May 2020 Moms
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Re: FFFC - 2/7

  • After 2.5 weeks straight of the 17 month old screaming over idk what every single meal, I yelled back at her today, ripped her tray off her chair and got her down.She got a nap without more food.

    I'm not proud, but my goodness I lost my crap. Trying to take care of kids when I'm barely walking is bad enough, but trying to manage to eat while she loses her mind at table every day is wearing, and I just broke.
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • @pourmeanothermocktail maybe she just needed a nap and wasn’t really hungry? Kids don’t need near as much food to survive on as we tend to think. I’m sorry things have been so difficult for such a long time! 

    My confession is that I’m the mom who gives them food they’ll eat regardless of what it is to avoid the meltdown. 
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  • @pourmeanothermocktail maybe she just needed a nap and wasn’t really hungry? Kids don’t need near as much food to survive on as we tend to think. I’m sorry things have been so difficult for such a long time! 

    My confession is that I’m the mom who gives them food they’ll eat regardless of what it is to avoid the meltdown. 
    I mean, she DID need a nap. For sure. She acted hungry, demanded food as usual. 

    I always make sure there is SOMETHING each kid will eat on their plate. I'm ok with that. But she right now has 6 things she will eat. And even with those on her tray/plate, even when she hasn't eaten her entire portion of it, she just loses her crap. I'm beginning to wonder if she has real true measurable developmental issues. Or maybe me having no patience from a hard pregnancy and two young kids is just making her seem more extra than usual.
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @pourmeanothermocktail We all have out breaking point and you have a lot on your plate right now. I think the nap was a good idea, actually. Like a reset button. Hopefully dinner goes better.❤
  • @emlettuce She eats bananas, toast, chicken nuggets, cereal, yogurt, and animal crackers. Sometimes pizza or pb&j but they aren't guarantees. Up until 2 weeks ago she would eat mac & cheese too. Just been consistently dropping foods every week for months now. 

    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I plotted my afternoon errands route so I could end up at the burrito place for chips and queso.
  • @pirateduck I tend to agree. And I super struggle with sensory things myself. At the same time, with my super limited mobility and finances, I am having a hard time even trying to figure out how to make it through each day, much less try to add anything else on to my to-do list. 

    We did Early Intervention with my son when I was pregnant with her and into her first 6 months of life. It was total complete hell trying to schedule, find time, have therapist inevitably wake up the baby who was terrible at sleeping due to my dogs exploding (not at all the therapist's fault), and at the time I was at least able to walk and get down on the floor (and clear a spot on the floor) for therapy. My son has a 5 day a week preschool schedule with the worst timing ever, so even if I did get her in, there are only 3 one hour time slots in my entire day I can kinda fit something in. But the first would be literally in the middle of breakfast, the second would be in the middle of lunch and once lunch is pushed back her nap gets messed with, and the third would push back dinnertime. Plus participating in therapy when I can't get down on her level is...nigh impossible. And trying to do it with a newborn who likely ( 2 for 2 so far) sleeps terribly and screams whenever isn't sleeping, breaks my heart and spirit. So I'm just at a loss. Entirely. I'm at my limit for everything, and don't have resources (money, childcare) to expand any further. 
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @pourmeanothermocktail I am sorry <3 I would suggest EI still though even to get her screened, I worked EI before switching to OPWDD and I can tell you that the food struggle with kids with delays is real. Especially sensory processing but they should also want to work with you during her meal times so that you might not have to adjust too much. 

    AFM we have spent pretty much all day other than hour or so (which we were out playing in the snow) with screen time and I feel no regrets mama still had to get some work done! 
  • I only actually worked about 6 hours today. I got all my work done, but I just didn't have it in me to do anything additional to fill the last 2 hours. It's been a long week. I've kinda been skimping on work this whole pregnancy; everything gets done that needs to, but I could be more productive than I have been. Part of me feels like I'm breaking even from all the long days I worked before without putting in for overtime. 
  • @pourmeanothermocktail DS started speech therapy 3x a week at 18 months old. Then PT once a week.Then special instruction once a week. Then he got his ASD diagnosis so then he had a team of specialists seeing him 6x per week for 90 minutes each, and still receiving speech twice a week and PT. He started preschool this fall but our calendar was very full. Idk how we would have done it if we had to schedule around another kid.
  • @sunshinesea22 you just described my work life in pregnancy exactly.  I get done what I need too, but feel like I’m slacking and haven’t been taking on any new projects.  It’s the slow time of year for work anyway, but it seems extra slow.  Also I find I’m not very invested in any decision making or discussions about how things will be handled in future/summer because I know I won’t be there so it doesn’t immediately impact me.  Normally I would want to be involved in these things.
  • @mamaj1220 She also isn't walking. Or speaking. I can't imagine trying to do a feeding therapy with my older son there-he's a total PITA if there's another adult around who wants to interact with anyone besides him. Idk. It's super intimidating-are they going to start telling me what food I have to make for her and when? I can't do the shopping or cooking anymore and my husband is....piss poor about taking direction and delivering what is needed on a specific day.

    @emlettuce Yeah, no. Schedule all that with another kid's irritating preschool preschool schedule (bus picks up at 10;05-10:15, drops off at 1:45, but without having had lunch....), and another pregnancy that leaves unable to walk without a walker. So everything takes twice as long around the house. From 9:30 -10 I'm just getting kids teeth and hair brushed, one diaper changed, and convince other to pee, plus dress for outside. I have to have my hair and teeth done before that. 30 min just to get out the door....and then younger one eats at 11:00 with me, start nap prep at 12, to put her down at 12:30, so she falls asleep by 1, sleeps until 3/3:30. Dinner is at 5:30. I just can't figure how where I would put therapy in. 
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @pourmeanothermocktail nope, they will work with were she is at, they might have you get a few different things to slowly introduce with them there to help but they will not dictate what you buy :) and I would def ask for a PT referral for walking, is she pulling to stand? 
  • @pourmeanothermocktail I don’t have experience with therapy myself, but I would think even if you can’t go all in that they could at least give you an eval and give you a starting point and some small things to work on at home on your own.  It may help your sanity if they can provide coping techniques or new ways you can approach common problems, like feeding time.  I’m pretty sure there are assistance programs for therapy, I don’t think my friend had to pay for her daughters therapy but I do believe there were income requirements and age requirements.
  • @mamaj1220 Getting different things is so hard when on a strict budget and having another picky kid at home, and again, I do exactly none of the shopping right now as I can't. I'm just seeing another straw or 12 to break this camels back further...She's been pulling to stand and pushing a cart for literally 8 months. She's been taking a random independent step or two for almost 4 months. But there's no way I can fit multiple therapy sessions per week. No without hiring help. Which I can't afford. We don't have enough people around locally who actually have free time to help regularly. I'm lucky to sometimes have someone watch them so I don't have to drag them to my OB appointments. 

    @pirateduck I've been through the EI process before with my first. It's "free" sorta, but we're already on the small monthly fee for our Medicaid (state run insurance for the poor), which likely means we'll be on the small payment for each EI session too. That's the only assistance program for therapy here. We've used them twice already. But trying to fit them into your schedule is the huge issue, and the therapists who do it here have the 8:30-4 situation and we had the worst time trying to schedule around meals or naps last time with only one kid. It regularly meant missing a nap entirely, or trying to move a meal by an entire hour. Which isn't feasible with my other son in school with firm bus stop times (and it takes me 15 minutes to manage to get myself ready and get there, and more time to get daughter ready too). I've read so much regarding toddlers and food and worked with another picky kid. I can't imagine that just a one-time meet with 5 min left at the end for suggesting tricks will make a big difference. I don't know. I know I sound super negative, but having been through this all before with other issues, I know how it all goes, and either you jam them into your schedule and my life gets more chaotic and harder (I cried for over an hour over every single therapy session for my son with how much it screwed up his schedule and turned him into a monster when he was almost 2 and I was between 6 months pregnant and having a 6 month old baby). And my schedule was way more open, with less kids. And I didn't really get to "learn" anything myself at the sessions because the infant screamed the entire time. Basically every time. It's just all so daunting when I'm barely making it through every single day I'm home alone with them from 7-5 and barely able to take care of myself. 
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @pourmeanothermocktail you should never any type of copay for EI, it is free, the state picks up whatever insurance does not cover....
  • mamaj1220 said:
    @pourmeanothermocktail you should never any type of copay for EI, it is free, the state picks up whatever insurance does not cover....
    In our state if you make over a certain amount I guess it's not precisely a "copay" I don't remember the word for it, but there is a monthly fee for EI. I've been in three times already. It's a thing in Illinois. I think it's stupid, but it's a thing. Our state is poor and corrupt. And when you're on state insurance, it's all the broke state trying to pick it up. So if you make over a certain amount per family size, there's a monthly fee.
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @pourmeanothermocktail DS1 has leukemia, so we qualify for state assistance due to his diagnosis, but we have to pay for it due to our yearly income. We still have copays on most things even with our own insurance plus state insurance. You would think paying $600 a month in insurance plus copays would be enough, but no, I also fork out about $200 for prescriptions. Plus another $250 a month for physical therapy that his oncologist deemed necessary, but state didn’t agree. Don’t get me started on that whole system. 

    Honestly, I never knew people paid for Medicaid until after we started receiving it, I always assumed it was free. 
  • Same with Medicare.  My parents were complaining about Medicare costs and I guess it’s on a sliding scale.  They are upset and feel punished because they have to pay more than many people because they planned well for retirement and have savings.  I think they pay more for Medicare currently than I pay for insurance, and my insurance is terrible.
  • @pirateduck It really is ridiculous. Our original plan was to wait until DS1 was out of treatment and DS2 was in school before TTC again. Then we realized how much we pay for primary and secondary insurance and figured we might as well do it now, while we have the best coverage we will likely ever have. And that’s saying a lot about “best” coverage considering my monthly medical budget is around $1,000. What’s even worse is that we live in one of the most expensive cities in the country on a single income and are considered above the threshold for everything. MH makes good money, but it’s not THAT good. I couldn’t imagine living in the incomes they require to qualify for real assistance. 
  • @rox7777 we also make too much to qualify for assistance however our area just ranked in the top 3 in the country for high cost of living, so yeah, our income may be higher than average but so is housing etc.  In my centering class we met with a woman who helps people apply for and qualify for various assistance programs.  She did say that she can qualify people for WIC based on income while on maternity leave and that you are then qualified for a full year, even if a parent goes back to work and income goes Back up.  So if you and/or your husband take time off when baby comes and your income is temporarily decreased, it is worth applying in that time.  
  • Also due to a loophole in the insurance laws my husband has always been without insurance.  So dumb.
  • @pirateduck MH gets a certain amount of paid time off a year, but DS1 has his make a wish trip this year which is 6 days/7 nights, so it’s being saved for that. DS1’s hospital is great about helping us apply for things to offset some costs and the most she’s achieved is the supplemental Medicaid we get. He doesn’t even qualify for SSI unlike most patients. Also, I can’t believe how low the WIC threshold is! Formula is so stupidly expensive. When we were overseas any soldier under the E6 rank qualified for WIC, but it only applied while stationed overseas. DS1 was on a speciality formula and it cost $30 a can and he got 6-8 cans in the first few months. That’s what pushed me to breastfeed with DS2. 
  • @rox7777 where does your son get to travel for make a wish?  Does he know yet?  Is he excited?
  • @rox7777 that will be great!  Everything is right there on site and you shouldn't have to leave the resort or worry about things like food/groceries when you are there.  The hardest part is probably just going to be the actual travel to/from the resort with the kiddos.  
  • @rox7777 Ick, it does seem like there should be more assistance.

    My husband got a $500 per year raise (I wish I was kidding, or a typo) and even though I'm pregnant, we now make like $350 more than the poverty level for our family size, so it's $40 per month to keep kids on Medicaid, and a $15 copay per visit until we hit $100 for the year in copays. I think it might only be $50 or $60 more to add them to my husband's work plan, but then there would be deductible crap to deal with too. Either way, I know we were super close to having to have a monthly fee for therapy last time, so I know I would this time. And it all just adds up. 

    I hope you all have a great time with that trip though. My aunt (but same age as me) got to take a trip to Hawaii when she was 15 from the Make a Wish Foundation.  

    AFM, My husband only has 4 paid days off for the entire year, for sick, vacation, family leave, etc. So I get to handle all doctor appointments myself, and preschool ends between 0 & 3 weeks before my due date, doesn't start up until August! Daycare is silly expensive, so I'm home alone with a almost or brand new 4 year old who suddenly doesn't have a 4 hour block of school every day, a 21 month old (who hopefully is walking and talking some by then?), and newborn. I'm worried, and hoping I'm walking unassisted pretty quick after birth, because I'm not now. Also hoping birth is on a Friday, just to get in a extra couple days with daddy help.
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @rox7777 That sounds so exciting!! Netflix has a movie about the guy who started make a wish, if you want a good tear-jerker (not kid friendly due to language and some violence) it’s called Wish Man. I hope your son gets to do all the things on his list and then some! 
    Our whole healthcare system in this country is a terrible, cruel joke. Fingers crossed someone can change it for the better (permanently) soon. MH works for a major hospital and our insurance still isn’t that great, even though we have the “best” plan. It kills me that we have to pay an extra monthly fee because I have the opportunity to purchase insurance from my company, but chose to be on MH’s insurance. My company’s insurance is terrible and costs twice as much for half the coverage, so yeah, definitely charge us the couple rate +$60/month because that sounds fair.
  • @sunshinesea22 that’s nothing to add a spouse!  In 2019 I paid approximately $120 a month to cover myself (poorly), but to add my husband only (no kids) the same crappy plan would cost over $500 a month.  So dumb.
  • @pirateduck Just a heads up, insuring kids is painful. Our insurance goes up another $85 a month after this baby is born. My grand total in insurance per month will be around $750 and that’s with MH’s job paying half our monthly premium. 😳
  • @pirateduck The $60 is an EXTRA charge on top of the cost of the “employee + spouse” rate that we pay. I’m pretty sure the base cost is more than double what he paid for just himself before we were married, plus an additional $60/month because my employer offers health insurance of any variety.
  • @sunshinesea22 we pay a $100/mo surcharge to insure me on my husband's plan because my employer offers insurance too. 
    DD #1: April 2017
    DD #2: May 2020
    Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022

  • rox7777 said:
    @pirateduck Just a heads up, insuring kids is painful. Our insurance goes up another $85 a month after this baby is born. My grand total in insurance per month will be around $750 and that’s with MH’s job paying half our monthly premium. 😳
    fortunately our plan changed this year and while coverage/deductibles are not any better, the rates for me to add people other than myself have dramatically improved.  I know it's not cheap, sadly, but 2020 is looking better for me than the plan I had the past few years at least.
  • That is lame @catem07 & @sunshinesea22 this is a charge I did not even know existed!
  • @sunshinesea22 That is really strange that they charge you more because you have the ability to get your own insurance. Our district will give a lump sum to a person who chooses to get insurance through their spouses insurance instead of taking ours, but we don't get penalized for using ours. Our insurance sucks now though as we have moved to a high deductible plan and because MH and I work in the same district we can't collect the insurance payout. If I were to switch to a school in our SAU but not our town I could get $5k buy out for not taking the insurance. To get around this, my superintendent can "sell my time" to that district but keep my contract at my current district which I think will happen in the next year or two and it really pisses me off.  
  • I have to say I am super thankful for DH's benefits at work, our insurance premiums, deductibles and out of pocket max are amazing. The biggest downfall is that there is absolutely no out of network coverage, but for my area it really isn't a big deal. My work on the other hand has terrible benefits, the insurance cost (premiums and deductibles/OOP) is insane and there is no 401K match.

    However, DH works retail at a large chain store, so while the benefits are amazing and the hours are better compared to other retail chains, it is still retail and the hours still suck and it is a high stress job because of coworkers and customers.
    _______________________________________________
    TTC#1 July 2015 
    • BFP: 9/16/15 — MC: 11/8/15 Blighted Ovum
    • BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
    TTC#2 April 2019 
    • BFP: 9/12/19 — EDD 5/15/20

  • @m6agua I worked retail for years, and some larger chains certainly have the buying power to offer great benefits, but there are other things about retail that are mind-numbing.

    Our company has a "discretionary" 401k match.  This past year the company did not do well, so I don't expect to see a match at all, unfortunately.
  • ruby696ruby696 member
    edited February 2020
    @m6agua Same. MH works for the government and I'm so grateful for our insurance. We don't pay that much and after adding our first kid, there is no charge for additional kids (thank god). It cost me $50 to have DS (c-section) because I went in after hours and had to pay the ER co-pay. DD cost me nothing. 

    Eta: fix autocorrect 
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