Ask a STM+ in January

pengy16

I took 8 weeks last time since I had a c-section. I had that much leave saved up. My company only offered the mandated 12 weeks FMLA unpaid leave but I could substitute the unpaid with any saved PTO. I stock piled the leave I had and then worked so much overtime to add a little extra to the pot. It also saved me from having to use any leave for doctors appointment. I worked up to the day I went to L&D. Luckily, DS was born in December so I got lots of free holiday hours too so that helped me reach the full 8 weeks. 
This time around, my current company offers 6-8 weeks of STD, plus 2 weeks paid parental leave. I was already told by my OB that I will need another c-section so I will get the 8 weeks of STD. I plan to take the full 12 weeks so I will supplement 2 weeks of PTO to make it work. 

ziggymama06

Has anyone used a modified seatbelt when your bump gets bigger?  MH found some attachment that doesn't go below the bump, but rather between your legs(?), and is supposed to be safer... it just looks ridiculous!    

coldlife

No, I haven't. My first reaction is, "of course, yet another gimmick preying on our desires to keep us and our children safe just to get us to part with our coin." 

From what I found, these apparently aren't regulated in any way. 

blackgirlmagic

@ziggymama06 I’m on a Facebook group for car seat safety and that is not allowed to be used when pregnant. All you need to do is to put the seat belt below your bump and not across your bump. 

ziggymama06

This Q is for all the mamas.... have you gotten a flu shot while pregnant?  Did you get the flu shot this season?  I  have never gotten the flu shot bc I'm not a fan of putting things into my body that aren't necessary.  However, my dr strongly suggested that I get one now bc getting the flu while preggo could cause serious implications to baby.  She said that there haven't been any cases where the flu shot negatively affected the baby in utero.  I'd love to hear some thoughts on this.  Thx. 

jillianm101317

I got my flu shot at my pregnancy confirmation visit. A fever is extremely dangerous to baby, so recommend your partner get one too. This was actually the first time I’ve ever gotten a flu shot but figured it was worth it to keep baby safe. Also the flu shot is one of the safest vaccines out there so no need to worry about harm to your baby.

blackgirlmagic

@ziggymama06 before I got pregnant with my daughter I never got the flu shot and I never got the flu. Now I get it every year and so does my daughter. 

WishesSheCouldCook

I got a flu shot prior to getting pregnant. If i hadn’t i would for sure get one while pregnant (and did last time with my December 15 baby) Pregnancy really messes with your body and can make it harder for you to fight it. Pregnant women are on the priority list for the shot when there are shortages because they are at a higher risk of dying from flu complications.

kimbo262

I used to never get one (either I forgot or just didn’t take the time), but I got one in my first tri with my son (he’s 4 and perfectly healthy). I got one just before getting pregnant (if you have kids, they highly recommend getting it), but if I didn’t, I’d get one now. They also made sure my husband got his, too. 

emiliadkay

@ziggymama06 Like @blackgirlmagic, I never got the flu shot until pregnancy/having a kid, now it's an annual thing for me. Both pregnancies I got the shot while still TTC just because the flu season timing worked out that way, but if I hadn't I would have gotten it while pregnant. At my OB appointment last week, my doctor actually chased me down when I was leaving because she'd forgotten to ask if I already had it, and wanted to make sure I got it asap if not.

gomillis

@ziggymama06 I started getting the flu shot when I was pregnant with DS and now DH, DS, and I get it every year. Like all vaccines, it’s safe and more importantly, it will protect your baby. Plus it has the added benefit of protecting other people who might be especially vulnerable to the flu, like young children, elderly people, and people with immune deficiencies. 

You’ll probably also be given the option to get other vaccines while pregnant. These are also a good idea to get for the same reasons. When we were pregnant with DS, we insisted that anyone who came into contact with him got the rubella (whooping cough) vaccine, because whooping cough is very dangerous to newborns and they can’t get vaccinated until they’re two months old. 

Sorry to get so long winded. Vaccines are kind of my soap box issue!

radiohd18

The same with others- I didn't get the flu shot before my first pregnancy and now I never go a year without it. 

RedBaramid

I grew up with my mother who is immunocompromised. She can't get almost any vaccines. Her body just can't take them. I'm a STRONG advocate for all vaccines and I believe in herd immunity. I've always gotten vaccinated for the flu. It was just part of my life.  When I started working in social services I stayed the course since I worked with at risk populations. 

My shining star example is this year: This year I haven't been insured since I left my job and my husband's insurance for me hasn't kicked in yet. I did not get vaccinated like I usually do. Sure enough during that early pregnancy time when our immune systems tend to be lowered because our body is focusing on the development of the pregnancy, I got hit with Flu A.  I haven't had the actual flu in 7 years but I got hit this year.  My husband and daughter had coverage and got their shots.. neither of them got it. As soon as my OB offers the shot, I'll be taking it even though I've already had the flu this year.  This year flu has been extremely rough, I wouldn't risk not getting a vaccine if you can take it. 

gomillis

ALSO getting a flu shot now will help protect your baby for a few months after they’re born, before they can get vaccinated. 

cornichonmam

@ziggymama06 Both times I got the flu jab the day I found out I was pregnant. (In the UK you can just pop into some pharmacies and get one for about £10.) 

When I was young I got the flu jab every year because my brother has a respiratory illness. The first year I didn't get one when I went to university I got bad flu and was ill for 5 weeks, for two of those weeks I was severly ill and was only concious for about 5h a day.

lachnessmomster

@ziggymama06 Chalk me up for another flu shot. Just got mine last week with this pregnancy, and received it during my last pregnancy as well. My kids got theirs a couple months back, and they cried so much. I was, like, "Awh, I know. It's okay!" Then I got mine and was like. "SON OF A - !" Haha! I wanted to cry, too. I don't remember it being so painful the last time. My arm is still bruised, but damnit, I did my part and got the shot.

samsonator

I also got the flu shot for the first time when pregnant with my daughter!
I got it when TTC this time so I don't know if my baby has any protection when born?? I'm thinking not. That's a bummer. I'm worried to go through next winter without baby having any flu protection. 

riatortillaxo

Seems like a relevant question following the flu shot inquiry.... I feel super sick today. I cannot keep anything down. I feel like it is unlikely that my morning sickness went from vomiting once or twice in the morning to all of a sudden vomiting up everything I eat. Anyone experience otherwise? I'm assuming this is not pregnancy related so when should I be concerned? I keep taking my temperature and have no fever. 

gomillis

@riatortillaxo I’d err on the side of caution and call your doctor. Your baby is most likely safe it is just extra miserable to be sick while pregnant and you could get dehydrated. 

I hope you feel better soon! 

emiliadkay

@riatortillaxo Just checking in to see how you're doing. Able to keep any fluids down?

ffw0617

Up at 6am reading all the things/ catching up 

re: travel- i did not travel after 20 weeks with DS. My son was born at 35 weeks, after 28 ish weeks i was miserable sitting and standing long periods. By 24 weeks my back hurt but otherwise i was fine. I traveled for the holidays at 14/15 weeks and for a birthday party at 20 weeks. But none after that. I definitely plan on doing a trip for vacation at least once before 3rd tri. But my reluctance is more about comfort than fear of early labor. 

re: babymoon- didn’t have one the first go round definitely need one this go round. I haven’t had a vacation in 3+ years 

maternity leave- last time i took a 16 week completely unpaid maternity leave (in fact i quit my job- due to insurance issues-at 32ish weeks then so total of 5 months not working). I’d recommend at least 3 months especially if you have a c section (I didn’t poop normally until 11 weeks, I didn’t stop having random pains until 10 weeks). This time I already have a phenomenal nanny. No matter how long i stay home i plan on having her involved from week 6. Depending on my job situation I might go back pt at 6/8 weeks. And go back full at 12. Last time i quit bc mostly bc insurance issues (best decision i made) but also I didn’t wanna rush to come back. MH & I saved the entire 9 months (my last pregnancy was planned completely from start to finish) so I could stay home for up to 6 months with financial issues. But this time i have no desire to be a sahm, I actually like the job i have now and plan to return earlier, and i wont be breastfeeding this time (i just stopped breastfeeding my 20 month old a week ago after a long long struggle I’d never do again) so we can plan for a much shorter leave. If anything were saving for the increase childcare cost.

riatortillaxo

@gomillis @emiliadkay Thanks! I'm feeling better this morning. I sipped water throughout the night and am keeping it down. Any nausea now feels like my usual morning sickness so I'm hoping it's back to normal. I think I ate something that I didn't agree with on Friday night. I'm enjoying a popsicleniw!  I'm going to check in with my OB to see if they have concerns. 

ziggymama06

@riatortillaxo Glad you are feeling better girl!  That must have been a bit scary.

annabanana051416

I got the flu shot this year before I get pregnant, and I get one every year. With my son I got it during an OB appointment at the beginning of the second trimester, which happened to be early October. I would definitely recommend getting one.

faith_2911

@ziggymama06 I don't know why, but I used to be kind of lazy about getting the flu shot... most years I got it, but some I didn't. I really had no good reason, just didn't always make a point of getting around to it.
Ever since I started teaching, I've gotten the shot every year. Last spring I did still manage to get the flu (in like, May of all times) but it was MUCH more bearable than the last time I had the flu without having had a shot. The worst part only really lasted a few days and I recovered from it much quicker than usual. Tamiflu played a role, I'm sure, since I caught it pretty early on. But I've also heard that having the shot can make the flu less severe if you do still get it. 

kgrgreen

When did everyone stop picking up their LOs? My Dr told me not to lift anything over 25 lbs and DD is 38 lbs. I meant to ask for clarification at my appointment yesterday but totally forgot.

radiohd18

I can't tell you the weight that I really stopped trying her lift DD but she was about 3-years-old when I started to tell her that I can't carry her around anymore, and DH would carry her on his shoulders. But I still lifted her in and out of the tub back then. Now, she's 5 and 45lbs and I am definitely not carrying her anymore. I just hold her hand as she steps out of the tub.

tara4910

My daughter is 45 lbs and I still carry her at least once a day for something. I hadn’t even thought about it being an issue.  Someone with more kids please advise!

samsonator

I still carry my 3.5 year old often. She's 38ish pounds and needy. I do tell her I can't carry her up and down the stairs but often times she ends up on my back for a back ride.

wildrainbow

I still carry both my kiddos, ds1 is 36 pounds, and ds2 is 20 pounds. I dont carry ds1 often, but sometimes he feels needy and I carry him. I carried him when I was pregnant with ds2 and never had any issues. It's not feasible, all the time, not to carry a toddler. I will say, baby wearing can help disperse the weight if they insist on being carried. Mostly, I just explained to ds1 that I couldn't pick him up a lot and he understood. Ds2 is only 15mo, and still needs to be carried a lot, so I dont foresee me stopping carrying him in the future. 

RedBaramid

I've stopped carrying my 40lbs 5y/o kiddo just a few weeks ago... because my husband is insisting. He still carries her on his shoulders and sometimes just carries her if she is upset or hurt. I'd carry her for as long as I could for short duration if I had it my way. I'm pretty scared the last time I picked her up will be the last time, I'm not ready for her to be a big kid.  

chrissyw0618

My son is just 26 lbs. He just stopped BFing 11 days ago and is teething so he wants to be carried pretty much all the time hes around us. Unless he's playing outside or inside naked then he just wants to run wild and free. My doctor hasn't said anything about it. But my back hurt starting around 24 weeks last time, so once that starts I won't be carrying him anymore.

jwhite3116

My OB said that o shouldn't lift anything over 30 lbs. Then she turned around and said, but you have kids so sometimes you have to be a mom. My oldest is 6 so I rarely carry him and when I do it's piggy back considering he's over 4 feet tall. My almost 4 year old is 35+ pounds and still wants to be carried but now that I figured out I have diastasis recti I've told him I can't pick him up anymore

coldlife

My oldest is about 30 pounds. I still lift her occasionally. I don't carry her though, but I pretty much stopped doing that once she was able to walk across a parking lot while holding hands without falling. I will be carrying 2 for awhile yet because she is not walking. She's about 15 pounds. Hoping for an early walker over here!

radiohd18

Here's a question for STMs- we have a very sick Uncle in our family that DH has always been close to. They live several states away so visiting them would be pretty big trip with a flight. DH wants me and DD (5yo) to fly down  with him soon to see him because he is not doing well while he's currently in hospital, might end up in a hospice soon. My first instinct was that DD is too young to be witnessing this kind of thing but I could use an outside opinion. 

This one is tricky and I am totally open-minded/not judgey about other's opinions. 

blackgirlmagic

I still carry my 3.5 yo and she's about 33 pounds.

tyrion_

I still carry my 2.5 year old (~35 lbs). I’m sure it’ll decrease the larger I get but sometimes it’s just easier/safer. My body is pretty used to it and unless I have some cramping or pelvic discomfort, I’ll just limit it vs completely eliminate it. 

tyrion_

@radiohd18 I didn’t have much of a choice because it was my daily life but my dad became paralyzed when my son was 2. He was in and out of the hospital and was basically bed bound. I found that my son being around him, in and out of the hospital setting, kind of normalized it for him. He sees people in wheelchairs or with oxygen now and he just thinks it’s their accessory like we would carry a purse. 

When my dad was very sick at the end of his life, he was mostly sleeping and my son just chalked it up to him being tired like he gets tired when it’s time to nap or go to bed. 

It might be a little different for your 5 year old since she may understand more. But we’ve been very open about it with him and he frequently talks about him still which makes our hearts happy.

I don’t think I answered your question but I just wanted to share a similar experience. 

Edit: fixed spelling error 

wildrainbow

@radiohd18 Like @tyrion_ my oldest was around my mom who was wheelchair bound and usually sick. He just chalked it up to normalcy and now when he sees someone in a wheelchair, he treats them no different. I am of the opinion that kids know a lot more than we give them credit for. They will pick up on the grief, regardless. I feel like if you explain it up front with your 5yo, she may surprise you. Plus, kids have a way of adding some levity to those situations that you didnt know you needed. I watched my mom die, it was awful and had she not been in ICU, my kiddo would have gotten to say goodbye. But going home every day, seeing him smile and laugh, reminded me that even tho my mom was gone, life moves on. He helped me more with her death than anything else. 

radiohd18

@wildrainbow we are already starting to get into the questions about grandparents and my own father who passed away before DD was born. I guess we've been worried that, with too many details, she might get scared about the fact that you don't have to be very very old to pass away. She's realllly sensitive and I don't want to say the wrong thing.