Child Care

Swiftlet

Figured I'd get this thread started as all of my S+TM friends have advised me to start looking for child care options ASAP!

Just to get us started:

If you're a FTM:

What child care options are you considering?

What questions do you plan to ask of potential child care options?

If you're a S+TM:

What did you do with your previous children in regards to child care? How did that work out, and will you do the same for your next?

What kind of questions do you recommend prospective moms asking when visiting places?

What were your priorities when looking for child care places? What were deal makers or deal breakers?

Any other tips or hints are welcome!

jvk2012

My DD goes to an in home daycare that is across the street from my school. Nearly everyone sends/has sent their kids there so I didn’t feel the need to “interview” too much because it came so highly recommended. I contacted DC in December for a September start last time and was told I was on the late side. This time I told DC I am pregnant now to start next September (As a teacher). 

Below are some things to consider:
-Hours and Holidays: what are their daily hours? Do they close for certain holidays or take extended summer/holiday vacations?
-Location: Is it near work? Home? Will one or both of you be responsible for drop offs and pick ups? If the child gets sick how long will it take for someone to pick him/her up?
-Food: Is food provided or do you need to send your own? Limitations on what you are allowed to send?
-Naps: Are there set nap times or are kids allowed to nap on their own schedule?
-Your philosophies: If you plan to cloth diaper or do BLW (baby led weaning) will the daycare support these? How do they handle disciple? Potty training?
-Certifications: Is it licensed? Are the people working there CPR/1st Aid certified? Do they hold any early childhood licenses?
-Sick policy: When are kids sent home or not allowed to attend? What if staff are sick?
-Policy on vaccinations

When you tour can you picture your child there? 

I have found that in home daycares have fewer “policies” and are more willing to work with parents on what is best for the child. 

bg122785

If you're a S+TM:

What did you do with your previous children in regards to child care? How did that work out, and will you do the same for your next? For my daughter, she was in an AMAZING (to say the least) in home daycare from 5 months old until a week before she started Kindergarten. The owner and her family are still like family to us and my daughter is actually spending the week there this week to see everyone and see her old teachers. I want to do the same thing with our next, but the owner moved... to 30 mins out of our way instead of the 10 mins it was. I sucked it up and did it for my daughters last 1.5 year with her because the pros of her staying there outweighed the cons of the commute. But I am just not sure if I can do that again, and make my daughter get up earlier than she would need to take this next baby all the way out there. But, worse case scenario if we can not find something that is the same setting as her home, I may just do that until we find something closer. 

What were your priorities when looking for child care places? What were deal makers or deal breakers?

Any other tips or hints are welcome! My main priority was I wanted it to be a home like setting with a small kid:teacher ratio. I ideally did not want my daughter to be in a center type situation (not that I am against them). A huge deal maker for me and my husband was I knew two people who took their children there and I trusted their judgement and opinions of the owner. I also wanted it to go from infant care, to a preschool type setting so I didn't have to worry about signing up for any preschool type schooling. The teacher started my daughter in the preschool when she was 2.5 and did an AMAZING job getting my daughter ready for Kindergarten and I could not have been more thankful. 

craftywitch

S+TM:

What did you do with your previous children in regards to child care? How did that work out, and will you do the same for your next? Full-day Montessori daycare that transitions to preschool. It's worked out pretty well and we plan to do the same for this little one starting at 6 months. I definitely recommend putting yourself on the wait list ASAP. We struggled with it since I was home and not sure when I was going back, and then suddenly started interviewing and had job offers and daycares to consider.

What kind of questions do you recommend prospective moms asking when visiting places? Think about how you want your child raised first because they'll spend more waking hours at school than at home. I asked about food/nutrition, discipline, potty training, for babies about diapering and paced feeding, and also ask overall philosophy and curriculum.

What were your priorities when looking for child care places? What were deal makers or deal breakers? For infants cloth diapering and knowledge surrounding paced feeding breast milk were my priorities. Discipline was also a priority- I prefer natural consequences, positive reinforcement and redirection, no negative language like telling them "no no!" or time outs/ isolation. Background music, bright plastic toys, electronics/tv, and other over-stimulating environments were all deal breakers. Also I was super picky about food- our center does all packed lunches and snacks which I prefer to most meal plans offered. We did look at one extremely traditional Montessori school that I LOVED and they served ultra healthy family-style lunch (and potty trained their 1yos) but it wasn't a good fit location-wise.

Just know that extreme opposites exist, all daycares are not remotely the same, and think about what your priorities are and if the place feels like the right fit.

lanie1000

What did you do with your previous children in regards to child care? How did that work out, and will you do the same for your next? We did the in-home daycare option, too. We originally thought about a larger center, but when that was full, we were referred to the in-home. It felt right after our first visit. We've been mostly satisfied. There are a few things that bother me, but I think they're par for the course with daycare. My DD gets sick a lot. Whenever one of the kids comes down with something, they all get it.  That being said, I absolutely plan to bring #2 there. We'll do the same thing where my mom will kindly watch the baby 4 days a week for a few months until the baby is 5 or 6 months old and a little heartier. 

What were your priorities when looking for child care places? What were deal makers or deal breakers?

Any other tips or hints are welcome! Our #1 priority was a safe environment. We wanted to know what the protocols were in case of illness, injury and natural disasters. We had no expectations beyond that and a fun, enriching environment so it was a pleasant surprise to find out that 2 healthy, organic meals were provided each day. They also had no problem with us bringing expressed milk and our own pureed foods during the first 6 months. We provided our own diapers and wipes, but I prefer that so I have better control. A deal maker was how flexible she was with our family. My mom picks her up 4 days a week and I pick her up the fifth day. On the days that my mom picks her up, she'll actually inform my mom of her menu plans for the day so they don't accidentally duplicate meals. It's really an added benefit. 

Tips: 
- ask about schedules. Are there set activities or do they prefer allowing the children to dictate what they do each day. 
- ask about the illness policy. 
- ask about how they handle behavioral issues. 
- visit while children are present so you can judge how they interact with the caregivers and if they seem happy.
- make sure you're comfortable with the child/adult ratio. 

jessieR358

I work healthcare—so long hours and a varied schedule. I’d have to have a full time nanny or full time daycare. My mom watched my first while I worked full time. When I had my second I dropped to part time. When I got pregnant with the third, I dropped to PRN. I only work when my mom can watch them, so about 1 day a week and weekends when my husband is home. I plan to do the same when this baby comes. Finding day time sitters is so hard IMO. 
I recommend nanny cams. We installed nanny cams and the first time we used them my husband had to go home and fire the sitter after 4 hours. not to scare you, but they are definitely worth the price tag if you’re using a nanny. I love to check in and see what they’re doing or even say hi ha! The doorbell is the most fun. They’ll ring it and talk to me. 

ibabyloveb87

With my first, I had an in home daycare for 19 months until I got him enrolled in a church pre school. I was so hoping she would keep this one but she has a part time job now. So I’m not sure what my plan is. I am off work until the first of June 2020 so it may be possible to have my mom do some of it since it’ll be summertime and she’s here a lot. I need to get on some lists though because places fill up fast. 

I LOVED the in home daycare because I was able to have him in a smaller environment and it was more personalized to our needs. The downside is that there’s no back up if that person is sick. 

Swiftlet

This has all been SO helpful, thanks everyone

As a FTM, I'm consider all of the options right now. A couple of my coworkers have a nanny, a couple had theirs in more of a daycare center and one had hers in an in-home daycare but now in a 2yo+ daycare center so I know they're all good options if you can find the right place/person.

Right now, just from very preliminary thinking, I'm leaning toward more of a daycare center where they can move up through classrooms and have more interaction with more kids as they get a bit older (though obviously not such a big deal with an infant.) I guess I worry about in-home people being able to pay enough attention to two infants with a handful of older kids to tend to as well, all with different needs both physically as well as mentally/socially whereas the centers have more staff and dedicated environments/staff for the different age groups. (The ratios of the local in-homes that I have found seem to be pretty consistently ~8 children for the one owner which just seems like a lot whereas the daycare centers seem to be ~3:1) I can see the centers being less flexible with more kids to tend to. 

Just the thoughts that are floating through my head right now.

jvk2012

@Swiftlet, our in home daycare has the owner and 2 employees for 10 kids ranging from like 4 months to 3.5 years old. 

bg122785

@Swiftlet The inhome daycare my daughter went to has the owner and usually at least one, if not two employees. And were the amount of kids per day (it differed daily due to different schedules for families) was 8-12.

lanie1000

@Swiftlet For what it's worth, our in-home daycare has 2 helpers and 8 kids. So the ratio is pretty small. But I do hear you on the appeal of a daycare center where there might be more traditional classroom environments. 

ETA: that's 2 helpers + the owner. So 3 adults in total. 

babybelugaco

FTM
Our current plan is H will take overnight shifts at work so he can be home during the daytime while I'm at work. My office is pretty flexible so if I need to have my hours shifted (like 7-4 or 9-6 instead of 8-5) they're pretty good about letting that happen.
We are also going to look into what childcare the church we attend might provide. 
My mom joked we should just move closer to home so Nana can watch baby but we both like our jobs here and it's not feasible even if we didn't!

jvk2012

@babyroma, when will your H sleep?

babybelugaco

@jvk2012
That's a fair point. I think if we can supplement him being home with the church childcare (assuming they take infants!) It should work out okay. 
Worst case I could try and work something out with the office and work remotely part time. 

jvk2012

@babyroma, I hope I didn't come across as snarky, I legit was wondering how that would work!  Hope it does work out for both of you.

babybelugaco

@jvk2012
You're good! I didn't take it as snarky lol.
I also hadn't given that too much thought. Originally I was thinking well newborns sleep a lot! But baby will be 2/3 months when he switches shifts. 

jessieR358

jvk2012 said:

@babyroma, when will your H sleep?

Agree. They don’t sleep that much! I truly have no idea how parents work from home. You really need a sitter or a nanny if you choose that route. 

Swiftlet

@jvk2012 @bg122785 @lanie1000 See, those all seem to be much more reasonable ratios to me! I guess if they're experienced enough they've figured out a way to safely manage a number of children ranging in ages but the ones I've found still seem to be 8:1 which just...I'm not comfortable with. Maybe worth me contacting though to see if perhaps they have additional help.

@babyroma My husband's work wanted him to start overnights for a certain project and he thought that would be the answer to the child care connundrum. Buuuuut, if he works four, 10hr shifts, then gets home around when I leave for work, he won't have any time to sleep if he's up all day with the babies. Plus that leaves me by myself with two babies all night! No thanks, at least while I'm still figuring out a routine. On top of all that, I worry about him driving the hour commute to work on little sleep to start with, let alone with a switched schedule. Just a few thoughts we discussed when it came up. I hope whatever you decide works out smoothly

leksiL

If you're a S+TM:

What did you do with your previous children in regards to child care? How did that work out, and will you do the same for your next?

-          My daughter goes to daycare at a center. This is a must for us as we need the reliability of knowing when they are open. Also, working in the insurance industry has made me very wary of home daycares. I have a place that has video monitoring and while I know no place is 100% safe I feel very safe there.

-          I also prefer a center because there is a curriculum, my daughter is with similarly aged kids, and they don’t take vacations 😊 I like to plan when I want to take vacation based on MY schedule.

What kind of questions do you recommend prospective moms asking when visiting places?

-          Do they dispense medications if needed, do they allow cloth diapers (if that’s your thing), do you have to defrost breast milk or will they accept frozen, what is their method of discipline, teaching curriculum, schedule. I prefer a set nap schedule. My daughter never napped except when I was holding her until she started daycare haha.

What were your priorities when looking for child care places? What were deal makers or deal breakers?

-          Our first place did not dispense medication and that was a struggle. For me it is accountability, cleanliness, and a definite schedule. Having them provide meals is really nice as peer pressure gets kids to eat their vegetables. Our new place does not do that so will be a big change. The whole breast milk handling situation can be annoying – our new place will accept and thaw frozen which I think will be really helpful. Communication is really key. A lot of centers have apps that you get updates and photos of and it has been amazing.

-          I agree with @craftywitch any type of electronics/t.v. would be a huge NO for me. My DD loves music and toys so I don’t have a problem with them 😊

Any other tips or hints are welcome!

-          Tour early – like I would start now if you haven’t.

-          Our state guidelines have a 4/1 infant to teacher ratio until 3 so ratio isn’t a huge thing here.

 @babyroma – newborns do sleep a lot for an hour at a time. Your husband will need some time to sleep. It is truly difficult to WFH with a kid. I have tried to do it a few times when my DD was sick and not allowed at school, but even as a baby it is just impossible. They do demand your attention constantly.

shellac835

#1 piece of advice is start calling now!! I'm sure it varies around the country, but I started getting on lists when I was 4 months pregnant thinking I was on top of things, and had to find a sitter for a couple of months after going back to work before a spot opened up at a place we liked. Seriously, just get on lists NOW, and weed them out as you go.

I prefer a center vs. in home because it feels like there's more accountability. It seems a lot easier to accidentally snap and lose your temper if you're alone at home w/kids vs. in a center with many other providers around. It's also much more reliable (no vacations/sick days, you know exactly when they're open.)  

brookert615

I'm having a bit of a meltdown with child care. I started contacting centers a couple weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I was budgeting for the "average" in my area and had a rude awakening that it would cost roughly $500 more than I was budgeting for a month. 

Swiftlet

@brookert615 holy crap! That is not a good surprise to have at ALL.

brookert615

@Swiftlet Yeah.. it really hit hard to say the least lol. Thankfully we are still in our house search so we can hopefully plan accordingly. So ridiculous! 

craftywitch

@brookert615 Yeah I didn't mention price because it seems like it's a little too late to bring up once we're already pregnant, but we pay significantly more than our mortgage in monthly daycare and when this new kid is here it'll be solidly double our mortgage... I can see why a lot of people decide they can't go back to work in our area.

brookert615

@craftywitch It's just insane!!! It's also frustrating that they will not outright tell you the rates either. They want to schedule a tour and everything. I mean I would like to compare my notes on all of the places, tuition costs, and read reviews before I block out time to tour a facility lol.

craftywitch

@brookert615 Yeah that's common practice at higher end places. Like they WILL NOT tell you over the phone even and part of it is because different locations (if it's a chain) charge different rates.

brookert615

@craftywitch So so wild! Oh well! 

Swiftlet

@craftywich yeah, with two babies our daycare will almost guaranteed be more than our mortgage which ain’t cheap. I’m about a year out from paying off my student loans but that’s been with essentially putting my whole paycheck in to them monthly. Now, most of my paycheck will go toward daycare alone! We’re really fortunate that my husband and I both make decent salaries.

22ksi2

@jessieR358 I’m another awkward hours healthcare worker. Did you try to standardize your hours at all or were you able to find help that’s flexible? I feel like I just started looking and it looks grim. I’m not a good candidate for the daycare route bc I’ll only need someone on certain days and off hours as is. My husband has a regular 9-5

lanie1000

Nanny sharing is another option that worked for some of my friends when their kiddos were younger. Just throwing that out as an option for people to consider. It ended up costing the same as a daycare center and it made them feel more reassured since their kids were being cared for in their home setting. 

Just throwing it out there...

leksiL

@Swiftlet - our 2 in daycare will also eclipse our mortgage. I totally feel @brookert615's pain although at least it was expected this time around. Luckily it is only temporary - and the price does go down around here anyway after three years when they transition to pre-k. I wish I could go to montessori like @craftywitch but it's $22K/year for ONE not including summers or any of the vacations, etc. and about 30 minutes away taking into account morning traffic. There will be 14 mos overlap before DD goes to Kindergarten but then it will still be $550/mo for her to do before/after care so we will still be paying almost $2K/mo. 

It's ALMOST enough to let my MIL move in with us...ALMOST actually, not even close bahaha.

jessieR358

22ksi2 said:

@jessieR358 I’m another awkward hours healthcare worker. Did you try to standardize your hours at all or were you able to find help that’s flexible? I feel like I just started looking and it looks grim. I’m not a good candidate for the daycare route bc I’ll only need someone on certain days and off hours as is. My husband has a regular 9-5

I had a rotating “set” schedule when I was FT and PT but it still was different each week. I’m lucky enough that my mom has watched my boys. She lives super close and comes over. I’m now PRN and just don’t schedule work when she can’t watch them. Im an NP and there aren’t a lot of PRN options so this works right now. 

rikiteacup

My MIL offered to watch the baby. She's been doing that for all her grand kids. We will have to have a serious discussion pretty soon because depending on what we decide, we need to start touring daycare centers like now.
I don't know what the plan is for my SIL who has a 3-week old. She never looked for daycare options  . My other SIL who is due in 6 weeks will send her kid to an in-home daycare 3 days/week. My MIL will have the baby 2 days/week. I don't know about H's other siblings who still send their kids to MIL's a few days/week. Since we plan to announce this weekend to his siblings, this will be a good conversation to have.
IMO, the older kids (2+) should stop going to MIL's daycare and make room for the other wave of grand kids. They've had a good run. 

We both agree that we want to send our child to a center. There is a very good one in our town that comes highly recommended. It would be close to both our jobs and 5 mins from our house. I feel like the waiting list is going to be huge though. But if we decide to send the kid there full time by the time she is 1, the timing should work. We still have MIL has a backup if we need to wait an extra couple months. 
I am not too exigent regarding the care of my child. As long as she is safe an happy, this is what matters to me.
I remember my friend when she had her baby and I thought her expectations were insane. Now that I am in the same shoes, I still have the same feelings. She told me to find a daycare close to work so I could go there during lunch because if I breastfeed my baby, it has to happen at daycare too. This is...too much for me. She also told me I should ask a center to dedicate a teacher to my baby only. Umm no, you get your own nanny if this is what you want for your child.

brookert615

@rikiteacup Good luck announcing this weekend! It sounds like you have a great plan in place!

leksiL

@rikiteacup - oh no going to daycare at lunch to BF is just insane! Every BF mom I know just pumps at work. You can either catch up on the bump/facebook then or bring your laptop along and still work if you are super motivated haha.

brookert615

@rikiteacup Kind of echoing what @leksiL said - all the moms I know BF at work too and just bring the containers to daycare. I know my SIL said she ended up just exclusively pumping once her kids went to daycare but she was thankful that she was using nipple shields for a tongue tie for her first and it was an easy transition to bottles so she just decided to use them for her second and it was also an easy transition. I guess the lactation consultant gave her a hard time pushing for them with her second though.

eta:words

craftywitch

@rikiteacup Yeah I've only known 1 mom ever to BF during her lunch break at daycare and the daycare teachers hated it. Most of us spend quality 30 minute breaks with our pumps and iPhones 2-4 times a day.

jessieR358

I tried that when I went back to work—have my mom bring the baby and I would sit in the car and nurse. It was a disaster and we did it twice lol 

rikiteacup

Oh, I know it is insane. And I told her I am sure the teachers were very pleased about the daily disruption 
She has been intense since her kid was born. There are many more things that I am side-eyeing.  Like she told me to get the $80 Ikea crib but to spend $350 on a Nuna pack n' play. That's what she did and she only used the pack n' play a few times total but it has a better mattress! How about I spend $350 on a crib my kid will use everyday for a few years.

Swiftlet

So we went to our first daycare tour today. It was great, legit 1min from my work and I really liked everything about it. They're a chain company but recently opened the location so can easily accommodate our two when we'd want. They're also almost twice our monthly mortgage payment. We can technically afford this but holy heck I have emails out to three other places to look into as well that I'm sure are much cheaper, I'm just worried I've love the most expensive place most, especially being so dang close to work!

leksiL

@Swiftlet being close to work is such a bonus but 2x your mortgage payment is a lot! Really I think that time is the most important. We loved the most expensive place even though it was an extra 20 minutes away from the house and we are now switching because with two it is just too crazy. We are switching in 1.5 weeks and I cannot wait to have that extra half hour in the afternoons, like I can be home in enough time to make an actual dinner! With two there will be a lot of bottle washing, etc., and that stuff takes time. Even if you formula feed most daycares demand 3-4 clean bottles a day per baby. 

I get 30 mins to play with my daughter every workday and it's the highlight of my day. Then it's dinner, bath bedtime routine etc. etc.