Miscarrying but can’t let go of hope in hopeless situation

cialashelle

I was 12 weeks Friday. Saturday I started having cramps and moderate bleeding. I went to ER and they told me it’s a miscarriage. I was having pain at 6 weeks 4 days and baby had a good strong heartbeat  I just assumed it was 2 previous c sections causing it. I know hope can be unhealthy but I really wanted this baby. I want them to be wrong so bad. I dread going to the bathroom because I haven’t passed any tissue yet and dread seeing it. The cramps are intermittent I get them maybe 2 times a day and the bleeding goes from light to moderate. The ER didn’t show me ultrasound results so I’m struggling to let go. I’ve had a blighted ovum before and I found comfort in knowing I was my child’s grave. If I do pass this baby I am already emotionally distressed, having to retrieve the baby from the toilet to bury it will crush me. Just to torture myself I am reading stories of misdiagnosed miscarriages and it happens more than it should. This pregnancy was a surprise, I had a daughter in 2005 and she passed at 3 days immediately following that was my blighted ovum so I swore I’d never do this to myself again. It’s life altering sadness and I’d never go through it again, but I fully embraced this accident. Now this? I’m still praying for a miracle  that Isa Azuree will be granted life. I chose this name before because I thought it was beautiful but the meaning for Isa is Gods Salvation and Azuree means blue skies. The name is hope itself 

cialashelle

Women perform miracles everyday. We give life, we sometimes are burial grounds for our babies. Pregnancy is a miracle it takes a miracle to be successful. You can’t really grasp this until you lose your babies. 

stormageddon-darklordofall

@cialashelle Have you followed up with your OB-GYN since going to the ER?  I absolutely would.  They will probably want to do their own ultrasound, or at a minimum have you do HCG Beta draws to track down to 0.  FYI, ERs are NOT the best place for a MC diagnosis (I'm not saying that they are wrong and your baby is fine, I'm just saying, that I would absolutely follow-up with your doctor).  I went to an ER for my 5th MC, knowing EXACTLY the information that I needed, and they F-ed it all up.  I mean, I still had my 5th MC, but instead of being there for 5 hours, I could've easily been in-and-out with the basic information I needed/requested if they hadn't been so inept.  So definitely follow-up with your OB-GYN to ensure the information you received was accurate, and that you have more knowledge about your specific situation and what to expect going forward.

cialashelle

I’m absolutely getting an appointment ASAP. My bleeding and cramping stopped. I never bled too heavy or passed any tissue or clots. I know this is too hopeful but the day at the ER they tried giving me another woman’s RhoGAM shot. Completely different person and it has been eating away at me. He told me I had a miscarriage with someone else’s paperwork in his hand. In hindsight I was cramping and bleeding so I wasn’t thinking like I’m thinking now cramps and bleeding free. I’m still praying for a miracle. I’ll let you know after my follow up 

griffonmama

Just remember He is able! Keep trusting Him! I’ll be praying!