Not my UO but DH doesn't like pregnant bellies. He hasn't touched my belly at all and doesn't take fondly to me telling him when our girl is moving and kicking. I'm 19+4 so we'll see if he comes around to it later on.
Update from a previous DH UO: He had no plans on being in the delivery room and I knew that if I pushed it, he would just buck harder. We went to our friend's house who has a two month old and he spoke with the dad and the dad changed his mind. DH now wants to be in the delivery room until he "can't handle it". He said he was worried that he'd pass out and take medical attention away from me and the LO. So happy outcome there.
@kbeers13 So glad the friend changed his mind! My H was also hesitant about passing out. He did great and while he certainly didn't look south of the border, he still held a leg and was a good support. He did, however, refuse to cut the cord so I did it -- no biggie to me!
@kbeers13 hmm I think DH was sitting while holding my leg? I'll have to ask him. I know they frequently do tell dads to sit down so they don't pass out. DH looked at the head crowning and didn't think it was anything weird so maybe he's better at this stuff. Maybe a UO: We don't talk about our bowel movements (I know many couples do lol) but he's always been fine with me talking about my period and other female specific body stuff, even at 18 years old when we first started dating so maybe he's better than some at this? And all the postpartum stuff you deal with kinda blows everything out of the water, even if he doesn't look while the baby is being born.
@kbeers13 my fiance is the same re: my belly. I asked him the other morning if he wanted to feel the baby kick and he said no. Not gonna lie, it kinda bummed me out, but to my credit, rather than be passive aggressive, I told him later that it bummed me out, and he apologized. You're not alone.
@kvh22 DH never wants to think that I fart, have bowel movements, or have a period. When I buy tampons, I just tell him I bought lady products. Such a big baby lol!
I don't want ANYONE touching my bump!! It hurts too much even when my son just sits on my lap and rubs my tummy it's achy. The skin is stretching too quickly and my muscles are pulling so it feels constantly bruised. I feel like Bella Swan from Twilight when her shirt lifted a little and her stomach was all bruised and purple twin pregnancy is much like vampire-human pregnancy.
@kbeers13 It's probably only been once or twice but DH has definitely bought me pads or tampons (can't remember which) - I do the grocery shopping so it's rarely necessary. DH jokingly says "girls don't poop" or "girls don't fart" but it's always sarcastic lol. And obviously, DD poops. DH has been peed on (while holding her to get her into the bath), thrown up on, gotten poop all over his hands while changing diapers, etc. He actually does more of the diapers b/c I was breastfeeding and that was kind of our split (like I grocery shop and cook, he does dishes and takes out the trash). We STILL do not talk about our bowel movements (although he knows what I mean if I say I had too much dairy ) but having a child means you talk about poop a lot! Also, I feel like I would usually use the swear word instead of poop but don't want to offend - poop sounds so juvenile to me right now though
I could see being freaked out about the bump. I like how my body looks with it, but when I'm lying on my side and it kind of rolls around, it's so weird looking. Also when it tents up when I'm getting up from the couch is blergggg. I just know it's making my diastasis recti worse and worse.
I very openly talk about my period because its a biological cycle that I have absolutely no control over and cannot change, and I refuse to be shy or quiet about that. I understand not talking about bowel movements and that's kind of whatever, because everyone experiences those. But my periods SUCK and I am in pain and everything is terrible for at least the first three days and I'm allowed to talk about it. Sorry not sorry, dudes.
Inspired by randoms: I actually don't like the form-fitting ruched-side maternity clothes. I prefer the ones with a tie or just some sort of cinching above the belly so the top portion is a little more fitted but then the shirt flows nicely over the bump. I have a mix of all because limited options.
I very openly talk about my period because its a biological cycle that I have absolutely no control over and cannot change, and I refuse to be shy or quiet about that. I understand not talking about bowel movements and that's kind of whatever, because everyone experiences those. But my periods SUCK and I am in pain and everything is terrible for at least the first three days and I'm allowed to talk about it. Sorry not sorry, dudes.
YES! This 100%. Luckily DH is very sympathetic and will get me ginger ale, ibuprofen, crackers, or whatever I want when I feel like crap. My brother was always super weird if he even SAW a tampon in my bag or something. Serious WTF!
ETA my mother's got so bad she ended up having a hysterectomy when I was in college - they told her she shouldn't have even been driving with how anemic she became and rushed her to the hospital (wanted to get her an ambulance) for a blood transfusion. I come from a family of horrible period pains and it sucks!
Ah, one of my favorite things about being married to a woman is mutual bitching about our periods. We both know *exactly* how the other feels. And how important it is to always have Advil and pads/tampons in stock. I wince along with my wife when she's on her period because I remember... oof. Stage 3 labor is equivalent to my menstrual cramps. They are *brutal*. I wanted to have a partial hysterectomy (just the uterus) after these babies are born but then I found out the uterus is actually linked to a lot of important things relating to memory and brain function so... I guess I need it, which really sucks considering how many problems it causes me My W is on a form of BC that should stop her periods indefinitely. I'm gonna see how she does on it and maybe start that when I'm healed. It's that or the Mirena IUD (which I've heard does the same thing).
@kbeers13 H also isn't big on the belly, but he knows it means a lot to me, so he will feel when I tell him baby is kicking. He never just reaches out though.
As far as talking about things...I have zero filter. I'll tell anyone who doesn't flip out about it, and I genuinely care about cycles, bowel movements 😂 my husband is completely opposite. He gets so grossed out when I bring anything up, he won't answer my questions if I'm curious about it. It's annoying. He'll go buy tampons and stuff, but I can't talk about anything.
This all reminds me that fiance and I were watching season 1 of True Detective the other day, and there's an episode where one of the male detectives is bringing home a shopping bag with like, 3 boxes each of tampons and pads. Fiance was like, sweet jesus, how many tampons does he have?! I was like, the man has two daughters and a wife, he needs a metric fuck ton of tampons. Like, 3 boxes is nothing among 3 women.
@kbeers13 DH originally said he wasn't going to watch our daughter be born, he had no problem being in delivery. He ended up watching and then watched DD2 too. He says it isn't pretty, but it was cool to witness.
H will listen to all my period complaints and he started buying me pads/tampons while we were still dating. Because one day he had no choice as I was in an unfortunate situation and after that it was like 🤷
DH and I never talk about poop, but he knows all about my cycles and would even ask about them because I was charting.
As for the delivery, he was present for both births, even though blood and stuff makes him queasy. We had taken a Bradley course, complete with a bunch of videos of births, and I think that that helped prep him for the beauty of childbirth.
When DH and I first started living together, I had an unfortunate situation where I was spotting 3/4 weeks of every cycle. I was put through a battery of tests for which he had to drive me, so I just talk about everything with him. And living in single bathroom apartments kind of made us more comfortable with poop talk. And I definitely fart in front of him. 😆 🤷🏻♀️
I told DH I didn’t want him to look when DD was born, but he was there holding my leg the whole time! Thankfully I didn’t poop during delivery, but I don’t know if he would have cared! He cut the cord and followed DD around the room as they cleaned her up and weighed her etc.
I guess I have a real UO for this group. I really prefer the lose A shaped maternity tops. I almost exclusively had ruched tops during my last pregnancy and then had nothing I wanted to wear that fit after she was born. I really didn’t want a belly accentuating shirt on after I’d already had the baby! I felt disgusting and had to buy a bunch of new loose clothes. This time I shopped smarter and bought tops I’ll be comfortable in after delivery. That being said, I am still wearing my ruched tops from last time since there actually is a baby currently in my belly! I do think they look cute, just not after delivery.
I agree, I like the loose tops better. I dislike showing off the belly. I like to feel like this is my baby/pregnancy and I don't need to share it. Wearing tighter tops makes it so that everybody notices it and usually comments on it.
I like the runched tops better. I feel even huger than I am in the loose fit tops. @poshspice DD was born in late June and it got hot right before she was born, but I didn’t want to buy summer maternity clothes, so I went to Walgreens and got a bunch of these $7 empire waist dresses that were made of this super cheap nylon material. I wore them all summer post partum bc I just needed something to literally cover my ass that I could pull down easily to do skin to skin/ try to nurse etc. I had a csection and so I couldn’t wear any pants comfortably - maternity or not- for the first 1-2 weeks so these dresses were a godsend.
@poshspice hmm I didn't wear my maternity clothes postpartum (except jeans). I bought a ton of breastfeeding tops which are looser/flowier. DD is 16+ months and I think imIdruing up but I've gotten soooo much use out of my BFing tops. Many of them can be maternity tops, too, so I wish I'd thought about that and bought dual usage stuff while pregnant with DD.
@kvh22 it took 3 or 4 weeks for my belly to go down postpartum. I definitely lived in nursing tanks most of the time but DD was born in November so it was too cold to go around in just those! And I definitely kept wearing maternity leggings for months lol
@poshspice@teesmee OMG I never put away the underbelly maternity sweat pants and leggings. So comfortable! And DD was an August baby so I was all about the nursing tanks 24/7. I did have cardigans I'd wear when it got colder.
@poshspice@teesmee OMG I never put away the underbelly maternity sweat pants and leggings. So comfortable! And DD was an August baby so I was all about the nursing tanks 24/7. I did have cardigans I'd wear when it got colder.
Same. Ha. I am embarrassed to say how well they fit even a year after DD was born. This is why I keep buying more leggings. I literally wear them everyday and I know I will continue to wear them after this LO is born.
Here's one I'm probably going to get in trouble for.
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people will try for/purposefully have children if they're not married. Excluding cases where there's a legal snafu of course, like legalized gay marriage or pending divorce or whatever.
Having a baby with someone means that you're basically tied to that person for the next 18 years in some fashion, if not the rest of your life. So you're ok with that level of commitment but not a piece of paper that commits you to that person, with legal benefits, and not at the expense of a child?
@missmcgonnagal I disagree but I think that’s because you describe not getting married as not wanting to commit to each other, and I can think of dozens of reasons just off the top of my head why couples might not want to get married that have nothing to do with commitment. The legal benefits you mentioned are outweighed by other considerations (like sometimes really severe financial penalties) for a lot of couples.
And I think being against the institution of marriage (I’m not, but plenty of people are) often has nothing to do with the idea of committing to one person long-term.
I love my ruched tops more than loose tops. Like someone else said, the looser/flowier tops make me feel fat lol. The ruched tops do show off the pregnancy belly more, but I feel like loose tops make me look fat instead of pregnant. Like I’ll wear a baggy t-shirt or a loose fitting pregnancy shirt, then I’ll change to a ruched top and just feel so much better about myself. It may be because of where I’m at in pregnancy, like they may look better later in pregnancy when I have the big baby belly instead of in this awkward phase of “is she pregnant or has she just gained a lot of weight”. I do like the kinds that tie at the top of the belly and then go loose though.
New mommy to be! EDD: 05/27/19 hoping for a girl!!!
@missmcgonnagal I agree with @anonellis that not being married doesn't mean not being committed. DH and I were not married when we had DD1, but getting married was just a hoop to jump through -- we had been a couple for 7 years, lived together for four, and had no real plans to ever get married. Both of DH's parents have been married 3+ times, so the vision of marriage wasn't so glamorous, and I'm a cheapskate with a gigantic family, so I couldn't imagine spending money on a wedding. It made little difference in terms of how committed we were to each other, but we did eventually get married because after DD1 was born, I got a strong desire for all of us to have the same last name. Also, we found out that my job would pay me $300/mo to not take insurance through them, and I needed a new car 😄
A woman I know needs to go through IVF to have a baby due to genetic issues. She and her boyfriend are committed to each other but she cares way more about working on having the baby than she does about planning the wedding 🤷 they can't do courthouse because he wants an actual wedding but they're for sure 100% committed to each other for life. Do I think being married makes things easier? Yes, because for me personally, it did. That's not the same for everyone, and different couples have different priorities.
Because I grew up with parents who are married, surrounded by kids who parents were mostly married, and DH had the economic resources to get married- I understand what @missmcgonnagal is saying about marriage and legally binding yourself before having a child with someone, but I think that this is ignoring the reality that marriage is not necessarily a cultural norm or an economic reality for a lot of people.
My brother and SIL were together for 20 years before they got married. Literally started dating as 16 year olds and got married at 36. They got married 1 week before their son (their only child) was born simply because they just never got around to it. And the only reason they did was because they didn’t want to have to deal with the issue of needing to file for legal child support. I honestly think the idea of planning of a wedding stressed them out so much that they just put it off to the absolute very last minute. It really didn’t matter to them. It was just a piece of paper.
My son's father and I had known each other since we were 14, I was 28 when our son was born. We were together for 6 years, with the strains related to a military relationship i.e.: several cross country moves, an Afghanistan deployment, the switch the submarines and subsequent deployments. We were engaged when we decided to start trying between deployments. Marriage was never a priority because of his upbringing. I'm glad we were never married it would have just added another layer of BS for me to get through when he bailed during my pregnancy for another woman. My now husband and I started trying and succeeded in getting pregnant before we were married as well. I don't thing marriage should be a prerequisite of having children. Is my situation with my oldest son's father unfortunate? Sure. But my son has an amazing role model in my husband and his bio dad and his wife are finally trying to develop a relationship with him. He'll have 4 loving parents instead of the average 2🤷🏻♀️
I agree with what @missmcgonnagal says for myself, but I also understand that some people don't want to get married for a variety of reasons. My parents got divorced and I don't have a great view of marriage - basically it's more about your personal commitment on each side because in their case, it didn't keep my dad from cheating after almost 20 years of marriage so it's really just a piece of paper (possibly a UO). I was in no rush to get married but was 16 when we started dating so we got engaged when I was 24 and married when I was 27 - had DD at 28. I, personally, wanted to be married before having kids, but I think it's more about your level of commitment to each other - some people get married to have a wedding or like the romantic idea of it more than their actual SO and are a lot less serious/committed than others who haven't gotten married. We literally had friends meet, get engaged, and get married in the 2 1/2 years we were engaged. They haven't had kids yet b/c they're doing a lot of the getting to know each other DH and I did for over a decade before we got married. Someone at work when I got engaged told our intern most people aren't completely surprised like I was when you're in your mid-to-late 30s because you're talking a lot more about timelines, kids, etc. and "is this happening or not?" I had literally no idea DH had bought a ring and was going to propose where some of my older coworkers knew the day they were getting engaged months in advance. The "traditional" path is not the path for everyone.
I see having a child as having a child, and really not tied to a marriage in any way. The law will step in and dictate each party's responsibility to that child regardless of being married. So I guess there's a disconnect there for me.
We got married before we had kids... But realistically we got married before we even really knew each other 😂 we were talking the other day about when we felt like we really knew each other, and it was probably about a year after baby was born, so 3 years into marriage 😳 we still learn new things all the time.
I don't even know what I believe. Were we any better getting married after 4 months of meeting and having a kid a year later than a couple who has been together 4+ years but isn't married and wants kids? I don't think so AT ALL.
Re: UO 1/3
Update from a previous DH UO: He had no plans on being in the delivery room and I knew that if I pushed it, he would just buck harder. We went to our friend's house who has a two month old and he spoke with the dad and the dad changed his mind. DH now wants to be in the delivery room until he "can't handle it". He said he was worried that he'd pass out and take medical attention away from me and the LO. So happy outcome there.
BFP: 10.3.16 | CP: 10.11.16
BFP: 12.14.16 | CP: 12.14.16
BFP: 1.23.17 | EDD 10.6.17 -- DS born 10.7.17
BFP: 9.9.18 | EDD 5.23.19 -- DD born 5.24.19
BFP: 9.1.21 | MC 10.1.21
ETA my mother's got so bad she ended up having a hysterectomy when I was in college - they told her she shouldn't have even been driving with how anemic she became and rushed her to the hospital (wanted to get her an ambulance) for a blood transfusion. I come from a family of horrible period pains and it sucks!
As far as talking about things...I have zero filter. I'll tell anyone who doesn't flip out about it, and I genuinely care about cycles, bowel movements 😂 my husband is completely opposite. He gets so grossed out when I bring anything up, he won't answer my questions if I'm curious about it. It's annoying. He'll go buy tampons and stuff, but I can't talk about anything.
As for the delivery, he was present for both births, even though blood and stuff makes him queasy. We had taken a Bradley course, complete with a bunch of videos of births, and I think that that helped prep him for the beauty of childbirth.
DD: 8/20/14; DS: 11/13/16; DD: 5/3/19; DD: 8/31/21; Baby #5 (team green) due 3/24/24
I told DH I didn’t want him to look when DD was born, but he was there holding my leg the whole time! Thankfully I didn’t poop during delivery, but I don’t know if he would have cared! He cut the cord and followed DD around the room as they cleaned her up and weighed her etc.
I guess I have a real UO for this group. I really prefer the lose A shaped maternity tops. I almost exclusively had ruched tops during my last pregnancy and then had nothing I wanted to wear that fit after she was born. I really didn’t want a belly accentuating shirt on after I’d already had the baby! I felt disgusting and had to buy a bunch of new loose clothes. This time I shopped smarter and bought tops I’ll be comfortable in after delivery. That being said, I am still wearing my ruched tops from last time since there actually is a baby currently in my belly! I do think they look cute, just not after delivery.
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people will try for/purposefully have children if they're not married. Excluding cases where there's a legal snafu of course, like legalized gay marriage or pending divorce or whatever.
Having a baby with someone means that you're basically tied to that person for the next 18 years in some fashion, if not the rest of your life. So you're ok with that level of commitment but not a piece of paper that commits you to that person, with legal benefits, and not at the expense of a child?
Like I said, I really don't get it.
And I think being against the institution of marriage (I’m not, but plenty of people are) often has nothing to do with the idea of committing to one person long-term.
EDD: 05/27/19
hoping for a girl!!!
My brother and SIL were together for 20 years before they got married. Literally started dating as 16 year olds and got married at 36. They got married 1 week before their son (their only child) was born simply because they just never got around to it. And the only reason they did was because they didn’t want to have to deal with the issue of needing to file for legal child support. I honestly think the idea of planning of a wedding stressed them out so much that they just put it off to the absolute very last minute. It really didn’t matter to them. It was just a piece of paper.
I don't even know what I believe. Were we any better getting married after 4 months of meeting and having a kid a year later than a couple who has been together 4+ years but isn't married and wants kids? I don't think so AT ALL.