FFFC! 2/15

zuuls_mom

Confession time! *may not be flame free*

zuuls_mom

Mine is kind of tame, but I was feeling really horrible this morning and got sick a couple times so I decided to take a sick day. I’m feeling a lot better now and instead of logging back in to work, I’m just enjoying being lazy, eating all the food and watching copious amounts of TV. Feels amazing.

RedBreast35

No judgement here @zuuls_mom. I may have taken a nap on my office floor today after all my coworkers left. 

lillywonderland

Been wondering where you were @RedBreast35. Now I know...sleeping on the job. 🤣 

My FFC: I think this BMB is on the boring side and it seems like not many people care about getting to know others, interacting with others and giving support, just blasting their own info out there. I’m quite disappointed and I certainly hope it changes.

cammie0526

I’m supposed to be quite literally on the other side of the country right now for a friend’s wedding (my husband is in it). We told him a few weeks ago that I wouldn’t be able to make it because I have a new job and can’t take time off yet. The new job part is true, but it’s a just a different department in the same company I’ve been with for 6 years so...

RedBreast35

Hey @lillywonderland!! Sorry, I got audited yesterday at work so was actually busy there for a bit. Obvs not today, lol!
I agree on the BMB. I hope it picks up? But I feel like at this point, most BMBs have already found their groove so... 🤷🏼‍♀️

lillywonderland

@RedBreast35 Agreed!! Dang, man...where is everyone?!?! I’m half thinking of just writing some ridiculousness just to get people out of their shell. With my last BMB I was scared to post in the beginning (thought I would be jinxing it/DS) and then when I felt comfortable posting (at like 17wks) I felt like such an outsider since they all knew each other already...so I didn’t. 

Anywho, glad the audit is over so we can see your smiling (but kinda creepy) red little face/bird? again. 

septoctkids

@lillywonderland I agree on our bmb. There are too many check ins and questions on the check ins about ourselves. I like the weekend plans and stuff posts coming. We need more like those. 

janat1717

@zuuls_mom With DS I took a nap in an empty office on an empty floor. It was decadently amazing. I was in management and used to just go up there to sit in quiet and destress. I think the maintenance guys were on to me but they didn't tell.

zuuls_mom

@lillywonderland I totally agree. There are a handful of names I see posting regularly but honestly I’m super sad at how slow it is. Way different than my others were. I’m like “did people run off to a private group already and abandon us?!”. I hope it picks up! 

blitzybee

I just read a babysitter post on Nextdoor where the woman is charging $20 an hour because she’s a pre-med degree so that makes her worth the high price. How does pre-med make you an expert and someone that offers something above and beyond for my child? IDGAF, and get over yourself lady. Now if she was a special education teacher or pediatric specialist of some kind, maybe that price is worth it. I wanted to say something sooooooo bad, but I shut my mouth... except I’m bitching about it here...SMH, please tell me the going rate isn’t $20 an hour for babysitting!!!? 😫 

on on another note, I’ve been boring on here because I’ve been boring in life. I don’t do anything except wish the days away until 2nd trimester where I’ll feel human again.

Would a thread on “things to do when you dont feel well” thread catch on? I dunno. Sometimes I think I have good ideas, but then they aren’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

zuuls_mom

@blitzybee yeah, unfortunately $20/hour is pretty standard. At least here in CO. I’ve only hired someone from DS’ daycare though so they’re very qualified. I also pay my 22 yr old sister that much an hour to watch the video monitor after a couple hours with the regular babysitter since she’s struggling financially.

I’d be down for a thread about that, but you may get pretty generic answers like eat, lay in bed, take meds, etc. I’ve been trying to think of threads to liven things up in here but even the fun ones (this one for example) only gets a little participation. It’s a bummer.

blitzybee

@zuuls_mom I paid our last sitter $18 an hour and thought that was generous! Well that’s my UO then... $20 is crazy!!! (unless helping a family member-then I get that!)

zuuls_mom

@blitzybee yeah I totally get that! It’s so expensive. Childcare in general makes me so nauseated to think about. We’ll be paying about $40K a year for two kids in daycare. And DS has to stay in a year longer since was born after the kindergarten cutoff.

cateyes543

@lillywonderland- I agree about the board and I personally think it’s because we have too many subsections. Between having different groups based on the week and a group just for people who already knew each other (TTGP),  I personally think the board already feels like it has cliques. If we got rid of these subboards, I think it would start to make people come out more and just have general chitchat and get to know each other. 

zuuls_mom

@cateyes543 I get that it may seem cliquey to someone that isn’t part of those groups, but you have to think about what they represent. TTGP ladies have been together through most if not all of their TTC journey. And the PGAL ladies (myself included), need that safe space to talk about our fears, complications, etc. Every BMB has these threads and they aren’t an issue, so why are they an issue now? The ladies participating in these threads still post in the regular threads. In fact, we are the ones predominantly posting at all. We need more participation from others for this board to thrive. 

septoctkids

I honestly don’t notice any cliques at all and I post quite a bit. I was just thinking the other day how even though our group isn’t super chatty, it’s nice that it isn’t so cliquey. The last group I was in when I was pregnant with my son was awful. There were obvious “mean girls” and this is far from it. It seems like we have a great group! I’m sure things will pick up soon. Seems like it’s starting to. 

mamaber2204

@zuuls_mom Same here! We're gearing up for about $40k/year and DS just misses the cutoff, so we get the bonus year with two in daycare, too. Yay. And H is working towards starting an entirely new career that requires apprenticeship for four years starting in the coming months. It's a pay cut of about $65k, but is for his happiness (and I bring home the bacon around here anyway), so I'm being supportive. The part that sucks the most is that he'll make less than we're paying for daycare for those double daycare years. I feel like if the tables were turned I would absolutely spend those four years raising babies and start the new career afterwards. But not him. Oh well!

rms924

Guilty - as I’ve been MIA and I wonder whether other people have the same experience. Ladies, this baby is kicking my a**. I have HG and vertigo. I am a mess. So, it’s been hard to participate even in the PGAL thread, which is where I feel the most connected. 

I am wondering if other ladies are in the same boat? Just struggling through the 1st tri?

i do agree w @septoctkids - we have a great group! I’ve been in a bmb with both my boys (and pls don’t out me!) and this one is my favorite. The ladies here are supportive and kind. Btw I love your handle @septoctkids I currently have oct and nov. Hoping I’ll round it out nicely with a sept bday!

This is random:
@RedBreast35 is that bird in your avatar from the movie Angry Birds?! I hope so! Maybe this is my fffc - angry birds is by FAR my favorite movie. Yes, i have the sense of humor of a 10 year old boy 🤦🏽‍♀️  

zuuls_mom

@mamaber2204 oh man, that sounds like it’d be a bit frustrating!! I hope the apprenticeship goes well and ends up being a great career move and doesn’t put a lot of stress on you guys! ❤️

septoctkids

@rms924 thanks— So neat 3 months in a row! the first trimester is kicking my butt too. I was not like this at all when I was pregnant with my son. I am exhausted 24/7 and so nauseous. Here’s to hoping trimester 2 is better for us. 

rms924

@septoctkids I am praying for us both (and any of the other ladies that are suffering). I have two boys and while I was nauseous, it was nowhere near this 24/7 thing that’s going on. Things are looking up since I started diclegis (and zofran for the bad days). Has your dr suggested anything? 

eta: I really wish I was a little more creative with my handle! 

septoctkids

@rms924 She recommended B6 and unisom. The unisom makes me so tired though so not worth it. I guess those 2 basically make up diclegis.

blitzybee

@septoctkids and @rms924 It’s kicking my butt too. I feel so worthless. I’ve never spent so much time lying down and being so non-productive. I can’t stand it. Wasn’t like this with my previous pregnancy either. 2nd trimester is getting closer and here’s hoping it gets better fast! My doctor said that pregnancy when you are already tired with raising another child can really take it’s toll, so maybe that’s why it feels worse!!!?

ternsetc

@septoctkids @rms924 @blitzybee I can't believe how little I've been getting done and that includes posting here. I felt I had a rough first trimester with DS with exhaustion, but overall it was nothing like this. By the end of the day I'm completely drained and then I don't sleep well. I think having a toddler to keep up with is part of it, but didn't have morning sickness this bad the first time around. And I feel like my ability to keep up conversations or chat with people (irl too) has ebbed away lately - here's hoping it comes back. Thinking of you all, and hoping we start feeling better soon!

themadcamel

*TW for mention of loss. And swearing.

It’s way past Friday, but fuck it, I’ll post. Can I fully type the f word here? Oh well, guess I’ll find out. 

I’m starting to consider just giving up on the board. What with all the losses and the people I keep seeing posting over on the TTCAL thread in TTGP and the general lack of a larger community spirit, I’m just sad and grumpy and not feeling it. I know this isn’t a “real life” thing, but it’s the only place I really have to talk about pregnancy and related topics with others who are in the same boat. 

Another confession: I’ve been thinking more and more of joining the PGAL thread since it seems there’s a lot of support and camaraderie over there, BUT I feel like I don’t belong because my loss occurred so long ago. Also it makes me sad that there are so many women who have gone through such tough times. 

On a slightly more lighthearted note, my last confession is that I’ve been looking at my students with a whole different lens. With some of the shit they do, I can’t help but think how I’d feel if it were *my* kid acting like a straight up dick at school. 

ETA: upon rereading this, I’ve decided I sound like a whiny bitch. I’m sorry. 

kgg2241

@themadcamel I 100% think you are welcome on the PGAL thread. Even if it was a long time ago, the impacts are real and I personally believe they don't just go away. 

I guess my FFFC is that I like that this board is a little slow. I have a hard time keeping up with busy boards. Like on TTGP I pretty much only hung out on TTCAL because I couldn't keep up with the other threads. Maybe it is because I haven't really been a part of another BMB to compare it to though? 

blitzybee

@themadcamel it’s so hard when you just want support and comfort and it’s hard to find-feels isolating. I’ve been trying to be more available and active around here, and enjoy having you around! Our BMB took such a huge hit with SO many losses. It was really sad and hard to watch, and they were great women to have around. I miss them, and hoping we will be lurking on them in a BMB soon! 

zuuls_mom

@themadcamel I feel you so much on what you said. It’s gut wrenching seeing what’s happened to so many ladies in this group. I hope you will stick around because I sure like getting to know you! 

septoctkids

@themadcamel stick around! I’ve enjoeyed getting to know you, and appreciate your effort to get our group up and running.

sunshine2417

@themadcamel stick around! People will get there! I think once most people are past the 12 week mark, more will come out of their shells. I try to be as active as possible but the app sucks and it's hard to type on a laptop while my head is stuck in a toilet bowl! 

rms924

@sunshine2417 we may be the same person lol. Ditto on the app sucking!

@themadcamel come join us. I don’t think loss is time boxed. It doesn’t hurt any less. I typically feel most comfortable there, just sharing anything and everything. Also, you are not a whiny b I’ve lurked ttcal to see how those ladies are faring. I am praying for their rainbows. 

themadcamel

Yesterday was tough for me and my crazy KU hormones did not help. Thank you all for being so nice!

@kgg2241@rms924 thank you for saying that. When I see how recent or numerous people's losses are, I feel guilty for feeling bad for myself; but you're right, grief is grief and we all cope differently. I may check in there later this week.
@blitzybee @zuuls_mom it was definitely a hard hit and so difficult to see. I will absolutely be rooting for them and be lurking the shit out of their future BMBs. 
@septoctkids @sunshine2417 thanks ladies. I'm sure it will start picking up eventually; and as kgg said, it is kinda nice to have a smaller group of people to get to know at first.

septoctkids

@themadcamel I totally agree! I feel like I know quite a few people already because it’s a lot of the same people posting. It’s a nice quaint group!

monkeysmom80

@themadcamel A loss is a loss.  Time doesn't make it any less significant. 
@RedBreast35 I told my husband I was going to take a nap a la George constanza!

I find it hard to connect right now because 1. I'm too exhausted to participate all the time. If I make it to 8pm, I'm lucky.  2. I still trying to find the grove with the different check ins and etc.  

sunshine2417

It’s actually really funny that we say this group seems quieter and more sparse considering that statistically it’s the busiest due-date month of the year! My OB’s receptionists have made me well aware of that any time I try to book an appointment 😡
SORRY I HAD SEX ON CHRISTMAS, CAROL!!!!!

kgg2241

@sunshine2417 Haha that made me lol. I didn't realize it was the busiest due date month, but my OB's receptionist has definitely made it known to me too. They can't even get me in for my 12 week appointment, so they want me to skip that one and go in at 16 weeks. (Which I am going to call and insist they find a time.)

cammie0526

@sunshine2417 Haha, Carol's always messing everything up! I didn't realize that it's the busiest DD month... so many things are making sense to me now.

MsBeachNJ

@sunshine2417 hahhaa I had no idea it was the busiest due date month either! That makes sense though! We conceived on Christmas Eve! 

aliciac2008

We conceived on New Year's eve. Between Christmas, New Years, and the general cold weather I guess that makes sense that September is pretty busy for due dates.

sunshine2417

@kgg2241 NOPE! You gott a FIGHT, for your RIGHT, to be doooooppppppleeeeerrreeedddd! Definitely make sure you get in! Say you're happy to see another doctor in the clinic if need be or if you have a patient portal then send your doctor a direct message, but don't let the receptionist dictate your health plan! I just had some fighting with a receptionist today and by messaging my doctor and her nurse, it was easily resolved. The receptionists get rules and they're told to follow them verbatim. Other people can make the exceptions though.