@eatinwatermelonseeds. As a rule I ask people not to gift me clothes. I have a really difficult to shop for body type so it never ends well. If someone is really dead set on buying me a clothing item I normally suggest that we go out shopping together so that I can try on some different options and we can both pick something out together.
@fatmonica yeah I see what you mean, especially in scenarios where there’s a set price everyone is spending as well. I’ve actually started asking a lot of people to just forgo gift giving all together and instead save that money and go do something fun together because most of the time I value meaningful time spent with someone over things.
@poshspice this is about to be a super UO, but I personally feel it's really difficult after having a baby to bond with an animal you had previously. That obviously isn't always the case, but we got cats when I desperately wanted a baby. They were my babies. After the baby was born, they weren't. They were there and I loved them very much but DS came first. He had to. Unfortunately, when DS got sick, we decided to re-home them. Mind you, if you haven't read my stories about this, DS has asthma and severe allergies. He was 4 months old and almost died from a cold. So, it was definitely warranted, it was not a "I have a kid now, I don't need you" thing, I loved them very much, and I bawled. But DS came first. We got Rosie (dog) when DS was a few years old. I have severe anxiety and I found a dog in my yard, and fell in love with her. I found her family the next morning and decided I needed a dog. I can't even express the comfort she gave me. So, the next payday, I went to an adoption fair and Rosie was the second dog I saw and I just fell in love with her. It was mutual. She is basically an emotional support dog. She is my cuddle buddy. She chews my underwear and makes me want to sell her to the circus, but she can sense when I'm anxious and will come to me. She protects the family.
All that said, I sincerely worry about how she'll be with a newborn. She loves DS when he's asleep, and that's about it 😂 so, I think she might be even better with the baby because he'll basically just be asleep for like 9 months. But I also worry about how I'll feel about her. I love her cuddles now, but I remember having a newborn. "Touched out" is a very real thing and I worry how I'll feel with her following me EVERYWHERE and constantly wanting to be on me or near me.
That was a long ass novel to say your feelings are very common.
@fatmonica I get what you mean. With lists, I try to put things on that I would like but wouldn't buy myself so it feels like less of someone else doing my shopping. My friends and I do a little exchange every year with a $20 limit and floor that there is no list and it's fun to see what people come up with. For something like my birthday though, I'd rather people buy off a list or at least use it as a jumping point. If they come up with something cool on their own then that's awesome and exciting and has happened before, it's just the crap I hate. One of my friends would get really cheap souvenirs from trips and make those our gifts and then ask why I hadn't displayed it in my home. I absolutely can't stand that, don't give me decor.
@eatinwatermelonseeds same!!! I was so obsessed with my cat before DS and then after he was born I was like ew never touch me again. The feeling went away slowly when I stopped nursing and now I love him again but not at the same level as before DS. I'm expecting to push him away when this baby is born too.
@kbeers13 My husband and I were pretty laid back about it. He came to the birthing class with me but wasn’t sure if he wanted to be in the room during the delivery. He said if he was he was gonna be at my head and not look, etc etc. I made a plan to have my mom be my “person” because I know she’s great under pressure and we’re so close. My husband actually ended up staying and holding my leg and watching the whole thing from the front row. I think beforehand he thought he’d just walk out when the gory part happened but in the moment he was like, “holy shit, im not missing this!”
@kbeers13 I'm also on team H in the room. He has a lot of time to prepare and find a way to make himself less bitchy about the whole thing, and honestly, you are the one doing all the work. This is one area where I feel like men can muster up the self-control to at very least keep their mouths shut even if they aren't thrilled about doing it. DH wasn't overly excited about being in the delivery room either. I knew it wasn't his thing, but I didn't offer the option not to be there and he didn't dare ask. I don't think he would tell anyone now that he wished he hadn't been in there. He still wasn't super involved, but he did hold my leg when I was pushing with DD1. For nearly 2 hours. But other than that, I wasn't the type of labouring mother who required a lot of support. I found the positions that worked well for me to manage the contractions, and ended up standing in the shower most of the time. He just slept in a chair or played on his phone. With DD2 the only thing he had to do was lift me onto the bed when it was time to push. I delivered her on my knees, so no leg holding needed.
@eatinwatermelonseeds how scary about your son!! Rehoming was your only choice. My dogs were definitely my babies before DD was born. They were 7 and 6 years old when she was born so they’d been part of our lives for a long time. But all their crimes have felt totally magnified since she was born. They dig up the yard, break the sprinklers, the little one eats poop and occasionally brings a turd INTO OUR HOUSE when they’re called back inside, the little one pees in the big one’s bed when she’s mad about something, they’ve both been having disgusting health issues that required constant clean up of gross bodily wastes and vet visits. I’m just at the end of my rope with them. They’re 9.5 and 8 now, and I don’t think anyone would want them if I tried to rehome them, so I’m just stuck. At least DD enjoys them. Her first word was dog and her first laughs were for them. DH thinks that makes them worth it, but he’s not the one cleaning up dog shit and vomit!
@poshspice I get it. My cats scratched up all of our furniture, pissed outside their litter box if they were mad about something, legit scratched the paint off the freaking walls. I just lost the patience for them after DS was born. It's hard. The love for them don't go away, but when you have a baby, your attention has to be there 100% and you're already so stressed, tired, touched out, that having to pick up messes after an animal is just really difficult.
@eatinwatermelonseeds i have to agree with you. My last puppy was house trained withing two weeks but: ate THROUGH two legs of my wooden dining table as well as all 6 chairs, made a tunnel through my lazy boy, and last but not least set my kitchen on fire and burned half my kitchen to the studs- 3 days before i was supposed to make thanksgiving dinner for DHs whole family... needless to say i am on a break from dogs and now have two kittens.
My UO is that i dont care if DH is in the delivery room or not. I gave him the option and he said he felt like he is supposed to be in the room. I told him his is free to change his mind with no hard feelings on my part. My sister is coming up and staying with me until a month after i give birth. I was there for all her deliveries so i am so excited she is coming for mine. She is like a second mom to me so I feel like if i have her than i will be okay if dh would rather not be in there.
There probably are a lot of SOs out there who either don't want to or are afraid to be in the delivery room, but I think we have a right to expect it of them if we want them to be there. But even those who think they don't want to be present might surprise themselves in the moment- the "adrenaline rush" mentioned previously is a real thing. My H is a fainter who is extremely squeamish about the internal workings of the human body, but I did not give him the option of not being there (he also never asked). When it came down to it and I was delivering our first, he claims that something came over him and nothing grossed him out at all- he was just full of excitement. He was right down there holding my leg, touched the baby's head before it came out, cut the umbilical cord, might have even watched me get stitched up for all I know. I didn't expect him to do all of that, but it was important to me that he was at least present. He was the first person to see our son and that is a moment he really treasures, especially since he missed my second delivery.
One of those things about becoming a parent is you often don't get to do what you "want" to do anymore. When I'm in full-blown labor, I do all the bargaining I can trying to figure a way to get myself out of giving birth, but I never get what I want! Birth is just the beginning of the adventure, and I definitely think both parties should feel the same sense of obligation/responsibility/duty (whatever you want to call it) during delivery and onward in their parenting.
This is not a statement against parents who both agree to an alternate arrangement, but if a woman wants her SO in the room, her SO ought to be there IMO. And it's not likely to be something s/he will regret.
Re: UO Thursday 12/13
@fatmonica yeah I see what you mean, especially in scenarios where there’s a set price everyone is spending as well. I’ve actually started asking a lot of people to just forgo gift giving all together and instead save that money and go do something fun together because most of the time I value meaningful time spent with someone over things.
All that said, I sincerely worry about how she'll be with a newborn. She loves DS when he's asleep, and that's about it 😂 so, I think she might be even better with the baby because he'll basically just be asleep for like 9 months. But I also worry about how I'll feel about her. I love her cuddles now, but I remember having a newborn. "Touched out" is a very real thing and I worry how I'll feel with her following me EVERYWHERE and constantly wanting to be on me or near me.
That was a long ass novel to say your feelings are very common.
One of those things about becoming a parent is you often don't get to do what you "want" to do anymore. When I'm in full-blown labor, I do all the bargaining I can trying to figure a way to get myself out of giving birth, but I never get what I want! Birth is just the beginning of the adventure, and I definitely think both parties should feel the same sense of obligation/responsibility/duty (whatever you want to call it) during delivery and onward in their parenting.
This is not a statement against parents who both agree to an alternate arrangement, but if a woman wants her SO in the room, her SO ought to be there IMO. And it's not likely to be something s/he will regret.