PGAL Check-In | Dec 16

m6agua

It's been a while...

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es)

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 

Previous loss(es)? 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 

Any appointment updates? 

Rants/Raves/Questions? 

Any milestones coming up? 

GTKY: Do you do New Years Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year?

pirateduck

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 
18+5, due May 13, FTM

Previous loss(es)? 
CP April 2017, BO July 2019

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 
My anxiety is high, still waiting on results from amnio to see if baby has SMA

Any appointment updates? 
Had amnio to test baby for SMA as we found out both my husband and I are carriers, have had 2 centering classes, which is ok so far, anatomy scan 12/26

Rants/Raves/Questions? 
I am really frustrated because I feel that all the testing I've had this pregnancy was not adequately explained and I'm realizing there are tests I've had that I would have opted out of had I been presented more information and given a clear choice.  I feel like the doctors just drew a ton of blood early in pregnancy and when I asked about what it was all for I was just told it was all routine stuff and the standard of care and some was required by the state and kinda brushed off.  As I get more and more test results I wish I had pushed for more information up front because some I didn't want and some were tests that were repeated unnecessarily that I'd already had (like is my blood type really going to change in the course of 6 months?  look at my files before running unnecessary tests).  I can't undo what's been done, but will definitely ask more questions going forward.

Also recently a friend sent me a gift (after a lengthy phone call catching up on life) and it was a necklace for my angel baby, and while I am touched and I know it's because she cares and wants to cheer me up and show support and all that...  all I can think is that I'd much rather focus on and celebrate my current pregnancy as I'm trying to get past my loss and trying to be excited about having a baby (I don't know if I can ever wear it and quickly closed the box once I saw what it was). 

I still feel like I can't truly celebrate and be excited and while I've told a bunch of people I'm pregnant, we aren't totally public with it and I can't talk about it with anyone without crying, soooooo yeah, I guess I'm still a basket case.  Just hoping for a call from the doctor with good news. 

Any milestones coming up?
no. 

GTKY: Do you do New Years Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year?
My goals involved health and pregnancy and a career change.  Since I found out I was pregnant, I put the job change on hold until after the baby arrives (unless I can find something with awesome insurance).  So I guess next year's goals will likely involve resuming the job hunt.

shamrocandroll

Whew, I needed this thread today!  Thanks for starting @m6agua

@pirateduck Ugh, my heart aches for you right now in this limbo.  I'm sorry you felt like you weren't given a clear picture of the testing they did on you early, and about your friend sending you an emotional gift at this stressful time.  I hope everything comes back negative ASAP and you can move on to being excited! 

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?  19+4 / May 7 / 1 DS

Previous loss(es)?  MMC in Nov '18 and early loss in Feb '19

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?  Well I was doing okay until today when **TMI

I saw a HUGE glob of mucusy grossness when I wiped after going to the bathroom this morning, resembling what my mucus plug looked like before going into labor with DS1.  I started to feel some light cramping and proceeded to freak the eff out.

Any appointment updates?  Based on above, I went straight into my OB office, which thankfully is 5 minutes up the road (15 if you count the stupid parking garage, ugh).  They had no one available to check me, but they made room for me anyway and found an OB between visits to do a cervix check.  Still closed up, and she didn't see anything unusual under the microscope, so that's good.  She told me I did the right thing coming in and was very sweet and reassuring.  She gave me some things to be on the lookout for and even did a HB check on the doppler, which sounded great.

Rants/Raves/Questions?  Loved getting the bonus heartbeat this morning, but wish it hadn't come under such stressful circumstances!  I came pretty close to crying in the hallway a couple of times while they were scrambling to try to fit me into the schedule, but managed to come back to work and get some productive work done afterwards.  

Any milestones coming up?  Passed them all.

GTKY: Do you do New Years Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year?  Nope, I resolve to not make new year's resolutions.  I like to think of life more as one continuous opportunity to improve myself.  

pirateduck

Gah!  I just about had a heart attack.  I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize and thought it was the MFM.  Nope, just a spam call.

shamrocandroll

@pirateduck And you just gave me a heart attack reading about your heart attack!  

ruby696

@pirateduck I've gone back and forth with the idea of a tattoo commemorating my losses. I haven't done it because while the intention would be to honor those babies, I'm afraid I'll just remember heartbreak and sadness everytime I look at it. I think it was a nice gesture on your friends part, but I totally get how you feel about the necklace, especially being pregnant.

@shamrocandroll I'm so glad things look good! And kind of amused that I was so happy to hear about the state of your cervix. 😂 Your OB's office sounds really nice and it's great that you were give compassion and not an attitude.

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?  18+4/May 14th/TTM

Previous loss(es)? 3 CP's and 3 MMC's.

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I was feeling really good until I took a bath and then didn't feel much movement. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I've refused to take baths until this weekend, just in case. I can't wait until these kids/rolls are stronger.

Any appointment updates? Babies looked great last Friday. AS on Monday and I'm so nervous. It feels like that's the last major hurdle.

Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm being ridiculous about the bath thing, right??

Any milestones coming up? 

GTKY: Do you do New Years Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year? I don't normally do New Years Resolutions. I guess this year will be do eat all the eggs and protein so my babies get nice and big. Even when the thought makes me gag.

pirateduck

@ruby696 I quit baths and hot springs while TTC.  Maybe I was being overly cautious, but how do I know how hot is too hot?  Do I have to get a bathtub thermometer?  I still haven't had a bath and we have a huge tub at home and I'd love one from time to time, but I'm paranoid.  Like paranoid in a way that my relaxing bath would not be relaxing.  Baths are supposed to be safe.  I even cleaned my tub out really well last week with the intention of taking a bath and I just couldn't do it.  I'm sure your baby is just fine, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the bathtub paranoia.

and EGGS.  I have hardly eaten any eggs.  Eggs are usually a staple in my diet because I am a vegetarian (though my husband is convinced I need meat during pregnancy) and I raise my own chickens and ducks for eggs and we have sooooo many eggs at home and they are sooooo good, at least they were until I was pregnant and now I can't hardly bring myself to eat eggs once every few weeks.

ruby696

@pirateduck I kept the water cooler than I normally would and my RE said baths are fine as long as I didn't keep adding hot water. My low back has been hurting so badly, and I just needed to soak with some Epsom salt. Not worth it though, even though I can feel them moving. 

Re: eggs - my doctor said they're the perfect protein, especially with twins. I'm just so tired of them though. Ugh. Oh well, I'll keep eating them. 🤢

pirateduck

@ruby696 exactly, I want to ease my back pain since I can't load up on meds...  but again, paranoid, my doctor said baths are fine as well.

splashmountain

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 
18+4, 5/14, stm

Previous loss(es)? 
12/16 MC, 7/18 CP

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Physically I'm fine, just the normal aches and pains in my hips and pelvis. Emotionally I'm feeling confident. Everything looks good and I can feel baby moving occasionally so I'm happy.

Any appointment updates? Anatomy scan this Thursday.

Rants/Raves/Questions? 

Any milestones coming up? 
Christmas is the 3rd anniversary of our first loss. We spent a few hours that morning in the ER. I was so afraid that losing the baby on Christmas would ruin the holiday for me, but honestly, I feel like that day is so full of food, family and activities, that I don't have time to dwell on it. We have an ornament with the one sonogram picture that we got and place it front and center every year as we honor the birth of our sweet child.

GTKY: Do you do New Years Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year?
This year my New year's resolution was to lose weight and get pregnant. I joined ww in Jan and by the time I got my bfp on 9/5, I had lost 62 lbs so I accomplished both my goals. Next year, I plan to restart ww after baby is born and I want to start a blog. I'm always afraid of starting something and failing, but I've decided if it goes nowhere, then it goes nowhere. I have to try or I'll wonder for the rest of my life what could have been.

@pirateduck I'm sorry you're stuck waiting, how frustrating! And I'm sorry the necklace was hard for you. I understand your friend was being supportive, but everyone deals with their losses differently. 

Omg @shamrocandroll how scary! I'm so glad your OB office was able to squeeze you in and set your feara at ease. Hugs for such a stressful day!

@ruby696 I wouldn't worry about the bath too much. At this point, we can feel the babies, but not that consistent movement that will come soon so it's easy to focus on how little movement you're feeling when you're nervous about something. They're doing great in there!

ieles2531

Definitely needed this thread this week also...today is the one year anniversary of our official diagnosis with my last pregnancy. In the space of 48 hours we went from expecting a healthy baby boy in 8 weeks to having to face the fact that our son was going to die. Add in a 3 year old and Christmas and having to tell our families...it was a complete shitshow. I really did not expect it to hit me this hard today but for some reason it did. I’ve got an OB appt tomorrow and MFM Thursday, now I’m convinced that this week is cursed and I’m going to get really bad news. Luckily DD is in school and DH is at work so I have some space and time to myself. 

@ruby696 take a bath! I take one pretty much every day with salt and a rose oil bath bomb. I set my hot tub to 96 degrees for a point of reference so my water isn’t ever too hot. 

@shamrocandroll I am so glad you’re ok! 

@pirateduck I am so, so sorry that you are still waiting. The 48 hours between the echo (which my husband was in the room for and told me after that he was pretty sure it was HLHS) and the cardiologist visit were the second most excruciating 48 hours of my life, and I had a pretty good idea of what they were going to say. I’m definitely hoping you get great news. 

shamrocandroll

@ruby696 I hope you've since felt some movement and feel better.  Baths are totally fine if kept below body temperature!  But I get the paranoia, believe me (says the lady who spent 2 hours at the doctor yesterday to get some mucus checked out).  You have a home doppler, right?  I hope the AS brings you lots of relief!!!

@splashmountain I'm so sorry about your loss anniversary coming up.  I hope you're surrounded by love, friends, and family this year so you're not dwelling on it too much.  

@ieles2531 I'm so sorry for your tough anniversary as well.  I completely feel you on feeling like a certain time period is "cursed".  I ended up at my OB the day after my loss milestone for a HB check to ease my anxieties.  I hope your appointment tomorrow goes great and brings you some peace of mind!

pirateduck

@ieles2531 Send hugs and strong brave thoughts.  I’m glad you have an appointment soon, I hope it helps.

splashmountain

@ieles2531 I'm sorry for your hard anniversary. Hoping all your appointments this week go perfectly

m6agua

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?  18+5 / May 14 / STM

Previous loss(es)? Nov '15 - BO/MMC

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Physically I am great. Emotionally I am mostly fine. I feel like this time around I don't have time to even think about the pregnancy. Except I haven't felt movement yet, its been 3+ weeks since my last appointment and I am now going to the AS alone. So I just keep thinking all the doom and gloom things that could come up at the AS.

Any appointment updates?  AS on Thursday!

Rants/Raves/Questions? I am just so busy with life which thankfully helps me not think about the AS too much. But then when I do I get nervous.

Any milestones coming up? Nope

GTKY: Do you do New Years Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year? I don't do anything official, I think this past year my goal was to get healthier with my diet and lose some weight. I didn't really lose any weight, but I did well with my nutrition for a while. Another big goal was to pay off some debt. We started out great, but did pretty bad for the second half of the year. I had to balance transfer the rest so my big goal for next year is to pay that off. I think it is totally doable, maybe even before the end of the year. We also want to finally get in with our financial planner next year too.

ruby696

@shamrocandroll I just can't wait for the days when I can really feel them. It's hard with two, be are they both moving? Or do I keep feeling the same one - even though they're on different sides. Logically I know it's fine, but the dreams where I start bleeding aren't helping. PGAL brain sucks. I guess I should get the doppler out tonight. 

@splashmountain I'm songlad your holiday isn't ruined. I keep little bird ornaments on my tree for each loss. It's a little sad when I first get them out, but I'm glad they're a part if our holdiday.

@ieles2531 I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a devastating anniversary. FX your appointments go well and baby is perfect. 

Eta: grammar 

m6agua

@pirateduck I hope that those results come back soon! I'm sure the wait is agonizing. FWIW, I am pretty sure my office has tested my blood type routine with other tests for all 3 of my pregnancies. I'm sorry that your friends gift was poor timing. I saw someone else's suggestion about adding some charms, I hope that can be a good solution.

@shamrocandroll I'm really glad they got you in and everything was fine!

@ruby696 I think taking a bath is fine. Can you use your doppler for some reassurance? Our brains work weird and can be super irrational.
I got a tattoo to commemorate my loss. I chose to put it on my wrist because I wanted to be able to see it and not ever forget about that baby. A lot of times I don't think about it or notice it, but when I need to I will look at it and remember.

ETA

@ruby696 @pirateduck I was eating eggs for breakfast a lot with my last pregnancy, then all of a sudden I couldn't. I would gag every time bringing the fork to my mouth. I actually was unable to eat them for about a year after pregnancy. Luckily this time around I can. Have you guys tried them different ways? I like to do a breakfast hash with scrambled eggs, diced sweet potatoes, sausage, spinach and tomatoes. Sometimes I will put ranch or avocado over it for added fat.

@splashmountain I am sorry that this time of year can be hard, that sounds like a perfect way to remember your loss! Bravo on your NYR! Sounds like you have a great plan for next year.

@ieles2531 I'm sorry for this tough anniversary. I'm sure last year was very difficult. I hope the appointment goes well and you get fantastic news and can ease your mind if only for a little bit, I know our brains usually always go to worst case, even if there is no reason.

pirateduck

@m6agua try not to stress about the movement.  It seems like a lot of women on here aren’t experiencing obvious movement.

Also I applaud your financial goals.  I have a friend who studied finance and we were provided a few free financial wellness/planning seminars at work this year and it’s something I really make an effort to stay on top of.  Once you feel like everything is under control it alleviates a lot of stress.  This doesn’t necessarily mean paid off, but you will get there.  I had finally gotten to a point where my finances were under control with a good plan and I had unexpected car repairs amounting to over $1000, and I didn’t even have to worry much, I brought my car to the shop immediately and paid the bill in cash and it was a good feeling.  A balance transfer to lower your interest is a great tool to use because interest paid is money wasted.  You got this!

ruby696

@m6agua I should probably start making eggs different ways, but I'm in such a hurry before work, I usually just fry one and put it on a piece of toast. Maybe I'll do breakfast burritos this weekend. Any excuse to eat avocados. 🙂 Also, I didn't feel movement with DD or DS until after 20 weeks and I don't think that's uncommon. Maybe ask if you have an anterior placenta at your AS? Fx the scan goes perfectly.  ❤

m6agua

@pirateduck @ruby696 I know not to worry about the movement, I had an anterior placenta last time and it took forever to feel, but I had a home doppler that time to ease anxiety. This time they are pretty sure I have an anterior placenta again from the bedside ultrasounds and doppler, but I will confirm at the anatomy scan. I just can help but still worry, even though I know there is no reason to.

@pirateduck Thanks! We've been pretty lucky and have been able to do 0% interest on our debt always and just have had to pay the balance transfer fees. I prioritize and pay current things that gain interest in full first. Thankfully we have very good/excellent credit which allows us to save on interest. Our debt piled up from some bad luck and one big thing after another from 2017-2018. Luckily our luck has turned around, it is nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel though!

ieles2531

Yes to all you ladies getting finances in order! When my husband and I got together (10 years ago this coming Valentines Day) we had a combined 350k in student loan debt. Most of it was his from medical school. Just last month we made our final payment!!! Feels so good. Now all the debt we have is our mortgage, our cars, and the credit card we use for everything but pay off every month. It’s nice to be able to put some away because MH doesn’t get any paid time off, ever. He wants to take 3-4 weeks off with this baby so we need to have enough saved to cover a month of expenses. 

splashmountain

@m6agua DH and I got wrist tattoos too and I feel the same as you, most of the time I forget it's there, but it's near me when I need it.

shamrocandroll

@m6agua Ah, I can't wait to hear about your AS tomorrow!  I'm so sorry you have to go alone.  I know how you feel.  We didn't know until I was literally in the ultrasound room if MH was going to be able to make it for any of mine.  I was really anxious about going through it alone, especially after finding out about my MMC when I was alone.  I hope it goes perfectly and you feel much better tomorrow!   

emlettuce

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 20+3/May 3rd/1DS

Previous loss(es)? MMC April 19

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I feel amazing. We had the AS today found out we're having a girl! DH is terrified but I had the girl feeling for weeks but didn't want to get my hopes up just in case

Any appointment updates? Just a regular appointment in a month

Rants/Raves/Questions? 

Any milestones coming up? 

GTKY: Do you do New Years Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year? I don't really do resolutions but I'm going to set the bar low for next year and just say survive

ieles2531

Sooooooo if anyone needs a laugh today:
I had my regular OB appointment this morning. DH was with DD at her school holiday breakfast with dad so I was by myself. I’ve been uneasy about this appointment because it falls on the one year anniversary of our HLHS diagnosis. My OB couldn’t get the HB with the Doppler, so of course I freak out. She took me back for a quick ultrasound just to be sure and...my son was kissing his bicep with his other hand on his privates. Y’all. My OB goes “he was just avoiding the Doppler so you could see him kissing his arm 😂” 

pirateduck

Awe @ieles2531 I'm glad you got to take a peek at him!  I had a mini panic attack at my last appointment (a week after amnio) when the midwife had trouble finding the heartbeat with the doppler.  I of course thought I'd killed my baby by having an amnio (even though I had zero complications), and the reality was that baby was just moving around a lot and swimming in and out of focus.  Our minds do cruel things sometimes.

splashmountain

Omg @ieles2531 how funny! Typical man in there!

Austenista

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?  19+2/May 11/DS1&2

Previous loss(es)? July '12 & Feb '19

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Pretty good. I get a little movement from time to time, but I have an anterior placenta I confirmed on Monday, which makes me feel better about not feeling much of anything even if it's still bothersome to my PGAL brain. I'm just trying to power through the fear feelings that ebb and flow that I can't seem to shake this pregnancy. 

Any appointment updates? Monday was our AS and everything looked good. Definitely a girl. I'm just so anxious to have her full term and in my arms. 

Rants/Raves/Questions? Rave: We're officially moving this Saturday and I can't wait. Rant: The price was that we ended up having to re-home two of our dogs because we had too many pets for an apartment. We rehomed one on Sunday and I have to do another on Friday and I'm dreading that one so strongly. 

Any milestones coming up? Passed all of them. Just now eyeing the halfway mark and viability. 

GTKY: Do you do New Year's Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year? I have no idea what they were. 2019 has been a really rough year for us and my 2020 goals are just to have a better, happier year, and welcome our daughter as the best thing that has come out of an otherwise awful time in our lives. 

m6agua

@Austenista I'm sorry that you have to rehome your dogs. I had to rehome my dog 2 years ago this March, it was such a hard decision, but the best one I could make for everyone involved.

@ieles2531 That is funny, I'm glad you got a sneak peak and everything is good!

@splashmountain I wasn't sure what to expect opening the spoiler, I am surprised that our tattoos are so similar. Yours is beautiful.

pirateduck

@Austenista I’m sorry you are going through that.  Parting ways with a pet is never easy.

ruby696

@Austenista I'm so sorry you're having to rehome your dogs. That's heartbreaking. But I'm so glad you're getting out of your in-laws house!

@ieles2531😂 Such a little man!

splashmountain

Thanks @m6agua I couldn't believe how close they were either. Great minds think alike 😉

pirateduck

So I left a message in the portal for the MFM since it's been over two weeks since my amnio and I still don't have results.  She's in different offices on different days so I think this is probably the best way to get in touch with her.  The anxiety is killing me and I'd really like to have an answer sometime before the weekend instead of when I'm starting my work week next week.  Also who knows what the office schedules will be with the holiday next week.  

ruby696

@pirateduck I can't believe it's taking so long. I was thinking about you this morning - you must be going crazy. FX it's one of those no news is good news situations.

pirateduck

Well they said to expect it to take the full two weeks...  I'm thinking maybe the doctor has the results but just hasn't been able to review them and call yet.  Now my brain is fearing some sort of inconclusive test error so I will never have answers.

ruby696

@pirateduck Hopefully your email prompts you MFM to review the results and you hear back on Monday.

queenklau

@Austenista , I am sorry that getting your own place, means rehoming  your doggies. I’ll be thinking of you! 

@pirateduck, I hope you get the results soon, that must feel like forever! Just like @ruby696 says, it may indicate that there is no urgency to communicate the results which could mean good news (?).

@ieles2531, that’s A-amazin! How fun to start seeing his little personality in the womb! So cool and funny comment!

Sorry I am late to the party, I am so bad at keeping up with the check-ins now. But so glad everyone is progressing well!

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 17w5d, May 25/STM

Previous loss(es)? 2 mmc late first tri (2015), 1CP Dec 2018

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 
Overall, I am ok! I, too, have freak-outs if I don’t feel some movement over the course of the day. It’s PGAL brain all over...but trying to cope.

Any appointment updates? No AS until Jan 8th... feels like forever...

Rants/Raves/Questions? Everyone gearing up for the holidays?

Any milestones coming up? All passed, but would like to get through AS to feel a bit better.

GTKY: Do you do New Years Resolutions, what are your goals for next year and did you meet any of your goals this year?
To relax more in my personal life, and to make sure to include a hobby, preferable a sport, into my weekly routine. I need to do something for myself.

emlettuce

So I was feeling really good after the AS on Wednesday but then I got the report on my portal and while it says everything was in normal range there was a note saying I should come back in three weeks to monitor growth and reevaluate her right hand and part of her brain so.... Instant anxiety spike. I mean I would have gotten a call if there was a real concern, right? Guess I have an appointment to make on Monday

pirateduck

Reevaluate could just mean because of the angle they couldn’t get a clear picture of those two things.  Definitely ask the doctor for clarity for peace of mind!  Hang in there @emlettuce

ieles2531

@emlettuce they most likely didn’t get a clear enough picture. If there was an issue they wouldn’t wait 3 weeks, they would have either continued to look or scheduled you for a more in depth look within a day. 

emlettuce

@ieles2531 @pirateduck Thanks, I know logically that everything is probably fine, it was just a surprise. On the plus side I'll get an extra peek at her soon.