January 2020 Mental Health Check-In — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

January 2020 Mental Health Check-In

U.S: National Suicide Prevention :  1-800-273-TALK [8255]
Link to Canadian Resources:  https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.  Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in R/R of dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health.  Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports. 

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort. 

If you need help getting started, consider filling out the form below:

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):

How are you feeling?

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)
TTGP January Siggy Challege - Gym Fails


Me: 30 DH:32

Together since 2007
Married 7/2/16

TTC #1 since 7/2017
Dx: unexplained, low morph

IUI #1-3 all BFN

IVF #1 - 6/11/19
24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

FET #1 - 9/10/19
Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
Beta 9/20/19....BFN
"I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

FET #2 - Tentatively 3/31/20 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing
Loss testing normal
Biopsy for ERA and Receptiva - 1/6/20

Re: January 2020 Mental Health Check-In

  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been): Depression and Generalized Anxiety

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW

    How are you feeling?  Pretty crappy.  We are house hunting, job hunting, and TTC.  So basically my whole life is a ball of uncertainty and I have no idea what my life will look like in 6 months.  The planner in me is struggling with that.  It also feels like those decisions drastically impact each other (where do we live to minimize commutes, but we don't know my job yet; should I be fighting for my ideal job or just something to tide me over while PG? Etc). But I am quitting my job today.  They cut my hours to only 6 a week and expect more than 6 hours of unpaid prep.  Don't have time for all that!

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.). I was on meds for about 18 months, but stopped about a year ago at the recommendation of my therapist.  Trying to decide if we should restart them, but not sure how meds and TTC work.  I found a new therapist recently after our move in May.  (We moved from NC to GA in May and are currently renting.  So we are looking to buy and move again).  It has been a really rough year, but just praying that 2020 will be better.  

    @inthewoods23. Thanks for starting this thread.  I appreciate having somewhere to check in!
  • @dobiemom11 you're welcome! I like using this as a reminder to make some kind of progress towards getting my butt in therapy

    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Anxiety and maybe depression, using this thread as a reminder to get working on finding someone to talk to professionally

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW

    How are you feeling? I've been so good this year (even though it's only 8 days!) then my work story from the WTF thread has my emotions detailed. I'm fine, but I need that piece of comfort to get myself really moving past my aggravation about the situation. Like I know I did nothing wrong but I have a hard time letting that stuff roll off my back.

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)
    Looking for support, and a therapist. Still have the list from the EAP group, but I've only narrowed the long list down to 5 or so people and need to dig a little deeper to find one I think I will like. I'm also still trying to figure out of I would benefit from meds or not. My issue is always right in the moment and then I'm generally okay afterward, but maybe that's just from heightened anxiety that I don't know is there so maybe meds would help? I have a lot to think about!
    TTGP January Siggy Challege - Gym Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively 3/31/20 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing
    Loss testing normal
    Biopsy for ERA and Receptiva - 1/6/20

  • Loading the player...
  • @inthewoods23. I had a great therapist in NC that my company EAP found for me.  When I moved here, I just wanted what I had with her.  I kept putting it off and then realized I was spiraling down.  Finally I thought, you don't get to have a two year relationship with someone without a first appointment.  Not sure how your benefits work, so not sure if you can try out some different people before making a commitment.  But keep it up and hopefully you will find someone great!
  • bserenabserena member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited January 8
    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Generalized anxiety, depression, ADHD

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WFAF to begin first cycle

    How are you feeling? Feeling pretty good right now. I've gotten back on my meds and am feeling really stable. I like the combination I am taking now. It was tough to find non-narcotics (as I am in recovery) to help my anxiety but we finally found something that works really well. I am worried about how I will have to come off most of them though once I am pregnant.

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) 
    On meds right now, I need to look into a therapist as well. I always put it off. I love that this thread is here though, it is really nice to have a place to share this sort of stuff.

    ETA Tags:
    @dobiemom11 We are in the home buying process too and it is incredibly stressful. I can't imagine if I was doing that and job hunting, that sounds like so much to deal with! Stay strong, it'll all be so worth it once your in your own home. Fx that you figure it all out soon and things go smoothly from here on out!

    @inthewoods23 Have you ever seen a psychiatrist? Might be worth seeing what they think! Also, a therapist I'm sure would be able to help you decide. Meds are hard because so much of it is trial and error, but I know I have benefited so much from them. It really is so different from person to person though. I'm sorry your dealing with all of that, anxiety can be so crushing and overwhelming. I hope you find a therapist you like and connect with soon.
  • @dobiemom11 our EAP only covers 3 sessions a year. Super lame, but it's better than nothing.

    @bserena I've never seen anybody for mental health, but looking back I probably should have been back in high school or college. But anyway, I know I need to change the way I think (thanks childhood), so that's why I thought starting with just a therapist, but I also feel I could possibly be diagnosed with anxiety/depression or what have you, but I can't do that from a therapist right? It would need to be a psychiatrist or psychologist?
    TTGP January Siggy Challege - Gym Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively 3/31/20 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing
    Loss testing normal
    Biopsy for ERA and Receptiva - 1/6/20

  • @inthewoods23 A licensed therapist can diagnose, and all therapists can "assess" you which basically means they can guide you into further treatment if they feel it is needed. My husband is a social worker but once he gets his license even he can diagnose. For medication however you will definitely need to go to a psychiatrist or other medical doctor. I think in your case I would just look for a licensed (typically masters level) therapist and see how it goes with them. They can diagnose you and work with you and recommend whether or not they think you can benefit from medication. I actually get my psych meds from a nurse practitioner, and I was diagnosed when I was 18 by a therapist. There are so many different ways to go about it. I think the biggest thing is just to get started, whether with a therapist or psychologist and then go from there. Taking that leap is usually the hardest part.
  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: not ready to share my specific diagnosis but it is a mood disorder 

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): waiting for CD1 to start NTNP

    How are you feeling? Ok today! I’ve been using Rachel Hollis’ priority planner to schedule my days and it’s helping a lot!

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I was diagnosed with a mood disorder in March 2018 and have had a hard time accepting it. I’m getting better about talking about it but don’t share the specifics with many people. I’m on three different medications to manage my mood and they’ve worked wonders. I see my therapist at least every other week and my psychiatrist every month. I did an intensive outpatient program in September that helped a lot too. 

    @bserena Talk to your prescriber about TTC and meds. When I was TTC a few years ago while taking meds for depression, my psychiatrist made sure to prescribe something that would be safe during pregnancy, just in case. It’s always more ideal to be off all meds, but sometimes that’s just not possible depending on how you’re doing. 

    @inthewoods23 I second want @bserena said. It’s really hard to reach out for help, but it can be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself. Also when choosing someone, just because you may an appt with them and see them doesn’t mean you’re set for life (unless your insurance doesn’t let you change for whatever reason). If you don’t like the first therapist you see, go find another one. Find one you like and can trust. It’ll make the process so much better for your healing. 

    Married 07.21.07
    DS#1 01.23.09
    DS#2 08.01.11
    TTC#3  08.31.15
    Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 05.16.17
    Hysteroscopy 10.04.17 10.05.17
    Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy/HSG 01.10.19
    Left tube removed
    dx: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis
    BC: February-October 2019
    TTA: November-December 2019
    NTNP: January 2020!

  • @bserena thank you! Is my anxiety showing? Haha 😅 I'm so concerned about starting myself on the right path. I was thinking I could find a therapist at least and maybe as part of my plan with them is to determine what my needs are and if I should persue treatment through other avenues. And as far as I can tell, a lot of my issues stem from my upbringing, but at the same time I really don't want to thinking about it all again by talking to a therapist, but I definitely would like to think about how I navigate the present to help me in the future.
    TTGP January Siggy Challege - Gym Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively 3/31/20 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing
    Loss testing normal
    Biopsy for ERA and Receptiva - 1/6/20

  • @inthewoods23 every therapist is different and has different approaches to how they will work with you. And when you find a good one, they won't pressure you to talk about things until you are ready! Many therapists are happy to work on just building healthier new coping skills and habits, vs. someone like a trauma therapist who focuses on the past. Many therapists will also do consultations or talk to you on the phone before your appointment, so you can get a sense of who they are! It can be scary, especially as someone with anxiety, to take that first step. But honestly, it is so worth it. Plus, you can always take it slowly. Go in and talk about your day, about small things, and work up to the bigger stuff. I don't know where I'd be without the help I've gotten in regards to this.

    @linzrunz thank you for mentioning that, I definitely will! I have an appointment next month and will make sure to talk about that. 
  • Ok, I know it's irrational to be this upset about the shoe story from the WTF thread because it's so insignificant in the grand scheme of the world I'm in, but when there so much other shit going on in my life and it feels like I'm getting kicked down from every direction, it just really hurts.

    Right now I'm in this state of needing validation that my hurt feelings about this are acceptable. 😭 
    TTGP January Siggy Challege - Gym Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively 3/31/20 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing
    Loss testing normal
    Biopsy for ERA and Receptiva - 1/6/20

  • Mental health diagnosis: Generalized anxiety disorder

    Status: Endlessly WTO after getting Nexplanon out 34 days ago. Have already managed to convince myself that my ovaries don’t work (see anxiety, above), and that after 12 years of hormonal contraception, they have forgotten how. 

    How are you feeling today? Very irrationally angry at the universe being unfair. **TW I had 2 patients this week who were “unexpectedly” pregnant. It just made me really angry that 20 somethings who are crappy at remembering pills get pregnant no problem, but wonderful people who are desperately trying are struggling. I want to give everyone in the IF thread a hug. 

    Where are you in your mental health journey?
    I have always dealt with anxiety, but was only briefly on lexapro while in school. Since being out of school I have mostly been OK, but the whole concept of trying to get pregnant is kicking the anxiety in to high gear. 

    @inthewoods23 I second all of the above recommendations about finding a good therapist. I will also add that if you have a good primary care doctor, they may be able to help from a medication perspective if you are not ready to see a psychiatrist. I work in primary care, and we manage these kind of medications all the time. Sometimes based on a diagnosis or recommendation from a therapist, but frequently even before an official diagnosis is made we can start something. Also, there definitely are medications that are generally thought to be safe while TTC, just make sure to tell any doctor you see that you are trying so they stick with safer medications. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about medications.
  • @fitzfizz when I had my first Nexplanon removed it took about 60 days to get a period. I was temping and my body attempted to ovulate but failed, then it basically went through the motions for another month until I got back to normal. I'm currently doing it again, you're not alone and this is not an abnormal experience (FWIW).
    fitzfizz
  • @inthewoods23 I would be upset and ticked off too!! Especially with all of the other stuff you are dealing with, it is totally normal and okay for you to feel hurt about it!! Sometimes it is the small things that seem insignificant that just push us over the edge. Hope they can figure it out for you and you'll still be able to get them and hopefully soon! People can be so inconsiderate.
  • I love that we do these. Great job starting this for us, @inthewoods23.

    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with panic disorder specifier.

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO (I think). This is my first cycle post-D&C, and my temps have been off this week due to our furnace being on the fritz (freezing in the house yesterday morning, hot as balls this morning, etc). 

    How are you feeling?: I'm doing okay. Much, much better than December. Being out of grad school has made me realize just how much headspace was being taken up by homework, research, client issues, etc. I've actually starting doing puzzles again, and it is so damn gratifying. I love it so much. This new year has me feeling reinvigorated and ready to proceed to the next chapter.

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.): I'm doing really well, actually. My grad school program was in clinical mental health, so through that journey I've come to recognize a lot sooner when I'm not doing well, so that self-awareness and attunement helped carry me through the latter part of 2019. I'm still struggling a bit, but as time goes on it's getting better.
    Me: 35 / DH: 39
    TTC #1 since May 2019
    MMC - Oct. 2019 (10 weeks); D&C Dec. 2019


    inthewoods23
  • Sigh, another week not being kind. I'm struggling again with everything that is going on.

    Robotics is it's usual amount of stress, I don't think I'm sleeping great, a customer last week was rude via email and again yesterday another was calling and emailing left and right, and I had my car's oil changed yesterday and found out my tie rods are loose so things need to be replaced and that's an hours long thing so now I need to schedule an appointment for that which entails being taken by the dealer's shuttle car to and from work that day, plus it's at least $100 for the repair. Also my tires are worn and need replacing too. Add on top of that finding out the health screenings through DH's work that are on site are the day we fly out for a cousin's wedding so that's another separate thing we have to schedule so that we can get the wellness incentive rates for his insurance next year.

    I don't feel like I see DH enough even though we go to bed every night together. 😢

    My goal today is to pick a therapist and hopefully give them a call later this week.
    TTGP January Siggy Challege - Gym Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively 3/31/20 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing
    Loss testing normal
    Biopsy for ERA and Receptiva - 1/6/20

  • Hope it is okay if I jump in here since I’m new. If not let me know and I’ll definitely wait until I’m more established:) 

    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:
    I have Generalized Anxiety and Depression 

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):
    Benched 

    How are you feeling?
    Really disappointed and depressed. Getting my period every two weeks for the past almost 4 months is really taking its toll. I feel like I was given a lot of hope for this cycle at my last dr appointment only to get my period right after I should have been ovulating.  

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I take cymbalta for my anxiety as it works for both it and some chronic pain I deal with. It’s really helpful but right now I am tapering off of it as I try to figure out what is going on with my body.  I did counseling for some time but since I am therapist myself I am trying to use the tools I know. Today and yesterday have been rough I’m sure hormones but I’ve cried a lot and just feel on edge. I feel guilty as well because I cried yesterday walking past the maternity section of target. I am lucky to have 2 amazing little girls so I feel i shouldn’t be upset about it taking time but I am... 

    June Siggy Challenge


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @allthingscozy happy to have you here! If you feel comfortable posting here then feel free to 🙂 Have you gotten any more information on your bleeding?

    And for anyone that needs a positive message today:
    TTGP January Siggy Challege - Gym Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively 3/31/20 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing
    Loss testing normal
    Biopsy for ERA and Receptiva - 1/6/20

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