November STM+ Discussion — The Bump
March 2020 Moms

November STM+ Discussion



EDD/Weeks + Days:


How old is/are your other kid(s)?

How is/are your kiddo(s) doing?

What are you most excited for with this pregnancy/birth?

Any new concerns regarding adding to your family?

How many children do you want, and why?


*Formerly LuND*
Me: 35 | DH: 37
TTC: 7/2016
Low AMH, mild MFI
BFP 7/29/17
EDD: 4/5/18
<3  DS born 4/4/18  <3
BFP #2 7/2/19
EDD 3/13/20


Re: November STM+ Discussion

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  • @mrsvp614 did you and YH enjoy having a sibling of the opposite sex? I’m worried DS is gonna be so annoyed his sibling is (1) younger (ha, like I can fix that) and (2) not a boy. He loves playing with older boys but otherwise is meh about other kids.

    @miss.sally DS also calls older kids “babies” ha. I think it’s so cute. 
    Me: 32 | DH: 35
    Married: 8/22/15
    BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18 
    BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy  Baby Tracker

    miss.sallymrsvp614
  • Me: 32 | DH: 35
    Married: 8/22/15
    BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18 
    BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy  Baby Tracker

    stassischroedermomoftoddlersmrsvp614
  • @silverhope - that article you posted pretty much hits the nail on the head about what a family with 4 plus kids is like, but, idk if 4 kids makes parents any happier in all cases (at least it didn't seem to in my family.)  my mom and dad had a crappy marriage and it was obvious to me even as a kid that they were both miserable.   

    @varimama, like @silverhope, I'm also nervous about the boy/girl sibling relationship, I'm really hoping my DS is going to get along with his little sister.  I agree, though, it might not be so much the gender, but the way parents treat the kids and whether or not they show a lot of favoritism.. in my family already, oldest DD resents DS, but it's mostly because of the age gap - DD was used to being doted on (for 10 years) and then when DS came along, all that changed and she wasn't too happy about it.  I couldn't really help it though, DS needed more one on one attention than she did just by virtue of being so much younger.  I do try to keep their gifts and praise balanced out, though. 

    In my family of origin, we had 3 girls and one boy, so, as you can imagine, one girl was always 'the odd girl out' - so while I was happy for the most part since my middle sister and I were best friends, the youngest girl kind of got left by herself, as did my brother. they might say they didn't enjoy the sibling experience as much as I did, idk. The youngest girl was always favored over everyone else as well, so that didn't help matters and made her get left out even more because we were all jealous of the extra attention/gifts/praise she got.




    momoftoddlersEmilyLove25silverhope
  • @silverhope Neither one of us are super close with our siblings now, but we get along just fine and seemed to have happy childhoods with them. We were both just old enough that we weren't in high school at the same time as our siblings, so the age gap may have played a role.
    As a kid I always wanted a sister, but as I got older I wondered if that would be a good or bad thing. Ha! 

    Me: 33 DH: 33
    Married: 10.15.16
    BFP: 12.24.16
    DS BD: 8.20.17
    TTC #2 1.1.19
    BFP #2 7.3.19
    EDD #2 3.13.20
    silverhope
  • @stac4056, I can completely relate to what you're saying.. I was hoping for a boy this time around (because this LO is closer to my DS in age, and I really hoped he could have a brother to grow up with), now that I know it's a girl, I'm feeling even more like I want to go for number 4 than I did... but as you said, no guarantee another would be a boy anyway.  I also don't think my family could swing it at this point, so the 'finality' of it all definitely brings out those wistful 'what-if' feelings.  I am in agreement with you, once I see this LO and get to know her, I don't think those feelings will linger. 
    silverhopestac4056
  • @treetop19 Yes I remember you mentioning the same feelings!! I feel bad for DS being in a sister sandwich, but would also feel bad for DD not getting a sister. I agree with @kantobean that closeness will arise from personality combos more than age gaps or sex and/or what @varimama said about them balancing out their alliances with three, we will see!!
    silverhopetreetop19
  • EDD/Weeks + Days: 3/18, 21+1 
    How old is/are your other kid(s)? 3 now, she will be over 3.5 when baby comes 

    How is/are your kiddo(s) doing?
    DD is doing great. Things have improved at preschool and she has become really independent with caring for herself in the past month or so. She is obsessed with preparing for the baby and tells everyone she meets about her baby brother. 

    What are you most excited for with this pregnancy/birth?
    Like some have said I am excited to have an outside baby and never be pregnant again. I am having a very smooth pregnancy (thank goodness bc work is insane) but overall I’m just not super in love with the pregnancy stage and really enjoy the cuddly baby stage. I’m also very excited to breastfeed again. I had a great experience the first time around and can’t wait to have that bonding experience again.

    Any new concerns regarding adding to your family?
    This is a long one so bear with me. 

    My main concern is financing. I need some advice here. I just found out that my current school does not offer maternity leave pay (my previous school did pay at a reduced rate and let me use my sick time).  I currently have 32 sick and personal days saved up. If I have a scheduled cs two days after my due date, using my sick time will bring me to the second to last week of school with full pay. Like @kantobean said I love my job but it is physically and mentally exhausting. Additionally I do a lot of work at home and I do not want to do that with a new baby and a toddler. This is my last baby and I don’t want to ruin this time with him being tiny because of my job. This plan will lead to me having one full week (5 work days) unpaid and then returning to work the last three days of school. My schedule this year does not allow for a time to pump but I’m hoping with it being the last week a few of my coworkers will step up to cover for me while I pump those last three days. 

    So my question is, is it crazy to go past my due date for the cs? I’m planning on asking my ob at my appointment later this month to find out if she will even let me go past my due date. Am I making a poor decision by going back those last three days when baby is 9 weeks old? Should I still go with my original plan of having a cs in 3/13 (5 days before my due date) and taking two full weeks unpaid (which we really can’t afford). My fear is I put all these plans in place to try to have the least amount of lost wages as possible and then I have to go in earlier than my due date. Ugh I hate the unknown. 

    How many children do you want, and why?
    I wanted 2, DH would have been fine with 1 but I wanted DD to have a sibling and get that bond. I’m so excited we are having a boy because my brother and I are very close and are around the same age gap. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
     
    silverhope
  • @AAAG13 I mean you can always ask your dr but I’ve never heard of them doing a scheduled c-section late. Maybe if you were attempting a VBAC though? Plus even if the dr agreed there’s always a chance you’ll go into labor early. Honestly if it were me I’d find a way to save up now for the 2 weeks unpaid. You’ve still got 4ish months. Maybe cut back on Christmas a little, your DD is 3 so she won’t really know yet. And the first thing we cut back on when we are budgeting is going out to eat. Cooking larger meals so that you can utilize leftovers. Make sure you’re buying what is in season/on sale, etc... We’d either not do a vacation that summer or we’d do a small 1-2 night one rather than a full week.  I’m sure there are lots of other ways to save too. 
    Me: 29 | DH: 30
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS born on 3/2/17
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
    momoftoddlersAAAG13
  • @kantobean YES on maternity leave. Not going to lie… SUPER excited for that!

    @stac4056 SO glad the book is helping! Also I’m sure I’ve said this before and will say it again, but our kids are almost EXACTLY the same age. We might need to FB message each other for support in March haha!

    @AAAG13 SO glad to hear things at preschool are improving!

     


    *TW*

    DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015

    DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017

    BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019

    BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020 

    silverhopekantobeanAAAG13stac4056
  • @aaag13 We did my scheduled C-Section a week before due date and even though my first went to 41+6 and still induced, that still made me a little nervous that I would go into labor beforehand. 
    @EmilyLove25 Absolutely!!
    AAAG13
  • Thank you for the input ladies, I really value it! @stac4056 I was induced with my first at 41 weeks and still ended up having a csection then next day so it’s good to know what happened with someone else who was also overdue with their first. @varimama thank you for the suggestions. These were some of the things I was thinking but it just helps to see it from another mom!
    Pregnancy Ticker
     
    stac4056EmilyLove25
  • @AAAG13 I don’t have CS advice but I’m in a similar boat regarding sick leave. I have 34 days so my due date will put me at 2 weeks unpaid. I went four days early last time so it could be more like three weeks. I’m just going to do it. It’ll suck but I’m saving up now. I might go back for our two teacher work days at the end of the year, when I know I’ll have time to pump and could even potentially bring baby on the last day to meet everyone. :) 
    silverhopeEmilyLove25
  • @kantobean this the exact situation I’m thinking I will be in. Even that last day, we do faculty meeting and lunch so only a half day. I think I will bring baby that day too, since it will just be adults. Good to know I’m not alone! 
    Pregnancy Ticker
     
    kantobean
  • @projectalice The app has been making me want to rip my hair out, pretty much no access to the community via the app. Whew, I am worried for all my kids' teenage years!! At least I'll be more equipped with empathy toward my girls hormonal rollercoasters but for DS I'll have no idea what the hell is going on!! And not to mention what the landscape of culture and community will look like in ten+ years, ugh...again though, I think I'll be able to advise the girls better having been on that side myself despite the difference in times.
    miss.sallysilverhopeprojectalice
  • I'm probably an idiot for resisting, but my MIL keeps asking to take my 19 mo toddler to stay overnight (or two nights) at her place 2 hours away..... and I have a visceral negative reaction to the idea. She's babysat him for maybe a total of 10 days over the last 19 months, and he's never done overnights with anyone other than myself or DH. She'll likely be the person to watch him while we're at the hospital when I go into labor, but at least that'll be at our own house. 

    LSS: I'm sure he'd survive, but my gut reaction is 




    *Formerly LuND*
    Me: 35 | DH: 37
    TTC: 7/2016
    Low AMH, mild MFI
    BFP 7/29/17
    EDD: 4/5/18
    <3  DS born 4/4/18  <3
    BFP #2 7/2/19
    EDD 3/13/20


    projectalicesilverhope
  • @stassischroeder If she’s going to watch him while you’re in labor I’d consider it a practice run and get yourself a good night’s sleep! 
  • @momoftoddlers yeah, you're probably right. Maybe we'll do it a little closer to my due date and make it a time when DH isn't working so that we can have a mini babymoon. It'll help if we're doing something fun so I'm not just hanging out worrying about him! 


    *Formerly LuND*
    Me: 35 | DH: 37
    TTC: 7/2016
    Low AMH, mild MFI
    BFP 7/29/17
    EDD: 4/5/18
    <3  DS born 4/4/18  <3
    BFP #2 7/2/19
    EDD 3/13/20


    miss.sallysilverhope
  • momoftoddlersmomoftoddlers
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic Name Dropper
    member
    edited November 12
    @stassischroeder That’s a great idea. I always get nervous when my kids sleep over at grandma’s, can’t help it, but we usually do it for a date night or overnight away for us, and that keeps my mind off it. And they always do great and have a fun time. And sleeping through the night and past 6am is amazing. 
    stassischroedersilverhope
  • @stassischroeder DS is 2.5 and I’ve never let him have an overnight either. To be fair he wasn’t sleeping through the night until a couple months ago so more than just my anxiety on it I didn’t want to subject anyone to multiple nighttime wake ups. Now I’m still just not ok with it. ILs will be watching him during labor/delivery but they’ve agreed to watch him here. Them watching him at their house scares me for a lot of reasons. Their dog, it’s not even close to baby proofed, etc... I think it’s fine to stick to your guns on it. If she’s going to be watching him at your place I’d suggest that for a trial run, maybe you and your H can get a hotel nearby! 
    Me: 29 | DH: 30
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS born on 3/2/17
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
    stassischroederprojectalicesilverhope
  • @stassischroeder I agree with @varimama’s suggestion. I haven’t let DD have an overnight trip away from our house either. We have spent 2 nights away from her and they were both with my mom watching her at our house. We did a mini trip out of town and slept so late. For this baby my mom is going to stay at our place while we are at the hospital. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
     
    momoftoddlersstassischroeder
  • silverhopesilverhope
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited November 13
    @varimama holy crap. I thought DS was a nightmare for waking up multiple times until 13 mo. I don’t know how you survived on such little sleep fir 2.5 yrs!!

    edit: spelling 
    Me: 32 | DH: 35
    Married: 8/22/15
    BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18 
    BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy  Baby Tracker

    momoftoddlers
  • @silverhope DS was kind of a nightmare sleeper. He wouldn’t sleep without being held for the first month and after that it was very short times (like 30-45min) in his crib until I gave in a co-slept. Eventually we started working on starting in the crib then co-sleeping and added in gradual night weaning. Finally we got an ok to wake clock for his room and that seemed to be the final key. So have hope people if you have a terrible sleeper they will someday sleep through the night and in their cribs. We never had to resort to crying it out either. I mean I wouldn’t say he had 0 tears with the transitions, he would fuss for like 2-3 minutes but it was just letting us know he wasn’t thrilled with our changes. 
    Me: 29 | DH: 30
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS born on 3/2/17
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
    silverhope
  • @AAAG13 @varimama I honestly don't know why MIL is so obsessed with taking him to her house. She doesn't otherwise go out of her way to babysit, so I don't get it. It doesn't help that when she watches him at our house (which, again, has been about a total of 10 times since he was born) she barely pays attention when I try to give her any instructions/information. Oh, and she lets him nap on the living room floor when he's already fantastic at napping in his crib. Not the end of the world, but he'll sleep longer if you put him in his crib, and I really don't want to mess with his good nap habits. 




    *Formerly LuND*
    Me: 35 | DH: 37
    TTC: 7/2016
    Low AMH, mild MFI
    BFP 7/29/17
    EDD: 4/5/18
    <3  DS born 4/4/18  <3
    BFP #2 7/2/19
    EDD 3/13/20


  • @stassischroeder man if that’s the case I’d just say no. I totally get that grandparents want to spoil their grandkids so I try to be lax on if they want to give him extra cookies or watch tv or buy him annoying gifts. But when it comes to routine stuff like where the kid sleeps or if I’m giving instructions on things he needs or will probably ask for while I’m gone they need to listen or they won’t be trusted to watch him. 
    Me: 29 | DH: 30
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS born on 3/2/17
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
    stassischroeder
  • @stassischroeder DS stayed with MIL last year around this time when we were there for Thanksgiving. DS slept in his PNP in the spare room, while DH and I went to a movie and got a hotel about 20 minutes away. Then we were back the next morning. It worked out fine for everyone, and I was way less nervous since we were close by and it was a short visit. 
    I realize every situation is very different, but I thought I'd share an option that worked for us. 
    Me: 33 DH: 33
    Married: 10.15.16
    BFP: 12.24.16
    DS BD: 8.20.17
    TTC #2 1.1.19
    BFP #2 7.3.19
    EDD #2 3.13.20
    stassischroedermomoftoddlers
  • @mrsvp614 I'd love a situation like that for a trial run. Unfortunately my MIL lives in a teeny town (400> population) that's a good hour from the nearest decent size town. We could, however, do a date night in Minot (closest city an hour away) and then be back to get him the next morning. Living in North Dakota makes everything difficult LOL. 


    *Formerly LuND*
    Me: 35 | DH: 37
    TTC: 7/2016
    Low AMH, mild MFI
    BFP 7/29/17
    EDD: 4/5/18
    <3  DS born 4/4/18  <3
    BFP #2 7/2/19
    EDD 3/13/20


    momoftoddlersstac4056mrsvp614miss.sally
  • @stassischroeder Such an uncomfortable predicament, because how do you say no? Really strange she lets him sleep on the floor when he's a good crib sleeper and frustrating she doesn't listen to your instructions. I can feel very hesitant about leaving mine, but have done so since about 6 months with both of them for various special occasions, and of course it always works out fine. I like the idea of the close town date night!!
    stassischroeder
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