I could just be overly stressed out...but I'm freaking out

boymomaf

Ok, a little background. A have 3 kids, all boys. Before my last son was born, I ended up having an ectopic and had my left tube removed. I am thinking I had the Ectopic because I got pregnant right after getting my Nexplanon taken out after 2 years of having it in. I got pregnant with my now 2 year old literally 2 weeks after having my tube removed. About a year ago I came off BC pills and started trying to conceive. By trying I mean all I really did was track my period and used the estimated ovulation day, and we weren't actually baby dancing on every O day. Well now I just got a positive pregnancy test. The first day of my last period was on the 11th of may and my normal cycle is usually 29/30 days. So I took a test on Thursday the 6th and it was faint AF, so I called my doc and had my blood drawn on Friday the 7th and the HCG was 46. They said congrats and wouldnt schedule me for another blood draw even though I've had an ectopic before. They just stressed that I need to pay attention and go to the ER if I have any of the symtoms that I did with my ectopic. So today is the 12 and I couldnt take the stress anymore, so I went to a clinic today and paid for another blood draw myself, and now I'm freaking the Eff out and I'm so nervous. I don't know if I can handle another loss. I'm so scared that I'm going to have another ectopic. I've taken sooooo many PT's that I'm going broke, but they are getting darker and darker. Anyone else experience this kind of stress and ectopic? I'm literally losing my mind. I'm so stressed that I'm just pissed off ALL the time. 

harpseal135

knottiec2738b3df8202ab2 said:

Ok, a little background. A have 3 kids, all boys. Before my last son was born, I ended up having an ectopic and had my left tube removed. I am thinking I had the Ectopic because I got pregnant right after getting my Nexplanon taken out after 2 years of having it in. I got pregnant with my now 2 year old literally 2 weeks after having my tube removed. About a year ago I came off BC pills and started trying to conceive. By trying I mean all I really did was track my period and used the estimated ovulation day, and we weren't actually baby dancing on every O day. Well now I just got a positive pregnancy test. The first day of my last period was on the 11th of may and my normal cycle is usually 29/30 days. So I took a test on Thursday the 6th and it was faint AF, so I called my doc and had my blood drawn on Friday the 7th and the HCG was 46. They said congrats and wouldnt schedule me for another blood draw even though I've had an ectopic before. They just stressed that I need to pay attention and go to the ER if I have any of the symtoms that I did with my ectopic. So today is the 12 and I couldnt take the stress anymore, so I went to a clinic today and paid for another blood draw myself, and now I'm freaking the Eff out and I'm so nervous. I don't know if I can handle another loss. I'm so scared that I'm going to have another ectopic. I've taken sooooo many PT's that I'm going broke, but they are getting darker and darker. Anyone else experience this kind of stress and ectopic? I'm literally losing my mind. I'm so stressed that I'm just pissed off ALL the time. 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please stop taking pregnancy tests, they are not going to show something new.  You said you had another blood draw that you paid out of pocket. Did the numbers rise?  When do you go in for your first appointment?
Unfortunately,  you, nor any doctor, can control the uncontrollable.  The most you can do is listen to your doctor, watch for signs, and hope for the best.  

kbrown2385

I haven’t had an ectopic but I did have 5 losses in a row. I highly recommend to stop testing. It’s causing unnecessary stress. The best you can do is remind yourself that today you are pregnant. Like above said, you can’t control anything else and what will be will be. 

boymomaf

I got the blood drawn yesterday. I should find out today at noon. I've just been freaking out about what the numbers are gonna say
. 

boymomaf

harpseal135 said:

knottiec2738b3df8202ab2 said:

Ok, a little background. A have 3 kids, all boys. Before my last son was born, I ended up having an ectopic and had my left tube removed. I am thinking I had the Ectopic because I got pregnant right after getting my Nexplanon taken out after 2 years of having it in. I got pregnant with my now 2 year old literally 2 weeks after having my tube removed. About a year ago I came off BC pills and started trying to conceive. By trying I mean all I really did was track my period and used the estimated ovulation day, and we weren't actually baby dancing on every O day. Well now I just got a positive pregnancy test. The first day of my last period was on the 11th of may and my normal cycle is usually 29/30 days. So I took a test on Thursday the 6th and it was faint AF, so I called my doc and had my blood drawn on Friday the 7th and the HCG was 46. They said congrats and wouldnt schedule me for another blood draw even though I've had an ectopic before. They just stressed that I need to pay attention and go to the ER if I have any of the symtoms that I did with my ectopic. So today is the 12 and I couldnt take the stress anymore, so I went to a clinic today and paid for another blood draw myself, and now I'm freaking the Eff out and I'm so nervous. I don't know if I can handle another loss. I'm so scared that I'm going to have another ectopic. I've taken sooooo many PT's that I'm going broke, but they are getting darker and darker. Anyone else experience this kind of stress and ectopic? I'm literally losing my mind. I'm so stressed that I'm just pissed off ALL the time. 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please stop taking pregnancy tests, they are not going to show something new.  You said you had another blood draw that you paid out of pocket. Did the numbers rise?  When do you go in for your first appointment?
Unfortunately,  you, nor any doctor, can control the uncontrollable.  The most you can do is listen to your doctor, watch for signs, and hope for the best.  

My first u/s is tomorrow. Not really expecting to see much. I'd like to say as long as I see a sac I'll feel less stressed, but that's probably not true lol

boymomaf

kbrown2385 said:

I haven’t had an ectopic but I did have 5 losses in a row. I highly recommend to stop testing. It’s causing unnecessary stress. The best you can do is remind yourself that today you are pregnant. Like above said, you can’t control anything else and what will be will be. 

I couldnt even imagine going through that. You are a seriously strong woman. I really do try my best to stay positive, but that ectopic ruined me psychologically.

dpchickens

You really need to find a way to remain calm, or at least calm-er than you are. Can I recommend therapy?  Seriously... I got a great therapist and she has greatly helped with my losses and trying to 'exist' in my post-loss childless state.  

I've never had an ectopic and realize it's probably terrifying to go through, but I have had 5 MCs with NO living children... and what you have to tell yourself is that YOU have no control over this situation except to be the healthiest you can be and to monitor your symptoms (or lack thereof) and to get your blood draws and ultrasounds. YOU have no control over whether you will have a healthy baby, a MC, or an ectopic PG.  All you can do is realize that YOU are PG as of today and as of this moment, and to cherish that and any amount of time you get to spend with your baby, regardless of whether that is 2 days or 2 months or 20 years. 

Just an FYI for the future/future PGs.  You only have a few choices.  You either appreciate and accept the children you already have and decide you cannot handle a possibility of loss/ectopic and stop TTC, you decide you can't handle the stress and decide to grow your family by either surrogacy/adoption/etc., or you accept the risk and attempt to bear another child with your body.  But I'd highly recommend getting to a better place emotionally/physically before you try again.

kbrown2385

knottiec2738b3df8202ab2 said:

kbrown2385 said:

I haven’t had an ectopic but I did have 5 losses in a row. I highly recommend to stop testing. It’s causing unnecessary stress. The best you can do is remind yourself that today you are pregnant. Like above said, you can’t control anything else and what will be will be. 

I couldnt even imagine going through that. You are a seriously strong woman. I really do try my best to stay positive, but that ectopic ruined me psychologically.

Any loss f**** you up no matter how early/late/type etc. My first pregnancy was a loss and my second pregnancy was my ds. I was a basket case the entire time. You’ll never go back to being a happy, naive pregnant woman and that’s ok. You just have to find your new normal and your new calm. You’ll get there. Just keep breathing. 

boymomaf

kbrown2385 said:

knottiec2738b3df8202ab2 said:

kbrown2385 said:

I haven’t had an ectopic but I did have 5 losses in a row. I highly recommend to stop testing. It’s causing unnecessary stress. The best you can do is remind yourself that today you are pregnant. Like above said, you can’t control anything else and what will be will be. 

I couldnt even imagine going through that. You are a seriously strong woman. I really do try my best to stay positive, but that ectopic ruined me psychologically.

Any loss f**** you up no matter how early/late/type etc. My first pregnancy was a loss and my second pregnancy was my ds. I was a basket case the entire time. You’ll never go back to being a happy, naive pregnant woman and that’s ok. You just have to find your new normal and your new calm. You’ll get there. Just keep breathing. 

Yeah. I agree. I just got my test results back and it came back at 443. This draw was taken 5 days after the first initial one of 46. I feel a little relieved. I have a U/S tomorrow morning and I'm hoping to at least see a sac. We shall see though.