Daycare/Nanny/Babysitter Stuff

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Please put all your childcare questions and concerns here.  

wiseh

Hey ladies,

I wrote this for the conversation in randoms but topics have changed so thought I'd post it here instead.

We'll be getting an au pair when I finally go back to work as day care here is ~$100-150 per day depending on which one you go to. In Australia you pay them minimum wage ($18.90ph) and then deduct "reasonable living expenses" which is considered to be $350pw from their wage, so it only ends up costing ~$200pw for a live in au pair working 30hrs per week. You have to provide their own room and food enough for 3 meals per day. What you provide for on top of that is up to you. I have several work colleagues that have au pairs and whilst it can be a bit disruptive (you have someone living in your house and they can only typically stay with you for 6 months due to visa regulations) they are so affordable! You obviously have increased living costs but electricity, water and gas are relatively cheap here, so it won't add much more to your bills to have a 3rd adult living in the house. 

I had a quick google and found the below article where it says that in the US you pay them a minimum of $195.75 per week. So slightly more than Australia ($200AUD is only $140USD) but still cheaper than the $2000 per month that you had been quoted for daycare!

https://www.aupair.com/en/p-usa-america-pocket-money.php

chloe97

@wiseh an au pair would be great- if we had the space, but the cost of housing where I live makes it completely unaffordable. We’d need to pay an extra $700-$1000 a month to give her a room and her own bathroom. Plus I really don’t want to share my home with a stranger. It’s bad enough sharing it with DH! We also pay about $120/ day in day care, but after about 8 or 9 months, they start learning so much that the cost is worth it to me. My DD learned more at day care on an average day then she dies when she’s just home with me and DH.

wiseh

Yeah it definitely depends on personal circumstances @chloe97! Where we currently live it's cheaper to rent a 4 bedroom house with a large back yard 10 minute drive out of the CBD than it is to rent a 2 bedroom apartment in the heart of the CBD. The way the area is set up also means there is literally no need to come into the CBD so there's no issue living in the suburbs. I used to be an airbnb host and absolutely love sharing my home with other people, but again it definitely depends on what you want to do.  

I had thought about the social & structural side of day care too and we're thinking of sending LO for maybe a day or so here and there. I've got 12 months paid maternity leave from work so we're a fair way off having to plan properly. Just thought I'd mention the au pair as I only saw one other mention it and until I met a few people with them I'd never even heard of them!

alexva2017

I was nervous about daycare (I had read so many terrible stories) when I was pregnant with DS, and we toured a few and asked looooots of questions.  I was the most concerned about safe sleep and wanted to ensure he wouldn’t be left in a bouncer/on a boppy if he fell asleep there.  We found a wonderful place and he learns sooooo much there.  I guess I always thought nannies were superior to daycare, but had resigned myself to daycare because we couldn’t afford a nanny.  I was wrong— nannies are great for some families but daycare is right for us.   We pay 300/week in a smaller city, and this includes diapers and breakfast, lunch, snack, and milk.  It’s expensive but I feel confident in the quality.  Another plus is that the center has a full time RN! So when DS needs a breathing treatment, no problem.  And tuition includes several days of sick care, so if your child has a fever or something and you need to go to work, he has a comfortable place to go.  The biggest downside is that DS does get sick quite a bit. 

robyn2201

@alexva2017 the option of them having sick care is amazing!!! DD2 got sick a lot while being in daycare and that always fell on me as DH travels a lot for work and I always felt guilty leaving work to take care of a sick kid. I also blew through my sick time and then had none for when I got sick!

alexva2017

@robyn2201 it’s amazing! I thought of it just as a bonus as I was choosing daycares, but I can’t believe how much we have used it.  also, ds had a febrile seizure at daycare, which sounds way scarier than it actually is, and they totally knew what to do and handled it so well.  And any bumps and bruises are also seen by the nurse. It’s awesome. And I need to save my sick time for maternity leave!!

optbaby2017

There are daycares that have sick care?!? I really do love our center, but their policy is over the top sometimes. There is a long list of things that keep a kid out for 24hrs. Fever of 99.9*+ being one of them. DD runs hot in her sleep and it took much negotiations, after 4 "sick" days and two "there's nothing wrong" pediatrician visits in 3 weeks, to convince them that they needed to wait half an hour after naps before testing her. We have the same issue every time she gets shots. Meanwhile there was a kid who the near certain cause of recurring pink eye outbreaks in the room, but he was allowed back same day because his aunt is a pediatrician and wrote notes that his goopy eyes were due to clogged ducts. Even the teachers know the policy is ridiculous, but they have to follow it.

So, lesson for ftm's - ask to see the specifics of the sick policy when you are touring. Also be nice to your pediatrician and if daycare is being bogus about anything (sick policy, diet requests, sleep preferences...), have your doc write a note. 

MaggieG183

I wish an au pair would be cost effective here, but paying $200/week is 100% not the going rate in most locations, especially here. Many people I know who have an au pair pay $100+/day + sharing house, bathroom, food, taxes, etc. On two middle income salaries, $500+/week is not an option. 

We have been fortunate enough to get into a great daycare recently with DS that is $850/month with flexible days and reduced rates in the summer as it primarily serves teacher’s children so it averages out to less than $700/month. When this LO starts, he/she will start in October, we will be paying $1700/month as DS will be a bit cheaper next year and LO will be a bit more costly. I love it because they pay for all food which is unheard of here unless you are at an in-Joel daycare. They also have insanely good teacher/para-kid ratios as the center is located in the high school and there are 3 different classes that have volunteer hours an a requirement for passing and the high schoolers are on strict behavioral requirements when in the rooms with the infants/toddlers.

A few questions I always ask:
 - what is the summer care policy? 
 - how do they manage vacation/sick time for their staff? A cared for, not overworked staff is a happy one.
 - what is their policy about unused breast milk? If it was fresh pumped, will they give it to you at the end of the day or dump it out?
 - what is the daily schedule?
 - do they do naps/feedings as needed or will they put infants on a schedule - different strokes for different folks, but we liked the as needed with DS when he was little and scheduled snacks and naps now that he’s older and thrives with structure.

chucksmom15

We love our daycare!  It is $680 a month.  They have a private school that goes up to grade 12 (our kids will go to public school in our neighborhood when they get to kindergarten) so there is a cafeteria and food is included when they are old enough to eat. A big thing for us is that they move the kids up to the next room based on ability not just age.  The rooms are set up for each developmental phase.  Plus most of the teachers have been there 10+ years and the director has been there over 20.

optbaby2017

I kind of mentioned this in the Randoms thread, but thought I would expand a little here.   Where I live, all daycare centers and certain in-home's are licensed by the state.  I work in an adjacent field that is also licensed by the same department in the state and a good chunk of my job is making sure that my facility abides by the licensing standards.  So I'm a bit of a nerd in that aspect, and not phased by reading the nitty-gritties of the law. It helped me to do a quick read of the licensing requirements for daycares before I did tours so that I could filter out when they were advertising something as a perk of their program that is just standard and really compare what they did that was extra.  [example: when comparing our top two, my husband pointed out how one of the brochures advertised that all of the teachers are CPR certified and take a certain number of continuing ed hours each year.  Those are literally state requirements, guarantee the other one does the same.]  Also, any investigations or citations that they have received from their licensor within the last 5yrs is available online.  I definitely ruled out at least one place due to something I read in one of their investigations.  There is a national org called Child Care Aware that rates certain types of facilities, and on my state's page it includes a link to the licensing page for each facility.  I was able to use that page to search for programs in my area and then narrow by different criteria.

wiseh

Oh jeez @MaggieG183 I guess if the pay for au pair's in the US is governed by a supply/demand type pricing structure? The legal minimum you have to pay them is $195.75pw though. I think you're right though - it would end up costing more than $200pw. I know a lot that take their au pair's on holidays with them, but then it also means they get their usual child care during that time and don't have the stress of trying to find someone wherever they go. 

We also don't know where we'll be living by the time my maternity leave is over so it's hard to plan that far ahead for day care, especially if we need to go on a waiting list. But those questions you ask are great!

Slightly off topic, but I remember I escaped from my daycare once when I was about 3 or 4. They used to only have a big green button to exit the main doors and my little observant self had seen that if you press it the doors opened! I gathered my sister and our friend and we went off to go to the zoo! We were found a little bit down the road and taken back to the day care centre, thankfully! But it could have gone so, so differently!!! After that the day care installed a pool gate type thing you had to get through before you could escape to the world when exiting the centre. From that one thing I will always take note of when choosing my day care is the security measures for entering/exiting the centre. 

peachy13

Just another plug for full-time daycare. It's what works for us. And not only for us, DD loves the daycare we go to. She is surrounded by kids her age all day and engaging in educational, crafty, and social activities She started when she was 3 months old and it's been almost a year at this daycare. Her social skills are fantastic. I also love that there is no TV or screens at daycare and just that she's fully engaged all day. I don't think I could provide this environment for her every day if I were home. It's especially hard I find to not have any other children around in our house - though that's going to be short-lived obviously. 

I know a lot of people are scared about illnesses from daycare but I have to say honestly - and knock on wood - DD has been only mildly sick twice in a year, and one of the illnesses she got from her cousin outside of daycare (stomach bug). The other was a cold that turned into pinkeye. Yucky but a short, minor problem. Daycare has a pretty strict policy to GTFO for at least 24 hours as soon as a child shows symptoms of something major, but everything else is okay - runny nose, little coughs, etc. UO but I think that kind of stuff is good. I'm sure there is a lot of shared germs in there, total cesspool, but DD's immune system is - again knock on wood - pretty damn good.

We pay $500 a week which really sucks, but again - worth it for us and it's just what works for us. Planning a very cool Disney World trip in 5 years when both girls are out of daycare and in public school.  

journey721

@MaggieG183 you should look at other agencies. My friend lives right outside NYC (COL is expensive) and she’s pays around 200/300 a week- i just texted for exact numbers! 

MaggieG183

@journey721 I have. 😢  This was something we looked into heavily before DS was born and continue to keep tabs on as daycare is so expensive here, yet wages are stagnant or in the case of educators like me not keeping pace with the cost of living.  While we do live in a fairly rural area, we live in one of the most expensive areas of the state - lots of people coming here to retire, trust fund-types, people looking to get out of the corporate world but have money to spend (therefore many people not needing jobs, but driving up prices).  We have crazy growth and tons of jobs, but not many people to fill them.  Due to this, the demand outpaces the supply and people are able to charge exorbitant rates for these kinds of services.  As well, there are only two agencies with good reputations in the area (a drawback to living in the sticks - not a ton of choice).

I'm not super concerned any more though as we did find such great care with this new daycare and I feel like I'm giving back to the community as this facility charges teen parents $10/month for care while they finish their high school degree. I'm happy supplementing their child's care if it gives a teen mom or dad a leg up in the world.  Plus, sad or not, a few of the current teen moms were in my classroom just a couple of years ago and they are so, so, so deserving of support in spite of their poor judgment in the heat of the moment.

k2k2tog

@optbaby2017 our daycare (a licensed centre) allows kids with a fever of up to 100 or something like that as long as they're happy and "able to participate in the program" (ie, play!). And, if baby wakes up with a higher fever, but it comes down with Tylenol, you can drop off and, if it goes back up, you can just drop in to give more Tylenol. (They can't administer medication themselves.) Before we found this centre, we were with a home daycare and the provider would call us to pick up with any slightly elevated temperature or sign of the sniffles and also kept getting sick all the time herself. It was SO frustrating trying to find back up care all the time.

@MaggieG183 I love that your daycare does that. The Ontario government offers subsidy for low income parents and I really love that our centre is full of kids from different socio-economic backgrounds. Everyone deserves the same quality of care for their kids.

brie_and_almonds

@MaggieG183 That's amazing that your daycare offers teen parents quality care so that they actually have a chance to graduate! I can't imagine how difficult it would be to be a teen parent if you didn't have good care for your baby, so that's excellent that they help provide it.

wiseh

That's so cool @MaggieG183 that your daycare does that! I feel so sorry for teen mums/dads because most of them definitely don't plan the child and are then ostracised by their family, which makes it even harder for them to succeed in life and I think that sucks. So any help they can get to improve their livelihood is fantastic.

lappymom2019

Do any of you have family members that watch your children? How does that work out? I broached the subject with my MIL and she was anti any daycare but I don't want her watching my child full time.

optbaby2017

@lappymom2019 Not exactly your question  but... My parents and sister are the main babysitters for DD outside of daycare, usually a few times per month. They are also our official backup people to pick her up from daycare and we would call them if DD was unable to go to daycare and we couldn't make it work between us, because my mom doesn't work and my sister can work from home without much issue. My mom will come to our house, my sister watches at her house b/c she is allergic to our cat. We provide them food as payment. Because she is the only granddaughter/niece, they are both tickled to get time with her and haven't asked for more. 

We are talking about making this a more planned thing for the current baby. Like maybe she would only go to daycare 3x per week for the first year, but keep DD1 at 5x. DH usually has one weekday off because he works Saturdays. I have some potential leverage to work from home one day now, due to some changes my company has made, but it would help if I wasn't 100% responsible for baby while trying to get work done. We would need my mom to commit to more reliability/flexibility in case our days change. We'll see. My mom has some arthritis-adjacent health issues, so that makes it hard for her to do too much time with the littles sometimes. And honestly our relationship works better when we limit how much we talk. So... 

lappymom2019

@optbaby2017 Thanks for the insight! I know my MIL would love to do it, but we don't always see eye to eye and I see it causing a lot of conflict. I was thinking of asking her to do 3 days a week, which would mean our baby wouldn't have to start daycare until 6 months since I am going back part time initially. I also feel like I don't want someone else raising my baby. I feel like daycare is different since there is a separation...probably silly.

optbaby2017

@lappymom2019 It is such a toss up with the separation thing. Like in the beginning I had major anxiety about leaving my baby with strangers, amplified by the fact that my job has to deal with times that people in similar facilities don't follow rules and kids end up hurt. But now I love our daycare and all of the teachers, and see how much she gets out of the curriculum and socialization. Just this week daycare decided that there are no more pacifiers at nap time. If she was at home or with a nanny or something we probably would let her keep going with it and then have had a harder time later on. Sometimes decisions like that annoy me because I'm the parent and should get to choose what's right for my kid, but this time I'm actually thankful that someone is pushing me that she's ready to be a big kid. 

kvh22

@lappymom2019 the thing with daycare is they're supposed to follow your instructions and there's money behind that. My mom would listen to me but MIL is all about doing things her way and she's *always* right - like if we do something different than her, it's judgement on the way she raised her kids (mainly...me working when she didn't is an issue for her). She made comments last year before DD started daycare about how she was going to keep her for herself, drive her to school, etc. etc. and didn't realize I could hear her (was talking directly to the 4 month old). She has also made comments about how she couldn't watch her for us because there's certain things she can't do at her age, which is absolutely true (like get up and down on the floor while playing with her). Anyways, we're across the country so no one's offering/would be available (as MIL and I both agree she couldn't actually do it). I will say MIL made a comment about "raising her children" b/c she stayed home but if they start school at 3, it's not that much time away from you. If you can save money and get to go on vacations with that money or just spend extra time together, I really do see DD quite a lot with a full-time job between holidays, vacations, and weekends. If my mom were retired and offering, that'd be amazing, though.

lappymom2019

Exactly why I think I prefer some daycare. I think I didn't word what I said about someone else raising my kids, I mean a family member or specific care giver. I feel like daycare is more of a temporary care vs. a substitute care giver for me...It really upsets me that I can't be home at all, but it upset me when my MIL said, "I don't want my little girl going to daycare." Umm...She is mine, not yours.

kvh22

@lappymom2019 no, I got what you meant about it and didn't take any offense or anything. Yes, when my MIL also said that she was so anxious about DD going to daycare, I was pissed. You think I wasn't anxious after being home with her for so long??? Note that I'm totally fine with it now, no clue how I'll feel abotu this next LO. I feel like it's like picking guardians. DH's brother and SIL are first and if for some reason they were available to watch DD instead of daycare, I'd be great with that. My mom is second, and same thing. But MIL would be so different (as would my brother and SIL - they were never on our guardianship list). It's all about having a similar style to you OR being in daycare that follows what you want (hopefully). Plus, if you aren't paying them, they're doing you a favor so hard to take exception to something they're doing. I think it works really well in some situations I've heard of and wouldn't work well in others.