October 2019 Moms
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May STM/STM+ Check In

Sorry if this is a duplicate thread but I couldn't find the STM general check in. Anyway I thought we could use one, I know I have questions.

*How are you guys managing with pregnancy and little ones?
*How did you handle the questions about how the baby got there and how the baby comes out?


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Re: May STM/STM+ Check In

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    Cass005Cass005 member
    My DD is excited but the questions are slowly coming and I just want to be prepared but I don't want to scare her with answers. Also my moodiness is like hard core. I've never been a cuddler, I don't mind hugs here an there but lately my tolerance for when she hangs all over me is super low and I feel so bad about it.
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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    Cass005 said:
    My DD is excited but the questions are slowly coming and I just want to be prepared but I don't want to scare her with answers. Also my moodiness is like hard core. I've never been a cuddler, I don't mind hugs here an there but lately my tolerance for when she hangs all over me is super low and I feel so bad about it.
    There’s a whole Daniel tiger season on becoming a big sibling. I’ve let that do the teaching LOL

    im postponing this one until later elementary school🙈
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    Cass005Cass005 member
    @cmbt2 We did watch the Daniel Tiger episode when baby Margaret was born.. I didn't realize it was a whole season, I will have to make sure we add that to our routine.

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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    Cass005 said:
    @cmbt2 We did watch the Daniel Tiger episode when baby Margaret was born.. I didn't realize it was a whole season, I will have to make sure we add that to our routine.

    The “big brother Daniel” DVD is all about adjusting to a new sibling. We’ve been using the “baby grows in mommy’s belly, and then one day, mommy will go to the doctor who will help her have the baby” to explain things. At ages 4 and 2, it’s working so far, knock on wood..
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    DD is too young to ask questions about how baby got there, but she knows that there’s a baby growing in my tummy and lately she’ll lift up my shirt and say “baby!” and cuddle my tummy. Yesterday she lifted up my shirt and picked up a book to read a book to the baby. This morning she wanted the baby to cuddle her stuffed bunny. My heart melted. 

    If it does occur to her to ask how baby got in our out, I’ll probably say something like Daddy helped Mommy put the baby in, and a doctor will help take the baby out. My goal in general is to tell the truth, but not tell more than she actually wanted to know or is ready for - definitely a tricky line to walk, and I haven’t had too much practice with the harder talks yet, so this is more a philosophy that I hope to follow rather than a concrete suggestion. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    DS will be four in July and he tells me all the time "there's a baby in your tummy! That's why you go to the Dr!" DD just turned 2 in Jan and she lifts my shirts and says "baby, beyah(belly)" 😂 it's so ridiculously cute. DS was 18 months when she was born and he couldn't seem to say baby, but beba instead so that's her nickname. She says baby cryah for our babysitters baby and she calls this one that too 😂 just wait til it really cries! She's in for a world of hurt🙈 my youngest niece is 8 months younger than DD and when I babysat last year, man was she jealous when I would hold her. She'd get pissy when anyone would hold her 😅




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    My kids (3 and 1) haven't had many questions yet. We'll get there when we get there. Right now I'm just trying to convince the 1yo the baby is in my belly and not my boobs. My 3yo has a human body book that shows a baby in the womb, so I think that helps. 

    No idea how I'm managing pregnancy with these two running around  :D I'm just thankful the first tri is behind us and dreading tri 3. 
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    edited May 2019
    Neice got an in depth discussion about how baby gets out after my first loss. She had just turned 9 so had some questions. She hasnt asked how baby got in there BUT by her beat red face when we told her, I'd bet $$ she already knows. And I mean, she knows how to fashion a hair elastic to look like a penis and a clitoris so.....

    DS is too young (4 in Aug) to really understand either "how". I'm also worried about him knowing how baby comes out because he's so empathetic, especially with me. He never wants me to be upset or hurt and is always trying to make sure I'm okay. Him knowing would likely cause a lot of anxiety.

    As for managing...... DH has been a huge part of that. He's doing a lot on his own and even if I ask for help, he's right on it.

    Edited for grammar
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    Cass005Cass005 member
    No idea how I'm managing pregnancy with these two running around  :D I'm just thankful the first tri is behind us and dreading tri 3. 
    Same here, DD1 is still a ball of energy at times, dealing with 2...I don't know how I'll do it.
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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    And me to relying on DH to help. Saturday, I was pretty much out of commission all afternoon and he was a life saver with wrangling the kids
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    I’m just starting to have energy on some days at 19 weeks. It’s been rough with DS, who will be 4 in July. He has a camera that he loves to play with. I don’t feel *totally* guilty about him using it so much bc it’s creative. I’m a SAHM and I struggle to balance doing things with him and getting housework done when I do have energy. The mom guilt is so strong the past few months 😔
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    Managing a year and a half old while pregnant has been tiring to say the least. @melanier26 I soo feel ya on the mom guilt. Too many days that the only energy I have to use is to get a little bit of house cleaning done, and DS is at an age that instead I really want to be teaching him, having fun with him, going out with him, etc.
    DS totally doesn't get it yet. I keep trying to tell him there's a baby in mommy's belly and he seems to ignore me. Tho just today when I told him, as he was bouncing away on my stomach, he was in a kissy mood and funny enough started kissing my chest for some reason. @ineedsixeggs he didn't quite go for the boobs, but I wonder if he thinks it's all the same.
    Me: 41 / Fiance: 35 +  One DS, one dog & two kitties...
    First BFP: 1/17/16 = EDD 9/21/16 (MMC)
    Second BFP: 6/24/16 (CP)
    Third BFP: 2/7/17 = EDD 10/20/17 🌈 *** BORN 10/23 *** 🌈
    Fourth BFP : 2/5/19 = EDD 10/14/19
         BabyGaga
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    And I mean, she knows how to fashion a hair elastic to look like a penis and a clitoris so.....
    Ohmygosh I'm so sorry, but I'm dying 😂😂 
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    DS is too young to understand or even care about how baby got here lol

    I'm hanging in there with an active and needy 2.5 year old... I thought I was finally past the tired phase, but it's reared it's ugly head again and now I can add "gets winded bending over or walking up 2 stairs" to my symptoms list 🙃 I've been trying to keep him busy with stuff I can watch him do and not stuff I need to participate in
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    nnaelilak said:
    And I mean, she knows how to fashion a hair elastic to look like a penis and a clitoris so.....
    Ohmygosh I'm so sorry, but I'm dying 😂😂 
    My mother had a very hard time telling me this (which she did with my DAD sitting right there lmao). Neice SHOWED my grandmother. Shes 80 and by no means a prudish woman but my goodness...... My mom was trying to explain the how and I was just like "nah, I'm good. I don't feel like that's info I'll ever need in my life" 😂😂😂
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    @cmbt2 I’m sorry you’re having a bad morning ❤️ I hope it all gets better with him soon 
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    @cmbt2 Deep breaths. Hope you find comfort in knowing you're not the only mom to ever feel this way! Mornings are the actual worst.
    You guys, just like clockwork from this thread yesterday, this morning on the drive to school DS1 asked "how does the baby get out." I took your advice and said... "Well the doctor helps the baby get out." Nope, not satisfied with that one. "No, Mom! HOW does the doctor help the baby get out?!" Uhhh, I muttered something about stomach muscles getting really tight and kind of pushing the baby out because there wouldn't be anymore space left in my belly. And he said "Oh like hands, hands can push." Great! So now does he think it's ok for his hands to push the baby?? :D
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    cmbt2 said:
    I’ve just about had it with my 4 year old. I don’t know where we went wrong, but ever since Christmas, his behavior has been so atrocious, and I can no longer deal. He already gets the gambit of services, and I don’t know what else to do. 

    Mornings like today make me question why I ever became a mom


    Stuck in the darn box. I'm right there with you! DS will be 4 in July and is just a terror!!!! He doesn't listen, yells stop and no at both of us, he screams when he doesn't get his way. I've cut his screen time out and it's helped some but I'm so tired trying to clean and chase him and sissy around 😔 I'm at my wit's end. I'm hoping the summer activities this help wind him down and listen better. Saturday, SO was running late after work and we met up at the babysitters to grab the kids and get food after I got off work. Our sitter adores our kids. DS only acts the worst when both of us are there and as soon as daddy got in the door he started hitting, throwing, pushed sissy. She goes what the hell, I've NEVER seen him a t this way 😔 he's a demon with both of us near. And here we are being nuts adding another! Ayeeee




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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    cmbt2 said:
    I’ve just about had it with my 4 year old. I don’t know where we went wrong, but ever since Christmas, his behavior has been so atrocious, and I can no longer deal. He already gets the gambit of services, and I don’t know what else to do. 

    Mornings like today make me question why I ever became a mom


    Stuck in the darn box. I'm right there with you! DS will be 4 in July and is just a terror!!!! He doesn't listen, yells stop and no at both of us, he screams when he doesn't get his way. I've cut his screen time out and it's helped some but I'm so tired trying to clean and chase him and sissy around 😔 I'm at my wit's end. I'm hoping the summer activities this help wind him down and listen better. Saturday, SO was running late after work and we met up at the babysitters to grab the kids and get food after I got off work. Our sitter adores our kids. DS only acts the worst when both of us are there and as soon as daddy got in the door he started hitting, throwing, pushed sissy. She goes what the hell, I've NEVER seen him a t this way 😔 he's a demon with both of us near. And here we are being nuts adding another! Ayeeee
    He’s just been so awful. Screaming,
    giving attitude, refusing to do the most simple tasks. It’s constant and isn’t stopping. It was so bad this morning that he’s sentenced to his room tonight with nothing. So bad. 
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    Cass005Cass005 member
    cmbt2 said:
    Mornings like today make me question why I ever became a mom
    As sucky as this sounds I'm happy to know I'm not the only one to have these thoughts.
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    I feel like a terrible mom cause I resort to yelling right away 😔 my dad had a short temper and I got that from him. Doesn't help my dad tells me I don't spank him enough when I feel like timeouts and spankings are all he gets 😭 I have everything I can think of out up where he can't get to it and he climbs to get whatever he wants and it drives me nuts!!!! They got a permanent marker so now I need to go clean my walls up again 😑




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    I’m constantly exhausted so trying to parent my 3 under 7 has had its challenges. Thankfully my girls have been helpful and sweet. DS however has been a huge struggle but I think that it’s more that he’s 3.5 and wild. 

    My 6 year old has asked where babies come from and we’ve just told her that daddy put a special seed into mama and the baby will grow from that until he or she is ready to be born and then we will go to the hospital to have the doctor help deliver the baby. She seemed fine with that answer but she’s also seen pigs and cows be bred and give birth so 🤷‍♀️.
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    cmbt2 said:
    cmbt2 said:
    I’ve just about had it with my 4 year old. I don’t know where we went wrong, but ever since Christmas, his behavior has been so atrocious, and I can no longer deal. He already gets the gambit of services, and I don’t know what else to do. 

    Mornings like today make me question why I ever became a mom


    Stuck in the darn box. I'm right there with you! DS will be 4 in July and is just a terror!!!! He doesn't listen, yells stop and no at both of us, he screams when he doesn't get his way. I've cut his screen time out and it's helped some but I'm so tired trying to clean and chase him and sissy around 😔 I'm at my wit's end. I'm hoping the summer activities this help wind him down and listen better. Saturday, SO was running late after work and we met up at the babysitters to grab the kids and get food after I got off work. Our sitter adores our kids. DS only acts the worst when both of us are there and as soon as daddy got in the door he started hitting, throwing, pushed sissy. She goes what the hell, I've NEVER seen him a t this way 😔 he's a demon with both of us near. And here we are being nuts adding another! Ayeeee
    He’s just been so awful. Screaming,
    giving attitude, refusing to do the most simple tasks. It’s constant and isn’t stopping. It was so bad this morning that he’s sentenced to his room tonight with nothing. So bad. 
    This is four. It’s so hard! It gets better the closer you get to 5 if that’s any consolation. 
    BabyFetus TickerBabyFruit Ticker

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    @PenelopeSnuz77 oh I so hope so 😭 everyone tells me 4 is worse than 2 which I totally didn't believe cause I helped raise my little sister and I've been babysitting since I was 12 and don't remember any of my older kids being this ridiculous 😭 but man he has me hanging by a pin I swear. Yesterday he was really rude at my parents and my dad took him to their room to lay down. He just shrieked and screamed at him. My mom asked if weve been to a behavioral therapist and we haven't but I've been feeling like we should. He has a little temper and hits and throws really bad 😔




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    Cass005Cass005 member
    I'm starting to believe that 4 is the worse age. DD threw such a fit last night at bath time. She likes to do things on her own, so I asked her to get into the tub, she gave me a very nasty "No" so I picked her up and put her in, and omg end of the world...
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    I've heard from a lot of people that 4 is awful. I just didn't believe it 😭 he isn't even 4 yet!!! He still has a month and a half! Ayeeee. He just wants to be independent but clingy too 😂 and he loves to do it himself too, but doesn't like to be told to do. So I totally hear that. Someone better pray for us😂




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    In a weak moment when DD1 was 3, I asked her daycare director for advice after we had spent a really long night full of her having insane meltdowns. She smiled knowingly and said, “three year old girls are the worst, four is even worse, and it gets better the closer you get to five”. She’s the best ever and she was totally spot on. The inability to process big emotions from three to five is so challenging, combined with their need to push boundaries and you feel like you are doing everything wrong. DD is 5 in a month and I’m enjoying her SO much all of a sudden. It’s been fun to watch her mature over the last year (and a total relief). 
    BabyFetus TickerBabyFruit Ticker

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    @PenelopeSnuz77 that is really good advice. I wish I had someone more supportive like that. We have our parents and while theyre all great, they're rather old fashioned 😔




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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    @PenelopeSnuz77 that is really good advice. I wish I had someone more supportive like that. We have our parents and while theyre all great, they're rather old fashioned 😔
    Yup.

    i get the “maybe it’s because of, you know, his problem?” (He has aspergers) or “my kids weren’t like that! This wasn’t an issue when my kids were growing up. Kids nowadays are so different!” 🙄🙄
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    We use to get a lot of comments from providers about niece's behavior being in regards to losing her dad. Nope. We are not letting her use that as a crutch for bad behavior. Then of course she heard it said so would also use that. And the death of her grandmothers turtle here and there.

    She just told me the other night that she misses him. I'm trying to be gentile BUT I think she's mixed up and misses the idea of him. She was only 2 when he passed (10.5 now). I'm just waiting for her to tell us that's why shes being rude and mouthy all the time....
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    You all are scaring me with the comments about the age of 4! I had heard 3 was worse than 2 and was excited that DS is almost 4. Now I’m scared 😆

    @prpl11butterfly I know everyone is different but I also lost my dad when I was 2 and I have no memory of him. It didn’t really affect me until I was an adult and kind of realized what I’ve missed out on, not having him. Growing up it was just like “oh my dad died”, like a fact of life and nothing more. So I’m not saying that she doesn’t miss him or it doesn’t affect her behavior but I would think you’re right to think that if she’s heard people use it as a reason for bad behavior, she could be using it as a crutch 
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    Ugh. These past few days have been challenging. My son is 15 months old and has only been sick once at 9 months. 3 days ago, he broke in a fever and it scared the shit out of me. I gave him a bath, laid down beside him and let him pass out in our bed. (Which I’m very strict on not doing) I just felt horrible. 
    Ever since that night, he’s been super needy. I can’t even walk to the bathroom without him walking behind me crying. I can’t make food, clean the house, nothing, without him holding on to my legs fussing. 
    We also took away his pacifiers two days before his fever. He’s coped pretty good at night not having them. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. But his naps are a completely different story. He just won’t nap anymore. No matter how tired he is, he fights it. Today was the first day that he napped. Thank goodness. (We nap together) and I crashed hard. 
    Other than him being super needy, I’m super tired. I feel I have no energy to do anything. I just hope this all passes quick. 
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    cmbt2cmbt2 member
    @jcbh2018 there’s a particularly brutal wonder week at the 15m mark..
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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    @jcbh2018 yes 15m was roouuughhhh. I was also preggo with DD when DS was there but he went through an awful separation anxiety stage. So bad to the point my sitter(really good friend of mine) said she couldn't watch both of them when the baby came cause it would be too much 😭 thankfully they adore our sitter now and she loves babies so we're good now. But then it was sooooo difficult. Now it's getting difficult again. My cousin just told me today her daughter ( 4mo older than DS) turned 4 and the next day she literally believes she rolled out of bed a monster and has been bad since. I was like don't tell me this 😭




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    Cass005Cass005 member
    @jcbh2018 I'm so glad he napped for you. My DD was very needy as well at that age so I hear you.

    Mom's when getting ready for baby #2, we were thinking of ways to get DD ready as well. I think were going to rush the pack and play up and some other baby stuff she she can start seeing changes (were way behind this part anyway lol). I was also thinking of "big sister" gifts, did you guys ever do that?
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    @Cass005 I did! When we were pregnant with her we lived in a small two bed apartment which made it difficult to hide much. I still had a lot from DS I used with her too. We set up DDs bassinet in our room, kept the carseat out in the living room and got it set up in the vehicles, I bought a second swing that he took over which was fine cause she hated it anyway. When we moved to our rental house, she was about 3 months old and he understood what was his to touch and not. Except the playpen. He'd constantly climb in there 😂




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    @Cass005 does your hospital/practice do sibling classes? We did that for N when we were expecting DS and will likely do it for him as well. We also have the added benefit of DS's daycare having little babies so he's familiar with them. Obviously the changes at home will be interesting to see but maaayyyybe we will have a house by then so it would be all sorts of change.
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