TTCAL w/o 11/15

abjm0325

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status: 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Questions? 

GTKY: You can have any dessert in the world right this second - what do you pick? 

abjm0325

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC @ 8 weeks in Aug. 2021

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? I really thought this last cycle was going to be it because of good timing and (obviously misplaced) SS. Disappointed not to be one of those magical “you’re more fertile right after a MC” women, but trying to take a deep breath and be patient.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope, just playing the calendar game of anticipating O and planning timing around Thanksgiving plans.

Questions? Nope

GTKY: You can have any dessert in the world right this second - what do you pick? I have a sweet tooth so this changes often, but right now I’d go for some crème brulee.

tessiesmom26

@abjm0325 I feel the disappointment of not being one of those magical woman as well. IDK if you saw my rant on WTO but this goes with that. My cousin who announced went in for a procedure right around the same time I had my D&C and our cycles were almost lining up. She was one of those unicorns and I was not and it made it sting that much more. 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC/Blighted Ovum July '21 that lead to D&C

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Things are just okay. I let myself be sad this weekend about my cousin's announcement and the fact that things worked out great for them while I was continuing to get one BFN after the next. It also brought up so many feelings about how far along I should be right now and more anxiousness about this next cycle. If we don't end up having success this cycle, we have to take a break for some family weddings coming up next year and the pressure is a bit much. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

Questions? Not now

GTKY: You can have any dessert in the world right this second - what do you pick? A good quality gingerbread cookie! At a place I worked some years back they had this local bakery that would send over gingerbread cookies near the holidays and I'm not kidding when I say I crave them each year. I keep checking to see if they will deliver but I think it's too far..

starkette

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Had a MC in October and already had my period, my HCG is back to zero so I got the okay to try again.

Status: Not sure what the acronym is for this, but currently in my fertile window and doing the deed.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Good, disappointed things didn't work out before and hoping this cycle will be the one...but also trying to be realistic. Could be in for the long haul like before. 

@tessiesmom26 same here with taking a break if it doesn't happen this cycle. We have stuff in September/October next year and it would be the worst time to have a baby for us. But then, do I want a Christmas baby? Could be a long break. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? All my bloodwork is done so the only testing coming up is a pregnancy test.

Questions? Nope

GTKY: You can have any dessert in the world right this second - what do you pick? My sweet tooth has been wacky lately, been craving salty and savory things more. But I would choose...a churro from Disneyland.

abjm0325

@tessiesmom26 It is so hard not to compare ourselves to others and not to feel the pressure. Solidarity, sister. 
@starkette Status just means WTO, TWW, benched, etc. I hate that we all have that disappointment, but there is small comfort in being here together at least.

shortstack930

@abjm0325 I'm sorry you're not one of those magical people. I was kind of hoping that also but honestly since I need IVF to get pregnant I'm just kidding myself.

@tessiesmom26 that sucks about your cousin's announcement. Just remember that your struggle is independent of hers and it's okay to feel what you need to feel about it but don't let it put more pressure on you. I know that's easier said then done. 

@starkette glad you got the okay to start trying again! I think a Christmas baby could be fun!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC @ 5 weeks last cycle

Status: WTOish

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Still stuck in beta limbo and waiting for my HCG to go back down to 0. To add insult to injury, last Monday it went from 27 up to 48 on Friday. My RE said I may have to go on meds this week to bring it down if it's not down by my blood draw tomorrow. I just want this whole process to be over so I can move on.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Repeat beta tomorrow morning.

Questions? Has anyone had to take meds to bring HCG down? Not sure what I should expect.

GTKY: You can have any dessert in the world right this second - what do you pick? The bananas foster bread pudding from Ohana at Disney's Polynesian Resort.

abjm0325

@shortstack930 I didn't have to take medication, but mine did take weeks to finally zero out. I hope others can chime is as to what to expect from the medication and that it does its job quickly for you. 

anniemarie887

@abjm0325 feeling the same right there with you about timing and patience
@tessiesmom26 just here to say i think it's good to feel your emotions, i think we've turned way too far into this must always find the happy/toxic positivity culture. it's totally ok to not always be ok. 
@starkette mmmm disney churros are the best! i am of the there is no perfect time of a have a baby, and you should not schedule around other ppl, but if you are making that decision for you that's different. 
@shortstack930 fingers crossed your back down to 0, i did not take meds, but i'm glad your dr is monitoring you closely. TW in spoiler D&C/repeat loss

my bff from college went the d&c route twice because of not wanting lingering levels or concerns re how long it was taking to get back to 0, not sure if that has been discussed w/your obgyn

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es),
diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP in Sept 21

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Things have been super stress-y with work, which I know isn't great for TTC. But I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel I think. MH is a gem, and has had a bear of a partner to live with for the last month. Hoping my new ava bracelet will help us get pregnant again soon.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? nope.

Questions? nope.

GTKY: You can have any dessert in the world right this second - what do you pick? Crème brulee, yum! 

kiki047

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
We've only ever gotten pregnant through IVF - 2 FETs, both resulting in MC (MMC 11w, MC 5w2d), plus recurrent implantation failure of the other 2 transfers

Status: My full update on this is over in the IF thread, but we're at a crossroads right now. We'll either do another retrieval next cycle or move on to another FET.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? My loss brain thinks we need more embryos because that is all we've ever known. But we are also working with another RE who believes he can get to the root of our issues. I just have a really hard time believing that any of it will result in our rainbow. On the other hand, this is exactly what we wanted and we are absolutely ready to move on, so I'm really trying to navigate around this gaping hole in my heart and put my trust the new RE. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?  Hopefully going in this week for an endometrial biopsy to check for endometritis (I think this is called an Alice test). Unsure if we're doing the endometrial microbiome test (Emma) as well. 

Questions?  How do you learn to trust your body again after so much loss? I'm so scared I'll be let down again. 

GTKY: You can have any dessert in the world right this second - what do you pick? Hawaiian shave ice. There's a stand in Waikiki that puts a scoop of macnut ice cream in the middle, and uses all fresh fruit purees for flavouring instead of high fructose corn syrup and it is to die for. Even though I'm currently shivering at my desk with a blanket and a heater, this is the first thing that came to mind. 

kiki047

@abjm0325 ugh that "magic fertile window" after MC is such a mindf*ck and adds a whole different layer of urgency and desperation to TTC. I'm sorry you're feeling let down by that, but you are absolutely not alone in your feelings of disappointment. 
@starkette I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad your HCG is back down to 0 and you're not left in beta limbo. I've been there, and it's awful. 
@tessiesmom26 oh I hear you on the announcements. I had a doozy of an announcement last Thursday too, plus a birth announcement, and it really brought everything crashing down on me. I felt like I was doing so good with moving on but it was such a punch in the gut. 
@shortstack930 I said this over in the IF thread too, but I didn't take anything specifically to bring my HCG down but often that is because there is still retained tissue so the usual course of action is either Cytotec, aka misoprostol, or a D&C (usually if you were further along though), or like abjm said, just waiting it out. Mine took several weeks to go back down to 0. 

abjm0325

@anniemarie887 I’m glad you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Hope your stress lessens soon! I’ll be curious how you like the Ava after wearing it for a while.

@kiki047 I wish I could speak into trusting your body again, but even after a single loss I’m not sure I know how to do that. I think we will just have to help hold one another up as we navigate the loss of the “certainty” that might have come with the first BFP. Sending you lots of good vibes as you make the hard decisions about your plans for the upcoming cycle(s). The shave ice sounds amazing!

shortstack930

@anniemarie887 we haven't discussed D&C yet, I'm hoping it doesn't come to that but I think she'd try the meds first. I hope the ava bracelet helps you!!

@kiki047 you're definitely at a tough decision but I think I'm leaning towards team do a FET and see what happens. If your new RE thinks he can make it work then I think it's worth a try. I can't imagine doing back to back retrievals like that and I know you must be so tired and ready to move on.

anniemarie887

@shortstack930 i hope it doesn't come to that either!

bumblebee0210

*lurking*

@shortstack930 I'm sorry your betas are being uncooperative. Mine took a long time to come down after my first mc, though I was much further along-- it was nearly three months until I got a period. As long as they were dropping my doctors didn't intervene. It's very unlikely you will need a D&C-- it's much more likely they will give you misoprostol, which, just a warning, is effing terrible and gives you horrible cramping and GI symptoms, but it does work. I'm crossing my fingers your betas will decline without intervention, and you can just move on from this to the next FET. But so many hugs--- miscarriages are terrible enough without these weird after-effects. 

shortstack930

@bumblebee0210 ugh yes I was super worried about having to take misoprostol but thankfully today my beta dropped to 12.2 so my RE said we'll retest next week and hopefully it will be at 0!