@cali1710 ideally it'll be DH and my doula. But it's a touch more complicated. My mum will be staying with me as of 36 weeks and DH is away in training up until my EDD, 2 hours away. So there is a scenario in which my mum is at the hospital with me while DH is on his way and if she wants to stay, I don't see myself kicking her out. I'll be having a conversation with her about how we want it to go down once the date gets closer. I don't feel strongly about her being there or not, it just feels like 3 people might be a bit of a crowd.
@cali1710 my mom and DH will be there. My Mom acts as DH's back up, makes sure he eats and takes breaks. Communicates with the rest of the family, makes requests of the nurses as needed. It's amazing having both of them.
@cali1710 For me, it's always been c/s = only DH in the OR. If it was possible I could entertain the idea of my mom being there but I have serious boundary issues with MIL and wouldn't want her near the delivery. But with the c/s each time it never became a part of the conversation. This time I'm wanting to keep everyone away until my boys can come meet their sister. I want as much time with her with just DH and I as I can get when she's brand new. Selfish maybe but she's my last and I don't want to share her right away!
And as far as who will be in the delivery room? At this junction, I don’t honestly know. I was planning on it just being my DH and I. Now, I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of him being there, period, but I’m trying to give myself some grace. I’m also not sure that I’d want a third person in there. I’m not sure who I would ask. My parents are both dead and my sister and I aren’t super close. We’ve done this together twice before and I feel like it was special then.. I’m just so confused and still feeling blind sided by life.
@cmjenkies hugs! If your MIL isn't a good option, it's definitely not too late to start looking into a birth doula. You may feel more comfortable allowing him to be present, if you get to that point, with a neutral unbiased third party present.
@sjnsjnsjn oh yes we cant forget them! Embarrassing story. When I was delivering DD there was the OB and a student helping deliver. After I gave birth I realized I knew the student doctor from high school. He literally stitched up my cootch and lets say I hadn’t groomed in a long time. Luckily I was using my married name so even though he mentioned I looked familiar he didnt clue in ha.
C/S so just DH but even last time before we had to have the c/s it was going to be just us. I didn't even let family come to the hospital until DD was born and we were up in the room. I wanted some time.
This time it'll be planned. So still just DH and probably have the grandparents come the next day so everyone can come at once (ILs will have DD and can drop her at daycare then come).
Little sad it'll be winter bc my sister might have to wait (we get bad weather between Chi and STL) and DD probably won't be allowed to visit the hospital due to flu regulations.
TW: 1 infant loss 8/17: Our daughter was born 8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass 2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old 4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
My dr doesn’t like patients going over 40 weeks. She said I could mayyybe talked her into letting me go to 41, but she wouldn’t be okay going over that.
I’m having H in the room and probably my BFF. She was in the room for DD and took pics. She’s like a sister to me and I liked having her there.
It will probably just be DH in the room. Last time I wanted my mom in there too being my first but I ended up with a c/s so it was just DH in the OR. But this time I am hoping for a Vbac and the more I think about it I think I just want DH. And who knows if my parents will make it to me in time...they live 8 hours away
For my first, my parents and BFF were waiting in the waiting room and were able to sneak back to recovery to meet baby. They were there for 10 mins then left for a bit until we got to our room.
For my second, my mom was at my house with DD (my water broke a few hours before my scheduled c/s) and once baby was born, we let her know and she brought DD to the hospital to visit around lunchtime. Also, my DH met my Mom in the lobby to get DD so we could have just her come up to meet baby for a bit solo. It was important for us for her to be able to spend time with her brother for a bit before other people got to meet him.
With this baby, my mom will have my DS at home and will bring him and my DD to the hospital after she picks up DD from school. And we’ll do the same where DH goes to meet them in the lobby so they can meet baby first.
A bunch of your comments mention the logistics surrounding the care of your other kids. My SO and I got into a dumb and unnecessarily tense back and forth about that yesterday, mainly because there is no great answer to that plan. His parents live a five year drive or shorter Amtrak. My mom lives a four hour flight which of course cannot be purchased at a blink for a decent price necessarily. If I don’t go into labor and am induced at 39 weeks, which will be the backup plan, both have offered to come watch DS, and I think we will have my SO’s parents come because it’s less of an issue since they don’t have to buy a specific plane ticket and worry about cancelation. But the biggest thing is, last time we had no one come to the hospital and no one come to the house for many days after, and I liked it that way. I think they will understand if we accept the offer but say something about wanting to be able to have family bonding time at home that is just us 4 after. So it would mean they meet the baby and go home to st Louis after a few hours (after staying a few days with my DS who they love and only see a few times a year). I actually think they will be ok with that, because they are pretty chill (much chiller than my mom), but I feel weird asking. Also, I want my DS to meet the baby with it just us- me and SO - so I don’t want them to come to the hospital (no one came last time 👍), and that also feels awkward. The logistics of this are soooo much harder when you already have a kid!
I’m having my DH and birth doula, and probably my mom. She’ll be flying in a few days before my due date and staying a total of 2 weeks. I think she will be helpful, I’ll have to explain some things to her and hopefully she’ll take cues from DH and my doula!
also, late to the party but @cmjenkies you look stunning!
@sjnsjnsjn oh yes we cant forget them! Embarrassing story. When I was delivering DD there was the OB and a student helping deliver. After I gave birth I realized I knew the student doctor from high school. He literally stitched up my cootch and lets say I hadn’t groomed in a long time. Luckily I was using my married name so even though he mentioned I looked familiar he didnt clue in ha.
Yesss as I was transitioning the OB asked if a student could come observe. It was the first birth she'd ever seen. She actually is the one who took the pictures of us as a family like 2 seconds after DS was born. Poor girl.
@sjnsjnsjn I feel awkward about basically telling my mom to leave us alone after taking care of DS too. I'm sure she'll understand though. We will see ...
@cmjenkies you look seriously gorgeous lady! Love that dress!
@cali1710 the plan is to just have DH in the room. Only had DH there for DD1 and that was plenty for me! The more people there (excluding medical professionals, of course), the more stress in my book.
I hadnt thought about this really... i kinda now want just dh... but id also like my mom there.. but not my live in mil.. ugh ill have to see what dh thinks. He will prob just want him and i... which i think im also okay with. Wait.. itll prob end up being both moms, who am i kidding?
@sjnsjnsjn - I have quick labors and major concerns about our other kids. Last time, I went into labor at about 8 PM and we dropped DD off at a friend's on the way to the hospital and my parents picked her up there (they are about 2 hours away). This time, I have no fucking idea what we will do. Honestly, probably bring them to the hospital if we have to and hope my parents make it in time. IDFK.
@kayjay44- Yikes! I hated my induction experience, from end to end, but considering my lack of emergency child care here, the worst thing would be a blissfully fast labor coming on its own, which is so f*cked!
@kayjay44- Yikes! I hated my induction experience, from end to end, but considering my lack of emergency child care here, the worst thing would be a blissfully fast labor coming on its own, which is so f*cked!
I'd ask the same friends to take the kids again until my parents can get here, but my friend is back working with 3 kids under 5 (she was a SAHM before) and she and her husband are having marital problems and I don't want to put any more stress on her by even asking.
Thanks for the responses! I always just assumed people only had DH (which seems to be what you all do). My one cousin had DH and her sister and my other had her DH and her mom and this time DH and her BFF. I feel I don’t want anyone else seeing me push something out my vag other the DH ha. I’m a bit of a bitch this time around and said no one is allowed to see the babies until dD has met them. I want her to be he first. When DD was born we said no one come to the hospital until we say ok (I wanted to be a bit rested and refreshed) but sure enough all the grandparents didnt listen and 2 min after I got into the recovery room the nurse said I had visitors and they had been waiting over an hour. Clearly they don’t listen.
@cali1710 - This is why we don't tell anyone the baby is here until we are ready for visitors except for my parents, and that's only because they're charged with watching our older kids.
@kayjay44 yeah that will have to be my plan this time around too. Ill be at a further hospital then last time so I’m hoping that will deter them a bit too
@cali1710 last time it was just DH and we told no one I was even in the hospital until immediately before I was wheeled into the OR for a CS. We did not want to be disturbed even just with texts about if the baby's here yet, or worse, trying to come and visit during labor. When I was about to have a CS we informed immediate family, many of whom managed to make it there for a visit around the time I got to recovery, and yes, I was a hot mess but I didn't care with family. I was too busy and exhausted for any one else to visit in the hospital though.
@sjnsjnsjn@BourbonBiscuits this is a worry of mine having DD around this time. Ideally, I'd like the same situation as before. However, the best thing for DD would be for her to be with either my parents or DH's parents while I'm in labor (whoever happens to be available at that moment), so obviously they will have to know that the baby is on its way. MIL is the one I'm particularly worried about being nosy and entitled to updates. I plan to have a discussion with all the grandparents about our expectations during labor, but I'm not looking forward to that. *Hawkward* I'd also like for DD to be the first to visit LO, and I think it's a fairly reasonable request given that grandparents are immediately next in line, but I still hate to sound picky with people doing us favors by watching DD on a moment's notice for who knows how long. I'm hoping that the simple fact that this LO will NOT be the first grandchild (as DD was) will keep the grandparents a little less desperate for information during labor. Hopefully DD will serve enough as a distraction as well lol
Also- when I had DD she went right to the NICU, and I obviously couldn't come. So there was no option for this lovely bonding time with just the three of us after birth. The NICU also has a visitor limit so poor DH spent a lot of time playing escort so that each family member could see DD. Meanwhile I wasn't allowed to visit DD until I could sit in a wheelchair and an escort was available, which was about 12 hours after birth. No, I'm not bitter about any of this, why do you ask?
I just remembered that DH was texting our parents in a big group text throughout the entire induction. It was really nice actually because nobody was bugging me but they were all in the loop. My ILs were in town but didn’t come until we asked them too, which is weirdly respectful of boundaries for them lol. Since we’ve moved my parents will be in town but I’ll just have H add to the text that we’ll let them know when they can come. I’m gonna let him be in charge of that
@notthecheat- My son also went to the NICU hours after his birth which felt very traumatic, but luckily my SO and I were able to be there with him the whole time basically, except when we ate or took a tiny nap, and then even after I had to check out, when he was there another day. I did not have a c so that helped with my mobility and whatnot!
i also want DS to be the only one to come so we are chatting about my SO going to get him (we live a 15 min drive from the hospital). The grands cannot drive him anyways since we’ll have our car and they are coming by Amtrak.
And as far as who will be in the delivery room? At this junction, I don’t honestly know. I was planning on it just being my DH and I. Now, I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of him being there, period, but I’m trying to give myself some grace. I’m also not sure that I’d want a third person in there. I’m not sure who I would ask. My parents are both dead and my sister and I aren’t super close. We’ve done this together twice before and I feel like it was special then.. I’m just so confused and still feeling blind sided by life.
When DD1 was born I had my best friend in the room with me. My family kind of pushed back about me wanting to be there alone and I wasn't sure what to expect so I had my friend come and family could wait inthe lobby. Honestly, I cherished every second of having the quiet room to myself after she was born. I feel like it really bonded us. whatever you decide is the best choice will be perfect. You've had a baby before and you can absolutely do it again regardless of who is or is not next to you.
Our RainbowBaby H arrived at 37 weeks on 12/20/16!
Baby E arrived at 37 weeks on 01/31/15!
Married my Marine 05.23.14
*TW* TWIN LOSS 7.2.15 BFP 9.7.15 CP BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16 BFP 10.14.17 CP BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
I’m in Canada so its not something I know anything about, but for you americans, what is the midterm election thats all over the tv? Is it to vote trump out? Or just to see who does and doesnt like him?
@cali1710 Sadly Trump still has another two years in his term. This is a midterm election, so most of the offices up for election are congressional seats or state/local government seats. One thing that might happen as a result of this election is that democrats might take over control of the house or senate. That would balance out some of the power (one would hope), as we currently have a republican president and both a republican house and senate (and now also a more conservative supreme court). A few of the states have closed their polls now, so we'll just have to see what happens!
@cali1710- It’s made extra confusing by them calling it “midterm” which refers to it being mid the presidential term but it’s not (at least not literally) a vote on the presidency at all, but all of the House and 1/3 of the senate!
@cali1710 typically midterm elections aren’t made into such a huge deal but Americans are pissed lol. The polls were packed and I’m proud to say we flipped two “red” seats to blue in my local government!
Re: Weekend Randoms (11/3 & 11/4)
@grebretso that is a good question to ask your practice! I believe that mine won't let patients go past 41 weeks.
@cali1710 I am planning on just H, our parents are hours away and I'd rather have visitors after she is born.
For me, it's always been c/s = only DH in the OR. If it was possible I could entertain the idea of my mom being there but I have serious boundary issues with MIL and wouldn't want her near the delivery. But with the c/s each time it never became a part of the conversation.
This time I'm wanting to keep everyone away until my boys can come meet their sister. I want as much time with her with just DH and I as I can get when she's brand new. Selfish maybe but she's my last and I don't want to share her right away!
@ohsunnydays it’s from the Jessica Simpson maternity line.. I got it at a Motherhood outlet over the summer.
This time it'll be planned. So still just DH and probably have the grandparents come the next day so everyone can come at once (ILs will have DD and can drop her at daycare then come).
Little sad it'll be winter bc my sister might have to wait (we get bad weather between Chi and STL) and DD probably won't be allowed to visit the hospital due to flu regulations.
1 infant loss
8/17: Our daughter was born
8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass
2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old
4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
I’m having H in the room and probably my BFF. She was in the room for DD and took pics. She’s like a sister to me and I liked having her there.
I was induced with DS at like 41 weeks - my doc also tried to sweep my membranes which I did NOT like lol it felt very strange
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
For my first, my parents and BFF were waiting in the waiting room and were able to sneak back to recovery to meet baby. They were there for 10 mins then left for a bit until we got to our room.
For my second, my mom was at my house with DD (my water broke a few hours before my scheduled c/s) and once baby was born, we let her know and she brought DD to the hospital to visit around lunchtime. Also, my DH met my Mom in the lobby to get DD so we could have just her come up to meet baby for a bit solo. It was important for us for her to be able to spend time with her brother for a bit before other people got to meet him.
With this baby, my mom will have my DS at home and will bring him and my DD to the hospital after she picks up DD from school. And we’ll do the same where DH goes to meet them in the lobby so they can meet baby first.
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
If I don’t go into labor and am induced at 39 weeks, which will be the backup plan, both have offered to come watch DS, and I think we will have my SO’s parents come because it’s less of an issue since they don’t have to buy a specific plane ticket and worry about cancelation. But the biggest thing is, last time we had no one come to the hospital and no one come to the house for many days after, and I liked it that way.
I think they will understand if we accept the offer but say something about wanting to be able to have family bonding time at home that is just us 4 after. So it would mean they meet the baby and go home to st Louis after a few hours (after staying a few days with my DS who they love and only see a few times a year). I actually think they will be ok with that, because they are pretty chill (much chiller than my mom), but I feel weird asking.
Also, I want my DS to meet the baby with it just us- me and SO - so I don’t want them to come to the hospital (no one came last time 👍), and that also feels awkward.
The logistics of this are soooo much harder when you already have a kid!
also, late to the party but @cmjenkies you look stunning!
@sjnsjnsjn I feel awkward about basically telling my mom to leave us alone after taking care of DS too. I'm sure she'll understand though. We will see ...
@cali1710 the plan is to just have DH in the room. Only had DH there for DD1 and that was plenty for me! The more people there (excluding medical professionals, of course), the more stress in my book.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
@cali1710 last time it was just DH and we told no one I was even in the hospital until immediately before I was wheeled into the OR for a CS. We did not want to be disturbed even just with texts about if the baby's here yet, or worse, trying to come and visit during labor. When I was about to have a CS we informed immediate family, many of whom managed to make it there for a visit around the time I got to recovery, and yes, I was a hot mess but I didn't care with family. I was too busy and exhausted for any one else to visit in the hospital though.
@sjnsjnsjn @BourbonBiscuits this is a worry of mine having DD around this time. Ideally, I'd like the same situation as before. However, the best thing for DD would be for her to be with either my parents or DH's parents while I'm in labor (whoever happens to be available at that moment), so obviously they will have to know that the baby is on its way. MIL is the one I'm particularly worried about being nosy and entitled to updates. I plan to have a discussion with all the grandparents about our expectations during labor, but I'm not looking forward to that. *Hawkward* I'd also like for DD to be the first to visit LO, and I think it's a fairly reasonable request given that grandparents are immediately next in line, but I still hate to sound picky with people doing us favors by watching DD on a moment's notice for who knows how long. I'm hoping that the simple fact that this LO will NOT be the first grandchild (as DD was) will keep the grandparents a little less desperate for information during labor. Hopefully DD will serve enough as a distraction as well lol
i also want DS to be the only one to come so we are chatting about my SO going to get him (we live a 15 min drive from the hospital). The grands cannot drive him anyways since we’ll have our car and they are coming by Amtrak.
*TW*
TWIN LOSS 7.2.15
BFP 9.7.15 CP
BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16
BFP 10.14.17 CP
BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
A few of the states have closed their polls now, so we'll just have to see what happens!