This will be our first baby (sort of); we had a late term loss last year which I don't think I'll ever get over. I didn't especially want children but my husband who is so loving and wonderful really, really did, as did my mother and MIL, so I gave in (as I knew I would).
One thing I've been really looking forward to is a baby shower - not for the gifts (I actively do NOT want stuff as I work in the baby industry so we can easily get what we need, plus we live in a small apartment), I just want people to celebrate with me. I really want to have a fun party with flower crowns and decadent food and a few silly games, a sort of last hurrah - it's something I dreamed about even before pregnancy. I've considered a sip and see, but it's not the same thing, and not what I want.
Now that I'm almost 29 weeks, I've realised that this isn't going to happen so I'm tearfully planning my own, which everyone says is tacky. I feel like such a loser that no one, not even my mother who pressured me to have this child (but has gone radio silent over the past month), would want to celebrate this new chapter. I think I'm just sad that my mother or MIL don't seem to want to celebrate me, they just want their grand child - they make me feel a bit like an incubator sometimes. I made up invites, but it's almost getting too late to send them. I'm starting to realise how much (physical) work it's going to be just setting everything up, and I'm thinking I should just give up. The stress and depression this week has been overwhelming. It feels like no one cares, and I'm really struggling with the disappointment of it all.