Circumcision or NOT?

ambosb

Hello ladies!  I have a topic I would love to hear feedback on.  My son will be here June 2020 and I am seriously stressing over the whole circumcision thing!! I opted to have my older son, who is now 16 circumcised when he was a newborn and I have never felt so much guilt in my whole life!! It looked so bad and painful when they brought him back to me, I could not even change his diapers until it healed (which seemed to take FOREVER) without balling all over the place. And he came back a different, miserable baby.  A couple of years later, I actually watched a video on how it was done and I was so devestated of what I saw.  I have a lot of friends and family who since then have opted out of having it done.  One of my close friends who is now a doula, was a nurse who was in the room when this was preformed.  She can go on and on about how awful and unnecessary it is.  Even my husband is on the fence about this decision.  Can I please hear your thoughts? Concerns? Questions???

kyrwyn

Hi, @ambosb,

When we researched this choice for DS1, the medical advice was pretty split about whether to circumcise or not.  We talked to our prospective pediatrician about it, and she told us it was really a personal and cultural choice in her mind. This surprised me, because in my family it was just expected as a thing you do, ostensibly for medical reasons.  DH is not circumcised and since I don't have the corresponding anatomy I felt like his feelings (which were strong) were more important than my 50/50 guess based on literature review and what my parents had chosen.  We ultimately chose not to circumcise DS1, and will also not circumcise our new LO (June 2020). 

We've had no problems with our now two-year-old DS1 from this choice.  In retrospect, I'm glad we didn't add circumcision to our already complicated and emotional start at being new parents (medical, family, etc, drama occurring at the same time) but I would have supported DH's choice either way. 

Best of luck working through this decision. I hope you get helpful feedback from your medical team and your community.  

chaos-and-coffee

@ambosb I ultimately let my husband weigh in on this, because I truly didn’t have strong feelings one way or the other and considered his opinion because as @kyrwyn said he’s got the anatomy. We did circumcise DS, and will if this baby is a boy too. We didn’t have any issues with it being done in the hospital or healing. It’s definitely a personal decision, and I hope you come to one that you feel comfortable with. 

pnkfaerie

I have 2 boys both unaltered. Both have never had issues and the pediatrician said it's an unnecessary proceedure that can have more risks than benefits. 

hanshotfirst77

Similar to @chaos-and-coffee I let my husband decide when I was pregnant with DS. He is circumcised and we had no issues. My June baby is a girl but if she was a boy I would have him circumcised as well. I agree it’s a very personal decision. Good luck with whatever you decide. 

ReneeJ2011

Like others have said it is a personal and cultural decision.  DH and I talked before DS was born and we both agreed that we felt it was unnecessary so DS is intact and this LO will be too.  My biggest thing was it cannot be undone once you have done it so he would never have a choice.  We did not want to do an unnecessary procedure on our newborn that has risk and very minimal benefit that he may not agree with when he is grown and I didnt want that kind of possible regret later.  We have had no issues at all with DS being intact other than my dad making a comment after DS was born about him not being circumcised I shut that down real fast and have had no issues or comments since.  

pourmeanothermocktail

We chose not to, as most of the developed world does not. Europe generally does not. My husband is, but isn't really sure why. My son is nearly 4 with no issues. If he wants to later in life, I'll support that. But I couldn't find enough reason to have the procedure done, especially after 3 weeks of serious NICU time. 

I have friends who have made both choices. I've known a few people who had issues after it was done and needed to have it re-done later on. I haven't know anyone with any issues from not having done it at birth. I've know people who did it to have no issues too. Plenty of them.

To me, it's a cultural decision. Best of luck!

lynkat

Like many others have said - it’s a very personal decision and I let my DH weigh in as a man. He wanted his sons to be circumcised. I didn’t feel comfortable with the way the procedure was done in the hospital/doctors office and know several friends whose sons have had issues and even revisions later on. We opted to use a mohel (we are not Jewish so no ceremony) and we were very pleased with the procedure. It was very quick (about 15 seconds), DH & I were there with each of our two sons the whole time, I could immediately nurse right after, and healing was fast. We used the same mohel both times and will use him again if this baby is a boy. He travels around the country so if you’re interested in this option feel free to DM me! Good luck in your decision.

kerco925

I am also deferring to DH on this one since he is a man and he is also Jewish.   We havent discussed it yet, but I figure he will choose to circumcise.  

ErikandAfton

This one was a hard one for me. Dh is circumcised. He told me that he didn't care one way or another what we ultimately did, but that there may be questions down the line if they didnt "match" so to speak. My Dad is not circumcised and my brother is. My Dad felt very strongly about my brother being circumcised so when I had questions I spent some time talking to him. (My Dad and I are really close, my Mom died when I was 23 so my dad is like my person other than DH).  My Dad and his brothers where not circumcised, even though his Dad was. My Dad said it's always been something of a frustration and that although the cleaning is relatively simple that it can have many issues. We ultimately decided to have DS circumcised and will have it done on baby brother too. 

knottie685d6689a2accabe

We will not be removing part of his body. You would not remove part of a girls genitals, unfortunately in the US it's just more common to remove a boy's. Being more common or a "cultural preference" doesn't make it the correct choice. In other countries they remove part of girls, yet we're horrified by this. Time to say no to all forms of genital mutilation, about 70% of the global population already has thankfully. Ask your self why and decide if that reason is important enough.

kerco925

To each his own.  You see this as a right or wrong issue.  To me, it's not that black or white. 

pourmeanothermocktail

knottie685d6689a2accabe said:

We will not be removing part of his body. You would not remove part of a girls genitals, unfortunately in the US it's just more common to remove a boy's. Being more common or a "cultural preference" doesn't make it the correct choice. In other countries they remove part of girls, yet we're horrified by this. Time to say no to all forms of genital mutilation, about 70% of the global population already has thankfully. Ask your self why and decide if that reason is important enough.

If you want to be a part of this board, please update your user name, post an intro (if you haven't already, I can't tell because your user name is gibberish), and try to keep a civil tongue.

I may not agree with things other parents do, but I can be kind when I counsel.

For whatever reason the AAP is still educating doctors and parents that there may be benefits to this procedure. I don't agree with them, but when a major health governing body in your country and probably your pediatrician is telling you that they think it's a good idea, it's no surprise that many parents are still doing it. I don't agree with the practice, but I don't see it as helpful to berate parents.

chaos-and-coffee

Came here to say what @pourmeanothermocktail said re. being nice but she said it better than what I was gonna say so I’ll just say +1 and update your username if you want to interact on this board, please. 

ETA there was plenty of discussion for or against this and it was all kind, my DS is circumcised and if this one is a boy he will be too, and I was 0% offended by anyone who is against that decision. Parenting is hard enough without fellow parents making you feel like what you’re doing is wrong. 

kyrwyn

Another +1 to @pourmeanothermocktail. It's fine to have strong opinions about topics, but it's not okay to attack others through tone or word choices. We won't always agree with one another but hopefully we can be polite about it when our opinions diverge.  There are many choices in pregnancy and parenting that will divide even usually like-minded individuals and our binding trait is that we're all due the same month(ish) and have found this forum.

runwmusic

+1 for @pourmeanothermocktail saying it nicer than I would have. Ds is circumcised and if this is a boy it will be also. To each their own and that was our decision. 

mariabele

Absolutely ditto to @pourmeanothermocktail's comment and all the responses! We're having a boy. I'm culturally jewish (although I don't practice) and circumcision is very common and expected. I'm not sure that I personally agree with it—I'll defer to my husband, who does not come from a culture of circumcision and will likely not want to do it—but this is not something where one needs to levy judgement. Female and male circumcision are also very very different. There is vast evidence that female circumcision is harmful, which isn't true of its male counterpart.

pourmeanothermocktail

Eh, I will argue that there is some evidence of male circumcision having potential harm. There are risks, and it can be botched, or result in nerve damage amongst other things. But, again, it's not a for sure harmful in every single case. Still no reason for being rude. 

I just hope that it's done with local anesthesia when it's done.

carpediem55

We will be circumcising this little boy. I don’t have any issues with it. But do understand the opposite view point. 

Australian_girl_in_Paris

So it would be interesting to note that outside the US it’s very uncommon to circumcise for anything other than religious reasons. 

In our family we know of people having to call the mohel (special kind of Rabbi that only duty is curcumcisions) after doctors have messed up the procedure. So maybe if your thinking of doing it then perhaps call the mohel @lynkat knows. Or contact your local liberal synagogue (orthodox mohel generally won’t do non-Jews) for whom ever they work with. 

mommaweasel

I have a 14 year old son.  I had no question at the time whether to have him circumcised or not, just thought it's what you do. Apparently my doctor at the time was firmly against circumcision and when the time came he forced me in the room to watch, even had a nurse block me from leaving.  He kept saying,  look what I'm doing to your son when I'd try to look away. I was absolutely horrified. I still have nightmares 14 years later . I wish I could go back and slap that man. 
We're having a little girl so I don't have to worry about it this time, but if she were a boy, I honestly don't know if I could get it done again after that experience 

runwmusic

@mommaweasel that is absolutely awful. I hope you reported him to the hospital management or something. I'm so sorry. 

bbluemoo

We don’t know the sex yet so we haven’t had a super in depth discussion. We have briefly talked about it and I’m definitely leaning towards not circumcising while my husband would like to (he is circumcised). I just don’t particularly want to put my baby through a painful procedure that isn’t absolutely necessary. But if we end up finding out that this baby is a boy and my husband decides that he feels extremely strongly about it, we will probably do it. 

diagonalley

I have 2 sons, both circumcised. Our third is a boy and will be as well. There are risks to both doing it and not. Both of our boys' procedures were fine and uncomplicated and neither have had issues since. Healing was super fast and easy to manage. 

I have a friend who chose not to have her son circ. and he ended up needing it done as a kid because of some complications, so there are certainly some possible risks to not having it done as well.  Either way, I think the associated risks are generally unlikely to happen and certainly not predictable.