Ask a STM week of Dec 3

disneybaby84

FTMs asking STMs any and all questions.

bww_0331

I’m a STM, but I have a question for other STMs re: transition out of crib 

DS is currently 20 months. He shows zero interest in climbing out of his crib and sleeps through the night in there. His crib isn’t even to the lowest setting. He doesn’t sleep anywhere else other than his crib. Occasionally his car seat on a road trip, but otherwise he plays and fights until we take him to his crib. There is no rocking to sleep, no holding his hand to help, etc. He falls asleep on his own in his crib.  Eventually we will need a crib for the new baby. We plan to have LO in our room for the first couple months. 

Things we considered:
1. Buying a second crib (most expensive option) and letting DS stay in his as long as he can in hopes of continued great sleep

2. Switching DS to a full size bed (free from my parents) when it gets closer to LO needing the crib. Worried about transition to a big bed but it’s free. 

3. Buying a toddler bed. Seems the most logical, but again worried about transition. This route (or the full size) means creating a “big boy” room for him. I’m worried that he won’t understand that the old room/his crib isn’t his anymore since that room won’t change at all. 

Any thiughts/ideas? How did you handle the transition out of the crib? At this point he doesn’t seem ready at all but I also need to start a plan. My heart and my head aren’t cooperating. Its hard to imagine taking my my little guy and putting him in a big kid room. I already feel bad bringing another baby home. 

allthingsgo

@bww_0331 I would say if he is happy and safe sleeping in his crib (meaning has no chance of climbing out) then keep him in there as long as possible. I just went through the crib to toddler bed transition with DD and at first she was fine but once she discovered her freedom, naps and bedtime have been a struggle. We are constantly having to put her back in her bed repeatedly and she has also had a few early wake ups (like 4:30/5) where she just comes into our room. 

Before that she was sleeping great in her crib and showed no desire to climb out. So we were actually going to keep her in it and just buy a cheap or used one for this baby but after she launched herself out of it one night we knew it wasn’t safe for her anymore. I personally think buying another crib, even though expensive, is the best option in your situation. 

PurplePoppy424

If he’s content in there, I’d keep him in a crib. DD was older when DS1 was born, but she stayed in her crib until 2.5yo. We then converted the crib to a toddler bed for almost a year before getting her big girl bed she has now. DD never attempted to climb out or anything, so we never saw a need. We only converted when she was potty trained and needed to be able to get up to go potty. 

DS1 will be about the same age probably. We plan on letting DS2 sleep in our room in the bassinet until DS1 is ready to transition. Then, we’re skipping the toddler conversion because DD has a bunk bed in her room. DS1 will need to move in with her until DS2 is old enough to ditch the crib. 

BourbonBiscuits

@bww_0331 another vote for keeping him in his crib. We just transitioned DS to his big boy bed (a twin - he'll be 22 months next week) but it's been a multi-month process full of so many night wakings and tantrums (because he's exhausted all the time). Before he started climbing out, he was sleeping 12 hours straight at night and taking a 2-3 hour nap every day, falling asleep on his own, staying asleep all night, waking up happy and smiley. Now that he's in the big boy bed he sleeps from 9-7ish (sometimes he'll wake up once), and it takes us at least 3-4 times getting out of bed and putting him back each night at bedtime. Naps are more challenging because he just wants to get up and play! I would just keep new baby in your room until your DS is ready to transition.

disneybaby84

@bww_0331 I have a 21 month old and he too is happy sleeping in his crib. I bought a second hand crib off FB marketplace that was in my budget and have that set up for baby #2. You might be able to find something in your price range and then all the real money you would have to spend would be on a second crib mattress.

ohsunnydays

Question about the nursery... do I need room darkening curtains? I have shades but they do not darken the room. 

bellebaby221

@ohsunnydays I think that's going to depend on how much light affects LOs sleep. None of my kids rooms ever had anything more than blinds and they were fine. 

kdrn913

We’re gonna be doing the crib transition shortly, hopefully within the next few weeks. DD will be 3 in April though, and has slept on air mattresses and in beds before so I’m hoping it’s not too terrible!! 

@ohsunnydays we had blackout curtains from pottery barn and I love them. I do think they help her slee better. That being said she sleeps fine at daycare like right next to the window. It’s more helpful honestly in the summer when they go to bed at 7:30 and it’s still really bright outside 

okayestmom12

@bww_0331 - if he’s not climbing out, still sleeping well, and fits comfortably, I’d leave him and buy a second crib. We’re getting to that point where it’s almost too close to want to rock the boat with our older kids at all with “new baby stuff” so I’d keep with what you’ve got. There are plenty of “affordable” cribs or there if you don’t want to drop hundreds on a new crib. 

@ohsunnydays - we are big fans of room darkening curtains for sleep. We try and keep the same conditions for sleep (nap and bedtime) from an early age - Black our shades and white noise - in hopes that it helps baby sleep better. 

danixbanani24

@bww_0331 I agree with everyone above - if he's happy in there why rock the boat.  There's soooo many mini crib/affordable crib options out there for LO  #2.  And since you'll be having LO#2 in your room for a while you can probably hold off on buying a second crib for some time (a few months at least) and who knows, DS might be ready to move by then.

wifemomme

@bww_0331 Sometimes kids like feeling enclosed. It feels safe/comforting to have the crib walls all around them. Maybe the twin bed with a fun tent will make him excited about a big kid's bed and give him the secure feeling of the crib that he likes. 

smallbutmighty77

We got a crib that transitions to toddler to full so that we could grow it with her. It does mean a second crib for new baby, but we will do the same with his crib- so expensive at first, but much longer use time out of them.
I am dreading my 1st trying to climb out!

wifemomme

Also, a pediatrician told me once, "what you do today you will have to break them of tomorrow." This applies to so many decisions, and has helped me to remember to think about what the future might hold when I have a choice to make.

For example, the blackout cutains. If you choose blackout curtains, you have to remember that you are developing a habit that you might have to break later. They might sleep better every day, but then sleeping in a hotel or at grandma's house might be hard. There isn't a wrong choice, but one option might make more sense for your family lifestyle. 

BourbonBiscuits

@wifemomme that is SO true. We kept that in mind with just about everything (for example, his white noise - which is practically required for apartment living - is an app on an iPad that we/grandmothers can get on our phones) with the very distinct exception of surviving night terrors. Keep it in mind especially when going through those brutal sleep regressions ... already dreading those with this one.

ohsunnydays

Thank you everyone! I wasn’t looking into them, but a friend strongly recommended them. 

ginger1228

@ohsunnydays I think it also depends on which way your windows face. One of DDs is east so sun would wake her up. We did room darkening and the afterthought was we probably should have left the north facing window regular and just did the darkening for the east. But she does fine sleeping at daycare in just a dim room so it’s not been a big deal for us. 

kayjay44

We use black out curtains in all our bedrooms. I’ve never had a problem at hotels and my kids already sleep like crap at my parent’s house so whatever. I like it dark when I sleep (something I didn’t have as a kid) and my kids sleep better with it. 

As for breaking habits, we have to get DS off the bottle. He’s still in a crib, but I’m not worried about that transition. He gets a bottle before naps and and at night at home and it’s been a nightmare of a habit to break. 

allthingsgo

I’m the same @kayjay44 I like it completely dark when I sleep. I use an eye mask though bc DH likes to stay up later than me on his iPad. 

We just had blinds in DD’s room at first but then changed to blackout curtains. She slept so much better and longer and it kept the room cooler. We are going to have them in her new room too. 

wifemomme

@BourbonBiscuits We use a white noise machine too. We have even used the iPad on white noise in a tent while camping. 

kayjay44

wifemomme said:

@BourbonBiscuits We use a white noise machine too. We have even used the iPad on white noise in a tent while camping. 

We all sleep with white noise, too. 

smallbutmighty77

Kenzie has been really easy so far to break of habits. Hated pacifiers, slept decent in light or dark, bottles were like a one day fight.
 I am terrified of when she does fight something. or this kid being total opposite and us having no idea!!

okayestmom12

Team “all with white noise and black out curtains” over here. I take the white noise w/ ya when we travel and we’ve found most hotels have black out curtains anyway so works out. 

danixbanani24

My DS was surprisingly easy with breaking habits like came off the bottle easy, let go of the pacifier easy - the only struggle we have is bedtime.  He still needs one of us to Lay with him and won’t fall asleep on his own.  I wish we had sleep trained him more - lesson learned 

bww_0331

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts! I appreciate all of the feedback. I just feel relatively clueless on the transition. Plus DH and I are both impatient/planners so it has been hard to just sit back and wait to see if/when DS is ready. 

jgrodo

@danixbanani24 What sleep training would you have done? Is there one that works better?

danixbanani24

@jgrodo the issue is we really didn’t sleep train at all.  He put himself on a schedule that worked for us at the time but as he got older he was unable to be put down by himself to go to sleep or self soothe.  I wish we had maybe cried CIO a little more with a method of going in to comfort but not picking the baby up (instead just a gentle back rub or holding hand).  He sleeps in his own bed and doesn’t require us all that much other than at bedtime - I wish he could fall asleep on his own 

BourbonBiscuits

I will always maintain that sleep training DS was the best thing we've ever done for him (other than get tubes in his ears. Those were a game changer.) It felt TERRIBLE at the time and was so hard, and I felt so embarrassed/judged/secretive (even though our pediatrician encouraged us to sleep train exactly the way we did) about it, but it has helped him to be so independent with bedtime. I can't imagine how much harder the big boy bed transition would have been if he didn't know how to fall asleep on his own.

Every baby is totally different, and I have no idea what this little lady will need in terms of sleep, so I hesitate to say it works unequivocally or even to suggest a certain method over another. 

sjnsjnsjn

We sleep trained via the Sleep easy solution (which is like a modified Ferber if that means anything to anyone).  Except for crazy blips that are few and far between, he has been putting himself to sleep since he was around 6 months at least, maybe earlier.  @danixbanani24 - I don’t think it’s too late btw!

disneybaby84

I have to echo everyone that sleep training was the best thing ever. As far as sleep training methods, each child responds to different methods differently. You're not going to know the best one until you've experimented with your child to see their response. Personally I would say it is best to do sleep training before 8 months, because once they hit 8 months they become more aware of your presence/absence, so it could make it harder to leave the bedroom. 

kayjay44

Another sleep easy user here. We usually did it around 5-6 months. 

ThePax89

I didn’t sleep train my first, she is 4- and still doesn’t STTN. So, you bet your ass I sleep trained #2. Sleeps like a dream. Baby 3 will be sleep trained. We used sleep sense, but basically CIO. I don’t give many fucks about judgment. My baby had severe reflux. I couldn’t comfort her to sleep. She needed to get her wiggles out and did really well with it. Minimal crying. She essentially sleep trained us. 

smallbutmighty77

Yes to sleep training, whatever version/ method works for you. DD was sleep trained around 5/6mos and we never looked back. Took a little while, but now she pretty much sleeps through the night with the occasional wake up when not feeling great. 
We also always made noise when she was going down/sleeping. Washing machine, making dinner, radio, whatever. We made sure she went to bed not silent. DH dropped a shelf last night and she slept through. Hoping that means she will sleep through the baby who will be down the hall. 

okayestmom12

I hear you hard, @ThePax89. We’ve used CIO with both kids (around 4 months once we got the “your kid is big enough/ old enough” chat from our pedi - who encouraged CIO) and they’re basically rockstar sleepers.

I can’t stand when I see people pass around articles on social media that basically say if you let your kid CIO, they’re bound to be the next Jeffrey Dahmer 🙄

BourbonBiscuits

@okayestmom12 I had a lot of friends who posted the passive aggressive “ugh my kid never sleeps but I just love them too much to sleep train because they’ll only be a baby once! I am SUCH a good mom.” 

Uhhh okay. Except that now your kid is 3 and still doesn’t sleep through the night, and you still have to lay with him for him to fall asleep, and yet you still complain about him not sleeping. 

BourbonBiscuits

Unrelated question: how the f do I get my kid to sit in car seat without physically wrestling him and sending myself into preterm labor? He’s SO freakishly strong and nothing I’m doing is working. I’ve tried ignoring, bribing, iPad, books, yelling, everything. Yesterday I wrestled him into the car seat twice and spent the rest of the night having seriously painful contractions. My doctor today was like “well I’m not gonna blame it on big brother but it makes sense for that to be the antecedent.” You guys I cannot do that again. I’ve been sitting in the backseat with him for the past hour calmly saying “sit down” because he thinks it’s a game. I’m so frustrated. 

kayjay44

@BourbonBiscuits - with both my kids, we had to involve them and let them do the buckles. That was the game changer. Have you tried that?

Also, I had to do this ALL THE TIME when I was pregnant with DS. DD was less than 2 and was a nightmare and it was brutal. I don't envy you.

lzzfrancisco

@BourbonBiscuits I hope you aren't still sitting in the car! If bribery doesn't work, in desperate situations I've used fear as a tactic. The only thing I'm really in control of that DD is afraid of is my absence, so in a similar situation I locked the car(with a window cracked so we could hear each other) with her in it and me outside of it. I told her I won't open the door until she was sitting on her seat and put her arms in her straps. My plan was to stand where she couldn't see, but it seemed to really upset her that she could see me and not get to me, so I stayed standing next to the door. I felt like an ass, but I honestly needed the space for a minute anyways, and it happened to work. Good luck

sjnsjnsjn

My son does this too.  He really likes music and likes to pick the songs, and so my form of bribery is, what song do you want to listen to, which distracts him with thoughts enough for me to click him in.  Usually.  I hear you about the freakishly strong thing.

BourbonBiscuits

Ooooh @kayjay44 letting him do the buckles night help. He loves doing things by himself. DS will be 2 right when this baby is born, so we’re pretty much diving head first into the terrible twos. 

@lzzfrancisco I think it’s totally separation related because he screams the whole ride home unless I’m craned back holding his hand. So it’s possible that closing the door and only opening it when he’s sitting down will help. 

For the record, he screamed like I was breaking his arm when we got home and I got him OUT of the car seat as well. My eyes practically rolled out of my head when he started that nonsense. 

jgrodo

How early can you start sleep training? I had a friend who had a night Nanny and the kids were sleep trained by 3 months .Is that a crazy thought of trying to do it so early?