Hi all, newb here. I hope I’m posting in the right place. If not, I apologize in advance!! I’ve already posted on the intro thread but I’ll go ahead and introduce myself here too. I’m 30 (soon to be 31) and my BF is 33. I have a 13yo Daughter from a previous relationship and my BF has no children; however, he jumped into a paternal role head first like a champ. He’s so wonderful! We have been together for 6 years and living together for 4, 2 of which have been in our own home purchased together.
So on to my “dilemma” for lack of a better word. I’ve been having the crazy baby itch for a very long time now. I know my BF wants children (someday), 2 to be exact, and I am so here for it! To make a long story as short as possible, last October we had a lengthy chat (not our first second or even third time discussing it either) which resulted in the mutual decision to have my IUD removed. The idea was to get that out of the way so that when the time came, my body would have had ample time to “bounce back” and get ready to TTC. We’ve been using condoms religiously ever since. Until about a month and a half ago. He started using the pullout method (sorry if TMI), which came as quite a surprise to me. If there’s one thing you should know about him it’s this: He has got to be the most cautious (sometimes annoyingly so) person I have ever met; quite possibly in the whole world lol. Having said that, I thought (or rather, hoped) that maybe skipping the condoms was his way of telling me that he’s ready, or at least approaching ready. I really have to stop reading into things so much because boy was I wrong. Last week, after gently bringing up the slim, though very real, possibility of PG (which he was already well aware of), he promptly went back to using condoms.
I know I got my own hopes up by wrongfully assuming his intentions. I guess I just feel disappointed and I don’t know how to keep the dialogue open with him. I fully expected to be waiting a bit after my IUD was removed, but it’s been almost 10 months and I don’t think he’s any closer to feeling ready. His reasons are all practical of course, mostly financial. But we aren’t struggling and I can’t help feeling like “of course we can do this! I did this once before with nothing to my name, at a very young age, all by myself. I found a way to make it work even when it seemed impossible. And look at where I am today! Look where DD is today. Top of her class, funny, kind, independent! And you helped with that too. Not to mention all we’ve accomplished together so far. We’ve totally got this!”
I know we both have to ready, of course, and I would never try to force him into anything, especially not this. It’s just so hard to know in my heart that, together, he and I can do anything. It doesn’t help that he’s constantly sending me Instagram videos of dogs being adorable with babies/little kids, or makes jokes about me being pregnant when I’m emotional or having a strong desire for French fries.
Can anyone relate? How have you continued to approached the subject without feeling like your “nagging” or repeating yourself?
Maybe I should just tell him exactly where my head went when we chose to be less careful.... he has no idea about my level of disappointment. I actually feel really sad that he’s still not ready. I don’t know, but any and all thoughts on the matter are welcome