Baby Shower/Sprinkle

drkoyya

There's already some baby shower/sprinkle conversations in various threads but let's move the conversation to one central location. 

randic22

I'm so excited for my shower because I feel like that's the next big milestone for me to feel like I am at least a little prepared for this little one. My shower is being hosted by my mom and my cousin on Feb 23rd. We are not having a coed shower, but MH will be there to help offset my social anxiety 😂

pirateduck

Thank you @drkoyya for starting this thread I have had this thought more than once recently!  

queenklau

Since this is baby #2 and another baby girl, I am not expecting a baby shower. 

But I wanted to share that with my first the baby shower/s was such a nice event, it really felt like I could celebrate our baby publicly (after previous struggles). Getting advice and the gifts people gave me, made an overwhelming process, enjoyable. I know it’s not the case for all, but it was for me. I especially enjoyed the co-Ed baby shower where we had our friends make it super low-key and fun.  I think it’s your moment as parent/s-to-be to be celebrated!

catem07

I wish I was having a sprinkle but it's highly unlikely for a bunch of reasons (my mom will be in Florida until late April, MIL is sick and immuno-compromised, we don't have any friends where we live anyway). 

mamaj1220

We are doing a sprinkle type of get together with just my close friends and aunts at my moms, this is DS2 so I don't feel like a big shower is needed (or wanted-it was very overwhelming for me with DS1 because I felt so terrible) but that being said I want a small party to celebrate him with some of the most important people in our life.

drkoyya

I love how showers can be so different. My sorority sister who is helping plan my shower specifically asked me what I think the point of the shower was. Celebrate the mom? Celebrate the baby? Celebrate the growing family? IMO, a shower is comparable to a bachelorette/bachelor party. It's the last chance for DH & I to have some fun surrounded by family and friends before our life changes forever. That being said, we're having a large co-ed shower. 

soprano19

My future SIL offered to throw us a sprinkle, which will probably be sometime in early April. This is DD2 for us, so we don't need a ton of stuff. I think I want to do it at like a tea house.

lisush

My coworkers wanted to throw one so we're doing it the first weekend in Feb for me and another girl at work who's due a few days after me. I need to have some registry stuff for them to get by then I guess 😬. They're all so excited for this baby (they call her their baby) and I'm so sad that I'll be moving away from them all before she's born. 

Otherwise I won't be having a shower or getting much before baby is born because Jews are superstitious that you're counting your chickens before they hatch sort of thing. I'm not religious but I like to follow some traditions. I did buy a bassinet that was on sale and a cute Philly phanatic print for the nursery.  My older brother sent me a Tula baby carrier and my best friend sent some books, a doll, and randomly sized clothes haha. 

It would be nice having things all ready to go but I also understand the rationale of not wanting to have all that stuff in your home in the event something terrible happens. Just more work for my family to do while I'm recovering I guess haha. 

adventuresawait2

I don’t think I’ll be doing anything for baby 2 - my family only does such events for baby 2 (although I know sprinkles are becoming more common). But echoing @queenklau that a shower is a great way to get people together and feel supported. We did a co-ed shower and decorated onesies with fabric makers for the baby and had a great time. I am thinking I might possibly get some onesies for family to decorate on their own for this little one - it was so special to have DD wear the ones friends and family had made for her. 

pirateduck

Another cute idea was to have everyone there (or long distance) submit a selfie and you can make a book with all family and friends photos for the baby to learn who is who.

chewie5990

@drkoyya that's how my shower was with DS - a huge co-ed party with tons of family and friends and it was great! I wouldn't want to do it any other way! 

chewie5990

We aren't doing anything for baby #2 - my MIL would want to throw a party if we were living in the same state - but we don't plan on traveling to Texas anytime before baby is born, so it won't happen. Since we are having another boy we really don't need anything though and my SIL had a baby boy last May so she has a ton of seasonally appropriate clothes to pass on to us since DS1 was a winter baby. 

I hope all you ladies have fun stress free showers though! I look forward to living vicariously through you all! 

splashmountain

I'm not big on being the center of attention and I get very uncomfortable in large social gatherings. I know my coworkers are planning a potluck baby shower for me the end of March and it's during work so I won't have to just sit there and be the center of attention for hours so I'm ok with that.

*tw loss and IF*

Over the last 3 years with 2 losses and then nearly 2 years of infertility, I feel like I've become more guarded and closed off with people. My family (other than my sister who is amazing) ignore it all. They don't acknowledge my losses, they've talked openly or complained about their own pregnancies while I sat back quietly, depressed as hell because that's all I wanted. When I told my mom I wasn't attending my cousin's baby shower, she decided that we'd just do dinner at her house instead so we can have a smaller get together even though I had no desire to be around my cousin at all.

Even being pregnant now hasn't eased these feelings. I talk about the baby to a certain extent, but I don't obsessively do so. I am now more anxious than ever and I certainly don't want to spend the afternoon with my family pretending like they didn't abandon me when I needed them the most and sit around ooo-ing and aww-ing over baby things when I don't want to.

Summary, I don't want a baby shower and apparently I needed to rant.

jhysmath

We won't be doing anything as this is baby #2 and we are team green again. We have everything we need and I've always thought baby showers for second children are dumb and I hated being at a baby shower, but now I feel bad that baby #2 will not be as celebrated as DD was.  

mamaqdubu

I posted this already in one of the other threads, but my mom is going to throw me a tea-party sprinkle since this is our first girl. I didn't do anything for my second. I won't do gifts or anything, just get together and make some obnoxiously girly headbands, eat, and drink tea. We will most likely do a sip & see type party on the 4th of July (approximately 6 weeks post baby) for any of our friends/family who haven't got the chance to visit and meet her by then. 

bananapanda

@jhysmath I feel the same.  Like no we don't need gifts or anything big for DD2, and we can of course buy everything we might need ourselves or else we wouldn't have chosen to have a second child, but I'm still sad that we don't get to have a celebration and cake.  I do always side-eye people having a shower for their second or third or saying "well we only need a few things", but at the same time it's a little depressing that it feels like nobody really cares to celebrate after the first kid.  With that said I'm obviously not hosting a shower/sprinkle myself and I'm 99% sure nobody else is going to throw me one which is fine, but if MIL or someone did approach me about it I most likely wouldn't turn it down.

pirateduck

@bananpanda sounds like you need some sort of party to celebrate the baby.  You totally deserve it.  Can you just have a dinner or something, give a little toast to thank your friends and family for their support, etc.?  It does not have to be a traditional shower by any stretch of the imagination, but you can certainly celebrate.

jhysmath

@bananapanda
If MIL went to throw me one, I think I would deny it. I really just want to get together with my family to celebrate, her baby shower she threw for us was interesting to say the least. We met a whole bunch of people we didn't know at it, and she left without saying good bye to anyone because it was "too much too handle" and she was "depressed" because 4 years prior FIL (her exhusband of 36 years), and both grandmothers died and weren't able to attend. She had to leave and cry. She always makes things about her like that and it drives me crazy. She'd probably do the same at another baby shower. 

After FIL died she had weighloss survery and would call up MH or text the group chat telling us she was depressed not because FIL was gone (which they never saw each other) but because she couldn't eat when she normally eats, sweetheart that's the point of weightloss surgery eat better not fried shit all the time. 

bananapanda

@pirateduck thanks, but it's not a big deal.  Just pointing out that everyone is more excited and wants to celebrate the first baby more than any subsequent babies.  But we have still celebrated with immediate family and everyone is excited.  And I get to buy all the things myself to make sure we are getting 100% exactly what we want lol

@shamrocandroll your MIL sounds exhausting! So sorry you have to deal with that

shamrocandroll

@bananapanda I think you meant to tag @jhysmath, but our MILs sound similar, so I can definitely understand the mixup, haha.  I haven't posted in this thread because as a STM, I'm not planning on being given any sort of sprinkle or shower (ahhh, so nice). 

miss_lynn9

I posted this in another thread but we're doing a sip and see in June. No games, no gifts just some good food and company. I really didn't want to deal with planning it but no one has offered to plan something for me so I asked my best friend to help me. 

My work is planning a shower for me. The girl who does all of the social events is very excited about this baby. Ive been at my job for over 8 years and the only other person to have a baby was my sister which was 5 years ago. She wants to do a huge thing; plan a day on a weekend after baby is born and play games and open gifts. I don't want that at all as mentioned above I don't even want to do that with my family. I was planning on talking to her I but I happen to come up in a conversation when I was talking to my friend, who happens to be HR. I told her I don't want gifts and I don't really want a big thing. She seemed a little disappointed said that people will want to get me gifts. I feel bad for disappointing people.

pirateduck

@jess09lynn do not feel bad, this is your life and your baby.  If people want to get you gifts, they will, regardless what you say.  Just accept them and smile and thank the giver.  Is there some alternative that would be helpful for you.  I've seen people do things like a stock the freezer party, or some sort of calendar sign up where people can bring you a meal or a casserole or something once baby is born so you don't have to always deal with grocery shopping and cooking.  

ruby696

@jess09lynn You're brave. I had such a hard time with other people holding my newborns. I could never do a sip and see. You might want to bring something to baby wear in case all the attention gets to be too much for you or baby.

pirateduck

Oh, and as for those new baby visits, think about how much you care if your visitors have a current Tdap vaccine or not.

Edit to add this link to CDC:
https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pregnancy/family-caregivers.html

miss_lynn9

@pirateduck my friend said she will suggest that everyone who wants to get a gift put $5 towards a gift card instead. Which I'm ok with. I love the idea of the freezer meals, I was planning on prepping before baby but I know some of our families would love to do something like that for us. 

@ruby696 I'm worried about that too. We're doing it because MH family is flying in and we asked them to come June instead of around my due date. MH said that he will have my back I just need to tell him it's too much and he will get everyone out. 

We're only inviting close family and friends and my older sister was very strict about making sure everyone in our family had the Tdap so I know my family is good but I will have to check with MH. 

jkr2019

My shower is this weekend and I’m excited. It’s our second pregnancy  so we were not going to do anything, but when we found out it was triplets the game changed! Now it’s like a small wedding, haha. I think 150 people were invited which is sweet to see how supportive everyone is. 

I second everyone on the sip and see germ concerns. Plus just you feeling overwhelmed after birth. Maybe push it to around the 2-3 month mark? 

rox7777

As a TTM we won’t be doing a shower or sprinkle. I also don’t want to do a sip and see type deal because I know the postpartum stage is rough for me. We give everyone a designated day and time where they’re allowed to come visit the baby in our home. I make sure to allocate a specific time and let them know that they’re expected to leave at the end of that time. It sounds like a lot to some people, but after the first two kids and a lot of overwhelming stuff I hate to rehash, I’ve found this method works the best for us.

I agree with @jkr2019 a few weeks after birth is still an overwhelming time, hosting a lot of people at once around your newborn might be a lot more than you’re expecting it to be. A lot of people think that since the 6 week mark is your clearance mark you’re better, but I’ve yet to feel human again that soon. 

pirateduck

@rox7777 I have family asking when they can come visit baby.  I don’t even know what to tell them because I have no clue how I will feel or if I will want them around.  I agree that 6!weeks feels soon.  The person asking the most, unfortunately, is the one I find most stressful and overwhelming to be around.  Also she always needs to do things in a way that is convenient for her, not for others, so what I say won’t really matter anyway.

brettanomyces

I didn’t have a shower when I was pregnant with dd1. On my husbands side, it’s not the Jewish tradition to have a shower, so people just sent gifts after the baby was born.

My moms family is in another province, so my mom made a party for us when we went to visit with the baby when she was about 3 months. Even that was my idea, she was going to have a shower without me there that I was maybe going to attend via Skype and my mom would open all the gifts? 🤷🏻‍♀️

My dads family was close to us but I don’t see them often. They had a shower like party for us when dd1 was 6 months. 

Now with baby 3, if it’s another girl I don’t expect anything (we’re now living in a different city so Jewish family didn’t even come for dd2’s naming). If we have a boy this time there’ll be a brit so I imagine that’ll be the only celebration (but thrown by us). 

ruby696

@jess09lynn DS is a November baby and I wore him for my in-laws entire Christmas celebration. I'm sure they were disappointed, but it made me so much more comfortable. Most people held him for a couple minutes, but otherwise, he was with me. I highly recommend if company gets to be too much for you.

rox7777

@pirateduck My MIL was one of those people. Last time she invited her friends (we had never met) to the hospital after I had emergency CS and sat in recovery for two hours while DS2 was in the NICU. She has firmly been told that we’re not taking visitors at the hospital and that if she invites anyone to my house without permission, she will be removed. She thinks I’m kidding, but MH knows how strongly I feel about this. Set your boundaries and stay strong if you feel strongly about them. Otherwise people will walk all over you. Family especially seems to think that they have privileges that I don’t believe exist just because of DNA.

m6agua

STM here and I do not plan on doing anything for this baby (DS). I had a traditional, female only baby shower at my home, hosted my by best friend and mom with my first (DD). To me the baby shower is to celebrate the mom to be more than the baby and to help 'shower' her with gifts to get ready for the new phase. So I don't find it weird not having anything for other pregnancies. We will reuse pretty much everything we had for DD, the only thing we really will need is clothing. Luckily my cousin is going to send me her hand me downs from her 3 boys and my friend is due with her boy this weekend and I will probably get some hand me downs from her too.

I'm sure my immediate family and close friends will come up to visit me in the hospital and at home after the birth. Our family (us and my parents) throw a huge 4th of July bash every year, we also do a cake to celebrate my birthday which is a few days before hand. This is about 7 weeks after my due date, so I figure this is when a lot of other family and friends will meet the baby. Then we have another annual family gathering at the end of July so more family will meet him at that point.

pirateduck

Ok, I know I've jumped in the random conversations in other threads at times, but here's my summary!  I want a shower.  After fertility treatments and a loss and a lot of struggle and heartache and worrying that I could never have children because things like IVF and adoption are cost prohibitive, and then finally being pregnant and having a serious health scare with the baby early on, I have been an emotional wreck for a few years of my life and I am ready to celebrate.  This baby is so wanted and so loved already and I cannot wait to meet her and the fact that she exists and is healthy is huge.  We have nothing for baby as this will be our first and we spent most of our savings on medical bills the past few years, so we need all the help we can get.  

Logistically I don't know how it will work, but I'm trying to leave that to someone else to sort out.  Our families both live far away, and even here, it's a rural area and our friends don't exactly all live all that close to each other.  I finally saw my sister and got to talk to her and I guess she's been chatting with my mom and SIL and they want to plan a shower if I want to have one.  I expressed that something needs to be figured out soon in terms of a date/location so that if people want/need to travel they can make arrangements.  She thinks it is crazy to do something anywhere other than where I live, which is a huge relief to me.  I really don't want to worry about traveling myself.

Also there is a woman I work with who has been one of my biggest supporters through my journey and probably knows more of the struggle than most people and she wants to throw me a work shower, but as discussed in other threads, work functions can be awkward, and I don't think there's any intention to extend invites to anyone other than co-workers, soooo...  that leaves out pretty much everyone I'd invite if I wrote the guest list myself.  

We'll see what happens.  Unfortunately no local friends have offered anything so my sister will be planning all long distance.

ruby696

@pirateduck I highly recommend doing your shower as early as you can if you're hoping to be gifted some of the larger purchases. You may get tons of stuff you really need or you may get a lot of cute clothes, stuffed animals, and hooded towels. Leave yourself plenty of time to find a way to make large purchases if you're given mostly inexpensive gifts.

Not to be a downer, but I've known several people who were super upset after their showers because they assumed they would get most of the stuff off their registry and they didn't. 

Eta: spelling

pirateduck

@ruby696 someone on here also mentioned to try and limit the clothing gifts not to register for any clothes and not to tell the sex until after the shower and hopefully you're more likely to get what you actually need.  I know I cannot count on the shower for everything.  My SIL is sending hand me down baby stuff our way this week, and I'm excited.  My one big purchase I made already is the carseat I want, and I do plan to buy a crib and a rug for the nursery in the near future.  I figure with some stuff we can just wing it.  Fortunately with our wedding we didn't get anything too random and useless from friends/family, so I like to think they know what's what.

shamrocandroll

Pro tip:  Set your due date on your registry for earlier than it actually is, and then use your completion discount to buy the big stuff you didn't get from your shower.    

ETA words

ruby696

@pirateduck You really don't need a rug until baby is crawling. If you find one for a good price, obviously go for it. But babies don't care what their nurserys look like, so if you're prioritizing purchases, decorations can usually be at the end of the list.

I really want owlets, but it would cost too much to buy two. So we'll get another Snuza since we already have one. It worked fine, so I'm comfortable with that. It's still $100. I'm also kind of a mattress snob because chemicals on mattress are a deal breaker for me. So that's another $300. So many expensive things and they all add up. In my experience, people buy clothes because they're cute, even if they're not on the registry. I think keeping the sex private until the shower will really help with that though.

miss_lynn9

@ruby696 I haven't gotten into researching non-toxic mattresses yet. What brands do you recommend. 

pirateduck

I get that decorations are not a priority, but I do have some home renovations I feel are a priority, preferably before baby comes.  I don't think I can put them off much longer.

ruby696

@jess09lynn DD's mattress is from Restoration Hardware. I don't remember which one we bought, but it was green gold certified. I'll probably buy a second mattress there as well, although PB also has green gold certified mattresses. As long as you get one that's green gold certified (and you can upgrade to organic if that's important), I'd think you could buy one anywhere. 

I'm all for deals, but I'll pay more for items where safety is an issue, like car seats and mattresses.

Eta: I just bought a second one at RH Kids because i decided to look when i was responding to your post. It was on sale, so $350, including shipping and tax. I believe it was a Simmons, so I'm sure you could find one somewhere else? It's the Simmons Luxury line. My dad gave me a $100 Visa gift card for Christmas and RH lets you split payments, so I feel like I really got it for $250.