PAIF Sept

Avrilmai

Thought I'd get this started for those that need a space to chat about PAIF, I did copy this from another BMB, so don't feel obligated to use the structure/questions.  Also, do you want this to be weekly or monthly? 

Note: This thread will include discussion of infertility and loss. If these topics are triggering for you, please take care of yourself while reading and posting here.

This thread is for those of us who went through infertility testing/treatments/transfers before becoming pregnant. Many have had different struggles to get to this place and face different anxiety and concerns. This thread is a space to support each other, and we hope it will be a safe space. Please feel free to post here at any time during the week/month, whether for good news or bad. Consider this an ongoing conversation. 

This thread is for those who have experienced infertility. The struggles we discuss may or may not apply to those who became pregnant easily. If you have not experienced infertility, please be considerate and sensitive if you feel the need to post in this thread. 

(do not feel obligated to utilize the 'structure' but some questions are below to get started if you want to share, but aren't sure how. 

What was your IF history/journey?
How far along are you?
Any symptoms?
Rant/Rave?
Next appointment?
Questions?

GTKY: Were you working w/an RE? Have you been released to your OB?

todzillamom

TW: loss, and negativity. 

I've struggled with infertility for 15yrs. I have endometriosis, PCOS, a thyroid condition, and just 1 functional ovary.  My 2 girls came after multiple loses and fertility treatments.  So so many yrs of trying and so many loses.  I technically agreed with my husband to try for just one more baby,  but on the condition of absolutely no interventions, so realistically I wasn't agreeing.  My heart was just done and I knew I couldn't go through it all again.  But somehow, right away, we got pregnant. No meds, no RE, nothing.  Took 2 months to find out due to lack of symptoms and my funky hormones, which means really our 1st month trying. 

9wks4days by ultrasound. 

Absolutely no symptoms other than I can no longer enjoy chocolate

I'm coming to terms with this being real. I DO want this baby. But no one, not even my husband, understands how scary and frustrating this is.  Why was it so easy this time after so many yrs of turmoil? Why was it only easy AFTER I accepted that I was done?!? Why did it work NOW during a stinking pandemic, with a crazy nursing toddler, when I have zero support system, no job or friends in a new town, and all my old friends kids are in high school?  And I am so so scared of getting attached to this baby when I know just how easy it is to lose it. I feel like I'm being ungrateful for not being ecstatic.  I spent so many years crying and praying and begging for babies. i know how lucky I am.  

1st appt with MW next tue.  Never had a low risk pregnancy before so I don't even know how this works. 

Do I sound crazy? Does any of this make any sense? 

Blondesweety444

@todzillamom all those emotions are real and valid in every way! Its ok to be scared, nervous, angry, and happy all at the same time. I think you are totally justified in all of that given your history! Hopefully over the next few weeks you can work through all these emotions and settle in at a happier and more comfortable place!

kiwi2628

What was your IF history/journey? Two IVFs for my son, a WTF natural pregnancy with my daughter and this baby was a natural cycle FET because my husband had a snip snip so we needed to use our embryos

How far along are you? 9 + 3

Any symptoms?severe nausea, food aversions

Rant/Rave? Just can’t wait for first tri to end

Next appointment? OB appt next Thursday and then I am going to interview midwives

Questions?

GTKY: Were you working w/an RE? Have you been released to your OB? We graduated today!

aloha_mama

(Lurking) Congrats on graduating today, @kiwi2628! ❤️ And @todzillamom, you don’t sound crazy AT ALL, all your feelings are valid and justified even without your past history. Sending you good, calming vibes.

jennykatedvm

@todzillamom Definitely not crazy and very reasonable to be feeling all the conflicting emotions ♥️

@kiwi2628 Congrats on graduating! Woot!

TW - loss

What was your IF history/journey?
DS now 2.5y conceived in 2018 by 2nd IUI after a couple years of trying. Conceived unassisted on our first month trying for #2 in 2020, but MMC at 9wks. Few rounds of failed medicated cycles, 4 IUI, 2 rounds IVF. Current pregnancy was the second FET.

How far along are you?
6+5

Any symptoms?
Nausea is getting more consistent and which is hopefully a good sign. Dizzy on and off. Got pretty woozy while doing surgery yesterday and had to sit down to finish suturing a few cases.

Rant/Rave?
None right now. After our borderline US on Wed trying to detach a little in case the scan doesn't look great next week.

Next appointment?
Recheck US next Wednesday.

GTKY: Were you working w/an RE? Have you been released to your OB?
Still with our RE for now.

todzillamom

@jennykatedvm those borderline ultrasounds are the absolute worst.  Like, if it's bad news, it's horrible and you can work on processing.  If it's good news, obviously, it's exciting.  But the in-between is just comple torture.   Sending all the good vibes, prayers, ect for a happy turnaround before your next scan! 

aukeev

@todzillamom Not crazy at all Your thoughts, feelings and concerns are absolutely valid. I can't imagine that surprise after what you have been through. Hopefully your first appointment next week brings a sense of peace and reassurance. Do you have an OB you like in your new town, or are you with a new doctor as well? 

aukeev

@kiwi2628 congrats on graduating to your OB! 
@jennykatedvm those unsure ultrasounds are so hard. FX for a better one next week and a sticky baby! 

aukeev

*TW loss*

What was your IF history/journey? We had been trying for two years with DS (2019). We were naive and went with a regular OB who was a "fertility specialist" and put me on medicated, but not monitored cycles (metformin for misdiagnosed PCOS, estradiol, letrozole and progesterone) for what felt like forever (I believe we did six of those cycles). When we finally switched to a real RE at a fertility clinic we did an HSG, discovered a very small blockage, and conceived that cycle - med-free. My progesterone is very low, so I was on progesterone inserts with that pregnancy. Other than needing progesterone through week 14, that pregnancy was very routine. 

This January I had my IUD removed and was back with a regular OBGYN. Conceived the first cycle, but it ended up being a blighted ovum that we discovered at our first US. My HCG levels kept rising and the gestational sac kept growing until 10 weeks, when we decided to proceed with misoprostol. I ended up in the ER on Easter Sunday with an emergency D&C after having baseball-size blood clots get trapped in my cervix. 

This summer we had two CPs. We have been very hesitant to celebrate this pregnancy, but after having a perfect ultrasound earlier this week we are finally starting to get excited. 

How far along are you? 7+0

Any symptoms? Fatigue, overly emotional, and holy moly, the discharge. It's like Niagra Falls over here. 

Next appointment? At 9 weeks, hopefully released to the OB in my RE's practice after that appointment. 

GTKY: Were you working w/an RE? Have you been released to your OB? Yes to RE, not yet released. Hopefully soon!