TTCAL week of 4/22

chichiphin

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer?

chichiphin

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: TFMR at 15.5 weeks because of T13 

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm struggling with how my body is behaving in the TWW. It's the first TWW post-loss, and I swear my body wants to be pregnant again SO BADLY. The progesterone pills are not helping with the symptoms I'm feeling (tbh they're prob the only thing causing the symptoms). I just need to fast forward so I can test and get it over with. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? just standard TWW testing... 

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer? the community pool! We finally got our passes for it! I've missed having access to a pool. When I lived in FL & CA it was almost guaranteed your apt complex would have one. Not here.... 

emeraldduchess

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 1 loss in December at 5 weeks

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

I am celebrating getting through Easter with DH's family with minimal anxiety. TW

Two of his cousins are pregnant and his sister had a baby back in December. She lives several states away and wasn't there, but of course everyone was asking for updates on her and her baby. This was tough to listen to because our loss was two days after he was born. My SIL/BIL know about our loss so they haven't been sending us pictures or updates since my MIL told them. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Nope. I think I am just going to WFAF amd test if I make it to 14dpo without my usual spotting. I am calling another RE this week because there was a really long wait to see the first one I called. 

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer? Oh my gosh, SO much!! Ice cream, longer walks with my dog, being able to read for fun, blueberries being in season, going out to breakfast on a week day, NO GRADING OR WRITING LESSON PLANS...the list goes on!

emeraldduchess

@chichiphin I felt that way too my first cycle off the bench after my loss. I was wishing for that unicorn cycle so badly that every little twinge sent my hopes through the roof. I hope it's a fast TWW for you! 

hanshotfirst77

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC 2/19

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Sorry I've been gone for the last 2 weeks. I had a really hard time with my first post loss cycle. The progesterone really messed with my head and it was a huge let down when it failed. And then I had a huge battle with the insurance company on even letting me try again this cycle. But thankfully I didn't back down and was relentless with them and finally got them to approve it and just in time to start my meds. Doing a combo cycle this time Femara and Gonal F. I finished my Femara and started my Gonal F last night. And insisted on having earlier monitoring this time so I go in tomorrow to see how my follies are. I am just praying for a good response. I'm so afraid I'll under respond or over respond and have to cancel. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Monitoring appt tomorrow

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer?

I'm actually moving this summer. Just bought a house. So I am so excited to move in and have a yard. I want to get a fire pit.

hanshotfirst77

@chichiphin progesterone is awful. it totally messed with my head my first cycle off the bench. I hope the TWW goes quick for you.

@emeraldduchess I'm glad you got through Easter okay. It can be so hard to hear and be around. 

ruby696

@chichiphin I hope you are the special unicorn who gets KU'd immediately! 

@emeraldduchess Ah, hugs. That must be so triggering, even though I'm sure you don't want it to be. 

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm like 99% sure this cycle is our last attempt and I'm also 99% this cycle is not going to be successful, so I'm pretty "eh," about the whole thing. Probably because I've accepted it's not going to happen. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Hpt yesterday confirmed i still have hCG from the trigger. I might test again Wednesday or Thursday to see if it's negative, but if it's not, there's no point in testing again before betas. Betas May 1st.

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer? I love the long days and bbq's/drinks in my backyard.

chichiphin

@emeraldduchess I hope you can find an RE with a shorter wait time... maybe some clinic will have a cancellation/opening! I'm so glad summer is around the corner for you so you can do all of those fun things and not have to be grading or teaching. and yes, I'm feeling that exact same thing - every little twinge  
@hanshotfirst77 I'm so sorry for the heartache from your last cycle. that has to be so hard. I'm so glad you fought with insurance though and you're on to the next cycle with a new plan! fx for good follie progression! and congrats on your house!!

MrsJessS

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: early loss this month

Status: WTO (and MH might actually be home in time!)

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Feeling like everyone else is KU  But MH got his phone back after two weeks! He still doesn’t know exactly when he will be home but it should be by the end of the month!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I don’t think so. Waiting for results from my beta Friday to make sure it went back to below 5

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer? Hopefully roadtripping to visit my family! Otherwise summer in Texas is kinda brutal and not my fav lol

shamrocandroll

@chichiphin Ughhh the first cycle post loss is so hard.  Both of mine were really awful.  I hope the TWW goes by quickly and with the best possible outcome!!!

@emeraldduchess I'm glad the anxiety was minimal, but sorry you had to listen to all of the questions about your SIL and CILs (?)

@hanshotfirst77 Good for you for advocating for yourself!  I hope your appointment goes well!!!  Having a yard with a fire pit is the best.  It's one of the first things I think of when I think of summer. 

@ruby696 I'm so sorry you might be making some hard decisions soon, and hope you're wrong about this cycle!   

@MrsJessS It definitely feels like everyone is KU.  Hope YH makes it back in time for O!!!  

shamrocandroll

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:  MMC Nov '18, early loss Feb '19.

Status:  WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  As I mentioned in WTO, MIL was annoying this past weekend.  She went on and on about how we were getting a puppy, so must be time to have a baby next, and then was like "Well you're drinking wine, so you can't be pregnant right now..." and I just sat there staring at the wall while she continued to rattle on and on about how we need to have a girl (MH's side of the family is heavy on the boys).  Also, *TW: PG

One of my closest friends is PG and texted me yesterday.  She wanted to talk about it in a lot of detail and I just kind of tapered off on my responses after a while.  I didn't want to squash her initial enthusiasm, but I will say something if she keeps wanting to tell me about it.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?  OPKs starting in the next couple of days.

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer?  Oh my gosh, everything.  Going out on the boat, swimming, BBQs, fires in the back yard, listening to the loons calling across the lake, windows open, grilling out almost every night, eating outside, taking the new puppy for family walks, etc. etc. etc.

chichiphin

@shamrocandroll ugh I am SO sorry for your MIL's behavior this weekend. honestly, I'm nervous to see my MIL as it will be the first time post-loss, and I don't want any discussion about TTC. Prior to this past preg/loss, she thought we were never having children so I didn't get any of that crap. But who knows now... ughhhhh people need to MIND THEIR BUSINESS 
@MrsJessS hope YH is back soon and those betas drop quickly for you

shamrocandroll

@chichiphin Thank you.  It made me extra ragey that she specifically said it HAS to be a girl, because I'd do anything just to have a baby at all, so I'm really not interested in taking specific requests for genital type. 

ruby696

@hanshotfirst77 and @chichiphin Okay, re: progesterone, the only side effect I've had is feeling bloated. That's kind of odd, right? My body is probably immune to it, just like the clomid and follistim. Great. 😂

@MrsJessS I hope YH gets home soon!!

Ugh @shamrocandroll I'm sorry you've had to deal with clueless people. And how obnoxious to have requirements for a baby. Healthy is the only one that should matter. Also, where are "we" on the countdown to Winnie?? 

chichiphin

@ruby696 how much are you on? I'm on 400mg of oral each night. I zonk out from it. I'm also all kinds of crampy/bloated/etc. 

emeraldduchess

@shamrocandroll ugh, ugh, ugh, I am so sorry you had to deal with comments like that from your MIL. So.Much.Side-eye, especially with the gender comment.  

@MrsJessS I hope your DH comes home soon! I totally hear you on feeling like you're surrounded by KU ladies. That's what it feels like for me right now, too. It's such a punch in the gut sometimes.

shamrocandroll

@ruby696 Friday!!!!!  I cannot freaking wait!!!  

ruby696

@chichiphin I'm on 200mg suppositories twice a day. I don't notice anything other than the bloating. My chart looks gorgeous, so I'm guessing it's doing what it's supposed to? 🤷‍♀️ 

chichiphin

@ruby696 maybe bc they're suppositories & closer to "the action" you have less symptoms of them traveling through your system?? haha but yes they seem to be working for you!! 

ruby696

@chichiphin Also, I'm a little jealous you get to take them orally... suppositories twice a day is not that fun. Lol

kagesstarshroom

@chichiphin Bodies are so weird. GL this cycle! Cue Tom Petty's "The Waiting is the Hardest Part."

@emeraldduchess Amen to no grading/lesson plans!

@hanshotfirst77 Hi & welcome back! Glad you are able to be with us again here. We're WTO buddies at least right now. I am so glad you fought for yourself w/ the insurance company.

@ruby696 GL w/ the waiting & the betas & the tough decisions. I am rooting for you & also rooting that you are able to make peace w/ whatever decision you have to make if you have to make one. My mostly I am rooting for this cycle for you bc I can't not.

@shamrocandroll As I said in WTO, dealing with friends like that is so hard. I am glad you're going to say something to her if she doesn't "get it" moving forward. 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: cp Oct. 2018; mmc w/ d&c Jan.-Feb. 2019

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? ***(TW: all the things that might trigger us are talked about briefly here) I feel like this week was testing me--there were announcements, there were ppl I know & don't see often w/ their babies/toddlers/talking about them at the poetry fest. END all the things TW)*** There were ppl trying to give me advice about my future & there I stood biting my tongue because I'm like "how can one possibly plan one's future! who knows what the future holds!" bc being PGAL and then now TTCAL again has made me feel like my life is 100% impossible to plan, something I have made a lot of peace with, but something that makes conversations w/ people who want to know "what's up? what are your plans? when are you graduating? what are you doing once you've got your doctorate in hand?" like, impossible.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? n/a

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer? My cousin is getting married in July, so that. DH & I have gone to this music festival near where we're from every year since we met (there, we met there) & I've gone my whole life since I was 12--but SEE ABOVE about uncertainty (with money, jobs, my body)--this might be the first year in... I can't even math right now... we aren't able to go, so. I would usually say that's like THE thing I'm looking forward to. I feel like I have to end on a happy note, so I will say I'm also looking forward to the end of the semester/not having to teach again until late summer/early fall.

(ETA: added TW end.)

hanshotfirst77

@ruby696 I use the suppositories too same dose as you. I had a lot of symptoms from them last cycle so it may be hit or miss on how it affects people. And I agree with you they are not fun lol.

shamrocandroll

@kagesstarshroom Ugh, I feel you on the uncertainty.  I'm such a planner, and I hate being so not in control of something so major in my life.  I got invited to a bachelorette party in Philly in Sept. and I had to decline because we're already going on 2 trips for weddings, plus I am reeeeeeeally hoping to be PG by then!  But I can't really tell people that's why I can't go.  Blahhhh...

c1kc1kpol1cn1k

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: September 18 and March 19 

Status: TWW

How are things going? Surprisingly ok, even though this is the first cycle after a loss I'm a bit more relaxed about it. My timing was not the best and I'm ok with that. Also had to get through seeing the expected Easter "announcements" on instagram oh well. I ate so much at Easter yesterday and now I have leftovers hopefully that will last me until Wednesday ahah. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?  Nothing yet, an ultrasound is booked for post AF to make sure all is clear

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer: the pool, walking by the lake, ice cream, late night patio's, driving with the window down!

@chichiphin first cycle after is the worst, hope the TWW goes by quickly

@emeraldduchess glad you had a good Easter 

@ruby696 sorry that you are feeling out, but I'll be rooting for you!

@shamrocandroll sorry your MIL was being like that, and also telling you what baby you should have?  I've been open about loss with my MIL but I didn't tell her about this recent one since she would be too heartbroken. 

shamrocandroll

@c1kc1kpol1cn1k Thanks.  I don't ever plan on ever telling my MIL.  I'm not close with my MIL and she just generally doesn't handle difficult situations well and would only make it worse.  She'd find a way to make it about her, and I just don't have the patience for that.

c1kc1kpol1cn1k

@shamrocandroll make's sense, my mom is more like that! 

chichiphin

@kagesstarshroom lack of control is something I have struggled with and am now trying to accept - I wish I could get there 100%. Someone eventually got me to see my control issues stem from fear of what I know I can't change... so that gives me logic to my control issues. 
@c1kc1kpol1cn1k I'm hoping it goes by quickly for you too, friend!

hanshotfirst77

@kagesstarshroom Yay WTO buddies! I struggle with the lack of control thing too. I try to let go and not be so invested but it's really hard to actually do. 

kbrown2385

@chichiphin progesterone is such a mindfork. Hopefully this tww goes quickly for you!

@emeraldduchess glad you made it through Easter ok.

@kagesstarshroom I think that was the hardest part for me to overcome, not being able to plan. I know kind of laugh a little when I hear people planning their pregnancies etc.  I thing is that easy unfortunately. Sorry you had to deal with all the tw related things. Hugs your way.

@shamrocandroll. Glad you’re going to speak up to your friend if she doesn’t chill out soon. I had to do that with my sister recently. Like congrats, but enough already

@ruby696 I’m keeping the hope alive!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 6 losses; 12/13, 1/17, 11/17, 4/18, 9/18, 2/19

Status: wto

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are ok right now. Just started my first cycle of clomid. I have some underlying anxiety about it working this cycle and then having yet another loss. I try to push it out of my head because we aren’t even close to that point yet. I can’t help it though. The thoughts are always there I suppose. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just a mid cycle scan to see how the clomid is doing. 

GTKY: What is something you're looking forward to this summer? Consistently warm temps to get outside and enjoy the sun.

shamrocandroll

**TW for PG and loss

Ugh, you guys... my friend who texted me her (very early) announcement on Easter lost the baby.  I'm really glad I let her have that initial excitement without telling her how hard it was for me to hear, because I think she's going to understand how it made me feel through her own experience now, unfortunately.  I'm just glad I can try to help her through this now.  My village is what got me through, and I hope I can help to pay it forward. 

ruby696

@shamrocandroll I'm so sorry for your friend.

kagesstarshroom

@shamrocandroll Ugh nooo. So sorry. But I'm so glad she has YOU.

c1kc1kpol1cn1k

@shamrocandroll sorry about your friend but really good that she has you there for support and was able to come to you right away

chichiphin

ughhh rant in the box. I guess **TW** bc it mentions hcg levels from my loss 

apparently I will be in limbo this cycle until about 13/14DPO. I have confirmed ovulation (bc of ultrasounds/blood work with RE) but still had an hcg of 15 when I ovulated on Friday/Saturday. My RE is fine with this, as it wouldn't affect a new pregnancy and whatever is left in there is so minimal it isn't being picked up on ultrasound and would pass with my next AF, but I had a positive on a FRER this morning at 5DPO because this hcg is so slow to leave my body. I called my RE this morning and the nurse said I really won't know if it's for real until I'm closer to a true 14DPO test. I guess this is what I get for proceeding so soon after loss.... ETA: The RE nurse confirmed this is absolutely left over HCG, almost like a trigger shot that hasn't left my system, and not a new pregnancy. 

chichiphin

@shamrocandroll I'm so sorry for your friend 
@kbrown2385 HA i love mindfork as a nice way of saying it... I really hope you're responding well to the clomid

kagesstarshroom

@chichiphin Blergh, I'm sorry about all that. Try not to "this is what we get" yourself if possible. If you are ready to try again, then you are ready, even if that means more stitches in the way than usual. I am getting this feeling that there's no real "usual" with any of this anyway--you know?

marebear15

@chichiphin - Ugh, I'm so sorry that you are in limbo about all of this. But my heart leapt a bit for you. It's going to be a long 9 days.

hanshotfirst77

@chichiphin Ugh I am sorry you have to deal with all that uncertainty. That first post loss cycle is hard enough. Hugs

AFM I had a follie check yesterday. I insisted on going in earlier after last cycle(I am fairly convinced at least part of why it failed was cause my follies were too big even though my RE insists everything was fine). But I think pushing for earlier monitoring paid off, I have 3 follies in the running, as of yesterday they were 11mm, 14mm, and 15mm. So I'm continuing more gonal f injections and re-check tomorrow morning. Come on follies grow!

ruby696

@chichiphin We're cycle twins, for sure. I still have a positive hpt at 7dpiui (and at 4 dpiui, so definitely from the trigger). I feel like there is no point I'm testing and even if my betas are positive, I still won't know until they do a second set. It takes forever for hCG to leave my system too and its so annoying!

@hanshotfirst77 Grow follies, grow! Good for you to insist on earlier monitoring. I hope you get the green light soon!

@kbrown2385 How are you doing? Clomid going okay?

kbrown2385

@chichiphin ugh sorry for limbo. 

@ruby696 so far so good besides being extra weepy over stupid things lol. I’m paranoid of ohss so I’m getting a little anxious as we get closer to ovulation. 

@shamrocandroll so sorry for your friend. 

c1kc1kpol1cn1k

@chichiphin that is so frustrating. I am literally in the exact same boat. Will your RE do blood work to see if anything is going up? Sorry for the questions but did she mention what would happen if you did end up having your bfp and the minimal tissue now didn't pass since no AF? I also have some retained minimal tissue and have been wondering "what if"