STM+ Question: Plan for Older Kiddos — The Bump
March 2019 Moms

STM+ Question: Plan for Older Kiddos

I know we have discussed this in a few threads but I thought it would be helpful to have it in one place. 
1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? 
2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? 
3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? 
4) Advice from the BTDT moms?
Me: 30 DH: 31
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 <3 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
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Re: STM+ Question: Plan for Older Kiddos

  • We are planning to have DD with us when I go into labor and when I deliver. We will have my mom or MIL come to get her if she gets bored. So the hope is she will meet her new sister when we do. 
    My parents are going to stay at our house while I’m at the hospital because they live out of town. So DD will go back the house with them at night.  
    DD has picked out a gift for LO and I just purchsed a matching onsie and T-shirt to give DD when she meets LO, as her gift. 
    Dx: Non-IR PCOS
    Baby Girl K #1 Born 3/8/14
    Baby Girl K #2 EDD 3/3/19
    mamakate1616kbear28
  • We're lucky to have my in-laws super close, so mother-in-law will come watch DS while I'm delivering. Depending on when baby arrives (and assuming good health on MiL and DS parts), DS will come meet his new sister that day at the hospital with my in-laws. I'd actually love to have a few minutes alone with just DS, DH and new baby; so we'll see if hubs can gently ask his parents for a few minutes as just our little family that when they come. 
    I know my in-laws would be happy to keep DS overnight, but depending on when baby arrives and how we're doing, I may encourage DH to go home (grandparents are amazing, but they stink at keeping DS on a good schedule and we have sleep issues for several days after any overnight visits with his grandparents. Which I figure we'll already be facing with a new baby, so if I can avoid making it worse...). Definitely a game-time decisions for DH and I. 
    Yes, planning to do something little - probably a book or puzzle and matching pjs. We're actually planning to go pick out a stuffed animal as a family for baby (DH and I got DS his first stuffed animal as we were looking at baby furniture, and want to continue the tradition). 
    Ticker warning 


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    flyingmombulamamakate1616kbear28
  • 1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? Depends on the situation. I’m planning a natural unmedicated birth and if all goes according to plan, I can leave 8 hours later. So, if that’s the case, I won’t have my son come to the hospital.


    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? 

    My my parents are coming to my house to be with my son.

    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? 

    Yes. At the moment he’s obsessed with cows, so he’ll be getting a stuffed cow. 
     :D 
    4) Advice from the BTDT moms?
    stmgsam3mamakate1616kbear28
  • 1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? I hope to have the boys come visit after this baby is born but I live in New England so am fully expecting there to be a giant snow storm or someone will have a cold so I'm not getting my heart set on them coming to the hospital. Fingers crossed but I know I can't let something out of my control bum me out. When #2 was born in August, my oldest visited later that day.
    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? DH will probably stay at the hospital with me the first night but he will need to go home for the next few nights. I'm having another c section and while we are very lucky to have family nearby to help, we want the boys to stick to a normal routine as much as possible. Honestly I am looking forward to a night or two of quiet time with the baby alone.
    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? I haven't gotten this far but I def plan to have some new activities on hand for the hospital and home for them to do while I'm nursing. I think if I call it a gift from the baby, they will love it and think it's extra special! Nothing crazy though... Probably a new coloring book, stickers, etc.
    4) Advice from the BTDT moms? What works for someone else might not be what's best for your family. Sticking to a routine (sleeping at home in their own beds, Daddy being home at night after school for dinner, etc) is important for us because I want them to welcome their brother and not see him as an invader messing up their life (I'm nervous about my two year old!!). 
    flyingmombulamamakate1616kbear28
  • 1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? 

    DS will be with us until my in-laws can come get him at the hospital. Unless we have time to drop him off on the way. They will bring him to meet his brother depending on what time I end up delivering. I’m planning to keep LO in his crib when DS1 comes in so I can focus on greeting him and having a family picture up in our room so he knows he’s included. 

    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? 

    DS is staying with my in-laws while we are in the hospital. I’m sure they will bring him to visit throughout our stay. The hospital is 
    20 mins from their house. I am hoping that DH can stay with me to help me with post partum because I had such a rough one last time with my allergic reactions. I’m hoping that he can help me advocate for myself if things seem off again. 

    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? 

    Yes we need to get on this. I want to have a gift for DS1 to bring with him to give the baby and something from the baby to give to him. 

    4) Advice from the BTDT moms?
    mamakate1616
  • @flyingmombula those shirts are so cute!!
    Ticker warning 


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    flyingmombula
  • My folks live 1.5 hours away, so I will call them to come and stay with my daughter (3) when the time comes. The hospital is a mile from our apartment, so we may have to bring her initially depending on how quickly things go and how quickly my parents can come. I also live in New England and I am just hoping that weather won’t cause any issues.

    My daughter is a total daddy’s girl, so depending on how things go and how long we are stuck in the hospital, I will probably suggest that he go home for dinner and bedtime at night. 

    We we will plan to have my daughter come to the hospital to meet baby brother, and she will get a special baby doll from the baby. 

    @meggyme Nice idea with not holding the baby when she first comes to visit. I think that will help a lot with mine. 
  • My ILs will be staying at our house with DS while we are in the hospital. They live about 15-20 minutes away so it should be easy for them to get here. As long as everyone is healthy I'd like to have DS come to the hospital to meet the baby and so I can see him.

    The ILs are planning to stay overnight and then we'll play it by ear for DH. If things are going well I might feel okay sending him home but it just depends. DS loves my ILs and they take care of him during the week already so I think they should be fine. We also have a trial run / babymoon planned for this weekend to see how an overnight goes.

    I hadn't thought about gifts but maybe something small for DS from the baby would be nice. I also like the idea of him bringing something for the baby.  I want to try to build that bond and make the transition a little easier.  Right now he has no clue what is coming and I know it's going to be hard for him to share me with anyone.
    kbear28flyingmombula
  • I won't be at a hospital, assuming everything goes to plan. My mom should be here, so she will come get our daughter, either right away at the birth center or at our home. If it's midnight (like when we went to the birth center with her), I'm not sure. 

    My mom will probably bring her to the birth center after the baby is born. My birth center has a blanket policy that no one else is allowed in until one hour post birth. With my daughter, my placenta just wasn't coming and didn't deliver until 55 minutes after anyway! So it will be soon after, but not until I'm stable and cleaned up. Hopefully, my mom will bring her and then H will actually bring her into the room first. 

    At a birth center, at least in my state, the required stay is three hours minimum. And most of that is taken up with eating a meal, getting baby feeding and checked, stitching me up, etc. With my daughter, we left about 3.5 hours after. Hopefully, the same will happen with this baby. So no overnight stay except if I go into labor overnight. 

    No gifts either to or from the baby. 
    kbear28
  • Ugh, this topic is giving me lots of anxiety!
    1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? 
    Ideally not attending the birth, and just coming to visit once the baby is born.
    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? It highly depends on when the baby decides to come. If it's after 39.5 weeks, then my MIL is going to be here, so we'll be able to focus on the baby. If it's before that, we're planning to hire a sibling doula to be on call. Worst case, we'll ask our neighbors, but I feel like it's too much to ask them to be on alert all the time, especially with 2 kids of their own. DH will only go home at night if we can't find anyone else to watch DS. Lots of unknowns, and that's what makes me so worried.
    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? Yes, a box of magformers. One more thing to keep him occupied :smile:


    kbear28
  • 1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? We don't have family in the area, but we've got a few friends on a list who could either come to our house or where we could drop DS off on the way to the hospital, depending on timing. My doula recommended that we just plan to bring DS (he's two) with us to the hospital, that she and MH can take turns looking after him. That would not be my preference, but in the event that this baby decides to come in the middle of the night and we can't get a hold of anyone on our list, it's good to know that could be an option, at least until someone can come pick him up. Assuming he's healthy and delivery goes well I'd have him there maybe the next day? We'll play it by ear.

    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? Depends on a lot of factors. I have one friend who could stay overnight with DS but she travels a lot, so that will depend if she's in town or not. I'm actually thinking about buying MIL a plane ticket to come up right around my due date and seeing if she'll stay a couple weeks. She has friends in the area she can stay with until it's go time, and she does hospice care as a career so she'll actually be helpful. My mom is too forgetful and anxious, I want her to come up but not in the immediate aftermath of giving birth. But if neither of those options works out I'll send DH home.

    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? I hadn't thought about this, honestly. 
    kbear28mamakate1616
  • 1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? 
    DS is 9 so i feel he is definitely old enough to come to the hospital after the baby gets here. Right now i have a scheduled c section, so i'm sure he will probably end up in the waiting area with either my sister or my mom while me and SO are in surgery.

    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? most likely my son will stay with my mom while we are in the hospital, luckily she is retired so that helps with being able to get him to school. im sure it will be a team effort and all hands on deck will make sure he gets back and forth while we are in the hospital. 


    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? nope. he's old enough to know it won't be from the baby LOL, and he's so excited about her getting her, funny enough i think he will consider HER the gift. 


    4) Advice from the BTDT moms? n/a 
    mamakate1616ashley14598
  • I expect I'll be in bed when my daughter comes, but a birth center is a little different from a hospital. The head of the beds at my birth center can raise up like a hospital bed, but they don't look like hospital beds. No rails on the sides or anything "clinical" looking. They look like a normal bed (and a pretty homey room in general) including patterned comforters that hang over the sides, cute pillow covers, etc. I expect my daughter will like coming up there with me because we do that at home sometimes. In the mornings, she'll snuggle in bed with us for a few minutes before we get up. Or I'll even cuddle in there and nap with her sometimes. 

    I'm hoping my daughter will be excited and happy about the baby. Most people I know who have close age gaps (two years or so) say that is the case, so hopefully! I ask my daughter where our baby is and she'll pat my belly, but I'm not sure how much she actually understands 
  • 1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? 

    - I am having a planned c section, our son will go to school as normal and then come straight to the hospital if baby girl is born. Its the plan that he will be the first to meet her aside from my husband and I. 


    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? 

    - My husband will likely stay with me the first night, and go home the next night. We live 10 maybe 15 mins from the hospital.


    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? 

    - Thats something we still need to discuss. If we get a gift it won’t be from baby. I think our son is old enough to know that it is truly us giving him a gift. 


    4) Advice from the BTDT moms?

    - sorry what is BTDT?

    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    mamakate1616ashley14598
  • @bdesterhouse BTDT is been there done that.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    bdesterhouse
  • Thanks! @meggyme it was not coming to me at all lol. 

    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thanks everyone for chiming in! I am feeling so conflicted about what to do with DD. She just turned 3 and is very excited about baby brother, but is constantly getting sick from her half day preschool program & gets nervous whenever we mention having to go to the doctor for something. 

    1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? Ideally she will be the first one to meet baby (besides me and DH) but I’m concerned about timing  - my RCS is scheduled for noon which is when she gets picked up and brought home for nap. My MIL can be overbearing when it comes to babies and I don’t think there will be any convincing her that she needs to wait until after DD, especially if there are hours between birth and when DD comes to the hospital. Hopefully she can get her from school, put her down for a nice nap, and then bring her to visit a few hours after surgery. AND not be upset about it :lol:

    Anyone keeping their kids home from daycare leading up to birth/ during newborn phase (maternity leave)?

    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? Planning for in-laws to keep her overnight and hoping I get to go home after 2 nights like I did with DD, but might play it by ear and send DH home after the first night. 

    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? Undecided on this, I feel like it’s something the internet is telling me to do but not something I really care about. DD has dolls out the ying yang and way too many toys and has only attached to 1.5 toys (full time bear and a sometimes favorite baby). I saw a cute “big sister bracelet” but not sure she is quite old enough for that. 
    Me: 30 DH: 31
    Married: 2012
    BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 <3 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
  • @mamakate1616 could you send YH home to pick up DD so that your MIL isn't even part of the equation? That way you can let your D meet the baby without having to ask MIL to wait around in the hall or whatever.

    I'm also kind of undecided about daycare during my maternity leave. We will probably keep DD1 in daycare for a couple weeks just to keep her routine somewhat normal and give us a couple weeks to get used to being a family of 4, but especially if I decide to take a longer maternity leave (in the event I'm not returning to my same company and can afford a fourth month of unpaid leave) we would likely pull DD1 out of daycare until after we move and get settled in again.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • @mamakate1616 my In-laws will be watching DS as well, and I’m hoping my husband will be ok with asking his parents to give us a few minutes just our little family before they come in to meet baby girl (and hopefully we don’t seem too ungrateful for asking that, I’d just like DS to be the first one to meet her).
    And we are planning to keep DS home at least for the first 2 months until baby’s had the first round of shots. I don’t have any paid time off and DH has paternity leave, so it didn’t make sense to pay for day care and risk the inevitable sickness.
    Ticker warning 


    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker

  • @lelkcot I hadn't even thought about the sicknesses. DD1's been pretty healthy at her small daycare, but it can still happen.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • So I just looked on carter's for matching PJ's. They're a bit harder to find than I thought, unless you want Christmas ones. If I end up getting some this is likely the matching pair I'd get. They're pretty gender neutral so they'd probably work for any sibling pair.
    https://www.carters.com/carters-baby-boy-one-piece-sleep-and-play/192135521298.html
    https://www.carters.com/carters-toddler-girl-4-piece-pajamas/192135486498.html
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    kapowfal
  • @meggyme those are cute!  I was looking at Hanna Andersson this morning and good God their jammies are expensive.  This is a much better option.  Thanks!
    meggyme
  • @dtspmama I was looking to see if I could find a dress/romper combo but in March the weather will be so unpredictable I don't want to buy something that neither of them will be able to wear because it's too hot/too cold. PJ's seemed like a good alternative.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • @meggyme that's what I've been wrestling with, too.  We're in Florida, so it will probably be warm, but no guarantees.  Target has some family t-shirt collections but I just don't love any of them. The struggle is real!
  • @mamakate1616 I will be pulling my 3 year old out of daycare after the baby is born. Daycare is more than rent where I live, and with going unpaid for part of leave, plus we are moving sometime during my maternity leave, it just made sense. 

    I will have my husbands help for the first month, then be alone with the kids for 2 more months while he goes back to work. I am completely terrified of juggling two kids alone and packing/moving at the same time, especially with the possibility of recovering from c section at the same time. But it’s the best thing for our family, and I am secretly looking forward to having my 3 year old full time. I miss her when she is in daycare all week! 
    mamakate1616
  • I just thought about this, talking about germs. So I’d check with the hospital you plan to deliver at but ours is under a flu restriction currently and most likely won’t lift by the time I deliver. So we can’t have more than 5 total visitors, which includes your partner and other children. We would only be allowed two more visitors while I’m at the hospital and I’ve already informed my mother, haven’t gotten to my MIL yet. 
    Dx: Non-IR PCOS
    Baby Girl K #1 Born 3/8/14
    Baby Girl K #2 EDD 3/3/19
    lelkcotmamakate1616
  • @mamakate1616 We actually just talked to our babysitter yesterday about what maternity leave will look like. DS only goes to the sitters 3 days/week as it is and is with family the other 2 days. DH has 2 weeks paid paternity leave when LO is born. We will likely keep our son home with us as a family of 4 while DH is off work and not in the hospital. DS will be with my in-laws when LO is born/we are in the hospital and the babysitter lives less than 5 minutes from their house so we will definitely let them know that it is an option to send him during the day if they need to. However after DH goes back to work we will send DS back to the sitters. He has pretty bad separation anxiety and it’s really good for him socially to be away from us/interact with other kids. I thought about the germs but I guess it’s weighing him keeping his schedule vs. potential germs, etc. We also only pay $25/day and she covers all food while he’s there. So we aren’t/won’t be strained financially sending him. 
    mamakate1616
  • @mamakate1616 I'll keep DS1 in daycare to avoid disrupting his routine. Yes, it's pricey, but we can't lose the spot and my leave is paid, so that helps. In summer, however, they operate more like a camp and you can register for 2 weeks at a time without losing the spot. So I'm definitely planning at least 2 weeks of vacation somewhere to compensate for the fact that we won't go anywhere else this year (and I have to use all my saved vacation plus some more to get to September with my leave).
    mamakate1616
  • @mamakate1616 I’ll be sending DS (3yo) to preschool (3 hrs/ day, 4 days/ week) right away in the hopes that I can get a nap in. He also does a 2 hour speech therapy group that I will take him to (MH will probably only get a week off so after that week I’ll be taking new bubs with me). My plan is to wear him so people don’t touch and cart around a giant thing of hand sanitizer. DS needs to burn off his energy and I don’t think I’ll be able to run him down with a new baby in tow so his groups are the best way to go for us. 


    SaveSave
    mamakate1616kbear28
  • 1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? 
    I’m honestly not 100% sure about this. I think I will want to see DD and want her to meet the baby ASAP, but I don’t especially want to see my in-laws right after I’ve given birth. They can be a bit overwhelming and I worry they’ll “ruin” our family moment where DD meets her sister. With DD’s birth we had no family around so it was just the three of us at the hospital for 2 days and it was kind of special. Plus I had a rough recovery and didn’t feel like seeing anyone other than DH. This time around we live near my in-laws and they will be watching DD so if she comes to meet baby, obviously they do too. I’ll be in the hospital 1-2 nights so a hospital visit may be unavoidable. 

    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? 
    DD will stay with my in-laws. As much as I’d like her to be in her own house, I’m going to ask my in-laws to take her to their house when I go into labour. I am planning a med-free birth and will have our doula come to the house to support me in labour at home as long as possible so I want DD out of the house and with my in-laws to allow me to fully focus on the task ahead! Depending on how long I am in the hospital afterward they can always come back to our house to spend the night, I just don’t want to have to worry about her while I’m labouring at home. 

    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? 
    Not sure about this yet! 

    4) Advice from the BTDT moms
  • similar boat to @mihaelams1  with a lot of unknowns.

    1) Are you planning to have your older kid(s) visit you and baby at the hospital? How soon after birth? 
    She'll eventually come. Hopefully I don't have to bring her initially and she can come after birth/ next day. If its during the night and we can't get in touch with anyone (because there's no way the IL's would cut their Florida vacation short to be here and I have no family here until 39 weeks), I might just have DH drive me in and they go home/ stay home. I feel like it would be nice to have DH there when I give birth, but its not essential, I suppose. I considered a doula, but just couldn't justify the $$. I'm really hoping to just go into labor at work (I work at a hospital with mother and baby) and walk right over and give birth quickly 

    2) Are you going to have an overnight care taker or sending your partner home? 
    Sending partner home unless I deliver 39 weeks or after, at which time my sister will be visiting. So hard to decide when to have family visit. I dont want to waste their time!

    3) Planning any gifts from new baby to older sibling? 
    Nope.

    @mamakate1616  we're going to avoid daycare for a few months. i'm pretty paranoid of infant illnesses, and i want to do everything i can to avoid them.

    mamakate1616
  • @novelblessings I just found out my hospital is under a flu ban as well.  Visitors are limited to 2 and no one under 18 including siblings.  So, were a bit bummed DD won't be able to come if the ban isn't lifted in time.  Were also disappointed about not being able to do the tour.  All tours are cancelled due to the ban.  The coordinator said she'd let me know if anything changes in February.  But last year the ban went through late March.  
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @kbear28 those are cute, too!

    I found these yesterday:  https://www.spearmintlove.com/2-piece-pajama-set-black-rose-floral/  

    They're a little pricey, but I love the pattern and there's also a matching robe for me ( https://www.spearmintlove.com/signature-mommy-robe-black-rose-floral/ ) so I may just do it.
    kbear28
  • @lisee923 That is a bummer that even siblings aren't allowed! I know when I was first told by the nurse I cried because I thought that meant DD1 couldn't come up at all. But at least she came come up as long as she wears a mask. We weren't able to do our tour either, although we've done it before and DH works there. I really wanted DD1 to see the hospital so she isn't as anxious. Oh well.
    Dx: Non-IR PCOS
    Baby Girl K #1 Born 3/8/14
    Baby Girl K #2 EDD 3/3/19
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