TTC After a Loss
Options

April Randoms


Me: 31 DH: 31
  <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
CP 3/2019
«13

Re: April Randoms

  • Options
    After seeing some of you talk about the book “It starts with the egg” I decided to start reading it. I’m only on chapter four and I’ve ordered all new makeup, shampoo/conditioner and lotion. I’m pretty sure my husband thinks I’m losing it lol. I know I can’t change everything but doing things like this at least makes me feel like maybe I’m doing something to change my egg quality. That or I’m just spending a lot of unnecessary money  :D
  • Options
    @char245 I ordered so many supplements after reading that book. I also got rid of all the plastic containers we used and switched up some of my products. Like you, it made me feel like I was doing something productive instead of just hoping for the best. 
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    Hospital called me yesterday and they were able to bump my d&c up to today. Just got home and resting on the couch. Emotionally it sucked. Physically I'm cramping a little bit but waiting for the next round of pain killers to kick in. This whole process sucks. Like it not a big enough kick in the gut to lose a pregnancy but then we have to deal with all the crappy physical side as well. Women are freaking warriors. 
  • Options
    @40momma I’m so sorry! But I’m glad you’re home now and recovering! Women are freaking warriors!
  • Options
    @40momma Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I tell MH regularly that he has no idea and could never handle what women go through. Sending big hugs your way. <3
  • Options
    @40momma I’m glad you are recovering.  Take it easy.  

    @char245 I got rid of plastic and added a bunch of supplements but that’s it. 
  • Options
    @40momma take care of yourself and get some rest
  • Options
    @40momma glad you are recovering ok. Take care of yourself.
  • Options
    @40momma Sending you a big hug ❤️❤️❤️
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
  • Options
    @40momma the biggest hug to you.

    @char245 @kbrown2385 @Mack2342 book = bought. Tons of supplements, bought! Wow. I skipped straight to the part about supplement plan so I could get started right away but can’t wait to dig in the to book! Thanks for mentioning it. 
    Me, 35, SO 35.
    Personal assistant to one 10 year-old fur baby (cat, pictured).
    Human baby #1 EDD Feb 11, 2020
    BFP July 12, 2018 - CP
    BFP December 7, 2018 - CP
  • Options
    Cross posting this from TTGP: 

    okay so today is a day where I wish I could post a stick somewhere and get line advice. I’m still trying to test out the hcg in my sys. Today I got the most squinter of evaps on the hpt. Tested an OPK for funsies. Blazing positive - so what gives?

    Is this possible? Can you O with remnant hcg? Is enough preg hormone left at 3 weeks post d&e to give a blazing OPK?

    please let me know if this is okay since I’m technically posting about an hpt (def not asking if KU because it’s impossible)
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • Options
    *lurking*

    @chichiphin with my first loss I was testing every few days to see if HCG was out of my system and the day before my first post-loss AF I still had a squinter of a line on a HPT. I’m not 100% sure if I ovulated or not because I wasn’t tracking but since typically O is what triggers eventual AF I assume that I did.  From what I understand about OPKs working as pregnancy tests is that they are less sensitive than a HPT so if you had a blazing +OPK due to HCG you would also have a very obvious + on a pregnancy test as well.  Hope that made sense! 
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
  • Options
    @coco2787 that does help - this is 100% a squinter on an hpt
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • Options
    @chichiphin I had positive HCG in my system for 8 weeks after D&C, even with AF at 4 weeks. The HCG was at 18 after AF, so probably would have given a squinter HPT beforehand.
  • Options
    Thank you for that info @mackorori I’m feeling less crazy with yours and cocos input 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • Options
    @mackorori how were you getting numbers? Were you going for actual blood tests? I haven't been told to test HCG dropping other than just one test a month from now. 

    DH and I got into a pretty big argument tonight. He's so done with all of this and I get it, I am too, but it's just not that easy for me to move on. I'm tired of being sad and depressed and confused and crampy and spotting and everything that goes along with this. But I can't just magically turn on a smile and pretend everything is ok. I searched online for some great article that would better explain to him that grief takes time, but I couldn't find anything. I know everyone grieves differently and he's actually been really great for the most part but the bad news started over 8 weeks ago so it's been a very very long road for us. Some days things seem to be improving and then wham, I'm worse than before. I know we will get there in time but this one's really taking a beating on our relationship
  • Options
    I finally stopped bleeding from my MC... so now just need to deal with the grief and get my cycle again.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Options
    @40momma I’m sorry you two are having such struggles.  I hope things get better soon.  Hugs to you 
  • Options
    40momma I'm sorry you and DH are having issues figuring out this mine-field. My whole family (besides DH) wants me to just 'be happy' and 'get over it' (yes, classifying all 5 of my dead babies as 'it' makes me super happy), and 'move on with life.' I've expressed to my therapist that I just want my family to accept me as I am... and right now I am a bitter, angry, sometimes horrible person at times, who just wants to be left the F alone to figure things out...  I don't WANT to smile and be happy all the time, or even ever at times... 
    Also, remind him (as I've been trying to do with my family) that grief compounds. So, in December or so when we were talking about giving up this road and moving on with our 4 losses and no pregnancy after over a year, I was in a better place. Now with the 5th MC and everything that came with that, it's not like I just revert back to where I was mentally in December... I now have this additional loss and trauma on me. Especially if you're thinking you're now 'done' because that just adds additional emotional pressure.  There's talk of being done, and then there's the realization that you're 'done.'  Plus you may still have some pregnancy  hormones in your body. It's all just a lot. 
    Sorry I"m lacking on the articles for this...
    How about a completely different article and funny image instead?
    https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2018-12-13/miscarriage-when-language-deepens-pain
    Image may contain text that says i always see gentle girls online full of sunshine and flowers and i wish i was too but im angry and full of memes and unresolved trauma
  • Options
    @dpchickens Have you been able to make any headway with YH on adoption? It seems like some compromise on his part would go a long way in helping you heal (sorry if this is an overstep).

    I've been thinking a lot about adoption and  brought it up to MH last night. I was looking on my state's website of children whose parents' right are terminated and there is court approval for permanent placement. You guys, it was so heartbreaking. There were so many siblings (who they want to keep together) and special needs kids. I was in tears reading the bios. MH was not into it, but if treatment with my RE doesn't work out, I'm going to push it. Or at least really explore the idea with him. 
  • Options
    mackororimackorori member
    edited April 2019
    @40momma I wasn’t having HCG tracked down, I assumed having AF it would be done, but my RE wanted to confirm with a blood test before proceeding (I was getting a hysteroscopy to check for scarring from D&C before going into a FET cycle). Needless to say when it came back positive at 18, it was shocking and brought everything back to me. Took another 4 weeks to go away, I took a blood test every week. Some docs track, others don’t, I just know it can take a while sometimes.

    I’m so sorry to hear this process has been such a stress on your marriage. Have you considered seeing a therapist or finding a support group for pregnancy loss? In some ways this could also be his frustration coming out because he doesn’t know how to help you (something the counselors have said to women in my groups). Hoping things get better for you.
  • Options
    ruby696 I've paused the adoption for now. I just feel like I need some time for ME and to work through myself and really think about the future and what I want and why.  
    But yeah, I've looked at my state's adoptable kids and it was a nightmare!  Almost all the ones I saw had SERIOUS health issues. Very sad.
  • Options
    @dpchickens I was looking at one adorable little girl who had five siblings. The oldest was 16 and the youngest was one. What are the chances that those kids will all end up together?? Ugh, it hurts my heart.

    I'm glad you're taking some time for you. People just don't get it. They just don't. It might get easier over time, but it never goes away. <3
  • Options
    ruby696 I would be on board with adopting twins or a sibling group... but 5 of them on a 1-16 spread is quite a lot. It is a sad situation. And I think getting DH on board with one will be difficult enough...  But like I said, def need a bit of time for myself... 
  • Options
    @40momma I’m sorry to hear about the argument with your husband. All of this is already so hard, to add an argument is just very stressful. This journey is so difficult bc there are two of us in every situation and everyone handles things differently. My husband is super optimistic about all of this and I’m sure it’s hard on him to see me being so pessimistic sometimes but I think it’s my way of protecting myself. I hope today is a better day for both of you! 

    @ruby696 the idea of adoption is so exciting and scary at the same time! My sister adopted and it’s been wonderful but that journey was hard as well. 
  • Options
    Thanks ladies for the support, it feels much better to know that I have this group to vent to when needed. And yes @dpchickens we are struggling with accepting being done with this route which is likely why this one seems even harder. From the moment I got this last BFP I knew this was our last shot. And every time we got more bad news, I knew I could never do this again. And yet it's so damn hard to accept. I then think maybe donor eggs, maybe IVF, there's routes we haven't tried yet. But every single loss takes a part of you away and after 4 losses, I don't have any more pieces of myself to give away. 

    @ruby696 we too would consider adoption and it's something we will explore in time when we can keep our emotions somewhat in check. But it's not an easy road either from the research I've done. The cost can range from nil to $60,000+ so instantly you think let's go with nil but these are the special needs kids, health issues, siblings of 5 etc. The wait is long, the work is hard, birth parents can change their minds, they review your finances, your lifestyle, your home, etc. Yes I'd pass all of this but it just makes me so mad that some bozo can slip up and get knocked up while on drugs and poor as hell living on the streets and nobody tells her she can't have a child.  
  • Options
    ruby696ruby696 member
    edited April 2019
    @40momma Agree 100%. And I have an issue with the idea that prospective adoptive parents pay a birth mother's expenses with no guarantee of a baby. I don't know anything about adoption law, but if that's true, that just doesn't seem right to me. I can't imagine that most women could afford to pay that money back, so do the adoptive parents risk walking away with nothing?

    ETA: sorry - went off on a tangent there, but I'm genuinely curious about how that works. 
  • Options
    @ruby696 yeah I'm not sure. I know the rules are different between Canada and the US (I'm up north) but that would be not only emotionally stressful but also financially stressful.

    One major difference  that I've actually just learned is that in Canada, we cannot purchase donated eggs. So if I wanted to go the route of donor eggs, I would either need to know the person willing to donate, or have frozen eggs imported from another country or travel to that country for the procedure. Insane. 

    Quick question for any ladies that have had a d&c. My procedure was on Tuesday. I went home and had somewhat heavy bleeding that day but since then it's basically just been a bit heavier than spotting. But this morning I woke with pretty heavy bleeding, more than Tuesday. I would say I need to change a pad every 3 or 4 hours so it's not significant but just odd that it's started now, 5 days after. I know nothing is normal but of course Dr Google tells me I'm now going to die as likely my uterus was perforated and I'm likely going to go into septic shock. if it gets much heavier I'll go by the hospital but I'm guessing this is all just part of the roller coaster. Correct me if I'm wrong though 
  • Options
    @40momma I believe the rule is one pad an hour and/or fever. I bled for a week after my D&C. Some days are heavier than others. Hopefully this is just a heavy day and things will lighten up tomorrow.
  • Options
    @40momma about 7-8 days after mine I had heavier flow for about one day and then back to spotting. Kind of like ruby. It may have been some remaining tissue. 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • Options
    Yes I've passed about 6 clots, 1 as big as a toonie. I'm hoping it settles soon
  • Options
    @40momma your bleeding actually sounds pretty “normal” unfortunately. But if you are concerned I would just call the nurse line and discuss it with them.
    I’m in the US so I know things are different but we also cannot “buy” eggs or embryos but they can be donated/adopted. We are currently looking into adopting an embryo, not sure how it’s not considered “buying” since it’s so expensive! But embryo adoption is another option worth researching if you’re ever interested. 
  • Options
    @char245 yes it's so darn expensive, it's crazy. We don't have access to donated eggs or embryos in Canada. So regardless of the price, we would still need to adopt them from the US egg banks. I just find that so nuts. It's not like I'm trying to take someone's liver without their consent. 
  • Options
    40momma  That's EXACTLY how I feel!  I feel like my soul has been sliced up with each loss, and after 5 of them, I don't have anything left. I feel like if I try again, I'll just end up in a straight jacket locked away somewhere. This last pregnancy went so perfectly with amazing beta numbers that were doubling too, so the fact that it ended abruptly like the others, was an extra gut stab. I'm so sorry you're going through this too.  It's all so rough and so unfair.  It also makes the grieving even tougher when you realize it's the end of the road for trying.
  • Options
    Question for those ladies who have used fermara/letrozole or clomid - how soon after a loss did you go back to the drug? Did you use it after your first real AF post-procedure, or were you instructed to wait a few cycles by your RE/OB?
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • Options
    @chichiphin glad your testing came back good.   I started femara the first cycle after d & c.  However I wish I would have waited because I didn’t actually O the first cycle we tried as I still temped and took OPKs.  I even triggered and still no O.   RE timing was all off the 2nd time afterwards.  So they let me do a few extra cycles after I explained all this to them.  It wasn’t until like the 4th one that timing was good.  So I would recommend waiting until you feel body is somewhat normal again 
  • Options
    @Mack2342 thanks for that - good to know!! 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • Options
    No problem @chichiphin I wish someone would have told me 
  • Options
    @Mack2342 I’m going to the RE on Friday for baseline bloodwork & ultrasound before they even give my a script for anything, so there’s a good chance I’ll leave with nothing and will reassess next cycle.

     I will say, AF is verrrrry light right now and I wonder if it’s bc my lining was next to nothing after the d&e
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"