Gotta gird my loins for a rough week - MIL just sprained her ankle and won’t be able to do any of the physical caretaking of FIL for a few days at least.
Oh man, hang in there @lyse01. Being a caretaker for a family member is tough. Mega props to you for doing it while pregnant as well.
My anxiety is better this week since we have a plan for what needs to be done to the nursery and I'm back to working and a routine. But I also suddenly feel EXTREMELY PREGNANT this week and I'm miserable physically, hah. I did get some reading/relaxation time in over the weekend and I plan to do more of that tomorrow after my glucose test/checkup.
@lyse01: That's rough. I was driving through Oklahoma recently, and the state has a campaign called "Caregivers: Tougher than Tough" that had all these billboards of young people cooking for elderly folk that made my pregnant self tear up. I thought it was amazing that they were acknowledging how hard that kind of work is!
I've had a good couple of weeks, but I had a huuuuuuuuuuge meltdown while cooking dinner because poor tired DH said that the fact that I wouldn't have gotten much sleep for 3 months through a move and while starting a new job "isn't the kind of factor we should take into consideration" while trying to decide whether to take a job that would be for both of us. Poor DD was asking what was wrong and I didn't know what to say.
I'm not working right now and I spend most days alone. I have found myself sleeping 90% of the day just to pass the time. When I don't feel like crap I tackle projects around the house but mostly I'm bored and lonely. I had anxiety before pregnancy and the hormones are just making it worse. My poor SO suffers the brunt of my mood swings and anxiety attacks. I've heard of depression after birth but not depression during pregnancy but this sucks.
@stefanielyn1991 I think not working is the biggest issue for me. We’re both self employed so work feels optional if I don’t feel 100%, but then I begin to feel depressed and anxious.
I'm starting to get incredibly emotional most of the time. I cried at the airport yesterday because I missed my flight. I cried the other night because the bus took longer than normal (b/c of weather) and I got home late. And then I just cry because, well, I don't know. @stefanielyn1991 I feel like when I'm alone I am more depressed. But then when I'm more depressed I don't want to be around anyone. It's a vicious cycle.
@stefanielyn1991: Thinking of you! You don't hear much about antenatal depression in pop culture, but Wiki says 7-20% of women get it. I know some friends who had it badly, and think I had it first trimester when I wasn't working and was just home alone with DD all day. It's so easy to fall into bad thought loops because you're wrenched out of your old way of being and in this weird in-between state before an unknown future. Not my favorite.
I'd definitely talk to your doc if you haven't! There are lots of treatment options. I had success with staying on progesterone (I was on it for medical reasons till 11 wks), using aromatherapy, and making a schedule for my day. Hope things get better for you and that you stay in touch about everything.
@stefanielyn1991, I echo what @rennie1108 said about it being a vicious cycle. As hard as it is some days, I have to force myself to get out of the house or go be social with some friends (even if it's just going to the grocery store), because otherwise I slip deeper into depression. It's especially hard for me right now being in the cold and midst of winter when I don't really want to go outside or do anything.
Hopefully you can find some help or comfort. Try not to hold yourself to insane standards, and praise yourself for small steps (showered today, made breakfast, read a book, texted a friend...).
I don't drive so getting out isn't much of an option for me. I wish I could take a walk but the weather is so terrible! I'm focusing on picking small task to fill my time right now.
Things are starting to build up at home and I can't seem to catch up. I get home and I'm instantly in a terrible mood because the house is so cluttered and it feels like it's never going to end. I could have an amazing day at work and feel great, but the second I open the door to the house I instantly deflate. Which makes me feel terrible because I want to be able to enjoy time with DD while I can. I was crying yesterday at the kitchen table and couldn't put my finger on the why. I was just talking to DH about how I've been more on edge with him lately and that I'm trying to reign it in. He keeps telling me that it'll be ok, and we'll be able to catch up on the weekend, but I feel like I don't have time to relax my mind during the week and the last thing I want to do is full on house cleaning every single Saturday.
I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones making it more intense or if my anxiety is creeping in. Just feels late in the game for it to be the anxiety but I don't know.
@angelob88, my anxiety is always worse if the house is a mess, and lately I think nesting instincts have made me feel even more like "gotta get this done," but then I'm too tired to tackle anything.
Can you pick one task each day to help you feel accomplished and not so overwhelmed? I've been having to break up the household chores more since I've been so tired and overwhelmed, so yesterday it was getting the dishes done and today it will be doing at least one load of laundry. Making a mental checklist helps me feel not so out of control.
Hugs. It's good that DH sounds understanding and willing to help too! My DH doesn't get anxiety, so sometimes it's hard to explain to him why clutter makes me feel so stressed and I have to clean before I can relax on a day off.
@kangstadt good to know I'm not the only one but you are right, it always comes down to being too tired but yet its worse if it's not done. I've been breaking up what I can but there are days like yesterday where I have to make dinner and keep DD occupied by myself and by the time dinner is done it's time to do the bedtime routine and everything sits because I get up at 3am so I zonk out with DD. DH had to focus on snowblowing the driveway yesterday and that took a total of 2 hours so it's not like he wasn't busy. Today is definitely dishes though, once that gets done I think it'll help just by making the kitchen feel cleaner. Wishing for a dishwasher...
@angelob88 I agree with @kangstadt about breaking it up. I also do an easy task to make myself feel more accomplished, like cleaning the toilet or doing a load of laundry.
I’ve been kind of disconnected from the forums in general, so I apologize for the spotty replies. Just got prescribed buspar, has anyone else been on this during this or another pregnancy?
@lyse01 it’s okay so far, it started working right away for me! Just kind of taking the edge off and allowing me enough calm to use CBT and other coping techniques. And hey, post on the forums again too! I got a splitting migraine the first day, but cut the dose in half and am doing well now. Buspar is one of the non-SSRIs that is safe in the 3rd tri, or at least Category B (I can’t take SSRIs as they make me more crazy). But no research on lactation, so hopefully I can get off it a week or so before the due date and go from there!
How is everyone else doing? Thinking of you @angelob88
@sheepshepherdess, I don't have any experience with Buspar, but glad it's working for you!
This week is an up and down roller coaster. Bad day Monday, better day yesterday, now today I made the mistake of checking my bank account and all I feel like doing is stressing and crying about how we'll manage when I'm on (unpaid) leave. This cold snap is also killing my good vibes. I'm ready for warm weather.
I've been having a pretty tough time, too. Although, it's more like a roller coaster like @kangstadt. Some days I don't feel too bad and other days I feel like it's the end of the world. Hang in there, everyone!
I've been having a good 1.5 weeks since I got some questions answered and good blood test results at my last appointment. I've even been having some additional symptoms that definitely would have caused me anxiety in the past and been fine!
My moods have still been a little all over the place because DD has been really poorly-behaved and sick and it's making it hard for me to get my work done, but I'm grateful that it's just ordinary stress and not anxiety. It's also nice to feel like I've been giving DH a break.
My anxiety hasn’t been too bad, but the weather is definitely not improving my mood. I feel like all I do is sleep on the weekends instead of trying to do baby prep. The only thing saving my sanity is DH really stepping up in the baby prep, even though it gives me really bad guilt. DH keeps assuring me that there’s nothing to feel guilty about because he feels helpful, but it doesn’t always help. And I can’t stop crying over little things, especially anything that stresses me out. Thankfully I have an appointment with my therapist next week and she always does a good job of helping me mentally reset.
Checking in on everyone! Thank you @sheepshepherdess! Yesterday helped out immensely with the overwhelming feeling going down a bit. DH and I both had off work and we took 3 hours and completely knocked out organization of baby clothes. Fully emptied and sorted all the boxes and labeled them nicely by size before bringing them back in the basement. I'm so glad he was able to help me, I feel like it took a lot of the pressure off myself.
@jlklec19 sending positive thoughts that you start to feel a bit more energy now that the weather is supposed to warm up some this weekend (I know it is here at least). Try not to be hard on yourself because DH is helping out, that's such an awesome thing when they can step in and take some of that burden, especially with the crazy hormones going on. I know how you feel with that though, it's so hard to do. One thing that helps me accept it a little better is to say a huge thank you at the end of each day to him, even if he didn't do a massive amount, any little bit is helpful and I want him to know that.
@angelob88 thank you. I like the idea of saying a huge thank you to him every day. He keeps saying that he doesn’t mind doing baby prep since I’m the one growing the baby. I just had this image of baby prep and nesting that I’m way too tired to carry out. Plus we’re getting to where we can’t do much more until our family baby showers and I’m just so antsy to get things set up. DH is much better at showing patience than I am.
Then again he’s not the pregnant one. He didn’t get stuck on the couch last night and require assistance in standing up (at least I can laugh about it now).
I'm glad your SOs are kicking in to help, @jlklec19 and @angelob88. I always manage to feel guilty for asking mine for help when he works 40+ hours and I don't, but I gotta remind myself that growing a human is physically exhausting. I'm also suffering from the contrast between the nesting instincts telling me to DO ALL THE THINGS and the exhaustion telling me to just sit on the couch, haha.
@TheSouffleGirl and @rennie1108, one day at a time has basically been my motto this entire pregnancy. Keep hanging in there! >internet hugs<
Past couple of days have been up/down for me, but I had my last sonogram this morning (medical imaging is my biggest trigger) so I'm currently feeling the relief and celebrating with a fancy muffin.
@TheSouffleGirl It's been up and down for me, too. I'm constantly paranoid something is wrong with the baby, but because everything looks fine and I'm not high risk, I don't get to see baby. It's just freaking me out. Plus, I feel like every other day I'm ok mentally and the other days I'm a hot mess. Today is hot mess day. And I'm so, so tired which isn't helping.
@TheSouffleGirl, glad you're enjoying a muffin and a sense of relief! I hope the remainder of the week stays stress-free for you.
@rennie1108, I'm not high risk either but for whatever reason, I'm way more anxious this time around than I was with my first. It's helping a bit that babe is so active and getting so big now that I don't really go more than an hour without feeling him kick or roll. Are there times when your LO is most active that you could do a kick count on days when you're feeling anxious?
I'm mostly doing okay, but life is throwing us a lot of curveballs this year and some days I feel like I can't even get up to face the day because of how much stress and worry there is, not to mention how much to physically do. A part of me is really just ready to be on maternity leave and have this LO, and a part of me is feeling really sentimental that DS1 won't be an only child soon and worried about how we'll make it on one income for the summer.
@kangstadt LO definitely has specific times of day (mainly the evening after I eat dinner) when he/she is more active. I feel good when that time comes - and LO definitely kicks way more than 10 an hour- but there are a lot of times throughout the day where I don't feel anything and it freaks me out. Also, I don't feel like the kicks/movements are super strong. The midwife didn't seem concerned, but it's driving me crazy.
I'm not really sure what I did but everyone in this group is just ignoring me now. Maybe I'm just too sensitive but its become a source of anxiety and I'd rather not deal with it. I wish everyone happy and healthy rest of your pregnancies.
@stefanielyn1991 I’m sure you didn’t do anything specific, and it’s just been bad timing for posts. Early on in this board, so like 5 or 6 months ago, I made a point of responding to something specific from other people’s posts and/or asking a question to give people something to hang their comments off of. It can very much feel like no one cares if I vent about DD’s antics and no one replies, but i try to remember that unless their child is also climbing bookcases today (why???), it’s far more important to give the lady in the hospital or headed to a funeral some support.
@kangstadt I came in here to follow up on your week 2 Check In. I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed with caretaking already and worrying about adding a baby to the mix. FIL recently went to the VA for a gerontology appointment where someone thinks he finally qualifies for some additional assistance. Do your parents have any resources like the VA that can be investigated? Have you talked to your sibs about how they might need to step up for a few months (and the ways they could do that) while you adjust to the baby? Maybe some of the more distant ones could take on paperwork or organizing some housework assistance?
@stefanielyn1991 it’s probably just coincidence! The same thing happened to me the other week, and I was in a bad mental space and took it very personally. But I had to remind myself that many times I skip over posts too, and that maybe no one currently online related to it before it was shunted to the back pages. Hope you can resolve the feelings somehow regardless! I know I’m super sensitive about social stuff like that and it gets worse when my anxiety is worse.
@lyse01, mostly at this point it's the mental load of my mom constantly wanting me and DS around and my personal sadness watching them get more confused more easily and such. They're not yet at the point of needing help in the home, although that's a conversation my siblings and I have had. One of my farther away sisters is in charge of getting their will squared away, so hopefully that will be done next month. I'm mostly in charge of taking them to local appointments. It's just difficult when my mom makes comments that she wishes we lived closer or constantly asks me when they'll get to see DS. I try to see them at least twice a week, but some weeks lately it's been once since I've been trying to use weekends to work in the nursery. It's just emotionally draining to see them become more depressed and reliant on others. Anyway, vent over, haha.
@stefanielyn1991, I second what lyse01 and sheepshepperdess said, sometimes it feels like my posts are ignored too but I remind myself that there are a lot of other people on here constantly posting and things do get shuffled back. Not everyone reads or replies to every new post.
@stephanielyn1991: Aw, hugs! Agree with everyone else that there are just random rhythms to when people post and respond, but that can make it feel lonely when you are in a bad space at the moment.
Sometimes I see stuff I might like to respond to, but (a) can't get my combox to load, (b) am not sure if that person still feels that way or if bringing it up again would just make things worse, or (c) am not sure whether it'd just be too random/rude to upstage whatever is going on more currently. I recently realized this is probably what the "Love (t)It" is for, and have been trying to use them more just so show people I'm reading/thinking of them.
I also think that some of this will resolve itself when we move to Facebook, because you can send back quick threaded replies as you go.
Anxiety attacks are no fun. My husband has had something going on with his eye for the past week and woke up this morning unable to read or see details from that eye. Anyway, after an urgent care trip we still don't know exactly what's going on, and I had an anxiety attack waiting for his prescription. Everything feels like a little too much right now.
Sorry for the rant, just trying to make it day by day and feeling like even that is too much. DH suggested anti anxiety meds, but they're definitely not something I want to start while pregnant. I already take Zoloft for my depression. Between thinking about this, my parents, the baby coming soon and everything changing, I feel completely overwhelmed and my chest gets tight and it feels like I can't breathe.
@kangstadt my doc actually told me to take Benadryl, it’s pregnancy safe and helps with anxiety. Even taking it just at night seems to be helpful in the daytime. Also helps you get sleep which is always a plus. It’s not like a prescription anti anxiety but it will help some and since I know there isn’t an increased risk it actually helps with my taking meds while pregnant guilt.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@kangstadt wish I could give advice to make things easier; that overwhelmed/tight chest feeling is awful to have . My doctor also recommended a Benadryl when necessary like @thatbaintforbetty said. Thinking of you and hope things get a bit easier!
@kangstadt I’m sorry for the stress, all that would certainly send me over the edge! I was super reluctant to go on anti-anxiety meds, especially for the first time while pregnant, but buspar is really safely researched in mice and is a game changer. I was having multiple anxiety or panic attacks daily before I started it, now I think I’ve had one a month. Baby’s HR has gone down too, so that was another indication for me that it’s the right choice. I hope things don’t get that bad for you, but just know that the option is there! Hope you can get some resolution as to what’s going on with your DH and that will help with some of the stress.
@thatbaintforbetty very interesting about Benadryl, I might have to try that. I’ve used it in dogs for that purpose, just never thought to use it on me that way!
@kangstadt sending hugs and positive thoughts to you and your DH. I’ve struggled with anxiety attacks for years and they are awful. I’ve never heard that about Benadryl, but that’s a great tip @thatbaintforbetty and @kristenhk.
Re: Mental Health Support Group
How’s everyone else doing?
My anxiety is better this week since we have a plan for what needs to be done to the nursery and I'm back to working and a routine. But I also suddenly feel EXTREMELY PREGNANT this week and I'm miserable physically, hah. I did get some reading/relaxation time in over the weekend and I plan to do more of that tomorrow after my glucose test/checkup.
I've had a good couple of weeks, but I had a huuuuuuuuuuge meltdown while cooking dinner because poor tired DH said that the fact that I wouldn't have gotten much sleep for 3 months through a move and while starting a new job "isn't the kind of factor we should take into consideration" while trying to decide whether to take a job that would be for both of us. Poor DD was asking what was wrong and I didn't know what to say.
(But in good news, it didn't trigger my anxiety.)
I'd definitely talk to your doc if you haven't! There are lots of treatment options. I had success with staying on progesterone (I was on it for medical reasons till 11 wks), using aromatherapy, and making a schedule for my day. Hope things get better for you and that you stay in touch about everything.
Hopefully you can find some help or comfort. Try not to hold yourself to insane standards, and praise yourself for small steps (showered today, made breakfast, read a book, texted a friend...).
I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones making it more intense or if my anxiety is creeping in. Just feels late in the game for it to be the anxiety but I don't know.
Can you pick one task each day to help you feel accomplished and not so overwhelmed? I've been having to break up the household chores more since I've been so tired and overwhelmed, so yesterday it was getting the dishes done and today it will be doing at least one load of laundry. Making a mental checklist helps me feel not so out of control.
Hugs. It's good that DH sounds understanding and willing to help too! My DH doesn't get anxiety, so sometimes it's hard to explain to him why clutter makes me feel so stressed and I have to clean before I can relax on a day off.
@sheepshepherdess never heard of it, but how’s it working out?
How is everyone else doing? Thinking of you @angelob88
This week is an up and down roller coaster. Bad day Monday, better day yesterday, now today I made the mistake of checking my bank account and all I feel like doing is stressing and crying about how we'll manage when I'm on (unpaid) leave. This cold snap is also killing my good vibes. I'm ready for warm weather.
I've been having a good 1.5 weeks since I got some questions answered and good blood test results at my last appointment. I've even been having some additional symptoms that definitely would have caused me anxiety in the past and been fine!
My moods have still been a little all over the place because DD has been really poorly-behaved and sick and it's making it hard for me to get my work done, but I'm grateful that it's just ordinary stress and not anxiety. It's also nice to feel like I've been giving DH a break.
One day at a time...
My anxiety hasn’t been too bad, but the weather is definitely not improving my mood. I feel like all I do is sleep on the weekends instead of trying to do baby prep. The only thing saving my sanity is DH really stepping up in the baby prep, even though it gives me really bad guilt. DH keeps assuring me that there’s nothing to feel guilty about because he feels helpful, but it doesn’t always help. And I can’t stop crying over little things, especially anything that stresses me out. Thankfully I have an appointment with my therapist next week and she always does a good job of helping me mentally reset.
@jlklec19 sending positive thoughts that you start to feel a bit more energy now that the weather is supposed to warm up some this weekend (I know it is here at least). Try not to be hard on yourself because DH is helping out, that's such an awesome thing when they can step in and take some of that burden, especially with the crazy hormones going on. I know how you feel with that though, it's so hard to do. One thing that helps me accept it a little better is to say a huge thank you at the end of each day to him, even if he didn't do a massive amount, any little bit is helpful and I want him to know that.
Then again he’s not the pregnant one. He didn’t get stuck on the couch last night and require assistance in standing up (at least I can laugh about it now).
I'm glad your SOs are kicking in to help, @jlklec19 and @angelob88. I always manage to feel guilty for asking mine for help when he works 40+ hours and I don't, but I gotta remind myself that growing a human is physically exhausting. I'm also suffering from the contrast between the nesting instincts telling me to DO ALL THE THINGS and the exhaustion telling me to just sit on the couch, haha.
@TheSouffleGirl and @rennie1108, one day at a time has basically been my motto this entire pregnancy. Keep hanging in there! >internet hugs<
Past couple of days have been up/down for me, but I had my last sonogram this morning (medical imaging is my biggest trigger) so I'm currently feeling the relief and celebrating with a fancy muffin.
@rennie1108, I'm not high risk either but for whatever reason, I'm way more anxious this time around than I was with my first. It's helping a bit that babe is so active and getting so big now that I don't really go more than an hour without feeling him kick or roll. Are there times when your LO is most active that you could do a kick count on days when you're feeling anxious?
I'm mostly doing okay, but life is throwing us a lot of curveballs this year and some days I feel like I can't even get up to face the day because of how much stress and worry there is, not to mention how much to physically do. A part of me is really just ready to be on maternity leave and have this LO, and a part of me is feeling really sentimental that DS1 won't be an only child soon and worried about how we'll make it on one income for the summer.
@kangstadt I came in here to follow up on your week 2 Check In. I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed with caretaking already and worrying about adding a baby to the mix. FIL recently went to the VA for a gerontology appointment where someone thinks he finally qualifies for some additional assistance. Do your parents have any resources like the VA that can be investigated? Have you talked to your sibs about how they might need to step up for a few months (and the ways they could do that) while you adjust to the baby? Maybe some of the more distant ones could take on paperwork or organizing some housework assistance?
Also yay for cakes🎂🍰
@stefanielyn1991, I second what lyse01 and sheepshepperdess said, sometimes it feels like my posts are ignored too but I remind myself that there are a lot of other people on here constantly posting and things do get shuffled back. Not everyone reads or replies to every new post.
Sorry for the rant, just trying to make it day by day and feeling like even that is too much. DH suggested anti anxiety meds, but they're definitely not something I want to start while pregnant. I already take Zoloft for my depression. Between thinking about this, my parents, the baby coming soon and everything changing, I feel completely overwhelmed and my chest gets tight and it feels like I can't breathe.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@thatbaintforbetty very interesting about Benadryl, I might have to try that. I’ve used it in dogs for that purpose, just never thought to use it on me that way!