Baby Showers
easter-mumma
member
Sad no one wants to celebrate with me
easter-mumma
member
in Baby Showers
This will be our first baby (sort of); we had a late term loss last year which I don't think I'll ever get over. I didn't especially want children but my husband who is so loving and wonderful really, really did, as did my mother and MIL, so I gave in (as I knew I would).
One thing I've been really looking forward to is a baby shower - not for the gifts (I actively do NOT want stuff as I work in the baby industry so we can easily get what we need, plus we live in a small apartment), I just want people to celebrate with me. I really want to have a fun party with flower crowns and decadent food and a few silly games, a sort of last hurrah - it's something I dreamed about even before pregnancy. I've considered a sip and see, but it's not the same thing, and not what I want.
Now that I'm almost 29 weeks, I've realised that this isn't going to happen so I'm tearfully planning my own, which everyone says is tacky. I feel like such a loser that no one, not even my mother who pressured me to have this child (but has gone radio silent over the past month), would want to celebrate this new chapter. I think I'm just sad that my mother or MIL don't seem to want to celebrate me, they just want their grand child - they make me feel a bit like an incubator sometimes. I made up invites, but it's almost getting too late to send them. I'm starting to realise how much (physical) work it's going to be just setting everything up, and I'm thinking I should just give up. The stress and depression this week has been overwhelming. It feels like no one cares, and I'm really struggling with the disappointment of it all.
One thing I've been really looking forward to is a baby shower - not for the gifts (I actively do NOT want stuff as I work in the baby industry so we can easily get what we need, plus we live in a small apartment), I just want people to celebrate with me. I really want to have a fun party with flower crowns and decadent food and a few silly games, a sort of last hurrah - it's something I dreamed about even before pregnancy. I've considered a sip and see, but it's not the same thing, and not what I want.
Now that I'm almost 29 weeks, I've realised that this isn't going to happen so I'm tearfully planning my own, which everyone says is tacky. I feel like such a loser that no one, not even my mother who pressured me to have this child (but has gone radio silent over the past month), would want to celebrate this new chapter. I think I'm just sad that my mother or MIL don't seem to want to celebrate me, they just want their grand child - they make me feel a bit like an incubator sometimes. I made up invites, but it's almost getting too late to send them. I'm starting to realise how much (physical) work it's going to be just setting everything up, and I'm thinking I should just give up. The stress and depression this week has been overwhelming. It feels like no one cares, and I'm really struggling with the disappointment of it all.
Re: Sad no one wants to celebrate with me
And I'm sorry you feel so alone. If this is causing you stress and you're feeling this terrible over it I would say to scrap the idea. Like you said it's not the norm for mom's to plan their own shower but because you're doing it to celebrate and not for gifts I say go for it - but it's not worth you feeling this way. Is there someone you can talk to? A therapist or counselor? Overwhelming depression should be addressed and you shouldn't go through this alone. You have a beautiful baby to look forward to and this party will not be the defining factor of your motherhood. I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I hope you're able to talk to someone about your feelings.
If you're 29 weeks then you're due in April? I am too. Come join our Birth Month Club https://forums.thebump.com/categories/april-2019-moms introduce yourself and jump into our threads! It's a great place to connect with other moms.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
Also, have you communicated these feelings to your mom and mil or a friend? (Not sure how close you are w your mom considering the radio silence comment)
Are you sure no one is planning to surprise you? I had this happen with my first pregnancy and it was a nice surprise.
I do empathize with the “feeling left out” and like folks don’t seem to want to be happy for you. I’m sure many are very happy for you and want you to be joyful.
it could be that you have friends that think someone else in your circle must be planning a shower for you. So each thinks the other is doing it and waiting for an invite.
The Sip & See Idea is really no different than a shower. The only difference is baby is actually there to fawn over. I do understand wanting to be happily pregnant and celebrating though.
It is against traditional etiquette to throw your own. However, it sounds like you are doing it anyway. That said, keep it small and reserved. That way it doesn’t look like a gift grab.
I am hoping someone surprises you.