Why my pregnant self is crying... - Page 4 — The Bump
December 2020 Moms

Why my pregnant self is crying...


Re: Why my pregnant self is crying...

  • My dog who hadn't had a seizure in over 3 months just had another one tonight :( 
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  • @dreamscapes_ ah I’m so happy to hear this - thanks for sharing! We love that movie too (and the soundtrack)!

    @bearmomma1 so sorry to hear about your dog 😢
  • Because I dropped my 3yo off for the first time ever. She was fine, I was a mess. She's in a 2 day/week pre school program, but has never done daycare.
    BabyName Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • @sejica I completely understand, that is rough! On our older son's first day of preschool I was 40 weeks + 1 day with son #2 and I was a total mess when I dropped him off and drove to the OB. My blood pressure had been high occasionally before that but was so high at that appointment they decided to induce me that night.

    As I was typing that I realized it was in no way comforting BUT even with that chaos and a new baby and crazy postpartum hormones, when I took him to preschool a week later everyone was ok. He was excited to go, I was not a total mess, we were all ok 💚
    image     image
  • @bearmomma1 I just saw this. How is your dog? I had a golden who went through this 3 years ago and it was terrible. 

    I’m crying because of job, husband, and weight stress. Can’t stop the tears. 
  • DS went back to daycare today and I’m back to work tomorrow. All the feels. 
    DS born 2016
  • bearmomma1bearmomma1 member
    edited September 2020
    @hham10 not good. He’s had a few more since and now he’s a totally different dog because something is off..maybe his meds aren’t working right..and his neurologist is almost impossible to get a hold of times so we’re just waiting to hear back at this point. :(. What ended up happening with your doggo? 
  • Crying because I’m so grateful for my husband and all he does for our family. He probably thinks I’m crazy the amount of times I’ve thanked him and cried 😂
  • I work for a company that does consulting, printing, and mailing for nonprofit organizations. I'm the designer which means I get to read all the letters that we send out (those ones that ask for money). Currently I'm working on one for a college and there's a story about a student who is going back to school to become a nurse after her two children were both born with rare genetic disorders and both passed away before they were 5 😭😭😭 I can't even handle it. 
  • @bearmomma1 I hate that I don’t get notifications. Anything new with your dog? Unfortunately we had to put him down...he became almost zombie like and very different like you said and eventually the seizures got so bad he was not responsive. We gave him a few days and he never returned so we made the decision. Looking back I think I would have done it sooner. I’m so sorry. 
  • @tryingktogku. Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!  I know that is a relief for you.  
  • bearmomma1bearmomma1 member
    edited September 2020
    @tryingktogku yaaaaaay!!! I was wondering if he was able to come home early! 
    @hham10 he had been doing Ok, but since yesterday he’s had 5 seizures..this is his worst cluster yet and the therapy that’s supposed to stop them doesn’t seem to be working. Waiting to hear back from his neurologist...Again.. :( 
  • @tryingktogku - Yayyyy! So glad he gets to come home early!
    Me: 29 DH:35
    Together since 2016
    Married April 28, 2018
    TTC #1 since August 2018 
    Dx: Endometriosis, Borderline PCOS, Unexplained 
    HSG - 05/17/2019 - Normal
    IUI 1 - BFN
    IUI 2 - Cycle cancelled due to follicles shrinking
    IUI 3 - BFN
    IVF 1 - 10/31/2019
    15 eggs retrieved, 11 fertilized, 9 embryos on Day 5
    Fresh Transfer 1 - 11/5/2019
    7AA Embryo - BFN
    Frozen Transfer 1 - 12/27/19
    7AB Embryo - BFN
    Hysteroscopy - 01/17/2020 - Normal
    Endometrial Biopsy - 02/20/2020 - Normal/In-Phase
    Frozen Transfer 2 - 03/25/2020
    7AB and 6AB Embryo - BFP 4/4/2020 - Positive Beta 4/6/2020 - HCG 111

  • Crying because I can’t stop fighting with my husband and it’s the worst. It’s like he gets defensive/offended  about everything I say and just completely forgot that I’m 6 months pregnant and it’s an hormonal/emotional rollercoaster.  

    It’s the worst.  We wanted a kid so bad and now I’m just so worried and feel so unprepared. 

    Ugh. I’m a Debbie downer 
  • @autumn87654321 babies put strain in relationships before they even come into this world! Try working on how you communicate so when baby does come you two are better equipped to deal with the added stress of a newborn ❤️
  • @tryingktogku communication is definitely our problem!   Sometimes it’s fine but often we just can’t get through to each other. It’s like we’re both trying so hard to be heard that we can hear the other person. 
  • @autumn87654321 My SO and I just had a conversation about how hard a skill active listening is. It’s not easy especially when feelings are high - that’s true both in personal relationships and in the general feeling of our country right now. Hope you can find some tools to help you communicate better and that you can both feel heard and supported!
  • @autumn87654321. I am currently reading How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids.  I have only read the intro, but it seems to be pretty funny.  I thought it might be a playful way to explore the changes that our relationship will take after baby arrives.  (She apparently meets with an FBI negotiator on how to handle hot button issues).  Not sure if DH knows I am reading it.  Best of luck to you and your husband.  You guys will figure this out hopefully with some grace and compassion.  If not, maybe this book can help put it into perspective.  I will have to check back in as I continue reading it.  
  • @autumn87654321  have y’all considered counselling? DH and I did pre marital counselling and actually found it extremely helpful to improve our communication!
  • edited September 2020
    Thanks for the suggestions. I’m a total mess today

    @dobiemom11 that book sounds like what i need! I have about 0 time to read anything so hopefully i can find an audio copy. 
    @laurenspdx I think we both have the same problem with each other  and They just end up bumping together.  I try to hard to listen but he just goes on and on and then I try repeating what I “hear “ him saying but somehow the argument just keeps going.    And then we both want the other person to say whatever in a “nicer” way. And I just want him to shut up and sit with me even if I was mean. 
    @tryingktogku we keep taking about Trying  counseling but actually need to find it. We don’t have a lot of extra money to pay for it and couples therapy isn’t covered by insurance.  I have been speaking to a counselor though the maternity unit at the hospital which has been nice,  but doing it together sure Would  help. He would also benefit from private therapy I’m sure but it’s been hard to get his insurance figured out with state insurance he’s been using and then working again and needing to switch back to  private insurance. It’s a mess. 

    I thought he was trying to do some Research  about Dealing with hormonal crazy acting pregnant partner. He did once but I think that and what it told him  Sortof faded away  

    Does anyone know good resources for husbands to learn/understand/empathize with all the weird stuff that is happening in our pregnant bodies? 
  • @autumn87654321 I am sorry you are dealing with the extra stress.I completely empathize. DH and I have been fighting a lot. Much of it is a lack of really listening to each other but for us it’s also just being totally overwhelmed with everything we are juggling right now. My major problem is he is totally detached and unaware of how hard the pregnancy is this time around and doesn't act interested. He never asks how I am doing or even wants to touch my belly (or me) and try to connect. It’s pretty shitty. 

    I have no suggestions for resources, as I’m afraid if I ever look into it, DH wouldn’t care anyway. Is it bad that when @dobiemom11 said she reading “How to not hate your husband after having kids” my first thought was, I should order it and leave it on my bedside table (but not to read, just to be rude 🤦🏼‍♀️). 
    Me: 37 DH: 35
    Married: Oct 2012
    TTC #1: August-ish 2016
    MC: 04.01.2017 @ 9.5 wks 
    BFP 11.26.2017 - DD born 08.12.2018
    TTC#2: end of 2019
    MC: Jan 2020 @ 12 wks

  • One thing I got from the counselling that really helps me personally is whenever I start to grow resentful towards DH or angry or emotional I write down 5-10 things I am grateful for that he does/give/is and I really focus on those things and often tell him that I love that about him or am grateful that he does etc and it usually causes him to feel better to and in turn he always starts off saying well “l love that you do this to..” and then instead of piss poorly communicating what needs we have that aren’t being met we come together to figure out how to make things better but go into it with a more positive mental state. It’s easy to spiral into a negative loop in our own heads and sometimes as the “crazy pregnant partner” we need to do more self work to help our husbands if ya know what I mean.  I am always the one that ya to start this or be the one to flip the convo from negative to positive but at the end of day it helps us both 
  • I just fight then cry then feel bad for the baby listening to it all then cry about that 

    @tryingktogku I’ll try some of that.  I looked up some therapy stuff and sent the prices to him and it felt like it might not work financially.  Then I cried of course.   I’ll try giving more compliments and appreciation instead of walking around the house grumbling about everything.

    @jchpg I understand that thought about the book. I can tell my husband cares so I think I might not leave it out like  that, but I did reserve an audio copy at the library.   ( he cares but sometimes I just think he acts so stupid  about everything and then I feel bad thinking that but I still think it)

    I really hope your husband  does actually care more then he shows! Have you talked to him about how you don’t feel supported? There are lots of “things partners  can do to support you” articles online. Maybe he seems checked out because he doesn’t know how to help or where to start, so some of those articles might help.  also those weekly updates Bump gives us that talks about what’s happening in our bodies Could be good to read together. 
    I think them not understanding the power hormones can have over you causes a lot of misunderstanding. Before I was pregnant he just couldn’t understand that the PMS me was not really me being me. It was the pms monster pretending to be me or something.  He just thought it was all an excuse and lie or something, but we’d always Have the same fight the same time during my cycle.

     We are super overwhelmed too.  In June he completely moved out of his house (full of stuff) into my house(also full of stuff). They’re both small houses and now we’re in the one with enough crap around to fill houses.  With Covid and moving and protests all over the country, and my pregnant self running at 50% energy,  it’s been hard to get things straightened out. Now I started school again so I’m teaching 4 days a week (in person) then coming home and working on my pottery for some big shows coming up the messes (physical and emotional ) just grow. 
  • @autumn87654321 I do think he really cares more then he shows. He definitely did with DD. I literally think it’s bc we are running at over capacity. Both in new high pressure jobs now working full time from home and watching DD 100% with no help. I get his being disconnected because he prioritizes work and DD. Then there is nothing left for me. It’s just so draining bc I have the same load AND the pregnancy. It would just be nice to see him sacrifice work as I have had to. We talk about it- but it’s clear he thinks he’s doing a lot (and he is.. around the house and with DD), but there is no support for me and the pregnancy. I’m trying to remain optimistic that when life can go back to normal so will we. I just hate knowing I have to get through this alone, now. 

    I like your ideas about letting him know about progress with the bump app! I was doing it for a while, but then he would just change the conversation, so I stopped. Maybe I’ll try again. 

    Oh man, dealing with a major move too, is just so much. I do. It envy you. We have to just keep being strong and know that this is such a crazy exceptional time! 💪🏼
    Me: 37 DH: 35
    Married: Oct 2012
    TTC #1: August-ish 2016
    MC: 04.01.2017 @ 9.5 wks 
    BFP 11.26.2017 - DD born 08.12.2018
    TTC#2: end of 2019
    MC: Jan 2020 @ 12 wks

  • @autumn87654321 relationships are tough and a lot of work! As long as both parties want to work on it you’re in the right direction!

    @jchpg I’m sorry you’re not feeling the support for DH in relation to this pregnancy! Just remember men often feel disconnected until baby comes out because it’s not happening to them! Even if he did seem more attentive with DD it was the first! All my DH really cares about is my little weekly updates (how big baby is) and I’ve just accepted that but I’ve also made it clear when I do see him and when he is home I want him to take the time to talk to baby in my belly because I think it’s important and every time he has done that I’ve noticed he feels more connected to! I just try and involve him in the happy fun parts of it and when I’m enduring the not so fun parts of it I don’t complain but he lets me know he empathizes! For example I just worked 3 12 hour shifts in a row and while talking on the phone tonight he was just like i wish I was home to give your feet a rub I bet they’re sore carting around baby and doing those long shifts (I didn’t complain he just commented but if I complained I feel like he would be like ya ya lol) 

    idk I just try my best to focus on the positive side of things DURING the bad/tough/difficult times to help get through them! Works for us/me! 
  • @jchpg yeah it sounds like he’s doing the best he knows how for the family but you need some affection and support.  Maybe there is an evening you can just leave the the dinner mess or something and after DD goes to bed you can lay together and watch a movie or something 
  • @mtblove Oh wow, that is such an amazing thing to do! What a great tool to keep communication open and judgement free.
  • @mtblove I love that! DH and I did something similar in the first several weeks postpartum, where we start each day by asking "what do want from today? what do you need from today?" (usually the need was a shower  :D ).  We still try to do that on weekend days now and I think it's really helped both of us feel taken care of and not resentful because you know that the other person is on board to make sure your needs are getting met.
  • These are good ideas! I’ll try some of this, thanks! 

    I talked to my therapist today , I’ve never been in therapy until a couple months ago because my moods have been crap during pregnancy.   It’d bee nice to talk to her for sure. And today she referred me to a couples therapist so my insurance can cover it!  Yay I hope it helps! (And they do the coding right  so it doesn’t get rejected by the insurance )
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