On a lighter random note, there's like 5 of us that share a coffee pot/coffee station at work. One of the admins always stocks it with creamer, another guy who gets in early always makes the coffee, I bring the stirrers (big contribution, I know). But over the last week or so, the delicious flavored creamers have been replaced by... nonfat milk. And I want to know why, because my spoiled brat self looks forward to using the delicious flavored creamers at work. I use lame milk at home. That's all.
@meanjellybean I can't stop thinking about his wife. I cannot imagine losing my husband and a child in the same day, and all of a sudden being a single mother of 3. I feel for her so much.
Went to a friend's house for a play date with a bunch of friends and her neighbor came out with their kids and H to play in the cul-de-sac and mentioned that she's getting over the flu.... she was on day 8 so totally fine to be around. But then she mentions that she just got back from China and her family was convinced she had the coronavirus in the beginning and it made me feel a little uneasy. Like, I'm sure she's totally fine. She's on day 8 and starting to regain strength. But, also, I'm not dying for my family to be around hers just yet.
@blaf322 I know the feeling, I went this weekend to a brunch with some friends, one of them just came back from Cuba, and while sharing her experience she mentioned flying from Mexico to Cuba with a group of Chinese and we were all like , she was like, nope I'm not infected, I'm totally fine and then we laugh about it....
@blaf322 I would have felt a little uneasy too. I'm not a huge germaphobe by any means but I'd be slowly backing away while they were talking about possible coronavirus
Speaking of which, I know it's terrible to wish away time, but can't it just be mid/late March already so cold/flu season can chill the F out a bit?
@blaf322 I would feel the same way! I hate knowing that we were exposed to something and just waiting for it to hit us. Worst feeling. Can't wait until flu season is over!
I shared this is my weekly check in group, but I'll put it here too.
How terrible of a person would it make me to agree to be team green with DH (He absolutely does NOT want to know) but secretly find out myself when they call with NIPT results next week and just make sure not to tell him? I'll also put it out there that I am a terrible secret-keeper. But I would try so hard not to spoil the surprise for him. I have one DD and three DS, and I know I would love any baby joining our family, but I am definitely (and quietly) hoping for a girl. I'm afraid of being slightly disappointed after delivery, and I definitely do not want to feel disappointed in that moment. I've never been team green and now, after agreeing, I'm struggling with it.
@modoodles I feel like if he doesn't know you know, then no harm/no foul. If you're not a great secret keeper, my only worry would be that you tell him after the baby's born, thinking it's NBD at this point, and he gets upset. That would be when I'd have a hard time not telling... when it really didn't matter anymore.
Also, y'all need to post all the fun to talk about stuff and questions that we could discuss in here too! I don't lurk other weekly groups (for the most part) but totally want to know what's going on with you guys more!!
@modoodles I responded in the group check-in, but I'll put it here too. I'd 100% end up spilling the beans so I couldn't do it. I also think that any disappointment you might feel would last longer finding out now than if you wait until you're holding a tiny baby. You might feel a flash of disappointment, but I'd bet your overwhelming feeling would be love regardless of sex. Whereas if you find out now, you might be disappointed for a few days before getting used to the idea of a boy. Idk, just my thoughts as another team green-er!
@modoodles Such a hard one. I absolutely 100% wanted to know to avoid disappointment day of/because it seems like the day can be rather surprising and I wanted to eliminate as many surprises as I could for the day of and am thrilled I did because even though I'm so pleased to be having a boy a part of me wanted a girl as my first. But I don't think I could have kept it from DH and not felt guilty.
Maybe have a super frank conversation with your H? A "hey, these are my reasons, it is very important to me, I don't have to tell you the sex if you don't want" etc?
My town has this awesome consignment sale that is put on in March and August every year by a friend of my H's family. We have gotten some great quality clothes for DH for some great prices and have saved a lot of money. HOWEVER...my MIL/SIL go crazy about this thing every time it rolls around. They do whatever they can to get in as early as possible and buy SO MUCH STUFF. Like, way more clothes than any child could ever need.
It is over a month away and they are driving me crazy. I went through all my 0 -3 month and 3 - 6 month baby clothes and there is MORE than enough. MIL keeps asking me what she needs to look for to buy for the baby and won't take nothing as an answer! There is no need to buy all this stuff if we won't really need it. Let someone else have it. Geez
@modoodles I'm back with more thoughts, lol. Someone in my other BMB was team green with her first, had convinced herself she was having a girl, and was very shocked when they handed her a little boy. She said it really shook her and she felt she hadn't bonded with this baby at all because she'd been bonding with her little girl in her head the whole pregnancy. Her husband didn't want to find out with their next one, but she wanted to prevent the same thing happening, so their compromise was the two of them found out together but didn't share with anyone else what the baby was. It's another option for you to consider if you think it's something your husband would be open to. (But my input if you do this... just stick with telling everyone else you're waiting until baby is born to find out because otherwise it comes off as "I know something you don't know, nana-nana-boo-boo" in my opinion haha)
I responded in our group, and it was more along the lines of what @pocketrose suggested. If you can get him on board with you knowing and him being surprised, then you don't have to worry about feeling bad. But if he's dead set on you both being team green, then it gets a little tougher lol. My situation is somewhat similar where my DH is fine with finding out this time but doesn't want us to tell anyone. We were both 100 percent set on being team green with our first. I know if I find out, I'm not going to be able to keep it a secret lol. And I don't really want to keep it a secret! So I kind of get where you're coming from, and don't be surprised if I'm on here in a few months asking you all whether I should tell my DH that I "accidentally" told 92872627 people the sex...
@modoodles That's a tough one. But.. I am 100% team green, and I would be very upset if my husband just went and found out the sex behind my back. I mean you definitely could talk to him and see how that goes, but I don't think I could ever be convinced to find out lol.
so yesterday at church, my friend's 2 year old came and sat with me and DH in our pew and we got to play with her and all that. after the service, the couple in front of us turned around and was like "you are going to be such good parents some day! youre so good with kids" and i was like "aw thanks! well we are pregnant so i hope so!" haha. then later another lady complimented me on how i am good with the kids as she saw me with my friends' kids. and then i told a close friend later yesterday that we are expecting, and she was like "that baby is so blessed to have you and DH as her parents!! i've always thought how wonderful of a parent you will be." it was such a tender mercy to have so many random compliments, as this is our first and ive been so nervous!! im feeling #blessed hahaha
married to DH on March 15, 2018 TTC since May 2018 dx: PCOS, hypothroidism tx: timed intercourse with meds (dexa, clomid, letrozole, metformin, trigger shots)
First TTGP: 5/9/19 BFN, 6/21/19 BFN, 7/29/19 BFN, 8/1/19 started a break from tx, 11/16/19 surprised with a BFP! LO born 7/7/20 Second TTGP: started meds for first cycle of tx on 10/13/21
I’m so annoyed that I agreed to find out at the anatomy scan again. It’s driving me crazy that the info is out there from our NIPT but we don’t know yet! I especially couldn’t handle not knowing until the end... but I think it’s really cool when people do wait. But if I thought there was a chance I’d be disappointed and need time to get used to the idea of one vs another, no way I would wait until the end. I try not to be too demanding or high maintenance, but at the end of the day, going through pregnancy is so much to deal with, if I have strong feelings about something, that outweighs my husband’s preferences. At least for small stuff, like when you find out the sex.
So I have a friend who just started her third trimester, and seems a little down about the pregnancy. Her NIPT came back positive for Turner’s, and it was shown to be a false positive when she did an amino, but they’re still monitoring measurements, and she feels like the baby’s moving less than her first (though I asked if she had an anterior placenta and she said yes, so pointed out that could be why...). Anyway, I kind of offered to throw her a shower to cheer her up, since nobody else has yet. But I’m soooo bad at this stuff and have zero free time.
Anyone have ideas for a minimal effort shower or even just girl’s day out event that would be nice? She really doesn’t need stuff, it’s more about just celebrating the new baby and having fun.
@Pascal86 that's really nice of you to do that. I have a friend who is having her second and she just wanted to do a dinner out with friends. So maybe something like that? Or like a brunch/spa situation? That way it feels less shower-y and more about just having fun. And if people want to bring gifts they can.
@meanjellybean those are good ideas! Would it be weird/rude to have a no-host baby shower brunch out at a restaurant? I’d love to arrange that, but don’t want to pay for a huge brunch for everyone... but also have never been to a baby shower like that (anywhere besides someone’s home), so don’t know if that would be rude.
@Pascal86 I'm sure others will have thoughts on this, but I think if you didn't call it a shower, that would help lol. Like if you were just taking the lead on scheduling a brunch with some of her friends and family, I wouldn't think of that as a shower. But obviously if she's wanting a SHOWER shower, you may be kind of stuck there... Like I remember when this other STM's friend contacted me about doing something for her, it was kind of put to me like she and I were hosting a shower, which I was not down for (in fact, I think I came on here to complain about it lol). But then this STM was like I don't want a shower, I just want a girls night out, I was like ok makes sense. Now, if I show up and it turns out that this other friend and I are splitting the tab, I will not be a happy camper lol. So bottom line is what do you think your friend expects?
@Pascal86 that's really nice of you! I think if you call it a sprinkle or just celebration instead of "shower," it will automatically lower people's expectations. Having a nice brunch where people bring only diapers sounds like a great low-key way to celebrate her baby to me!
@Pascal86 I think no host is fine if it's a no gift shower. I went to a friend's shower over the summer where they included registry info and made it a no-host luncheon and I thought it was really tacky. Maybe that's just me. But if there are invites and gifts given, there should be a host. A brunch get together with friends as a no-host is totally normal/okay to me!
I was just talking to my friend who's about 6 weeks pregnant. I was asking if they're going to find out boy/girl, and she told me yes through genetic testing. Now I'm over here being all irrational and worried she's going to "steal" one of my names. This is the downside of being team green I guess - can't claim a name quite yet!
@modoodles I don’t think it’s fair if you find out unless you and your partner discuss it. I agree it can be very disappointing to hope for one sex and be surprised by another. I’m like @mrsdez and am team green, if my husband found out without me, I’d be so upset. In fact, with our second, we were team green, I thought my ob accidentally revealed the sex, and I sobbed in the parking lot. I told my husband I knew and he was upset, too. And it turn out, it was just like a bad joke bc the baby wasn’t what the ob said. It was ridiculous but it’s not fair unless you decide together imo. N
@meanjellybean@blaf322@stlbuckeye132 those are great points! So next step is to confirm with my friend that she really doesn’t want gifts before I make this plan! But assuming that works, I love the idea of just going out to brunch or dinner in her honor, without having a ton of stuff involved. And me not having to pay for it all. 😬
@modoodles clearly I had the wrong opinion here lol.... All these team green folks definitely disagree. I could never be team green so my opinion is likely way less valuable
@stlbuckeye132 I would just tell people you’re team green, but have your names locked down either way - so it’s clear that if they do “steal” your name, it was yours first!
@Pascal86 Echoing what the other ladies said, something low key like brunch etc. would probably really make her happy.
side note: I have a cousin with Turner Syndrome. She's a few years younger than me and has definitely had her share of medical issues, but she is a happily married high school Spanish teacher. I hope your friend's baby doesn't have to have those challenges, but if she does, it is absolutely possible to live a normal life.
@modoodles If it were me and the situation were reversed, I'd feel really hurt if I found out that MH learned the sex after agreeing not to. I know it's not a big deal in the scheme of things, but I'd be really upset if he broke my trust like that. That said, if you find out and YH never knows that you know, it's not truly going to hurt anything (assuming it's not a pattern; I'm not saying this is a sign of how untrustworthy you are or anything!) but do you want to take that risk? Communication is almost always a better option in a close relationship. If he doesn't budge, though, it's hard to say what the best thing to do is.
Would YH be OK with you knowing if he stays team green? I can see how it would be really hard to keep it a secret once you know, even just as far as buying clothes or whatever. Maybe you could find out later on but still prior to delivery, so there's less time for you both to worry about him accidentally finding out?
I have a hard time understanding the rationale for being team green anyways, lol. Seeing your baby for the first time is awesome whether you already knew the sex or not. And no matter when you find out the sex, it's going to be a surprise when you DO find out. I just don't see the benefit to pushing that moment out until the birth. No offense at all to anyone who's team green; it doesn't bother me when people wait or anything! People who get all up in arms about team green are nosy busybodies who need to mind their own business. I'm just too curious to wait if I don't need to or have a good reason to, and I've never seen a good reason for this (good for me personally). So it's hard for me to look at it from that point of view.
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
@treeofcheem lol we just thought it would be fun to wait and be surprised at the birth. And to be honest, it was kind of like a little last reward to look forward to for finally getting that baby out lol. Like oh wait, we get to find out soon! That will not suck!
Also, I wanted to avoid people "genderizing" my child before she even left my body. Obviously, that shit happens the second people find out the sex after birth, but I enjoyed forcing people to just identify my baby as a baby instead of a "future princess" or "future football player" or whatever, and being inundated with dolls/pink or blue/baseball-themed shit.
That being said, we are finding out this time because I think that will be fun too!
@meanjellybean I haaaate those "future- insert some stereotype" shirts. I feel like that's the one thing that would make me want to be team green lol.... Instead, I just threw away all those types of shirts that were gifted to us b/c I have no will power and couldn't even wait to get a BFP after my transfer before looking in the genetic testing folder
Also, FTR, my "I could never" with regards to team green isn't meant to be a judgement. Like, AT ALL. It's not one of those, "I could never." I just don't have the great will power some of you do lol
@blaf322 Lollllll that's hilarious. But I get it! Like @treeofcheem said it's exciting no matter when you find out! Now that we decided to find out at the anatomy scan (the earliest we could), I'm counting down the days.
Re: Weekly Randoms 1/27/20
Speaking of which, I know it's terrible to wish away time, but can't it just be mid/late March already so cold/flu season can chill the F out a bit?
How terrible of a person would it make me to agree to be team green with DH (He absolutely does NOT want to know) but secretly find out myself when they call with NIPT results next week and just make sure not to tell him? I'll also put it out there that I am a terrible secret-keeper. But I would try so hard not to spoil the surprise for him. I have one DD and three DS, and I know I would love any baby joining our family, but I am definitely (and quietly) hoping for a girl. I'm afraid of being slightly disappointed after delivery, and I definitely do not want to feel disappointed in that moment. I've never been team green and now, after agreeing, I'm struggling with it.
Maybe have a super frank conversation with your H? A "hey, these are my reasons, it is very important to me, I don't have to tell you the sex if you don't want" etc?
It is over a month away and they are driving me crazy. I went through all my 0 -3 month and 3 - 6 month baby clothes and there is MORE than enough. MIL keeps asking me what she needs to look for to buy for the baby and won't take nothing as an answer! There is no need to buy all this stuff if we won't really need it. Let someone else have it. Geez
dx: PCOS, hypothroidism
Second TTGP: started meds for first cycle of tx on 10/13/21
Anyone have ideas for a minimal effort shower or even just girl’s day out event that would be nice? She really doesn’t need stuff, it’s more about just celebrating the new baby and having fun.
side note: I have a cousin with Turner Syndrome. She's a few years younger than me and has definitely had her share of medical issues, but she is a happily married high school Spanish teacher. I hope your friend's baby doesn't have to have those challenges, but if she does, it is absolutely possible to live a normal life.
Would YH be OK with you knowing if he stays team green? I can see how it would be really hard to keep it a secret once you know, even just as far as buying clothes or whatever. Maybe you could find out later on but still prior to delivery, so there's less time for you both to worry about him accidentally finding out?
I have a hard time understanding the rationale for being team green anyways, lol. Seeing your baby for the first time is awesome whether you already knew the sex or not. And no matter when you find out the sex, it's going to be a surprise when you DO find out. I just don't see the benefit to pushing that moment out until the birth. No offense at all to anyone who's team green; it doesn't bother me when people wait or anything! People who get all up in arms about team green are nosy busybodies who need to mind their own business. I'm just too curious to wait if I don't need to or have a good reason to, and I've never seen a good reason for this (good for me personally). So it's hard for me to look at it from that point of view.
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
Also, I wanted to avoid people "genderizing" my child before she even left my body. Obviously, that shit happens the second people find out the sex after birth, but I enjoyed forcing people to just identify my baby as a baby instead of a "future princess" or "future football player" or whatever, and being inundated with dolls/pink or blue/baseball-themed shit.
That being said, we are finding out this time because I think that will be fun too!