Sad no one wants to celebrate with me — The Bump
Baby Showers

Sad no one wants to celebrate with me

This will be our first baby (sort of); we had a late term loss last year which I don't think I'll ever get over. I didn't especially want children but my husband who is so loving and wonderful really, really did, as did my mother and MIL, so I gave in (as I knew I would).
One thing I've been really looking forward to is a baby shower - not for the gifts (I actively do NOT want stuff as I work in the baby industry so we can easily get what we need, plus we live in a small apartment), I just want people to celebrate with me. I really want to have a fun party with flower crowns and decadent food and a few silly games, a sort of last hurrah - it's something I dreamed about even before pregnancy. I've considered a sip and see, but it's not the same thing, and not what I want.
Now that I'm almost 29 weeks, I've realised that this isn't going to happen so I'm tearfully planning my own, which everyone says is tacky. I feel like such a loser that no one, not even my mother who pressured me to have this child (but has gone radio silent over the past month), would want to celebrate this new chapter. I think I'm just sad that my mother or MIL don't seem to want to celebrate me, they just want their grand child - they make me feel a bit like an incubator sometimes. I made up invites, but it's almost getting too late to send them. I'm starting to realise how much (physical) work it's going to be just setting everything up, and I'm thinking I should just give up. The stress and depression this week has been overwhelming. It feels like no one cares, and I'm really struggling with the disappointment of it all.

Re: Sad no one wants to celebrate with me

  • @easter-mumma I'm truly so sorry for your loss.
    And I'm sorry you feel so alone.  If this is causing you stress and you're feeling this terrible over it I would say to scrap the idea.  Like you said it's not the norm for mom's to plan their own shower but because you're doing it to celebrate and not for gifts I say go for it - but it's not worth you feeling this way.  Is there someone you can talk to?  A therapist or counselor?  Overwhelming depression should be addressed and you shouldn't go through this alone.  You have a beautiful baby to look forward to and this party will not be the defining factor of your motherhood.  I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I hope you're able to talk to someone about your feelings.
    If you're 29 weeks then you're due in April?  I am too.  Come join our Birth Month Club https://forums.thebump.com/categories/april-2019-moms introduce yourself and jump into our threads!  It's a great place to connect with other moms.
    Me: 31
    H: 36
    L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
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  • Aw I am sorry you feel so sad and alone. I can’t relate to all aspects but I do know that feeling of everyone treating you like an incubator, and that used to frustrate the heck out of me! I would definitely suggest counseling to deal with your feelings. Whether you have Official Depression or not, it always helps to have someone to talk to. Motherhood is a big adjustment, but you may be surprised at how beautiful it can be, whether you always dreamed about it or not.  Regarding the shower, I have to give you my standard advice to scrap the idea- I mean for one, yeah I do firmly believe it’s not the kind of party for a mom to throw herself (it’s actually traditionally thrown by a friend, not even a family member), but also, in your particular case, I just feel like it’s destined to be a letdown- you know, like the whole new-year’s-eve-never-living-up-to-the-hype phenomenon. The good news is that if you love planning parties with silly games and cute decorations, you will have a lifetime of birthday parties to plan for your child! No kidding, that’s been one of the little parts of motherhood that has been really fun for me, and I bet you will enjoy it as well :) 
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  • So sorry that no one wants to celebrate this ABSOLUTELY AMAZING time of life with you! I am similar, not a great relationship with my mom and not a lot of friends, but I would try to just do something really special one on one with your SO or even just one friend. If this party is something you really want you should plan it though! 
  • Have you expressed your feelings to your husband? What does he say about it? Could it be that they are throwing a surprise party??  

    Also, have you communicated these feelings to your mom and mil or a friend? (Not sure how close you are w your mom considering the radio silence comment)
  • bean1818bean1818
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    I am sorry hun that’s so sad! Have you mentioned anything to any friends to see what their reaction is?  Maybe sonit doesn’t come across as planning your own shower plan a girls spa day or a spa day at home with some friends. Something like that. Just say it’s a last hurray before the baby, they might be doing a surprise, big hugs to you
  • I’m very sorry for your loss & congrats on your Rainbow Baby.

    Are you sure no one is planning to surprise you? I had this happen with my first pregnancy and it was a nice surprise. 

    I do empathize with the “feeling left out” and like folks don’t seem to want to be happy for you. I’m sure many are very happy for you and want you to be joyful.

    it could be that you have friends that think someone else in your circle must be planning a shower for you. So each thinks the other is doing it and waiting for an invite. 

    The Sip & See Idea is really no different than a shower. The only difference is baby is actually there to fawn over. I do understand wanting to be happily pregnant and celebrating though. 

    It is against traditional etiquette to throw your own. However, it sounds like you are doing it anyway. That said, keep it small and reserved. That way it doesn’t look like a gift grab. 

    I am hoping someone surprises you. 
  • I’m pretty sure OP is close to having her baby and is probably due this week. Anyhow, I hope she got that shower after all. 
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