FFFC 1/31

ruby696

*Not guaranteed to be flame free.

rox7777

I’m going to go REALLY out there. I expect flames.

I’m a minimal effort mom. We don’t do Valentines gifts, Easter baskets and I do very small birthdays. Christmas is $100 per kid. I never do the dress up days for school. My kids get lunchables and a banana for lunch. And I absolutely don’t do crafts.

I do make good dinners, help them study and do homework, make sure their uniforms are ironed and take them on a cool trip once a year. But my family thinks I’m super lazy because of the previously mentioned things. 🤷🏻‍♀️

mamaclownface

I want to flame myself for mine. I'm going on day 7 of not washing my hair. 

thanks to pregnancy, it still looks good though.

drkoyya

@rox7777 No flames from me. Some of those things I think are "grandparent" duties, at least it will be for our family. I know our child will be SPOILED with gifts for any and all holidays, and grandmas will keep him busy with crafts when its their turn to babysit. I plan to reserve my energy for what my son actually needs and things that we can bond over. 

chewie5990

@mamaclownface I only wash my hair with shampoo once every 2-3 months and I'm not gonna lie - my hair is the healthiest it has ever been! But I also use hair products that are designed for no shampoo and don't leave any residue in my hair. 

chewie5990

@rox7777 ugh I hate dress up days at school! This whole week DS has had dress up day and Monday was 80s day - he's 4! He has no idea what 80s day means and doesn't find any joy in dressing up like he's from the 80s! It was annoying - but we did the easy ones like sports day and pajama day. 

shamrocandroll

@rox7777 I admire all of that!  I'm selectively minimal effort.  I work too much to be able to do these big elaborate things like dress up days, unless he has something already that works.  And teacher gifts are bought, not made.  BUT I do love spoiling my kid by giving him things.  

@mamaclownface I'm actually impressed.  I use the Jasmine Rae hair training method and I'm down to washing only twice a week, and my hair has been so healthy for it!  I stopped training at 3-4 days between washes because I just couldn't get over that 4 day hump with the itch, and I didn't want to have to feel gross at work.  But while I'm on mat. leave, I am using the opportunity to get myself up to 7 days!  I will probably stop there because I have fine, oily hair and some minor dandruff and I just don't see any reason to go beyond that.  

mamaclownface

@chewie5990 I am surprised at how healthy my hair has been lately. I'm giving partial credit to pregnancy/hormones, and the rest of the credit to the break from harsh chemicals and heat.

@shamrocandroll Well, thank you! I have never heard of that method before. How does it work? I know this time last year my hair could not go 2 days without being washed without it showing serious signs of oil/greasiness. I relied on dry shampoo between washes. I had put my hair through the ringer with going to the salon and dying it and bad choices in hair products/putting to much heat on it. I did make the choice to stop putting heat on my hair and switched to healthier hair care products for washing. I didn't mean to start washing just once a week, I just found that that's really all it needs right now haha. My hair is fine also. So who knows how I got here, but I don't hate it haha

pirateduck

@rox7777 my husband grew up in a home where they did not celebrate birthdays and holidays or exchange gifts etc.  He very firmly is against this sort of thing and I think has a fear that it will make our kid a spoiled brat.  I grew up in a home with a bit more fanfare and celebration by comparison.  He is anti "hallmark" holidays etc. and doesn't like that kids/people often don't know the origins of what they are celebrating.  We are trying to find a way to bridge this gap and find some sort of happy medium when we raise our child because I'm not prepared to forego all the traditions I was raised with, some of which I remember fondly.  I think that the fact that I can explain that at Christmas the tree is an evergreen to represent the everlasting life of Christ and we put a star or an angel on top because as the story goes the star/angel above is what guided people to where Jesus was born, helps my case.  I know the stories behind the traditions (like gift giving on Christmas is from when the wise men brought gifts to the baby Jesus).  For me the fond memories are more about the family gatherings and I would like us to form our own family traditions in some way.  I'm ok skipping the gifts and the chocolates etc. if we can spend time together, have a family meal, and do something together, I don't care what that activity is, we can do a puzzle and bake cookies on Christmas, or walk the dog in the woods together or something, but I don't want to pretend holidays don't exist!  For my birthday I used to get to pick what we had for dinner, I can cook my kid her favorite meal for birthday dinner every year and be good with this tradition.

Ok, I'm done rambling, in short, find what works for your family, we're all different!

rox7777

I think dress up days in elementary school are so overrated. DS1 had TWO WEEKS of dress up days before holiday break. Christmas tie, ugly sweater, socks, “lights”, hat. It was ridiculous. 

This probably ties into my general dislike of holidays. Corporate America. Stop telling me to spend money all the time. Dress up days often require buying/making things and honestly, I’m not putting money into it. I feel the same about most holidays because we’re non religious and corporate America has turned religious holidays into an excuse to spend money. Why make Easter baskets if we don’t actually celebrate Passover or observe the religious aspects at all? We do Christmas because it’s almost unavoidable these days. School, TVs, stores, etc. You can’t avoid it, but I try to not put a big emphasis on it because we in fact don’t observe religion. I like having celebrations and whatnot with the kids, but I don’t want to turn it into what corporations have. 

Also, team wash my hair once a week. I’ve been doing this since my early 20s and my hair is awesome. 

catem07

@rox7777 Same, girl. It's the money. The consumerism. Why the hell do I need to spend $30 on toddler Valentine's Day cards? I do not. Last year I wrote Happy Valentine's Day on note cards and had my daughter put heart stickers all over them. 

Which ties into a big FFFC that I have: Going to Target is not an activity. It's a money suck. 

ruby696

@catem07 So much yes to Target. I almost think it's an addiction? I find myself spending hundreds of dollars when I only need 1-2 things in my cart. It's ridiculous and I've stopped stepping foot inside at this point because I obviously can't control myself if I do.

Eta: add me to team hairwash 1-2x's per week. My hair looks great. And if it's a little iffy by the end - messy mom bun all the way. I have no shame.

pirateduck

@rox7777 exactly, we aren't about the corporate holiday BS.  For me holidays are about family, and yes, growing up I did go to church/Sunday school and learn the Christian stories, but I don't really practice religion now.  

I never realized schools did dress up/theme days so young!  I'm trying to remember what we did in school growing up, and in middle school (so 6-8 grade) we had spirit week with dress up days and a pep rally and it was tied to playing our rival school in sports or kicking off the sports season or something like that, but I don't think we did anything when we were younger than that.  

rox7777

@catem07 I used to have a bad shopping addiction. I worked retail as a store manager and spent a lot of money buying clothes because we had to have the latest clothes on. It got to be a really big issue when I became a SAHM. Now I give myself an allowance once every 3-4 months and 9 out of 10 times I go to target. Happy to say I never buy anything that isn’t a necessity (an iced coffee from Starbucks is necessary when you have kids).  

I suck at creative stuff. I’m too literal minded. Therefore we skip valentines and other corporate holidays all together. Though this year I’m sure I’ll have to suck it up for school related crap. 

pirateduck

Oh, and to add to the hair washing confession...  I shocked some women at work when I confessed I don't shower daily.  I shower when I feel I need it, period.  Sometimes I work out, then I shower.  Sometimes I do yard work, then I shower.  Sometimes I feel itchy or stinky or grimy in general, then I shower.  But if I just sat at my desk all day at work and went home and laid on the couch in my pjs, yeah, no, I probably didn't shower that day.  

peachnectarine

There were discussions of “boy” toys and “girl” toys in another thread. While I agree that boys/girls can like whatever they want, I think my friend goes overboard. She shops second hand or clearance for her kids clothes, so she just picks out the cheapest clothing and doesn’t base it on gender at all. So her two boys will show up to our play dates in like pink glitter shoes, purple shoes with straps, a pink jacket with hearts, etc. It’s not so much the color, but the style of it like glitter, strapy shoes, design that makes it obviously a girl item. It’s not a big deal now, because kids that age don’t notice that kind of thing or care. However, I just think about when they get older and kids will probably make fun of them or bully them for it. She is the type of person who will force them to still wear them just to make a stand. 

rox7777

@pirateduck The amount of BS they do these days is ridiculous. Every other Friday they sell chick fil a biscuits in the car rider line for $3! Every Wednesday is ice cream for $1. Every other Thursday is sno cones. We had to make a leprechaun trap last year, then all the in between stuff like a cultural dish, holiday parties, etc. Public schools are a giant money drain and they’ve found new ways to add to that. By the time you buy school pictures, a yearbook, t shirt and then do all this other crap, you’ve spent $100s. AND that doesn’t include uniforms, supplies, and the constant other random stuff that comes up.

Dont get me started. As a former teacher let me just say I could rant about schools, funding and all that other stuff all day long. 

ruby696

@pirateduck and @rox7777 I find it's hard to balance how much to do when it comes to kids. On one hand, some of the themes, dress up days, and holidays can be pretty extra. On the other hand, I don't want to make my kid a target or make decisions that will contribute to him being teased. Kids are ruthless. So when it comes to clothes, lunches, and school activities, I do more than I ordinarily would. When we're at home though, I'm definitely not super mom. Cleaning is a priority.  They are expected to clean up after themselves and do chores. My kids have never had a bday party with more than 4 relatives in attendance. I just can't put out that much effort/money for a three year old's bday.

catem07

(I wasn't saying that going to Target is never okay, I just find so many moms treat it like a thing to do instead of an errand to run and then they complain that they walked out spending $100 more on stuff they don't need)

@peachnectarine I kind of applaud your friend for this, mostly because it's a lot harder to have that attitude when you have boys than when you have girls. My daughter wears "boy" sneakers all the time but I know I'd have a harder time putting a son in "girl" clothes. BUT I don't think you should force them to still wear them once they've expressed a dislike. 

rox7777

@ruby696 I’ve put a huge emphasis on why my kids shouldn’t take shame in what they or anyone else has. Sure, maybe he gets made fun of, but he’s learned that it’s no water off his back and to stand up for those that can’t/won’t. 

Not gonna lie, my oldest asked for basketball shoes this year because all his friends have them. We did allow him to splurge and get a pair, but he had to earn the money to do so. He can fit in if he wants, but he has to find a way to do so. 

rox7777

@peachnectarine I refuse to buy into the gender debate stuff. The only reason anyone cares about boy/girl trends is because the media told them to. It wasn’t an issue a decade ago and it likely won’t be in another decade. I buy gender specific because I shop in the gender specific sections, however, if my boys ask for pink, they can have it. 

DS2 is currently obsessed with the hello kitty toys at McDonald’s. I could really care less. It’s toys and not YouTube, so win for me. DS1 liked his nails painted at 2 because I had my done all the time. He would die if I tried to paint them now. 

Basically, the media, corporate America and consumerism in general can suck it. Maybe I need to homestead. 😂😂😂😭😭😭 JK, I like electronics, the city and cars far too much for that.  

pirateduck

whatever social media you use (if you use any at all) take a few minutes sometime and search #whenchildrendressthemselves and be entertained.  It's great when they are at an age where they like what they like and no one else's opinion matters

ruby696

@rox7777 For me, it depends what it is. DS asked if he could bring snack bags of chips for morning recess because that's what his friend eats. I told him no, we don't eat chips at 10:00 and he doesn't need cheetos anyway. So now I'll send him with a bag of pretzel sticks as a compromise. Sorry, don't care if you're the nerdy kid who isn't allowed to eat Doritos. But when it comes to things like shoes and backpacks, I'm more flexible. I am that person that buys my kids DC shoes, Converse, Uggs for DD, etc. They also have shirts from Target to balance it out. But I feel like kids are targeted for what they wear and my 5 year old shouldn't have to defend himself against my choices. He is also reminded regularly that not all kids are able to have those things and that's why we 1) donate things that don't fit us, and 2) we are never, ever unkind to someone, nor do we ever tease someone because of what they wear.

I'm fully aware that I am this way because my mom put me in some pretty interesting clothes in elementary school and I was teased. I hated it and I hated the clothes my mom bought me. And to this day, I'm pretty anal about what I buy.  So while I know that I can't stop my kids from ever being teased, I don't want to add to the reasons for it.

shamrocandroll

@mamaclownface I follow her on Instagram and she has tips in her "story bubbles" and I just picked the ones that apply to me and watched those.  But basically she has a specific washing method where you wash only the roots and reeeeeally scrub/exfoliate your scalp hard (I have a scalp brush I use) but you don't put shampoo in the rest of your hair.  I also use natural, sulfate-free shampoo that is pretty expensive, but it works out to be not bad when you consider I've cut back on how often I wash by so much.  She has promo deals with L'ange products, but I found it better to just find ones that work best with my hair type.  On non-wash days, it's important to brush your scalp with a really good boar bristle brush (for this, I do use the L'ange one she promos) and a paddle brush for your hair to evenly distribute the oils.  I used to have to use dry shampoo every non-wash day, but now I don't usually need it until day 4.  Days 3 & 4 are usually hair up days for me.  But it's such a drastic improvement from when my hair would look so gross and oily if I went more than 24 hours without washing.  And I make one of my wash days fall on the weekend, so now I only need to do a full hair wash shower once during the week, and otherwise it's just throwing on a shower cap and quickly washing the rest of my body, and no hair effort.  It's great!  I never thought I'd be able to go more than a day without washing, and it was hard work to get here, but now I'm never going back!

@peachnectarine I admire the mindset of not caring what color things are and buying things that make financial sense... until it gets to the point of the kid voicing that they don't want to dress like that.  I think it goes against the whole gender freedom thing if you're forcing them to wear something they don't want, and you're probably causing more harm than good at that point.  

pourmeanothermocktail

We're pretty "lazy" parents too. We do the little holidays, but only selectively. Dressing up in the color theme (red for Valentine's!) and a tiny gift-like chocolate or tiny $2 toy. We love crafts, but I hate the mess and set up/clean up vs time spent form craft with kids under 5, so I use holidays to force the issue. We're not Christian, but celebrate the coloring eggs and hiding them for Easter, along with again a small Easter basket with maybe new paints or crayons with some candy. Halloween I use to make costumes (of varying difficulty-sometimes paint on sweatshirts!) and do pumpkin carving. Christmas we put up the tree and do small gifts (toys usually used, thrift store clothes, and a small book or toy that's "gender non-conforming" because relatives always buy girl stuff for girls and boy stuff for boys-so we buy doll or dresses for our son, and trucks or similar for our daughter. 

I wash my hair once per week, and it hasn't seen shampoo since 2014. I'm currently using a co-wash per Curly Girl Method. My super coarse super thick hair goes haywire during pregnancy and more so during fourth trimester, but after that, being done having babies, I hope I can lengthen my time between washes.

My confession? My kids (1 & 3 years old) ate little besides Lucky Charms for breakfast, and are probably going to watch a full length movie after older one gets home from school. And I have no shame.

rox7777

@ruby696 As the 5’8” 13 year old that had to wear Easter dresses and kitten heels in middle school, I fully relate. But I don’t want them to think that we’re spending $60 on jeans and owning 30 pairs of schools either. So far DS1 has never complained about how he’s dressed and he got his cool shoes, so we’re good for now. I think we might have to revisit the idea of “cool” and fitting in closer to middle school for sure. But I’m hoping most 7 year olds are more in DS1’s opinion that clothes are just clothes. 

Also, cat and jack for the win. Best kids clothes ever. 

chewie5990

@pourmeanothermocktail I also follow the curly gurl method! I usually use a clarifying shampoo about once every 2-3 months though because we spend a lot of time at the pool and my hair will start to get a little bleh. But I started CGM a few years ago and it has been life changing! I grew up with thick, frizzy, curly hair and my mom has thin straight hair so she had no clue how to tame my mane which meant I grew up with no clue and absolutely hated my hair pretty much through early adulthood. 

ruby696

@rox7777 We will definitely have to make some changes when my kids start becoming more aware of what things cost. It's important to us that they learn to appreciate what they have. I am happy I saved all their nice stuff so now the twins will be able to wear it. So at least I'm getting my monies worth.

We have a lot of Cat and Jack stuff. It's super cute and t-shirts are so inexpensive. They also have great pjs and leggings. Total win.

rox7777

@ruby696 Lets all day a prayer for the day they ask for this generations version of juicy and Abercrombie. My pockets cry thinking about it.

Maybe multiple children in the same age range was a bad idea. Three kids in high school and all wanting to fit in? There goes retirement. 

ruby696

@rox7777 😂😂 I'm still wondering how I'm going to feed four kids in high school!

rox7777

@ruby696 My kids already eat me out of house and home and they’re only 7 and 4. I can’t imagine. MH can put away some food too. It’s like living with 3 teenage boys. I can’t. 

mamaclownface

@ruby696 add me to the mom bun train. I call it a doo-doo bun. Because that's what It usually looks like when I do it. Also, I am a fan of cat and jack. They have a great policy on "one year quality guarantee" that target honors, in which you can get a full refund.

@catem07 I am so guilty of being bored and finding myself walking through the aisles of target. I'm not proud...and I've definitely found this leads to unnecessary spending.

@shamrocandroll thank you! I'm going to have to do some research on this. Now that my hair is in a good/healthy place- I can start forming better and lasting habits. 

rachelg777

I wash my hair twice a week but use dry shampoo most other days... @shamrocandroll I need to check out that method! 

pourmeanothermocktail

The amount of food our family of 4 goes through is ridiculous. Pretty sure that it's in the realm of 12,000 calories per day, and other than pregnancy (and some baby chunk on the youngest) we're generally athletic builds. Also, kids and 1 & 3, but eat full sized meals, about twice per day, plus a snack of a meal. I don't know how we'll feed the 5 of us when kids are in high school. Rice and beans, and not much else!

@chewie5990 Clarifying shampoo just strips my hair dry, which causes an over-reaction oil production disaster for me. Extra time in pool just means extra conditioner or oil afterward to keep it from over oiling here! 

I wish I was going to spend a lot of  time in the pool this summer, but public pool is our only option, and that's too hard with 3 small kids.  If we're lucky we can find a way to do swimming lessons for oldest next year, so when this baby is one, I'll only have 2 non-swimmers. 

lisush

@shamrocandroll I feel like brushing your scalp and all the oils into your hair on non-wash days would make my hair look so greasy and totally intolerable. I usually wash my hair every other day or every three days and only shampoo the scalp. But to make it the next two days I feel like I can't touch my hair much at all. Also if I work out or sweat at all I usually want to wash it. I also have fine oily hair. I'm intrigued.

shamrocandroll

@lisush I was totally skeptical and told people I didn't think it would work for me because my hair was SO OILY.  But it does!  I bought the high quality brushes (one boar bristle paddle and one nylon bristle paddle) she recommends and just worked through that greasy feeling with dry shampoo.  I was using Batiste for brunettes, but recently switched to non-aerosol powder and I love it!  I use Drop Dead Gorgeous tinted powder for brunettes.  It takes about 2 weeks for your hair to adjust to each additional day between washes, and you'll feel oily and gross at first, but your hair will adjust if you stick with it and power through!  

ETA tag

pourmeanothermocktail

@shamrocandroll and @lisush Super oily hair here, but what I've learned is that getting it TOO clean strips necessary oils off it, and it overreacts and makes EVEN MORE, lol. I take parts of that routine too. I brush twice per day, morning and evening, and use a nylon bristle. The actual boar bristle get too oily for me, and my hair is so coarse and thick that I can't get it down to my scalp at all, no joke, nor can it come out tangles, so nylon only, and every few weeks a wash it out with dish soap (rinsing very well) to cut the oil cycle. But either way, I use the cowash from CG, but then only wash the part right next to scalp. I condition everywhere, with a super light conditioner, but put extra in my ends only, and do a light leave in oil (I wouldn't suggest that for fine hair!) in afterwards too. But every time I shower (usually every 2-3 days, depending on how active/hot I am) I scrub at my scalp with just water and fingers, just to break up any extra dirt/oil. That helps. I use zero dry shampoo, unless I have a weird thing that comes up and it's wash day for hair with no chance to wash it, and I have to look nice. But normally the dry shampoo just does up leaving more crud in my hair that more oil is attracted to. 

shamrocandroll

@pourmeanothermocktail Yeah I think course hair is a totally different ballgame!  And yes!  Brush care is important too!  She has a whole brush cleaning process that I follow every couple of weeks for my brushes.  And I do the water only scalp scrub a lot in the summer when I've been in the lake and it's not a wash day, but I don't want lake water in my hair.  Dry shampoo is a must for most fine hair, but the amount I've had to use it had gone down drastically since I started training.  

bananapanda

I'm jumping in kind of late as I've had a busy day, but it seems I am about 100% opposite all of you on most things today so maybe that's my FFFC.

I shower and shampoo/condition my hair every single day.  I also shave every single day and I'm in the shower less than 15 minutes for all of this.  I mentioned yesterday I'm not much into doing fancy things to my hair so I just stick to the basics which for me is washing and brushing and basically nothing else.

I love decorating and buying for holidays.  Part of this is my slight addiction to online shopping and buying all the things.  My daughter has 5-10 shirts/outfits for Valentine's Day, and a few already for St. Patrick's Day just because they are so adorable and I want them all even though she only gets a couple wears out of each.  One of the daycare teachers commented to my cousin who works there that we must be so rich because of how we dress DD, but I think it's just that she has so many different clothes than that she has anything "fancy".  The majority of her wardrobe is Carters, Cat & Jack and Children's Place.  We don't always do "gifts" for Valentine's Day etc, but I buy themed books and things of the like to read around that time.  I do also buy lots of things for Easter, but it's more because she has a September birthday I need an excuse to buy her all the fun spring/summer things for the year.  I also go WAY overboard on Christmas because I find good deals and end up buying one of everything.  But I just love buying things and giving gifts.  Not just for DD but for literally everyone around me I love giving and seeing the look on people's face.  So I'm also the kind who goes to Target sometimes just to look around and spend unnecessary money.  

soprano19

@bananapanda I'm with you on the holidays. I love holidays, and while we try really hard not to go overboard spending wise, we definitely look for fun activities to do to celebrate various holidays. Christmas is a whole season for us.

Also, I love browsing Target if I have some free time and I'm near one, and I have zero shame in it.

louessbee

I'm right there with you, @bananapanda. I love holidays, decorate for everything, really like giving gifts, and I'm excited for the silly things like dress-up days, etc. And I like Target but I love Pier 1 more >.>
 
I am very pro letting the kids pick their own clothes tho, when I was little my mom had weirdly strict rules about clothes and I was always uncomfortable and frequently teased.