October 2019 Moms
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May STM/STM+ Check In

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Re: May STM/STM+ Check In

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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    Cass005 said:
    @jcbh2018 I'm so glad he napped for you. My DD was very needy as well at that age so I hear you.

    Mom's when getting ready for baby #2, we were thinking of ways to get DD ready as well. I think were going to rush the pack and play up and some other baby stuff she she can start seeing changes (were way behind this part anyway lol). I was also thinking of "big sister" gifts, did you guys ever do that?
    How old is she? I brought DS1 with me to a single appointment around 30w for him to hear the doppler (he’s also terrified of doctors, so I wanted him to see me at one and to get a shot so he knew adults got them too). Other than that, I dragged the swing out a week or so before I delivered 🤷🏼‍♀️

    DS2 “gave” him some building blocks as a gift
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    @prpl11butterfly I didn't even think of that! Our y offers most of the classes here, but the hospital does some. I should look into it for DD, she loves babies but idk if she's gonna like a whole new on in her house 😂




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    Cass005Cass005 member
    @cmbt2 she's 4, 5 in Dec

    @prpl11butterfly I don't know about the classes but def a good idea.
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    @Cass005 I’m thinking of getting DS a baby doll. He makes comments about playing with the baby so I thought it might help him realize that it will be a little while until baby can play, and teach him how to be gentle with it. 
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    Cass005 said:
    @jcbh2018 I'm so glad he napped for you. My DD was very needy as well at that age so I hear you.

    Mom's when getting ready for baby #2, we were thinking of ways to get DD ready as well. I think were going to rush the pack and play up and some other baby stuff she she can start seeing changes (were way behind this part anyway lol). I was also thinking of "big sister" gifts, did you guys ever do that?
    We bought DD1 a big sister gift from DD2 and she was indifferent. DD2 now LOVES the toy and DD1 still doesn’t care about it. We are skipping it this time around. They are obsessed enough with the idea of a baby brother lol. 
    BabyFetus TickerBabyFruit Ticker

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    Cass005Cass005 member
    @melanier26 Im thinking a doll for DD because I found a siblings class for her and we have to bring a doll to practice on.

    @PenelopeSnuz77 Do you mind if I ask what kind of toy? I'd like to get her a big sister gift and maybe have her pick out something for her to give the baby.
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    We got our daughter a big sister gift for my inlaws to give her before she came to the hospital (big sister book, a magnetic drawing board to keep her busy at the hospital, and a letter). But it wasn't from the baby. It was from us, because we wanted her to know we loved and missed her. I'm not about sibling gift exchanges until they're old enough to actually pick something themselves. 
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    We got DS1 a gift from the baby, but he didn't seem to care much. Was much more interested in seeing us and snuggling on the hospital bed, and staring at the baby. Ironically, he does says from time to time, "Remember when DS2 gave me a sticker book when he was born?!" I'm not sure we'll do the gift from baby this time. 
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    My first daughter had just turned 2 years old, 2 weeks before I gave birth to my second daughter. To prepare her for the baby we read lots of books about bringing babies home and about being a big sister. The number one hit was “I’m going to be a big sister” they also have the “big brother” version. 
    We made sure never to call the baby “the new baby” it was just “baby”. 

    On a trip to Australia while I was pregnant we had DD1 pick out a gift to give to baby once it was born. She picked out a little kangaroo rattle. She was SO PROUD to bring that little rattle to the hospital when she met her baby sister.

    I had also also gone to the store and picked out a toy from the baby to DD1. It’s this little stuffed cat that meows when you push it’s head. It’s from ASPECA (right?) and 3 years later DD1 still cherishes that cat. 

    My girls are 4 and 6 now and will have baby brother so they will be picking gifts for him as well as me picking gifts from the “baby” to be exchanged when they come see us at the hospital. 

    Ill take them both to a Big Sibbling class and tour of the hospital when it gets closer to
    time. We talk about how babies cry and nap a lot (god willing) and I’m trying to prepare my 4 year old with how much mommy milk the baby will be drinking AKA “mommy will be on the couch and can’t jump up to give you everything you want on a whim” ℓσℓ 

    I feel like we did a pretty good job with getting DD1 ready. We weren’t perfect but if anyone has more questions I’m happy to help. 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DD#1 December '12
    DD#2 New Year's Baby '15
    Married 07/09
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    Cass005Cass005 member
    I guess every kid is different too in how they handle it. We did get a big sister book and I try to read that occasionally. I'd like to look for a different one just to give some different perspectives.

    Thanks ladies, I really do appreciate all the feedback. There's so many parts of having another baby in the house that i'm so nervous about.
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    SLou24SLou24 member
    Ooh I haven't even thought about a gift for DD from the baby yet!! We do have a Big Sister book that she loves, and she constantly talks about how baby brother is coming "in a few minutes"  :D. I'll have to think of something cute to get her though, from the baby... most likely a new baby doll, but it'll also be right at her birthday so I'll have to find a way to make this gift special! 
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    We let the kids each buy a gift for the baby to bring to the hospital and help with organizing whatever room the baby and I will be in at home, which usually starts in my bedroom. I usually get them a small gift from DH and me for them to take to Nana’s for when the baby is born along with a coloring book from the baby so they can color pictures for their new sibling. 


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    I wish I had waited with DD. She was born smack dav in the middle of January and 3 people that came ended up with the flu that week or later. Thankfully, she never got sick but this time I'm restricting how many people come to the hospital and home. I hope my kiddos get to come though, we're doing a fresh 48 shoot and I want them there too🥰




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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    Am I the only one who isn’t bringing their kids to the hospital? We had DS1 meet DS2 at home, and we’ll do the same with DD. DS1 in particular would not be okay with stepping foot in the hospital, let alone leaving me there. We did Skype the day DS1
    was born and told him, but official meet and greet is at home. 

    But after DS1, I now have a strict no hospital visitors rule
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    DS stayed at my moms the first night, then at MILs the 2nd and 3rd night he was at SIL1s house. He came up to the hospital with us til my mom was off work and came to pick him up, then we didn't see him for 2 whole days. Longest we'd ever been apart from him. The day DD was born, MIL brought him up immediately in the morning cause he was bawling all night and she goes "he needs his mom today" so he hung out in the hospital room for about 2 hours with us and then he wouldn't stop running out(only 18 mo old) and the nurses werent upset but I felt awful. He went back to MIL til we discharged the next day. We spent four whoke days in the hospital, I'm really hoping this time we don't. But I want them to be the first to meet the baby, so they'll come up with whoever they stay with. My SILs both did the same with their kids, except SIL1s kids were all csections, so they wouldn't let them actually into see my niece (the only one I was around for😂)til later in the day. My youngest nephew was so distraught he just screamed(he was 4) and wouldn't leave til he could see his mom. My other SIL had her daughter in right away, like the same night my niece was born. My parents didn't let me meet my sister til at home either though🤷🏽‍♀️ 




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    Our plan is for DS to be the first to meet his little brother, though I’ll have to ask about the hospital policy regarding kids since that was brought up. 

    DS has some health issues when he was a few days old that resulted in me having bad anxiety about his health and turned me into a germophobe. I’m already stressing about family members, specifically my MIL and FIL, making a fuss over not being allowed to see this baby if they’re sick. They have the “we raised 5 kids so we know what we’re doing” attitude and they tend to be lax about sick germs. But whatever, fight me when it comes to my child’s well-being, I dare you
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    Our kids will definitely come to the hospital when baby is born unless the no kids policy is in effect due to a particularly bad flu season. But I feel like it shouldn't be a problem in early Oct. It's more Dec-Feb that the germs are really flying. Spending time together as a family of four in my hospital room was very special. 
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    Cass005Cass005 member
    I'm not sure what our plan is yet but I would want DD to meet baby probably the first day. I also need to check hospital policy.
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    Is anyone else planning on having their kids attend the birth? We're having a birth center birth and depending on how I'm feeling in the moment and how comfortable DS is with it, I'm hoping he will be able to witness his little brother enter the world! My mom and MIL will both be there as well to keep him entertained and away if I decide against it or he gets scared or uncomfortable. They have a sitting area outside the two birthing rooms as well as the rooms themselves being a good size :) 
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    Kids will meet at hospital. I cant enforce a "no one before siblings". We didnt for DS. It was summer break so N was with MIL at work. They came by on her lunch break. I wanted my mom "there" in case I needed her and she was also on summer break (bus driver). She stayed out side of the delivery room and recorded DSs first cry 😍. I have no idea how this one will work with school being in session..... 
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    greenbean-2greenbean-2 member
    edited May 2019
    For those of you without family who live nearby, what are you planning to do with your kids while you’re in the hospital?

    Both sets of grandparents have offered to come help. My parents are a 5 hour drive away and DH’s are a flight away. Our rough plan is to call the grandparents when I go into labor and send DD to stay with close friends nearby until a grandparent can get here.

    But the more I think about it, the more nervous it makes me. The grandparents haven’t babysat since DD was a baby, and I’m not sure how they’ll handle a toddler who is scared and missing mom and dad (and therefore having tons of tantrums and pushing every boundary). And I’m not sure how my toddler will react to a couple days alone with people she knows and sees on Skype all the time, but hasn’t spent much one on one time with.

     I’m also not thrilled with the idea of having either my parents or DH’s parents at my home when I first get home from the hospital. I was an emotional and physical mess for awhile. So I’m curious if others have come up with creative child care arrangements.  

    Edited to break up giant wall of text. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    I think it's sweet when siblings are able to witness a smooth birth. But that's not guaranteed, and I wouldn't want to worry mine if something went awry, or have to control everything I'm feeling so as not to scare them. 

    PLUS at 1 and 3 I think it would be a huge hassle for whoever is doing the kid-wrangling, for an unforeseen amount of time, probably coinciding with meal or sleep times. If it was a home birth that part wouldn't be as big a deal. Anywhere else I would think would be stressful. 
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    DS will definitely be staying with one of the parents while we're in the hospital and will come to visit with them. We'll prob play it somewhat by ear, especially because of how the last labor played out, but ideally we won't be calling them to come in until after baby is born.
    Me: 41 / Fiance: 35 +  One DS, one dog & two kitties...
    First BFP: 1/17/16 = EDD 9/21/16 (MMC)
    Second BFP: 6/24/16 (CP)
    Third BFP: 2/7/17 = EDD 10/20/17 🌈 *** BORN 10/23 *** 🌈
    Fourth BFP : 2/5/19 = EDD 10/14/19
         BabyGaga
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    ineedsixeggsineedsixeggs member
    edited May 2019
    @greenbean-2 I didn't love the idea of my MIL staying with my daughter while we were at the hospital, but it was necessary, and it kept her (MIL) out of my hair at the hospital (She was in the delivery room the first time and our relationship went downhill from there). I talked to her beforehand about how I needed my own space when we came home, and she respected that (though reluctantly and with much complaining). 

    ETA: If it would be easier for your DD to just stay with the friends that would keep her until grandparents arrive, I would do that and just let the grandparents know when they can come visit. If that's not a possibility I would try to arrange some sleepovers with the grandparents ahead of time to get DD more comfortable.
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    @ineedsixeggs Thanks for your thoughts. We were thinking of doing some sort of babysitting trial run this summer for whichever grandparent(s) we decide makes the most sense to take care of DD. Something like “hey, come visit us, spend a day watching what our routine looks like and how we handle meltdowns, then babysit the next day to see how it goes for everyone.”  That’s also a great idea about having a talk about boundaries ahead of time. My family is not great about expressing needs and getting things out in the open, and it’s a skill I’m still learning as an adult. So I often forget about solutions like that that are obvious to other people. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    @greenbean-2 they’ll be going to my neighbor’s until my grandmother gets here. I plan to keep my appointments in the morning, so hopefully, she can pick them up at school 
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    My “plan” is I will have the baby with my husband there, possibly a Doula as well, hubby can stay the first night and then go get our girls to meet their brother, then he can take them home and stay with them that night. I don’t mind staying in the hospital by myself. I’d rather he be with the other kids to help them feel better about me not being home. 

    With DD2 we ended up in the NICU for 10 days (got released on my bday)  and it KILLED me to be away from DD1. I had never been away from her before, she had just turned 2, I was a hormonal mess and missed her so badly. I cried every day. She came down with a stomach bug and couldn’t come to visit until her fever and symptoms were gone. It felt like the longest time in the world and thinking about it still makes me teary. 

    I hope that things obviously go smoother this time and while I’ll welcome a 2 night visit in the hospital I don’t want anything longer than that ℓσℓ 

    of course...my DD1 will have started 1st grade and my DD2 will have started preschool about 6 weeks before I’m due and that’s prime time for every illness to be hitting them 😬
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DD#1 December '12
    DD#2 New Year's Baby '15
    Married 07/09
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    With DD2 we ended up in the NICU for 10 days (got released on my bday)  and it KILLED me to be away from DD1. I had never been away from her before, she had just turned 2, I was a hormonal mess and missed her so badly. I cried every day. She came down with a stomach bug and couldn’t come to visit until her fever and symptoms were gone. It felt like the longest time in the world and thinking about it still makes me teary.
    I'm very worried about being away from DD, she's only ever been away for a night once and she was only with my MIL at a local hotel, but still I missed her so much even for that night.
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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    For those having a second, you may want to consider seeing if you can go home at the 24 hour mark. Our center will discharge STM+ moms at 24 hours if requested (mandatory 48 hours for the FTM). It made that second night so much more bearable to deal with being home and not yelled at for falling asleep holding baby
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    @cmbt2 oh, I like that thought. I will try to keep it in mind.
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    With my 2nd, they kept us a day and a half just cause my epidural messed with my legs so bad. I was so ready to go home. I'm hoping we can go home next day this time!! 




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    @Cass005 I completely understand. It’s so hard. I hope it does go ok for you. How old is your daughter? Hopefully it’s easy on her too 💜
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DD#1 December '12
    DD#2 New Year's Baby '15
    Married 07/09
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    @greenbean-2 We are having a friend who has a flexible work schedule stay with the boys. They will be in school so we will definitely need the help getting them there and back.  

    I am probably the odd one out but I’m staying in the hospital as long as they will let me.  I enjoy having the help from the nurses and someone else bringing me my meds, food, etc.  (Although DH will be home this time so it will probably be different.  He went back to work both times pretty much as soon as we got home from the hospital with the boys which meant I was home with a newborn, toddler, and two dogs by myself 2 days PP).
    I hear ya! I’m all for natural childbirth, no interventions, “hospitals are for sick people”, etc ... but I’ll gladly accept the 48 hours ℓσℓ I love my daughters more than anything in the world but I know what it’s like having a brand new baby at home and if I can handle just one little baby for a couple days for some one on one time I’ll take it 😂
    granted I feel afraid to ask for that in fear that it’ll jinx me and I end up there longer. 48 hours is my max 😉
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DD#1 December '12
    DD#2 New Year's Baby '15
    Married 07/09
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    @perfectlove09 she's 4, and I think she will be okay for maybe a night or two, any longer I'm not sure. When she stayed with my MIL she was so happy, she got there and was like "Bye!" broke my heart.....

    @quidditchcapn1120 I'm with you, I would probably want to stay as long as possible if I know DD is taken care of.

    I think the biggest struggle we may have is if my MIL and her sister are up at the same time. They have not spoken in 12 years, and MIL knows that we are closer with her sister and does not like it. DH's Aunt will behave, his mother....hmmm not really sure.
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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    Our centers do “rooming in” so no nighttime nursery. That second night was hell for both my boys, so I’d much rather cosleep for a few hours in my own bed than have no sleep at all in the hospital
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    Both hospitals I've delivered at had signs everywhere about not sleeping while holding the baby. But I did and no one stopped me at any of their little nighttime checks. 
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    I hated being there so long the second day cause I knew DS had a hard time being away when we usually all stayed at ILs if he stayed. He's spent a few more nights away from us now and DD has too but not much. And it's always at my MIL house. So if they can't take them idk what we'll do. I think I'm gonna have my mom help too, cause DS *should be* in school by then, even though it's just 3 hours. So I'll need someone to at least take him to school and DD to the sitters til someone can keep them at night if at all possible. Between 3 SILs, ILs, and my parents youd think we could cover it 😔 I don't want to ask the SILs cause with DD they were all bitchier than hell about having to help and I just don't wanna listen to it again this time. 




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    cmbt2 said:
    Our centers do “rooming in” so no nighttime nursery. That second night was hell for both my boys, so I’d much rather cosleep for a few hours in my own bed than have no sleep at all in the hospital
    I have never delivered at a hospital that had a nursery.  Is that still a thing?  I always BF though so I have to have the baby in the room.
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