Can infertility leads to depression? — The Bump
Infertility

Can infertility leads to depression?

I have a friend so close to me and I want to help her. She has been married for 5 years TTC for 4 years with no luck. Setting no doctor’s appointment for his partner is not open about it. His partner keeps telling her that if God will give them then it will be done. No need to rush. OMG! My friend always pretending to be okay even if not. When she sees a pregnant woman, she feels pity for herself and telling me why others are so blessed and they are not. I don’t know how to comfort her with no hurt feelings coz I know that she is too sensitive about this matter. I want to know if infertility can lead to depression? Is this what she’s feeling right now? How can I help her without offending her?


Re: Can infertility leads to depression?

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  • It can absolutely lead to depression and anxiety. She can speak to infertility counselors. I had to talk to one when we decided to do donor eggs anyway (part of the process). It was a help just to hear someone else's professional take and the questions they asked to help me process. I have had so many losses in my child bearing life that I still have PTSD. I Am currently 6wks pregnant with my donor egg, IVF baby and am so nervous for my Ultrasound on Friday. To the point where I HAVE to think about something else or I go down a rabbit hole. I also have a spouse that although he is good with the IVF and Donor route, it took a while for him to get here. He felt like if God didn't want to give us a child after our first/second attempt, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I finally convinced him that maybe we are not lined up to God's timeline yet. Hopeful that this pregnancy makes it and God is with us for this one. Good luck to your friend.
    Me: 45yo, DH: 47yo
    3 Daughters (singleton @27yo, ID  Di/Di Twins @34yo)
    Protein S Deficiency (Blood Clotting Disorder), MTHFR & VIT D issue 
    5 MC's:  Blighted Ovum-D&C @ 9wks;  Natural MC @ 7wks; Blighted Ovum-D&C @ 9wks; MC boy-D&C @ 9wks & Chem PG in 2019
    Tubes were tied after my Twins (and now I am old). Remarried and want to give my DH a baby!

    IVF#1 OE June 2019 - ER 6/15/19, 24R, 21M, 20F, 7 6DBlasts Frozen for PGS Testing,
    RESULTS of PGS 4 abnormal girls,  2 abnormal boys, 1 indeterminate girl
    FET#1 OE August 23, 2019 (transferring 1 indeterminate girl & 1 abnormal boy) - BFN
    IVF#2 November 15, 2019 - ER 9R, 9M, 6F, 2 5dBlasts (fresh transfer) and 1 6DBlast frozen for PGS Testing,
    FRESH Transfer: November 20, 2019, 2 5-day blasts transferred!! 
    BFP 8dp5dt on 11/27 - 12/2 on FRER, BETA #1 12/2 - 11.93. BETA #2 12/4: 4.41 ~CHEMICAL PG
    ******************Starting Donor Process
    June 2020: Egg Donor Cycle and Fresh Transfer of 1 embryo in Czech Republic - CANCELLED DUE TO COVID19
    October 2020.  Split Cycle at UFC with a friend (Andrea) I met on the Bump who was also supposed to go to Prague too  
    DE Retrieval 9/26/2020, 26R, 24M, 12 split Cycle, 9 Fertilized + 1 "questionable", PRAYING FOR AT LEAST 5 BLASTS
    10/1/2020: 4 5DBlasts (AA, BB, BC, BC), 10/2/2020: 3 6DBlasts (BB, BB, BC) FOR A TOTAL OF: 7 BLASTS!! THANK YOU GOD!!
    PGS RESULTS: 5 NORMALS! DAY 5: AA BOY, BB GIRL, BC BOY / DAY 6: BB GIRL, BC GIRL
    DE FET October 29, 2020 - CANCELED DUE TO FLUID IN LINING
    DE FET November 16th, 2020 (transferring an PGS normal Hatching AA Boy)
    claireloSC
  • So, long answer here...

    Infertility has been shown to cause anxiety and depression as well as PTSD-like symptoms. There have been multiple studies that have shown that the emotional weight of infertility -- especially for as long as your friend -- can be the equivalent of serious diseases, loss of loved ones, etc. Additionally, since infertility isn't talked about much, women (and men) can feel pressured to act like everything is OK when they are absolutely not OK. 

    It sounds like your friend and her partner are religious. I grew up in a very religious household - church every sunday, youth groups, bible study: the whole 9 yards. Infertility is one of the things that pushed me away from organized religion; I couldn't bear to sit through another sermon about how children are blessings from God because all I could think of was 'so why do I not deserve a blessing too? what did I do wrong? why am I being punished?'. 
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • I am so sorry to hear about your friend's experiences. While infertility is not a disease, it and its treatment can affect all aspects of people's lives, which can cause various psychological-emotional disorders or consequences including frustration, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, guilt, and feelings of worthlessness in life. It is indeed a difficult road to travel. How is she now? I guess the couple should visit a gynecologist for her and urologists for him. Have you tried to bring this matter to your friend?
  • bumphibumphi member
    edited January 2021
    bumphi said:
    I am so sorry to hear about your friend's experiences. While infertility is not a disease, it and its treatment can affect all aspects of people's lives, which can cause various psychological-emotional disorders or consequences including frustration, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, guilt, and feelings of worthlessness in life. It is indeed a difficult road to travel. How is she now? I guess the couple should visit a gynecologist for her and urologists for him. Have you tried to bring this matter to your friend?
    Edit: I am praying for the couple to find peace at their hearts. 
  • Haven't told her but my other caring friend gives me a bit of advice like yours as well. I'm gonna tell her this one, thank you so much. Thanks for your concern for my friend. God bless you more.
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