Private Facebook Group vs. Private Bump Group

crizz13

In the beginning of September, we will begin the migration process as we will all be in our third trimesters. I am envisioning a vetting process with either 3 or 5 admins (looking for volunteers later) and then a period of time where people could sign up for the private group, and then closing it after that window ends. 

Please vote here for your preference. Please do not say "I'll do whatever the group decides" even if that's what you would ultimately end up doing as we're looking to hopefully not cause controversy and split the group in to two. 

Feel free to comment below if you feel strongly one way or the other. 

crizz13

I know I've posted it before, but I might as well say here, for transparency sake, I am much more inclined to participate more often via a private facebook group than here. I honestly don't know how often I'd log in to TB during the craziness of pp, but that could just be me. If your profile is locked down on facebook, the only thing group members can seen on facebook vs. here would be your profile photo and your name. 

I am in private groups for both my N14 baby and my J18 baby. Honestly, the usability of facebook is SO much better for me. I also know that the randoms threads on those pages (especially early on) completely saved me during MOTN feedings or when I was feeling like I just needed someone to connect with during the throws of those early newborn days. 

I'm not saying it's not possible on the bump, but I just don't feel that it's as immediate or user friendly...and doesn't seem as "real" if that makes sense?

I also know there have been periods of time where I've been locked out of the bump (and I think others have as well) and I would hate to not have a connection for a period of time. 

bserena

So.... I just want to say this. I was hoping/thinking we could do a private group here for just like a month or so. I thought it would be a good middle step. I've seen other groups do it where once they are in the PG they have so many days to post in a certain thread with a photo holding specific items with their username written down, etc. That way we prove we are real before moving to FB which shows our real names. I definitely don't want to stay on TB for a long time, i just figured it would be a transitional step and we could still get to FB before most babies start arriving. 

With that being said, I am happy to go straight to FB if that is what the majority wants! Just thought I'd share my thoughts on the subject.

ETA: I agree with you on the process by the way, 3 or 5 admins and a vetting process sounds perfect. We can do volunteers/nominations for admins and then have the regulars vote on them, or something along those lines!

auburnvelvet86

I have mixed feelings on vetting with photos and all of that. I know that some people have experienced scams in the past, but I also know that there's always a way to get around something like this if someone is dedicated enough (why anyone would want to fake their way into this kind of thing is beyond me, but who knows.) I'll obviously go with what the group decides, but I feel like the fewer hurdles other than a good history of participation the better. I also really like the idea of moving to a private bump group first and then to Facebook from there. I couldn't really reflect that in my vote, but wanted to mention it here as something that I think would be nice.

lurvleybunchococonuts

@auburnvelvet86 I think like @bserena said, most of us that are for the private group are for it with the intention of then moving to FB, not moving to a private group and staying there forever.  I view it as a middle ground/intermediary type stage.  Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe we have anyone that is 100% against eventually moving to FB. 

I think we all understand and can agree that TB's mobile app is frustrating and that it *is* an effort to participate/be part of this group, but my feeling is that if you already are putting that effort in, changing to a private group for a short period of time to start out shouldn't be any different and then once everyone is comfortable with sharing more details of their lives in a more private setting we move to FB.  

I'm curious how we're going to decide this though, is it going to be majority rules?  As of right now it's fairly evenly split.  So since there obviously is significant interest in moving to a private group do we all do that and then later move to FB?  I just hope it doesn't turn into everyone who votes FB leaving at the start of September and leaving everyone who would like to move to FB after a period of time in a private group.  Does that make sense?

Also, note that in a private group we can decide how structured or unstructured things are.  It's not like we'll get drive-by trolls or random one-off questions from random Knottie23xyz's so if you want to start a thread specifically to your stubbed toe, *shrug* cool!  It won't have to be that goes under questions, that goes under symptoms, etc.

hedgepig

I'm totally on board with moving, but I'm with @bserena and @lurvleybunchococonuts - I like the idea of moving to a private TB group for a little while, then to FB. Stranger danger is real y'all. And @lurvleybunchococonuts is right about being open to a more relaxed format.

Ecat504

I'm team private TB group for September and maybe making a move to FB with 3 admins / moderators towards the end of September?

I agree TB kinda sucks, it's not user friendly and it's super inconvenient. I'll be far more active on FB. But I value the privacy and being able to weed out the crazies before they know a whole lot about my actual life.

ETA - will do whatever the majority wants though...

ETA 2 - love everything @lurvleybunchococonuts said

ETA 3 - I'M SORRY! This is the most monday-ish Friday I've ever experienced - is there a way we can see who is voting in this poll? Or maybe we can format it another way. Personally I don't think votes by rando-s should even be counted. Because like, cool I'm sure some crazy whack-a-doo is voting to move to FB whom none of us have ever seen here before...

Ecat504

What would our vetting process look like?

crizz13

For vetting I was envisioning a look at past history in this group, interactions, participation, etc. With three or five admins, it could be pretty easy to do and then there would be an uneven number if it came down to a vote over a specific person. I'm open to other ideas, but I also don't feel like there are too many random posters here. Maybe a lot of lurkers, but they wouldn't get by that process anyway. 

Not sure if there's an option to see who voted which way... I'll check. 

Ecat504

Will we vote on admins?
Is there criteria to meet in order to "run" for admin?
I think 3 admins are plenty, 5 seems like there could be too much room for a "clique" to form - maybe that's just my bad experience showing though lol. You'd think for some grown ass women we'd not be like that, but I watched our S14 admin team implode (now there's just one lone admin responsible for the whole group, and she doesn't like me so I'm always walking on eggshells in there....)

Ecat504

I truly don't mean to be a PITA about this, I think the trauma from S14 drama affected (don't hate me if I used this wrong, I try to logic out in my head if it should be effect/affect but my brain just can't get this one right) me more than I know. 

I just want it to be transparent where there's no room for "uh I was unaware of this" AFTER all of our personal lives are out there...

mtengl

So my last TB group that is still going strong on FB and w did it this way. We moved to private group TB and allowed anyone in that wanted to be in. 

Then someone set up a FB group about a month or two later (We were due in January and I know at the beginning of January we had the FB group up and going by then so maybe have it up and going mid October?) and you had to send a photo of yourself with your TB name and date to the creator of the group who is and still is an admin via E-mail. This way we knew who you were and you were vetted for. 

I think this way made it work, you got to see who was willing to move to a private group and kept posting regularly, plus people started sharing/posting more (I def did because it wasn't out there for everyone) and by the time we moved to FB we had a pretty good idea of who everyone was.

kelk5

I haven't voted yet but wanted to get some more information on the private TB group first route. My J18 group went straight to a secret Facebook group and so we learned names but that was really it for identifying information. To see someone's profile you had to become Facebook friends. A lot of us have opened up more and became Facebook friends but it wasn't we all became Facebook friends right away, it took awhile. There are still probably a few women that I'm in the group with but not Facebook friends with. 

So I'm not clear on the rationale for a private TB group first. For those that did this route previously, how did it assist in further weeding out anyone who is potentially being dishonest? Anything major happen in the TB private group that greatly affected who went to FB group?

mtengl

@kelk5 for us, there was a few people who dropped out or didn't want to go to Facebook before we made the switch. Then not everyone who was on the original Jan 2019 board went over to the private group, BUUUUT the one thing I didn't like is that they kept it a secret that they were making the Jan 2019 private group on TB, it was kind of lost in a "secret thread" This being an open discussion is nice and prefer it this way. I think people should have an opportunity to switch over and not be singled out because they don't view all the time. But going to the TB private group first kind of let those who didn't post regularly or check regularly get weeded out... 

mtengl

I do want to add we have had people drop of the FB group over the past year and a half due to personal reasons, or just not being active. We also had one asked to be removed but that is because they were picking fights..

mwagensomer

Well said @lurvleybunchococonuts and @hedgepig!

auburnvelvet86

@Ecat504 I'm definitely with you on the previous drama from past groups affecting my thinking on this. For one thing, just as recently as a few months ago the entire Facebook group imploded because one member didnt recognize the name of someone who posted rarely. Even though when the group was formed, it was decided that there were no requirements for continued membership based on certain amounts of participation. Everyone was upset: those who posted rarely felt like they were unwanted, no one could agree about whether a rule needed to change or not, we had admins quitting and regulars leaving. It was a mess. I think it's super important to have level headed admins just for this sort of thing because from my experience, it WILL happen at some point. 

vetgirl2011

I don’t mind switching to a private group first. I would like to switch to Facebook early enough that I get to know who everyone is again (since we won’t have usernames), before the babies are here. I think Facebook is much easier to use, and I have my settings really set to private, so I feel like no one is going to have any personal information about me (other than my name) without my approval. I do understand other people’s concerns, and will go with whatever the group wants. I just thought I would add my two cents.

crizz13

Honestly, for the admins, I was thinking volunteers. There was a bit of drama with my N14 group early on (when pp hormones we raging) but it's been super stable and quiet for over 5 years now. My J18 group has been going strong for almost 3 years with zero drama that I can remember. I can ask admins in both those groups how they handled vetting specifically and issues that may have come up behind the scenes. 

I honestly see most of the posters here as being level headed and drama free, so easy said now, but I'm not expecting things to explode in to crazytown. 

I would agree that if it comes to a private bump group, it should be a pit stop for a couple weeks max. I really want to have more established connections with people before babies get here. If we're only talking a short amount of time in a private bump group, and we can recognize that it's not the most user friendly or conducive for posting/ fostering relationships, I guess my opinion is that it seems like an unnecessary extra step. 

magdaaaa

I’m with @crizz13

dumbledoredies

I'm with @crizz13 as well. I feel like I've barely gotten to know any of you because I've been busy and TB app is a PITA to use and navigate. I'd like time on FB to get to know everyone before I start sharing details about my baby. If we wait until October to make the switch over to FB that isn't giving very much time to get to know each other (and having gone through this before I know it took a few weeks for me to start connecting with people on FB because you have to relearn who everyone is). In my O17 group I found the PG an unnecessary step.

We should lay some ground work for what admins are responsible for before we move anywhere else though. I haven't mentioned it but my O17 group imploded about 2 months ago and it's been very sad and a bit traumatizing losing abunch of people that I thought were my very good friends. We should also lay ground rules for heated discussions (an admin steps in, take a step back for a day and then come back to discuss, etc.)

mtengl

I would prefer just going to FB but I am fine with either option. I only get on TB when I am on my computer during the week because I am not a fan of the App. But I would understand if the group wants to do PG I do think it should be a short time period though, just a layover because you do have to reconnect with people on FB as others state. Also I felt a lot more comfortable sharing my birth story on the FB.

ksdelong20

As much as I hate this app, I'm a vote for moving to a private group first for a month then going to FB. During that month it also gives people who might not have been as active a chance to be more active in the public group to be added to the private group before the FB move. A private group also allows for continued participation for anyone who doesn't have FB

laurenmicheley

I agree with the thought that a private TB group for a short layover before migrating to FB seems like an unnecessary middle step. I do want others to have the time to actively participating here, however. Maybe there's a simple middle ground we can work out. Like, say we start a private group on FB Mid-Sept and then use the rest of beginning September as a defined vetting period (like with a definite start/end date) over here on our TB public page. Anybody who has been following, but hasn't been active will have the opportunity to connect with the rest of our group during that course of time; and it will save up the added effort of creating and pivoting to a private TB group. I think for many of us who are due in early November, waiting too long to migrate over to FB, might be unattractive as we do want the time to connect the faces with TB usernames and to establish real connections before our babies come. I know there will definitely be a few October babies; my mindset is to try to create an easy compromise so that: 1. all those who wish to be included have that opportunity to do so 2. everybody feels safe and secure about their private FB information 3. we have the appropriate time to get to know the people behind the usernames before our babies start arriving.

This is just my thought - I try to be constructive, whether the group decides private TB or FB group; I'm all-in regardless. I'm a FTM and have not have any of the drama or catfishing issues that some STM+ moms here have had; so I may be a little naïve, as well.

Another note: DH suggested that we move to a Slack channel instead. This way we can stay totally private and secure, but have an easier time communicating to each other (and also the Slack UI/UX is soooooooooo much better). Just another thought.

teachingbp

I haven't been vocal (or voted) bc I am new.  I know I am in the minority bc I don't *hate* TB app (I mean, I don't love it, but it's fine).  I don't have FB on my phone and rarely log on. I would be one of the few to actually be less active in a FB group.

I do like the idea of Slack or I think another option is discord? MH also uses slack for work, I use Teams which is pretty similar and like it a lot.

csardaszz

I’m with @teachingbp. I don’t have FB on my phone and am almost never on the FB site, so a private bump group would be more accessible for me.

potofgolden

I think a great way to select admins is to have an admin from each weekly update group. 

babywiik

I'm kind of anti social media so I don't have Facebook and know nothing about it. So for me, staying on the bump a bit longer would be nice but it really doesn't matter because I need to get Facebook already and get familiar with how it works anyways🙄😜
@potofgolden I like your idea of admins from each week because some people might mostly participate there.

mtengl

@potofgolden the admin idea is great! 

I actually only use FB for my Jan19 group. I had gotten rid of it before that and right now I don’t have it on my phone. It sounds like starting a Private G first is what most are leaning towards. I think by oct 1st we should start a FB group if we are going to transition to this.

crizz13

For those of you who are thinking a private bump group prior to FB, would you only be thinking people who migrate to the private group would then get invited to the facebook? I'm just trying to figure out logistically how to make this comfortable for everyone. I know there are some who comment a lot on this main board but maybe wouldn't make the jump to a private bump group? 

Could we establish admins for FB in the beginning of September, they could communicate behind the scenes about requirements, vetting, how they want to run the page, etc for a couple of weeks and then whoever wants to jump over there could start doing so like the last week in September/ first week in October? 

That would give people more time on this platform to share, connect, post, and hopefully feel more comfortable? 

I guess my concern is losing people along the way!

mtengl

@crizz13 I think being open about hey here is the private group to transition later will help people to migrate to the private group. Anyone who was in the private group and posted at least once in a while I think would deserve to be in the Facebook group unless something crazy happens. 

like I said before my first group didn’t do that and so I am sure we lost people because of it.

crizz13

I would just hate for the people who are only comfortable with a private bump group first to create one and then not join the rest on fb or create their own (separate) fb later. 

mtengl

@crizz13 maybe we can leave the Facebook group open until after all the babies are due so everyone has until Dec to join? 

mtengl

@crizz13 I think by the sounds of it most want to do the private group first and then start the Facebook group after a trial on private group. But that is just based on a few saying they didn’t use FB.

bserena

I voted PG first but if the majority want to go straight to FB then I am happy to do that as well! I really just want us to stay together as a group regardless.

crizz13

@bserena I agree, that is my priority as well. 

@mtengl Based on the poll it looks like most want to go straight to Facebook, but I want to make sure everyone's comfortable and obviously leave this discussion thread open for a bit longer as it's only been up here a few days. 

lurvleybunchococonuts

As @mtengl said I'd think that if people make an effort to migrate and post at least occasionally to the private board they would then get invited to the FB group if they so choose. Are there people that are THAT opposed to migrating to a private group even for just a short amount of time and would outright refuse being part of it that would then want to join the FB group? 

I guess I was thinking the people that are currently active participants would be invited to the private group which would be more private so people could share more details without any lurkers seeing them etc etc and then after a month or so migrate to FB if they so choose.

My feeling is that if a person isn't active enough to be invited to the private group than they aren't active enough to be invited to the FB group. Unless they seriously started posting/being active in that intermediary month, then it would be a group vote/discussion at that time 🤷🏻 

Eta: I think we'd get a more accurate feel for things if vs an anonymous poll we did 1 post where you love it as your vote "FB only, will not do a private group" and another saying "private group for a short while with intentions on moving to FB in X amount of time"

I know some people think it's unnecessary/silly but if it puts a portion of the group more at ease for sharing info/next step to FB than are others opposed to doing that 🤷🏻 

I know we can't please everyone and I'd join the FB group if it's decided to go straight to there but I also don't see the harm in doing a private group first to allow some of those who are less comfortable to get there. I don't want to lose anyone either. 

N18 lost 2 awesome members migrating to FB and since then we've split into 2 groups with some overlap in members

mtengl

@lurvleybunchococonuts I agree. Maybe the poll is missing the option of PG to FB?

lurvleybunchococonuts

Re: admin --
I like the idea of doing 1 from each week although that could be problematic if they ever needed to vote on something. I suppose if it were to come down to it and there was a situation where the admin are split 2 vs 2 then maybe bring it to the group for a mass consensus? 🤷🏻 I'm all for being as open and as fair as possible. 

kitkatz1990

I voted for FB initially but after reading through this thread I’d definitely be fine with a private group first as a transition. Either way is fine with me. FB is definitely easier for me to navigate and I’d be much more active on it. 

bundleofjoy4iluvu

I vote Facebook for multiple reasons. It is faster, easier to use, notifications is nice and more convenient because I'm on Facebook daily.  Please don't think my lack of posts is due to not liking you ladies but it is hard to get to know you on this app. I'm more of a visual person I like putting the faces with the names not screen names. Once the October 2018 group switched to Facebook it was a nice transition.  After the babies were born we took another vote to see if we wanted to remain in the group or drop out.