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June 2019 Moms
tuxielove93
member
Mental Health Thread Week of 11/12
tuxielove93
member
We had one of these on my old BMB and I know it helped a lot of women and gave everyone a place to vent emotionally without cluttering other threads. A lot of the women said it really helped to have one specific place so they didn’t feel guilty taking over other areas of the board. So I figured I would start it again and just go with the flow. Anyone can post! Whether you have a diagnosed mental disorder or you’re just worried about something this week, or maybe even just some things going wrong, feel free to come here and vent and get support ☺️
Just two questions to sort of get us started for anyone who would be here more regularly( me included)
1) How are you feeling emotionally this week?
2) What are you doing this week to take care of YOU?
Just two questions to sort of get us started for anyone who would be here more regularly( me included)
1) How are you feeling emotionally this week?
2) What are you doing this week to take care of YOU?
Hubby and Me
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Re: Mental Health Thread Week of 11/12
1) I am ..... I’m here. I still haven’t totally accepted that I really am pregnant and getting my second baby, and won’t until I finally have an ultrasound, so I’m in denial ATM. I’m not as sick this time which has me worried that something is wrong as well. BUT I do feel about 1000 times calmer this go round. First because I know what to expect and I’ve done it before so I feel much more confident in my ability to do this whole pregnancy/momming and two I am too distracted by my toddler to sit around and worry about the pregnancy 24/7.
2) This week my big goal is to schedule an ultrasound so I can finally start feeling better and get.my.house.under.control. DS is a human hurricane and I can’t take it anymore. Anyone with any ideas is welcome to tell me how to keep my house clean with a rampaging toddler.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
1) I'm here I have been so nauseous and it really makes my anxiety worse! this is my 3rd pregnancy and the anxiety about the baby is a lot better mostly because I'm busy and this was a totally unexpected pregnancy!
2) this is really hard for me to do something for myself, we did have tacos for dinner because I suggested it!
I have generalized anxiety disorder and OCD. I’ve always been an anxious child. My moms says I had an eye twitch when I was 3. In May I had a resurgence of just panic and anxiety. The worst I’ve felt in years. I didn’t feel safe in my own home and had to stay at my mothers house. My checking routine (OCD) also got more intense and was interfering in my life. It’s under control now after getting on medication and seeing a behaviorist.
1) How are you feeling emotionally this week?
My ultrasound is on Friday and the closer it gets the more anxious I get.
2) What are you doing this week to take care of YOU?
I’m doing one household task a night and then taking it easy the rest of the night.
2) I’ve been using the Calm app and doing lots of guided meditation exercises for deep relaxation.
1) last week I did a leadership course that involved a lot of self reflection and as a result I am emotionally exhausted and just drained
2) I asked my partner to not stay at home this week so I could just have some time to myself. He works away so it’s not a huge issue but he’s being such a drama queen about it. He really doesn’t understand that I just need some space and keeps pestering me, which in turn is making me dislike him more and more. His constant rebutte is “this is just the pregnancy hormones talking” which is driving me up the wall! I’ve started a 5 week secondment at work this week which has been super exciting and my mind hasn’t really had time to wander too much. I’m also getting heaps of exercise in which I think is starting to help too.
So I can be really hard on myself, which is the cause of my total meltdown this morning. Background...At 42 and 2 MC (one known trisomy) went to an RE and had two IVF cycles resulting in one PGS tested embryo (an emotional train wreck in itself). We were about to start our FET cycle, but got BFP instead and now I’m here at 11 weeks. I’ve been handling it pretty well knowing we have this embryo if something went wrong, but now my OB has concerns with the nuchal fold thinkness so we are seeing MFM next week. My meltdown this morning was freaking out if something goes wrong and beating myself up because we could have just used protection and I would be transferring my tested embryo this week. Logically I know everything could turn out fine but since we were supposed to do the FET this week I think it’s hitting me really hard. Even DH is anxious and thinking “why can’t we get a break” and he’s normally so steady.
Taking care of me? Well, this venting helped for one :-) I also try to take deep breaths, go somewhere private when I’m having a moment, and then yoga and acupuncture also help. @pigglesworth thanks for the app mention, I’m going to take a look.
Thanks again for listening, I’m thinking positive thoughts for all of you.
I'm not going to tag anyone, but want to say that I appreciate everyone's sharing. Its really nice (and healthy!) to know that we're not alone in our feelings. As a FTM, its been tough to wrap my head around my feelings lately - I wanted this pregnancy so badly and am now confused by my feelings.
1) How are you feeling emotionally this week? I'm feeling very guilty. I have such little energy these days and thus, my productivity has tanked. Laundry isn't getting done, the bathrooms need to be cleaned, dogs walked (they're used to 2x per day, but are only getting one walk now), and my business development is taking a big hit.
MH works insane and very, very long hours so I feel awful asking him to help with things around the house when I'm basically a housewife right now. I think he's a bit frustrated himself, but hasn't said a word. He knows how tired and sick I feel right now, but I still feel awful. I'm the kind of person that has a 100-item long To-Do list and somehow gets it done in a half-day.
I can't even knit or sew right now for some self-care because it makes me nauseous.
2) What are you doing this week to take care of YOU? I feel like all I've done the last 2-3 weeks is taken care of me. I've taken naps, warm baths, gone to bed early, read, gone to the gym, ordered take-out instead of cooking, etc. Again, I feel guilty even thinking about how to answer this. I just want my energy back - I think getting things done would help me feel better.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I suffer from anxiety on a regular basis (have since a child). This week though I have been feeling more sensitive and irritable than overly anxious. I just feel bitchy. Not toward my daughter at all, or my husband most of the time. But more so coworkers or random people out in the world are really pissing me off and I just feel like screaming at them. Example: I got stuck today with a lazy ass coworker who doesn't do his work, he just makes personal calls all shift and so that pissed me off royally....and on my drive to work some idiot drove at me head first trying to pass the car in front of him and I wanted to follow him and just scream at him (potentially punch him in the head) for almost hitting me head on because he wanted to get around someone. Now I wouldn't because I won't put myself and my unborn in danger....but the though def crossed my mind.
2) What are you doing this week to take care of YOU?
Monday is finally my ultrasound, so after having some spotting earlier on and not being able to be seen b/c my dr's nurse said it sounded normal and to wait it out (so f-ing frustrating)....I am ready. Other than that....hopefully getting some extra rest Saturday. DH made me some awesome chili so that was great. I kind of have a hard time doing for myself....I focus my life on making sure my family is happy and cared for so I don't really do anything just for myself
2) What are you doing this week to take care of YOU? Watching Harry Potter with my sweet love and just watching him enjoy it for the first time. Relaxing is nice.
Since then we’ve only seen each other twice and I’m still struggling quite a bit. He’s started going to counselling and I’m trying to overcome my anxiety to give them a call too.
I spoke to my sister in law about how I’m feeling and she said she also felt the same. I’m the same as harrierwife where I’ve wanted this baby for so long and now I’m pregnant I’m very confused. We actively tried for the baby so why am I telling people it was an accident? I’m currently feeling no joy and even shame that I’m pregnant. I don’t understand why because this is something I’ve wanted for so long and everyone around me is so happy, excited and supportive of me!
Words of wisdom from my sister in law is that your whole body is changing, your whole life is changing, you’re turning into a whole different person and that’s scary and overwhelming. I’ve gone from being a strong, independent woman that does everything for herself to someone who has to take her partner and now this baby into consideration for everything that I do in the space of less than a year. I feel like I’ve lost my identity.
I’ve decided that as a one last hurrah to my “old self” I’m going to do a trip away, by myself. I don’t know where I’ll go yet, so open to ideas (keeping in mind I live in Australia)! My passion is snowboarding so I’m considering doing one last ski trip, of course taking it super easy. Relaxing in Japan at a western resort with boarding in the morning and massages in the evening. It sounds like a dream!
Thank you so much again @tuxielove93 for making this board!
Oooh, yes, your SIL is very wise too! There is definitely a change in identity involved with motherhood but I promise the kid, especially once s/he becomes verbal, is going to bring you so much joy and fun. We have a three year old and the last year has been a blast, he constantly says so many hilarious and adorable things. I also still work and take trips by myself (mostly for work but DH has offered many times to take care of our son if I needed a few days, and he's taken multiple such breaks). The solo trips are something I used to enjoy a lot before the kid, and now I find that by day 3, I just wanna get home. But I digress.
How is your sleep? I find that my mental state is miles better when I string together 7-8 hours of sleep, and even better if I can do more than 8 (I've been averaging 3 wakeups a night to go to the bathroom, so getting 8 hours of sleep requires at least 9 hours). This whole past week I wasn't sleeping well and was annoyed at the world. Last night I managed to get a good night's sleep and I'm in a markedly better mood.
I suspect nutrition has something to do with it too but I haven't been in full control over that, I'm hoping second tri gives me a chance for more variety...
I’ve not been sleeping well at all. I’m also getting up at least 3 times. I slept through the whole night on Saturday night and I felt much better on Sunday. I’ve just started shift work again so getting back into the swing of things will take more than one block! Haha.
I’m starting to get more positive for the future. What a coincidence that it coincides with the end of my 1st trimester 😂
I was finding myself prone to anxiety/panic attacks -- a thought would come into my head (like that I was so selfish for not wanting things to change, or that this pregnancy was a mistake -- or worse, and clearly irrationally, wondering if I would be more sad or relieved if we had a loss). That would send me into a spiral of guilt and shame -- what kind of monster thinks that? how could I be trusted with a kid that I may not even actually want? When so many people have so much trouble conceiving and we did, what kind of ungrateful wretch was I? And so on. It was debilitating, and made me feel even further away from myself. I know hormones account for some of it, and a really valid seismic life change does too, but some of it is antepartum depression. Having a mental health professional give it a name, and an action plan, was so freeing in itself.
I don't know where anyone else here stands, faith-wise. I saw a Christian counselor because that's what I needed. She recognized that I'm a pretty analytical person, so her advice to me was that, when I could feel an anxiety spiral approaching -- and I think everyone kind of knows what that means -- to try to step back and find the lie I was believing in it, and find the scripture to tell me the truth. I may not always be able to keep the first thoughts from occurring, but I can have the right mindset to combat them instead of just believing them.
I know everyone is different, and what is effective for one person may not be for another, so I'm not offering this as medical advice so much as just sharing what helped me. I do believe there is a Satan, and he's trying to undermine God's plan as much as he can, and steal joy and leave destruction as frequently as he can. And I do believe that, for better or for worse, we become even easier targets when we have emotional turmoil from very valid reasons. So for me at least, using the times when I wasn't having the deepest fights to learn scripture, to remind myself of the truth of who God is, and what he says about himself and his relationship to his beloved creation, was invaluable. When the tougher spirals did come, I had something to fight back, and that was a gamechanger.
I have a friend who gave me a quote from Elisabeth Elliot -- don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith. I've been reminding myself of that, too. We wanted this baby, we prayed for this baby, and God didn't just accidentally drop it into our lives -- he CHOSE us intentionally to be this baby's parents at THIS time. That truth doesn't change based on how I feel -- it's either true or it isn't. I believe it is. And if I believe it at my core, it's ok to ask questions of it, but that doesn't change its validity, and I can rest more easily in it.
So all that novel to say...
1. This week, I've had some nerves and moments of fear, but I'm feeling SO much better because I'm so much better equipped to fight back at the one who tempts me down the path of lies.
2. I needed someone to remind me how to do that, and my counselor was a Godsend.
I've been struggling lately with a re-surfacing of some of my depression symptoms. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder many, many years ago, but meds have kept it well-managed for a long time. However, since my IVF transfer, I reduced my antidepressant dose significantly (gradually, under my GP's supervision) and have completely gone off an anti-anxiety med that I was using for sleep (again, under medical supervision). I was doing really well until the last week or so (am currently 11+2) when my symptoms started getting bad. I'm feeling okay today, but some days are much worse than others. In fact, I had to step away from the bump for a few days just to keep my head clear/off of pregnancy-related things for a little bit, since I was fixating on some anxieties.
I tried contacting a local therapy office that has 2 providers who specialize in pre-natal/pregnancy care, but unfortunately they both have waitlists, and said it would be very unlikely that I'd be able to get in before late December. I'm crossing my fingers that changes and I can get in sooner.
2) took a couple days off of work to rest and get my mind right which literally took all the strength in my soul to call out sick because I was so anxious about my boss's reaction. I am 10 weeks on Monday. No ultrasound yet.
Thank you ladies for this thread ❤
This is my second baby. My first pregnancy I didn't get sick, I worked no problem a physical job and had no issues until way late in my pregnancy and took mat leave about 3 weeks before baby was due. When my son was six months old I found out my husband was cheating/had been cheating/ had a whole other life basically. I felt robbed of my maternity leave (Canadian so we get a year) and my first years with my new baby that should have been pure bliss were spent in and out of therapy, starting over on my own and getting a divorce. My life turned upside down. We spent some time in therapy. He moved out then back in, I took my son and moved in with my mom for six months and moved back home and ultimately it didn't work. After 11 years together. I went from thinking I'd have two fairly quickly to being a single mom and through the whole experience I basically did it alone as when we did live under one roof he was always gone. (ill also add I quit my job to be a stay at home mom and after all this happened I was stuck and I ended up having to find a job to work evenings so I could save on daycare and afford to keep my house). This has given me some trust issues that have come up recently.
Fast Forward and I meet my partner of now. He's awesome, younger, has his moments with a lack of maturity but a great heart and he's an amazing step-dad to my son. Way better than his actual father. We've been together for a few years now and things are great and we decide to start trying for a baby and I was SO ready for this. I was lucky enough to get knocked up on the first try which I know is such a blessing. I want this baby and I know I'm a strong person and I can do this but I get this fear that I'm going to be stuck alone again and I know it's irrational. Or I'm going to be stuck unhappy with my partner and just feel stuck in this situation with him. I was so empowered single, own my own home, didn't NEED anybody and now I'm in a position where Ive set up my life with someone again. I'm scared to rely on him. My partner is also not super sensitive, doesn't seem to understand how I'm feeling, complains all the time about how tired he is and how he doesn't feel good (meanwhile I've been struggling with insomnia and Hypermesis Gravidarum) and we've been fighting lately and he has NO control over how he responds to things. You would think he would keep in mind I'm hormonal and emotional but it seems like it's the other way around and he ends up losing his temper with me and lashing out, yelling etc. Common sense would dictate that you stay calm and let the pregnant chick get crazy but if I try and talk to him about something he usually loses it and yells at me. It's making me question if this was the right choice, if he's the right person to do this with, if he's ready for this, if I can do this again etc. and then I feel super guilty. I think back to how easy life was with one child and nobody to answer to. I mean it was actually really hard and lonely, but I made my own choices and that part was way less stressful. I also miss feeling good. I miss not being pregnant. I miss eating the foods I liked and going to the gym and having energy. Insert guilt here.
Example of a fight we had recently: I started venting saying I felt so guilty for being so sick. I feel guilty for not being at my sons hockey practices, for not walking him to school every day (My partner walked him in the mornings for two weeks before I was prescribed meds) and for missing some time at work. I felt guilty for the house not being kept up etc. He got mad at me for complaining. He gave a few suggestions that made zero sense "why don't you wean off your pills and see if you're better and you can drive now and run some errands" (I had been on them for maybe 48 hours and I'm stuck not being able to drive on them) and when I suggested maybe he read up on my condition and this stage of pregnancy his response was "I DO EVERYTHING I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT". He doesn't do everything. He's stepped up walking my son to school and he works his job. He still doesn't feel like chores are his responsibility because he works too much. I work and take care of my son and while he's at school I usually do all the house stuff but I mean he needs to be responsible for himself when I'm down and out. He's usually not this much of an asshole I just think he's maybe not mature enough to deal with this type of pressure. It's making me see him in a different light and I'm not sure if that's just hormones or what.