarmchick

@paytonpedro for sure I felt better after the ultrasound today. And as someone who has had early appointments with my last two, this one was really nice when I was 8 weeks because bigger baby was more reassuring too. But so much of how you carry is based on placenta too so maybe you have a different  placenta placement this time. 

paytonpedro

@mdfarmchick that definitely makes sense! I know with #2 I had an low lying anterior placenta. And I had extra fluid so I was gigantic. Not sure where the placenta was the first time around but it was not anterior. 

bridgiebee82

@paytonpedro did they just tell you where your placenta is or did you have to ask? I guess it shows up on US?

paytonpedro

@bridgiebee82 they see it on u/s. With my second I think I asked because I knew to, where as with my first I didn’t because I didn’t realize it was a thing. They never mentioned it being anterior, I felt movement early, and they were able to get all the pictures they needed of him.  With my second I also go a call after my nt scan from some midwife  (my dr was in the tail end of her maternity leave) and she told me I had partial placenta previa- meaning my placenta was over my cervix, it’s bad news. I ended up talking to my doctor a few days later because I was so upset about it and shocked that I didn’t even ask any questions, and she told me it was low lying and that it was too early to even really call it that because it would probably move up as my belly grew. It did move up and didn’t touch my cervix but was still on the low side of my belly (making 4d u/s pictures difficult to get).  

zzz2022

Hi Ladies, it's good to read your updates and see where everyone is at. Sending compassion vibes to you all. I'm a little behind this week. Sometimes typing in the bump app drives me crazy, so I just wait until I can log in from my laptop to catch up (insert old lady emoji here). 

Weeks/EDD? 9w/6d

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? MC at 8-9 weeks in May 2021. 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Emotionally I'm okay, I guess? My next appointment is the NT on 2/9. My doctor said that I can come in anytime before then and do a scan if I like. Given that this is the period of time that my previous loss happened, I might take her up on that offer. Just a bit of anxiety going on here. But now it's not just about hearing a heartbeat, but also hoping that little one is healthy Physically I'm still experiencing periods of nausea and food aversions. It's this that makes me feel connected. 

Any appointment updates? 

Any big milestones?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

@maggiemadeit I'm also wondering what's going on with these dreams 

mdfarmchick

@zzz2022 the bump app is super glitchy and frustrating. I hope you get some reassurance this week. It’s definitely hard not to worry.

Katek819

Finally going to find out what's going on with my twins tomorrow. 2 weeks ago one was measuring small. I feel like I'm going nuts this past 10 days have been awful. In my gut I feel like I've lost one of them. its a 50/50 shot. hopefully by 2pm tomorrow I will have my answers.

mdfarmchick

@Katek819 please keep us updated. Thinking of you tomorrow. Waiting 10 days sounds horrible. 

maggiemadeit

Thinking of you @Katek819 and hoping for the best.

wigglyicecream

@Katek819 hoping the smaller baby caught up and everything is ok. Thinking of you 

bridgiebee82

@Katek819 I'm hoping the smaller baby caught up. If it helps give you any peace at all, I taught a set of twins that this happened to very early on in their mom's pregnancy, and they are now healthy men in their mid-twenties.