I had a D&C last week but it took about 3 weeks to get to that point (failed misoprostol, natural didn’t happen), and they’ve been a tough few weeks.
After having the D&C I felt a sense of relief that the physical part of this pain was over and it was helping my emotions too but of course I still have occasional things that trigger me. My husband was sad and wanted some space to grieve the first 2 days, which I honored, when we found out I would miscarry but after that he’s been acting in a way I wasn’t expecting. Normally he’s the type to want to talk about feelings and now he’s completely shut down.
I understand his connection to the pregnancy is different from mine and everyone grieves differently so I’m not gonna pressure him to talk about his feelings if he doesn’t want to. My big issue though is he’s being really cold and irritable when I express grief. Whenever I cry he seems completely baffled/irritated and says things like “I thought you were better” or “don’t cry, you’re strong”. We were watching tv the other day and there was a show that had a pregnant woman giving birth and I teared up a bit and explained that I was tearing up because I felt ready to have our baby and it’s tough that it’s over and he said “oh” and then I was again dismayed by the lack of reaction and sighed and he said “it’s just a tv show”; that confused me because I very clearly explained that it wasn’t about the tv show at all.
Today my breasts are swollen and my stomach is bloated and it’s making me miss being pregnant and I told him that watching my body change back to it’s old self is really hard. It was an emotional plea for connection and he huffed and when I said it’d help if when things triggered me that he tried to console me, he got irritated and complained about feeling like he’s in a funeral parlor.
If I talk about feelings he tunes out, goes on his phone in the middle of me talking and starts laughing at articles or whatnot to the point that I just give up on talking. I have other great support people I can talk to but it’s made coming home so sad for me. His lack of empathy or unwillingness to feel his own emotions is making this so much harder for me.
I’m trying to be understanding that he’s trying to move on but the coldness towards my emotions is making me view him in a less positive light. I’m not sure what to do, has anyone else experienced this? How’d you get through it or did you not get through it?