I have a ‘plan’ and everyone seems intent on telling me ‘well ok but that’s probably not gonna happen’ and that irks me. I know there is no guarantee. I don’t need a reminder every 5 minutes. But I believe that having a mindset that I’m stronger than the pain and making sure I weigh out how much is fear and how much is pain is more likely to gain me the delivery I want. Kind of like how @hakele said, just making a vision.
In fact I say it’s more of a delivery vision for me. Because I don’t want hospital staff to just dismiss me, I did get a doula to support me during labor (I’m also single so it was important to me that I had someone to both encourage me and remind me that healthy baby is the goal of the vision wasn’t met). Doulas also will labor with you at home for a time and keep you from going to the hospital too early if that’s a goal (for me it is).
But my vision kind of gives gives me anxiety relief for the inevitable as well as motivation to be as healthy as possibly to avoid complications that might cause induction or pre-term labor. When I want that entire cheesecake, I think gestational diabetes and how that affected my sister and I hold my self control.
It’s less about having everything go perfectly for me and more about avoiding unnecessary trauma to my body or baby’s. I think I feel more this way because of my own birth. I was birthed dry because my mom’s water broke and they didn’t give her pitocin until way after making her have a dry birth and ending in me having to be pulled out by forceps. The forceps caused brain scarring and I had seizures as a kid as a result. I want to know every possibility and that means trying to create an ideal situation but being prepared for an emergency with everyone knowing that even if I die, save my baby. (I know that’s total worst case scenario stuff).
@samanthak46 personally I’m glad I had one filed with the hospital because while in labour I basically forgot a bunch of things that the nurses were able to make sure happened because they had my plan on file. The main one that comes to mind is I had wanted delayed cord clamping but after she was born totally forgot, since it was on my birth plan the nurses did it automatically.
I think I wrote something on my plan about being flexible, basically whatever needs to happen for the baby to come out safely but it was nice that the people caring for me had an idea of what I wanted and were able to advocate for me while I was focused on labouring and not necessarily the best advocate for myself.
As a FTM, I’m finding just working on the birth plan helpful. There are so many things that I’m learning about for the very first time, and it’s also giving me the chance to discuss these things in advance with my DH. I like that it’ll allow us to go in with some information beforehand but with the prerogative to alter the plan based on how I am feeling and how baby’s doing.
I also come from a family of planners (be prepared may as well be a family motto), and I am not great at winging it.
@keebler6elf same! @mrscammack totally agree that while you are in the throes of labor is not the best time to be learning about alternatives or what that big scary thing they are saying to you is all about.
A birth plan with my oldest went out the window with an emergency C/s. My second was induced VBAC at 38 weeks so I didn’t really have a plan. You should absolutely have a birth plan but also remember it is okay if things don’t go according to plan. This baby has a birth plan for a RCS. I’m also willing to be flexible as long as I have my baby and she’s healthy.
I will say that birth plans taught taught me a lot more than “I don’t want a c/s”.
@mizzmeg exactly. Planning it out doesn’t mean you don’t accept inevitability. It has been super educational for me. I didn’t know for instance that my doula can take my placenta and make placenta art (want to donate instead but have to see if possible at my delivering hospital. I also didn’t know you could be in labor for weeks and how long that should occur before induction or cesarean are necessary. Delayed cord cutting, who’s allowed in the room, laughing guas as an alternative pain management, immediate skin to skin rather than whisking baby away. There’s a lot I never thought of and it’s helpful to make a plan so you don’t miss out on potentially amazing things if you don’t have to.
@scp2585 As others have said, during labor, you will not care. I wound up fully naked, never saw that coming. However, I DID have a comfy "labor" gown and robe that I wore after, and I loved it. I plan on bringing it again. It's not fancy, but I did feel better wearing it when guests came. It was also way more convenient for nursing - I could unsnap the shoulders instead of having to fully open the front of my standard issue hospital gown. I wound up using this gown well into my post-partum period. It's so comfy!
@hakele thank you for posting that birth plan example, just now got the chance to look it over. It's been super helpful, I've been looking into and reading some different things and brought some more to do research while camping this weekend, thanks again
@tsa208 I feel like I might get naked too! 😂😂😂. But I LOVE the gown you linked for after. I put it in my cart already. It’ll be nice for breastfeeding at home too so it makes me feel justified in buying it. I was told to go home in black bottoms because of all the bleeding and such by my friend who had her daughter last July, but I like the Zoe blue one better than the black one.
did color matter for your go home outfits to any of you other mommas?
@leylea89 - Two time c-section mama here, so I'm not sure if my information would be different from a vaginal birth. I was for sure still bleeding when I went home, but it wasn't OUT OF CONTROL like I might leak through a pad on the ride home. I don't know that I would spring for white pants, but I think you're safe with whatever color you like!
@nerdtoyourmother it’s still helpful. Vaginal is the goal but c-sections can happen so it’s good to know. Hopefully the extra mesh undies will do the trick lol.
I didn't have any going home "accidents" but I wouldn't wear white either. The pads are just so insanely large I felt my clothes were protected. I had some accidents in the days/weeks following my births but it was more like when the bleeding started to slow down and I'd change to a small liner and then bam I'd pass a big clot or something. (Sorry if that's tmi for the FTMs)
@Cbeanz don’t apologize 😂 I wish I knew more about the giant clots the first time around - shocked the hell out of me! Nobody talks about the grody parts enough!
I definitely agree with the importance others mentioned that it can help you have a sense of direction in labor, and (in my opinion, most importantly) gives you an organized opportunity to think about and research the different options in each phase of labor, and if complications do arise, so you'll be prepared to make informed decisions.
Re: ask a stm+ april
In fact I say it’s more of a delivery vision for me. Because I don’t want hospital staff to just dismiss me, I did get a doula to support me during labor (I’m also single so it was important to me that I had someone to both encourage me and remind me that healthy baby is the goal of the vision wasn’t met). Doulas also will labor with you at home for a time and keep you from going to the hospital too early if that’s a goal (for me it is).
But my vision kind of gives gives me anxiety relief for the inevitable as well as motivation to be as healthy as possibly to avoid complications that might cause induction or pre-term labor. When I want that entire cheesecake, I think gestational diabetes and how that affected my sister and I hold my self control.
It’s less about having everything go perfectly for me and more about avoiding unnecessary trauma to my body or baby’s. I think I feel more this way because of my own birth. I was birthed dry because my mom’s water broke and they didn’t give her pitocin until way after making her have a dry birth and ending in me having to be pulled out by forceps. The forceps caused brain scarring and I had seizures as a kid as a result. I want to know every possibility and that means trying to create an ideal situation but being prepared for an emergency with everyone knowing that even if I die, save my baby. (I know that’s total worst case scenario stuff).
I think I wrote something on my plan about being flexible, basically whatever needs to happen for the baby to come out safely but it was nice that the people caring for me had an idea of what I wanted and were able to advocate for me while I was focused on labouring and not necessarily the best advocate for myself.
I also come from a family of planners (be prepared may as well be a family motto), and I am not great at winging it.
@mrscammack totally agree that while you are in the throes of labor is not the best time to be learning about alternatives or what that big scary thing they are saying to you is all about.
I will say that birth plans taught taught me a lot more than “I don’t want a c/s”.
Here's the gown I ordered:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01D8XG0R2/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
did color matter for your go home outfits to any of you other mommas?
I didn't have any going home "accidents" but I wouldn't wear white either. The pads are just so insanely large I felt my clothes were protected. I had some accidents in the days/weeks following my births but it was more like when the bleeding started to slow down and I'd change to a small liner and then bam I'd pass a big clot or something. (Sorry if that's tmi for the FTMs)