@angelz429 I hope you get some answers tomorrow. I’m really sorry today’s appointment brought so much heavy news.
@sgrn18 yay for good news!! I hate that you were likely in preterm labor before, but great that the bed rest helped. Fingers crossed the modified bed rest will keep you moving in the right direction.
@angelz429 I'm so sorry to hear of these results. Hopefully you will have answers today. Crossing all the fingers and toes for a good outcome for both of you. ❤️
Well just had my colposcopy appt this morning at the hospital and that was f*cking horrible. 😫 It hurt wayyyyy more then any other time and I dont know why? I just wanted it to end. I started to have a anxiety attack from the discomfort and I couldn't breathe and started to cry. I DEFINITELY won't be able to handle labour or birth. Im screwed lol The nurse asked when I was due and I said never cause this little guy is never coming out cause I wont be able to handle it. They all laughed 😆 i said he's just gonna live in there forever lol
Despite my crappy painful experience today, all is well in there and looks great 👍 My super cervix wins again lol they said the cells look good and my cervix is still long and nice and sealed. So yay!! I love good news. I have to go back for another one again in 8 weeks. Ughhh 😔 that will come too soon. I hate my life. That will be my last one till birth.
@mindyb2019 I'm sorry they're so painful. Are there painkillers you could take beforehand to help dull it somewhat? That said, that's great news about your cervix and biopsy!
@angelz429 that is so scary, I hope you are able to get in for a second opinion ASAP!
@mindyb2019 I’m sorry that the colposcopy was so painful. Can you get some pain meds before the next one? If it were me, for labor, I would definitely get an epidural.
@akoros@MelissaMay82 thanks. Im not sure if there is painkillers I could take for next time. I dont really want to take anything. I just trooper through it as best as I can untill its over. @MelissaMay82 ohh ill def be getting an epidural. No shame in that 😆 one way or another ill survive as millions of other women have gone through it and lived lol
Still not great news and prognosis is guarded. Baby boy is measuring in the 1st percentile. Hubs and I are going to talk, but we set up another growth scan for next week and I think I want to continue the pregnancy at least til then and see if it changes anything. (I’m 100% pro choice, please only support during this time of undue stress even if it wouldn’t be your choice).
For now, the vessels look good, which is the big predictor right now and no big obvious defects anatomically so nothing obviously genetic. Likely just a shitty placenta. There’s no easy or obvious answer here, unfortunately.
I like the idea of watch and wait with risk of still birth (higher than normal pregnancy, but still not like overwhelming) and risk of preterm birth. If he’s born before viability or even passes 24w but too small for good outcome, we can do comfort measures only.
MFM says she’s seen what I have go in all the directions and even deliver at 34-36 weeks.
Hubs has anxiety. And due to risk, is leaning toward termination. I’m not. And I get the final say. To me, there is no difference between the bad outcomes, termination/stillbirth/too early preterm ends up with a dead baby (sorry for being blunt), whereas there is a chance if we don’t terminate (and not an insignificant chance currently) that he will be perfectly fine... just starting out a little smaller than expected.
I hear my hubs fears. This was an unplanned pregnancy and we have 2 beautiful and wonderful children already. There’s financial risk/loss if I have to go on bed rest or even risk of PROM and potentially prolonged hospitalization.
The cord vessels are the predictor at this point and the cord looks great. So if he stops growing, or the vessels stop having good flow, that puts us in a very different place, in my eyes. Hubs feels the risk of the unknown is too much and “has a bad feeling.” He feels if we birth a viable baby but is really too small for a good outcome, that he would be hesitant for comfort measures only. And feels it would be “worse” somehow for him.
I dunno. I’m not really asking for advice (how do you give advice on this?), but I also don’t really want to share the news with friends and family at this point. So... here is our awful burden and choice. Sorry, friends, for loading it on you too 😕
@angelz429 I am glad you unloaded here. I can’t imagine going through this decision alone. I am here to help support you and encourage you in any way I can. It sounds like you have weighed and considered all options. Will be sending all the good vibes for growth and healthiness!
@angelz429 Just reading this update after reading your other post about taking some time away. Just want to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts. I am so terribly sorry you are in this position and having to make difficult decisions. I completely 100% respect and support whatever you decide and hope you will reach back out to us if you want to talk more and receive more support, or please feel free to PM me if you'd rather speak to someone one on one. Sending major hugs.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
@angelz429 I'm so so sorry you're going through this. Don't apologize for unloading, the only advice I can give is to take support wherever you can and are comfortable doing so. It's good to have an outlet, particularly those who are somewhat removed from the situation and can take on some of the burden.
Absolutely understand the need to take a break, but if you're comfortable you'll find support here (I'm also happy to speak privately). For what it's worth, it was a completely different situation, but when I had a difficult pregnancy I found a lot of helpful support from my BMB group.
@angelz429 I am so sorry to hear this update. While I hope your next scan is promising I do support whatever choice you and your family make. I do hope you’ll continue to lean on us for support but also understand the need for a break. 😢 I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts during this difficult time.
@angelz429 oh no!! Im so sorry to hear this kind of update from you. You unload as much as you need here. Never apologize for that. I will be praying for you and baby. I hope your next scan you will hear more promising news. I've been through a very difficult pregnancy in the past and had to make some very difficult decisions too. Its tough so I definitely support whatever decision you and your family makes and it will be the best one for you all. Sending you lots of lots and hugs during this very difficult time ❤
@angelz429 Thank you for keeping us updated. I'm glad the vessels look good and hoping they stay that way. You have to do what's best for you and your family... absolutely no judgement from me. It's a tough spot to be in.
@angelz429 I am so sorry you’re in this position. There is zero judgement from me. I’m glad you have this outlet to discuss what’s going on. I imagine it would be insanely hard to share with family and friends. Do whatever is best for you and your family and trust yourself. Again, I am so deeply sorry to hear that you’re in a position to even have to evaluate making such big choices. ❤️❤️❤️
@angelz429 I’m glad they were able to get you in today. Sorry it wasn’t news with a more clear answer. It sounds like your wait until growth scan next week plan is solid. And it’s okay if you decide it is a week to week decision. Based on what you have shared a clear choice is not there right now. Please know you have my love and support no matter what. Feel free to PM if you need to vent or chat. Sending so much love to you, your H and your little family right now.
@angelz429 I'm so sorry that your are going through this. I support you no matter what decision is best for your family. I understand taking some time away, but I hope you know we are here for you. It seems you are taking your time and weighing your options. I hope you can follow your heart to the decision you feel is best. 💓
~~Signature~~
Me: 36, DH: 38, Together since: 2006, Married: 9/2011 **TW Living Child**
@angelz429 we are all in your corner rooting for you and your baby, please take all the time you need to process. Whichever decision you choose is the right one
@angelz429 I am so, so sorry you are going through this. No judgement here, you need to do what is best for your family. Fwiw I think MH and I would have similar thoughts/fears as YH and you. Sending so many good thoughts your way and I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. Hoping you are able to find a resolution that brings you both peace. ♥️
@angelz429 I'm so so sorry to hear of this update. You have full support to unload and request for a virtual shoulder to lean on. We are here for you. This is a tough decision and any decision made is the right call. Sending you many virtual hugs to both you and your H. ❤️❤️
@angelz429 Just thinking of you and hoping you are coping as best you can. Please keep us updated and know that we are here for you no matter what the future holds.
History and blog link in spoiler
2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks May 2020 FET; BFN July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate Oct 2020 BFP!
@angelz429 - Praying for you and for the next update to be good. I understand your thought process of terminating vs. waiting, and I support your decision. You'd always wonder what if.
Had my 24 week today, nothing super eventful except I saw the NP today instead of my OB and she asked if I was having a c-section since I have had a myomectomy - actually it was less asking and more like a statement that she expected I would be doing that. The nurse mentioned this when I did my original check-in appointment as well and I asked my OB and she said she would have to review my surgery notes, but apparently both of us have forgotten to follow-up about it. I need to ask her at my next appointment. I feel like I'm hearing conflicting things on this as both my OB and the MFM acted like it was unlikely I needed to do that but the nurse and NP both acted like it was something I would almost certainly have to do. Ah well, find out in 4 weeks I guess!
GD test at my 28 week next month along with a second growth scan.
@angelz429 I am so sorry to hear that. I am praying for you guys and your peace in all situations.
I have a few appointments coming up. Tomorrow I am seeing a surgeon about a very uncomfortable internal hemi. Likely, I will be given medication to reduce it, but I am so worried about what it will do in labor. I have a hemi that came up with my first pregnancy and in each labor its swelled into basically a bunch of grapes. (gross, I know). I do not want to know what this thing is going to do.
I am also seeing a new chirpractor tomorrow. Unlike my last two pregnancies I haven't had a ton of SPD (thank goodness) but I have had a lot of upper back pain and want to get going on the Webster method in general.
Also, next week I have my regular MW appointment. No concerns there, really.
Married August 2010 DD1 August 2011 DD2 August 2013 DD3 February 2017
24 week appointment in the books. I switched providers and am super happy with the new facility. Actually the same facility I delivered with DS four years ago but they have all new drs.
Blood pressure dropped and is in normal range now. I am trying to attribute this to the new Drs and I am feeling such a relief by having better care.
Hey all, back for a quick update before disappearing for a week or so again.
TW
Saw Neonatology on Thursday for a consult and they joined us for my MFM scan yesterday at 22+5. Babe grew ~75g, but is still in the 1st or lower percentile, membrane gap got smaller (suspect more amniotic fluid around babe rather than refusion of membrane).... but.... umbilical artery Doppler elevated. This was the only good prognostic factor last time.
So, we’re at the same... or slightly worse. And have to decide on continuation of the pregnancy or not this week.
We have 2 healthy children, one with ADHD and his own challenges. This babe is severe IUGR so we’re looking at 25% chance of having a baby with long term problems. That’s... too high. 😞 not a gamble we can make to significantly alter our whole family. And I know this is selfish. And if I didn’t have 2 beautiful healthy children already, hell if this was a PLANNED pregnancy with thee known risks... then sure we might be in a different mind set. But we’re not. And I’m not. 😞
However, I can’t just choose termination right now. I feel him move. Every kick is a knife. The what if’s will kill me forever.
I’m trying to get my medical team on board with an early morning Thursday or Friday growth scan. If there is a miracle change - dopplers rebound, he gains enough weight to possibly jump a percentile, +/- membrane improvement, we discuss carrying on for now. But, if not, if things are the same (or definitely if worse) proceed with an induction termination.
TW again I could choose D&C, where I’m knocked out and they stop his heart in me, but he’s not removed “intact” vs labor induction. And I wish I could be okay with option 1.... just going to sleep and it being over.... but I can’t.
So I’m holding onto a 1% chance of a miracle, but preparing to say goodbye this week 😞
@angelz429 my heart aches for you and your family 💔 I hope by a 1% chance of a miracle things look better at the next scan. And we are here with you if this is the time where you will get to meet your little baby and say goodbye. It’s an impossible situation and you’re going through this with such grace; you have all our unwavering support. You are an amazing mother and human and we’ve got your back ❤️❤️❤️
@angelz429 my heart breaks for you. I hope things look better next week. I know this will not be an easy decision and we are here for you.
TW My first pregnancy ended at 21+ weeks. I had a seemingly normal pregnancy but was blindsided at the AS, the OB told me that the baby had some severe physical impairments. I was referred to MFM for a level 2 US. The MFM doc was someone who I had worked with on several occasions in the OR. He confirmed what the OB had seen on the AS and was pretty confident that the baby had a skeletal dysphasia that was not compatible with life. He was about 90% certain but wouldn’t know for sure without an amniocentesis. He did say that even if this was not the skeletal dysphasia that he thought it was the baby would have very severe health issues. I had to make a decision pretty quickly and I chose to have a D&E. I just wanted to be put to sleep and not have to have that reality. We finally got the amniocentesis results back 3-4 weeks after the D&E and he was right in his diagnosis.
Re: February Appointments Thread
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
this morning at the hospital and that was f*cking horrible. 😫 It hurt wayyyyy more then any other time and I dont know why? I just wanted it to end. I started to have a anxiety attack from the discomfort and I couldn't breathe and started to cry. I DEFINITELY won't be able to handle labour or birth. Im screwed lol The nurse asked when I was due and I said never cause this little guy is never coming out cause I wont be able to handle it. They all laughed 😆 i said he's just gonna live in there forever lol
Despite my crappy painful experience today, all is well in there and looks great 👍 My super cervix wins again lol they said the cells look good and my cervix is still long and nice and sealed. So yay!! I love good news. I have to go back for another one again in 8 weeks. Ughhh 😔 that will come too soon. I hate my life. That will be my last one till birth.
@mindyb2019 I’m sorry that the colposcopy was so painful. Can you get some pain meds before the next one? If it were me, for labor, I would definitely get an epidural.
Married: 8/10/13
BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21
I like the idea of watch and wait with risk of still birth (higher than normal pregnancy, but still not like overwhelming) and risk of preterm birth. If he’s born before viability or even passes 24w but too small for good outcome, we can do comfort measures only.
MFM says she’s seen what I have go in all the directions and even deliver at 34-36 weeks.
Married: 8/10/13
BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
Absolutely understand the need to take a break, but if you're comfortable you'll find support here (I'm also happy to speak privately). For what it's worth, it was a completely different situation, but when I had a difficult pregnancy I found a lot of helpful support from my BMB group.
**TW Living Child**
BFP 2/2014 - DS - 10/2014
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
May 2020 FET; BFN
July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
Oct 2020 BFP!
Take a look at my blog
Had my 24 week today, nothing super eventful except I saw the NP today instead of my OB and she asked if I was having a c-section since I have had a myomectomy - actually it was less asking and more like a statement that she expected I would be doing that. The nurse mentioned this when I did my original check-in appointment as well and I asked my OB and she said she would have to review my surgery notes, but apparently both of us have forgotten to follow-up about it. I need to ask her at my next appointment. I feel like I'm hearing conflicting things on this as both my OB and the MFM acted like it was unlikely I needed to do that but the nurse and NP both acted like it was something I would almost certainly have to do. Ah well, find out in 4 weeks I guess!
GD test at my 28 week next month along with a second growth scan.
I have a few appointments coming up. Tomorrow I am seeing a surgeon about a very uncomfortable internal hemi. Likely, I will be given medication to reduce it, but I am so worried about what it will do in labor. I have a hemi that came up with my first pregnancy and in each labor its swelled into basically a bunch of grapes. (gross, I know). I do not want to know what this thing is going to do.
I am also seeing a new chirpractor tomorrow. Unlike my last two pregnancies I haven't had a ton of SPD (thank goodness) but I have had a lot of upper back pain and want to get going on the Webster method in general.
Also, next week I have my regular MW appointment. No concerns there, really.
DD1
DD2
DD3
Blood pressure dropped and is in normal range now. I am trying to attribute this to the new Drs and I am feeling such a relief by having better care.
Thankfully things are progressing as they should.
Next up is 28 weeks with glucose test. Fun!
Married: 10.2018
DS #1: 06.2014
Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), Emergency C-Section
MC: 03.2017- 5 Weeks
Rainbow DS #2: 07.2018
HG, 19w Fetal Surgery, 24w PPROM, 33w Placental Abruption, Partial Uterine Rupture, Emergency C-Section
NICU, Chronic Kidney Disease
TTC #3: Medically Cleared 12.5.2019, had a bunch of problems and wonky cycles
BFP 10.13.2020 EDD: 6.26.2021
October 2020 TTGP Signature Challenge: Pets in Costumes
TW
I’m trying to get my medical team on board with an early morning Thursday or Friday growth scan. If there is a miracle change - dopplers rebound, he gains enough weight to possibly jump a percentile, +/- membrane improvement, we discuss carrying on for now. But, if not, if things are the same (or definitely if worse) proceed with an induction termination.
TW again
I could choose D&C, where I’m knocked out and they stop his heart in me, but he’s not removed “intact” vs labor induction. And I wish I could be okay with option 1.... just going to sleep and it being over.... but I can’t.
My first pregnancy ended at 21+ weeks. I had a seemingly normal pregnancy but was blindsided at the AS, the OB told me that the baby had some severe physical impairments. I was referred to MFM for a level 2 US. The MFM doc was someone who I had worked with on several occasions in the OR. He confirmed what the OB had seen on the AS and was pretty confident that the baby had a skeletal dysphasia that was not compatible with life. He was about 90% certain but wouldn’t know for sure without an amniocentesis. He did say that even if this was not the skeletal dysphasia that he thought it was the baby would have very severe health issues. I had to make a decision pretty quickly and I chose to have a D&E. I just wanted to be put to sleep and not have to have that reality. We finally got the amniocentesis results back 3-4 weeks after the D&E and he was right in his diagnosis.
Married: 8/10/13
BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21