@BarefootContessa any person with an ounce of humanity would have found literally any other child to give that book to. Or the church gift drive. Or the trash can.
@kylierose84 gah, that sucks. Older sister’s feelings might have changed from feeling left out to feeling left behind - I certainly was annoyed with DH (technically fiancé) for dragging his feet on the wedding so that my younger cousin ended up engaged second but married first (in the same family back yard as I had planned). Still, it sucks she can’t talk directly about it and it sucks she’s feeling any jealousy at all instead of pure love and excitement!
@BarefootContessa that is aweful of your MIL. I totally understand why you want to keep your distance. My MIL also puts herself between me and my kids when they cry for me. Telling them they don’t need mommy they just need nana. One time I lost it at my SILs wedding DD was 2 and the flower girl. I had decided to hold her until DH came back to get her (he was a groomsman) and then I would take my seat before the wedding procession began. My MIL thought she could rip DD out of my arms, while she was screaming for me. I said she’s my daughter and I will take care of her. Of course MIL made a huge scene with crying and telling everyone that I was ruining the wedding and even said “she will not walk down that isle, she already had her own wedding for that!” FYI I never walked down the isle at SILs wedding, I went up the side so I don’t know why she said that
@kylierose84 and @blueberrymomma, I'm sorry that not everyone in your family is supportive of your preganacies. I know we all want pure love and excitement at the thought of a new baby in the family but for some people, that's not possible given their life experiences.
**TW** I lost my first two pregnancies while my sister was pregnant with my nephew. I lost my third a few months after he was born. I was lost in grief, depressed, lost my faith, terrified that I might never have kids, and angry that my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to do that I couldn't see my sister or my nephew until he was almost 1. Both my sisters were angry and hurt that I disconnected from my family, but I just couldn't be around anyone really for almost 2 years.
Don't let other people's lack of happiness ruin your pregnancy experiences. Maybe they are crappy people or maybe they are just trying to get through the day like I was.
Thanks all for your kind words. Honestly, I've just decided to lower my expectations when it comes to my ILs, and not discuss too much because all it does is bring up the rage and frustration within me.
@tmblickley I am so sorry for your losses, but I'm so glad you added your post for perspective. It is so hard to navigate familial relationships sometimes.
@tmblickley so sorry for your losses. I totally understand that everyone grieves differently. If my SIL treated all the babies in our family like she does mine it would make sense. But she only ignores my family. Her sister, our mutual friends and cousins she fawns over their babies and pregnancies.....
@BarefootContessa omfg NO. I cannot believe she did that with the book. I’m worry but that is a wicked, wicked woman. Sorry you had to deal with that. That is beyond horrific. Holy hell
I’ve had it with my SIL. Absolutely had it. Her and her DH are very fiscally irresponsible. I won’t go into detail, because we’ve all made ridiculous financial decisions whether big or small. They chose different paths in life than we did, I’ll put it that way. She just sent a text to a group text asking if me and DH are going with her family to Disney world next August. DH privately texted me (he’s at work) and we had a little laugh about it, because with the house and work and a baby that will be around 4 months old at the time... no. Plus, we went to Disney on our honeymoon. We had a BLAST, but we aren’t interested in going back any time soon, especially when our kid won’t be old enough to ride rides. We mentioned several times in the text that we are trying to save for several big purchases, the baby will be too little, etc. She just doesn’t know how to take NO for an answer. She keeps saying that we are going to be broke forever anyway, that it’s all about family memories, that we HAVE to go, and if we don’t go we HAVE to dog sit for them. I kept my cool, but I’m so irritated. I’m sorry we’d rather save for important family purchases than buy junk we don’t need and take vacations that will only be stressful for us. I know this pales in comparison to the things you ladies have dealt with, but it’s just so irritating. We want to do things differently for our child. We have the chance to have a stable future with plenty of opportunities for travel, but we have to be smart now. And she just doesn’t listen. It’s all a joke to her. Add to this that she is STILL insisting that she hold a sex reveal for “her first niece or nephew” even though I’ve mentioned at least fifteen times that I have no desire in other people knowing the sex of MY CHILD before I do.
ETA: @BarefootContessa, what your MIL did is absolutely disgusting and I’m so, so sorry. The damn nerve.
My family drama: in high school my husband dated a girl. Let’s call her A. A got very cozy with his older brother. A broke up with my husband, immediately got together with his brother, and now they are married. Well, now they are in the process of divorce after 11 years. No one in the family ever liked her after the Shit she pulled.
She decided my BIL is too “boring” and doesn’t like that he spends his time outside of work with their kids instead of doing “fun” things like going to concerts.
So that’s where she is tonight. While he works late, she asked my in laws, her soon to be ex in-laws, to watch her kids so she can go to a concert with another guy. She has been to 15 concerts with this guy over the course of the summer. We are all very certain they are having an affair.
@mels823 I can’t even name 15 bands I like enough to go to their concert. Or name 15 weekends in a summer. Ugh to asking for free babysitting on a regular basis for fun, double ugh to the amount of money spent on those concerts while her husband is working, triple ugh to cheating so obviously.
@lilpotatomama the rule I’ve learned and applied for most of my adult life is that you get to protest/make your case once when you think someone is making the wrong decision. Once you’ve said your piece, and they’ve stuck by their decision, you shut up and accept it. Protest too often and you can expect to lose that privilege too. Your SIL needs to learn this.
tmblickley I'm having a similar situation where my SIL miscarried in June (her first pregnancy), I conceived in July and am due in April. To compound it she's been trying for about 1.5 years and we got pregnant the second month (she knows it happened quickly for us). My SIL and I don't have a great relationship to begin with... it is fine but we aren't true friends/confidants or anything. I thought we would be but it just never happened. We are neighbors, I live on a farm, with her down the lane and my MIL & FIL across the lane. All close proximity and this is the first baby. The family is a lot less excited and supportive then I thought they would be. I know it is because everyone is sad for SIL. If my SIL still isn't pregnant by April I'm not sure how she'll handle it. I'm laying low and giving her space but wondering if you have any advice. I realize this is hard for her in a way I can't even imagine but still disappointed people aren't so excited or reacting like I'd expect... Did the hurt heal with your sisters? What allowed you emotionally to connect with your nephew? Thanks for sharing your experience.
@himolly88 TW- as a woman who went through a loss and took about two years to conceive again (before another loss), honestly I don’t think there is much to do. So much of it is an internal journey, and it may be too much coming from someone with the outcome she very much wants, even if it’s well intentioned and sensitive. It’s only been a few months. It’s tough to describe to people who haven’t gone through it, but both loss and IF leave scars on you that you *know* are irrational, but you have to deal with them in a way that fits your needs at the time. Seeing your pregnant relative right after you get your period can fill you with jealousy and loathing that you know isn’t actually anyone’s fault and that you deeply dislike in yourself. She still cares about you, but needs to protect herself.
Let your SIL engage with your pregnancy on her terms, please don’t force excitement on her and her husband- they’re grieving, and they may be scared they won’t have the family they imagined. Don’t totally hide from her, but let her know you’ll give her space, no explanation needed, and talk to her about not-pregnancy stuff. For the love of god don’t complain about symptoms around her (that was my biggest trigger, at least- I would’ve given anything to throw up all the time). Let her choose her good days to interact.
It sounds like you’re trying to be sensitive and kindhearted, and I’m positive she appreciates that. I’m also sure that people in your family *are* excited for you, they’re just trying to be kind too (and may be worried about their own excitement souring if something goes wrong now that they’ve seen it happen- people all try to protect themselves). They’ll all love the baby, please don’t worry about that.
(Whoa sorry for the book, everyone. It’s been cooking in there since IF/loss relatives were mentioned earlier. I think it’s important to try and shed some insight because it can be so emotionally difficult to deal with pregnant women when you’re going through that special hell.)
@himolly88, giving your SIL space is probably best. She'll come around in her own time, but it doesn't mean she isn't happy for you. I love my nephew and wanted my sister to enjoy her pregnancy; I just couldn't be there for her because of my grief. You are amazing for being sensitive to her situation.
I agree with @lin0442, please don't complain about symptoms. I would also suggest giving her a heads up on any social media posts or baby-related parties, which can be a trigger.
I'm still not Ok with my sisters because they made my loses about them, and said things like everything happens for a reason and I would be fine if I never had kids. But I don't let it hurt my relationship with my nieces and nephews.
@himolly88 Maybe it's different for everyone, but I felt that after my loss people just gave me too much space, like didn't dare to ask how I was doing or just told me I could talk to them when/if I wanted to. For me the biggest support were the friends who constantly kept checking in on me with short but simple "how are you/things today" it can be easy to feel isolated and like people don't care when they tip toe too much. I found with my SILs they only congratulated when they herd I was pregnant but then radio silence after the loss which I thought was weird even though they may have just tried to not upset me.
@lin0442 42 @honey_suckle tmblickley Thank you for the insight ... I really appreciate it. I haven't seen my SIL in weeks and have been sort of "hiding" but also traveling a lot for work. I'm going to try to stop doing that and have more normal interactions. honey_suckle you raise a good point about gentle support but I'm not sure it is best coming from me.
lin0442 my SIL doesn't have many friends and isn't someone to use online forums or social media and I wish she would to be able to connect with someone like you would could really empathize with her. You are correct it has only been a couple months and I need to be patient. Thanks also for assuring me they'll love the baby, that gives me the feels because this all feels more heavy and complex than I expected.
I feel like both sides of my family are crazy sometimes!! My first pregnancy was a roller coaster. My SIL and BIL announced that they were pregnant after only a few months when my DH and I were trying for over 2 years with fertility treatments. Of course we said our congratulations but then I went outside and cried on the phone with my mom. About a week later we finally got our BFP! A week later, I found out it was ectopic and it ruptured my tube and I had been bleeding internally for almost 12 hours so I was rushed into surgery. I will NEVER forget what my MIL said when we found out I had to have surgery. "At least we know you CAN get pregnant". It was a couple of years ago but I can still replay the exact scene in my head. I was in such a state of shock (and pain) that I couldn't even react to it. When we got pregnant again and told her that it was a boy (this would make her 5th grandson, no granddaughters), she said that she was excited but her faced looked so disappointed. And she couldn't even hide it. I was so upset that she was happy about my SIL's boy but disappointed in mine.
What takes the cake is what she did at the birth. She did the same to my SIL but we thought there was no way it could happen again. VERY WRONG! We had warned all of the nurses throughout the entire labor process and it seemed like they didn't believe us until it happened. When I started to push, DH let the whole family know so they wouldn't try to come to the room until we gave the OK. Well, within less than 2 minutes of him being out (im not kidding about less than 2 minutes), there was a knock at our door. It was my MIL! She had blown up my husbands phone with at least 30+ texts asking for pictures of the baby and we could hear each chime as they came in. When we didn't answer, she came to the door. She wanted to see the baby. When a nurse said that he just came out, she asked if the father could come out and see her. Yes, 2 MINUTES after his first child was born, he was supposed to come out and talk to her. When we refused, she yelled through the door for him to come out. I told him just to go and get her away. She was asking is she can come in and see him. When he firmly said no, since I was still in stirrups, she got mad. She then demanded a picture. He said fine I'll send a picture when he is finished getting checked out. Then she insisted it be with her nice camera and not a phone. Then when he said that he will take it and give it back later, she said "No, take the picture and I'll wait right here for it". By that point I hadn't even seen my son's face yet and she is making all of these demands! When everything was done, my nurse said "I thought you guys were just exaggerating about her" We all just laughed!
This time around we are not telling ANYONE I am in labor until I am either pushing or the baby is here. The only people that will know will be SIL and BIL because they will be watching our son.
My MIL and my step MIL (of course gotta be cursed with two mother in laws). MIL shows no interest really but wants things her way (for example wants her new boyfriend to be called grandpa, no way!). SMIL asks me about every two weeks how far along I am and I swear for Christmas I'm buying her a cheap calendar and numbering my weeks so she stops asking, wouldn't be a big deal but that's literally the only conversation we have and always on Facebook messenger, the answer I gave two weeks ago is still on the screen.
@hungrybogadile please make a calender, I find that hilarious. Also I 100% agree with boyfriends not being called intimate names like grandpa or uncle. When DD was born I wouldnt let my sister refer to her baby daddy as uncle and now he is no longer in the picture. And my now BIL wasn’t called uncle until he married SIL. DH has a cousin and every new boyfriend she refers to a daddy to her children and I think it’s so wrong. She has 2 girls with 2 different dads. I feel bad for how confusing it must be for the girls with all these men coming in and out of their lives.
@blueberrymomma I'm definitely considering the calendar as a Christmas gift lol. I try not to be mean about it but new boyfriend of MIL will be becoming husband #5 and even my DH asked his mom if there was going to be a husband #6 so I just dont feel comfortable causing that kind of confusion for kids to keep changing who is now grandpa. The main thing is DH doesn't want him to be called grandpa and I feel I need to respect that over what my MIL wants.
I finally told my parents and my dad responded in exactly the way I expected him to. This means that instead of just stating he’s happy to have a new grandchild, he had to talk smack about my SO and tell me what a crappy father he’s going to be and good thing I have such supportive parents to help me. 🙄 I have zero doubts in my SO and his ability to be an amazing dad, but he does have doubts in himself and doesn’t need anyone making It worse.
@ysotte ::hug:: give your SO a compliment about some parenting ability today for me. Also, there are lots of Dad-specific resources out there for pregnancy and beyond (eg the book The Expectant Father), but I find DH gains confidence when he has info at his fingertips.
Birth might be a big mystery to us both, but if I draw him into intentional conversation about a small aspect that I’m reading about, such as the use of pitocin or any article on Evidence Based Birth, then he forms an opinion and a plan. Ditto swaddling, or introducing chores, or educational material, to DD. I mean, I might be the one finding the resource for him, but it’s eliminated a lot of his doubts
So for the past 5 years (this year would be number 6) I have hosted both mine and DHs families for thanksgiving. Usually 20-25 people depending on the year. It’s something I enjoy and is the only large family gathering at my house. Well this weekend I was mailing out my invites and SIL tells me grandma and MIL were talking about doing thanksgiving at grandmas house. THEY DO THIS EVERY YEAR TO ME, and then act like it’s such a surprise that I’m planning on hosting thanksgiving. FYI everyone who would go to grandmas house are always invited to my house. I feel like the do this behind my back because I’m always the last to know and they try to plan it before I find out. My nice pregnancy hormones had me crying to DH about it tonight and hopefully he’ll talk to his mom tomorrow
Resurrecting because I almost lost my mind yesterday when MIL suggested we name the baby Lucky. After the family freaking dog. Are you kidding me? I had to leave the room I was so irritated.
When we got pregnant with DD1, FIL and Step-MIL went pyscho. We had the first grandbaby, and I shut them down right away when they requested we hold 2 baby showers and duplicate future birthday parties so they wouldn't have to see my MIL. When we found out our baby was a girl, FIL pouted in a corner. They continued to treat us like shit after and only would see for Christmas (but not Christmas day because that was for HER family) even though they love only 40 minutes away.
They'd been feuding with BIL for even longer and told us one year not to invite him and his family to a Christmas party thrown by my husband's Grandma because my niece is "rambunctious and loud" (total BS).
Last year we were invited to FILs 60th birthday party but told not to bring DD even though they hadn't seen her in a year. This year they unfriended me on FB with their mutual account because "it's only to keep in touch with long distance family" even though she clearly was fb friends with all her kids. The last straw was when they didn't send DD a birthday card this year, I blocked them on all social media and we haven't said one word about this pregnancy to them and have no intention of contacting them again.
@hungrybogadile my MIL insisted her boyfriend be called Pop Pop but I never encouraged it and I'm glad because she left him this year
@mrstmoose my cousin, a girl, is named Hunter. Before she was born my aunt and uncle had a dog with the same name and they named the baby my aunt miscarried(late term) Hunter as well. So they basically named my cousin after their deceased dog and baby.
Gotta resurrect this to share my current, "wtf, family?" moment:
It's difficult to describe how erratic my parents' lives are - my dad works for a very strange company and literally travels across the world on a whim all the time. He's been doing this for about 8 years now, and it's still hard to get used to. It's seemed like a miracle that he managed to do things like show up to things like show up at my wedding and my sister's wedding (which were single day events, 7 years apart). My mom travels with him off and on. Anyway, the most stressful part about this is how either or both of my parents are prone to giving less than 24 hrs notice and saying "hey we're going to be in town, let's hang out, oh also can I stay with you?" Mostly, they are in Asia, so it seems really strange that suddenly my jetlagged parents are at our door from 15 time zones away.
Today my mom informed me that they're attending the Thanksgiving get together that we've been planning for months with my brothers and my in-laws. There's no place for my parents to stay, but I guess with a whole week's notice, it's a luxurious amount of heads up to find them accommodations. My partner is not happy about this relatively last-minute development.
That said, it is always nice to see them, I just wish that they could plan and schedule like normal people.
Resurrecting this thread to tell y’all the most ridiculous thing that just happened. Apparently there’s going to be an eclipse tomorrow. My MIL texted DH to tell him that I need to pin a safety pin TO MY UNDERWEAR for the baby’s safety.... and he actually seriously wants to go after work and buy safety pins so I can do this. WHAT??????
@blueberrymomma@honey_suckle totally superstitious. It’s definitely a Mexican thing, superstitions are the norm. I try to take it all with a grain of salt and just imagine that it’s because they care!
Apparently my older brother who is currently incarcerated and facing a lengthy sentence has added me to his visitation list and today is of course visitation day. I should add that one of his charges is for assaulting me (before I was pregnant). And now my Mom wants me to go visit him because his girlfriend can't and my mom still has 11 stitches in her knee from drunkenly falling and giving this pregnant lady here a mother effing heart attack. Somehow it's my job to be the big little sister and go lift his spirits. My pregnancy hormones have me over here digging my heels into the ground. My brother is 30 years old and is still blaming "the system" for his two felony assault charges he is facing. I have a feeling I'll go off on him if he does some pity party shit. The chance to yell at my brother and him just have to take it sounds kind of appealing though. I probably will end up going because its not like he will get the chance to see his little sister pregnant too often. I've already made it clear that he won't meet my baby until he's out because i refuse to take her to a jail or prison for visitation. Thanks for letting me vent ladies.
@phoenix92885, I don't know how I would react in that situation if it was me personally and my own brother, but I totally agree with refusing to visit. It sounds a tad ridiculous that you should be expected to go visit him just because no one else can. I would see being pregnant as more of a reason not to go visit someone who assaulted you, but obviously dynamics are not always black and white.
@kangstadt my brother has an anger and a drinking problem. As long as hes sober, he's not a complete freaking moron but he's been babied his whole life. My mom really ruined him as a teenager and he's never had the will to better himself once he hit adulthood. Supposedly, he wants to apologize and has finally enrolled himself in anger management classes so I feel like I should give him a chance. I also don't want to teach my niece's to hate him. I'd rather they figure out how they feel about him without me tainting their view of him, especially my 10 year old niece. Of course my mom and his girlfriend aren't kind enough to bring up visitation without the kids around so I agreed.
Re: My Crazy Family... a thread to vent
**TW** I lost my first two pregnancies while my sister was pregnant with my nephew. I lost my third a few months after he was born. I was lost in grief, depressed, lost my faith, terrified that I might never have kids, and angry that my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to do that I couldn't see my sister or my nephew until he was almost 1. Both my sisters were angry and hurt that I disconnected from my family, but I just couldn't be around anyone really for almost 2 years.
Don't let other people's lack of happiness ruin your pregnancy experiences. Maybe they are crappy people or maybe they are just trying to get through the day like I was.
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
Married 7/6/13
EDD 2/5/21
DD 4/19
Her and her DH are very fiscally irresponsible. I won’t go into detail, because we’ve all made ridiculous financial decisions whether big or small. They chose different paths in life than we did, I’ll put it that way.
She just sent a text to a group text asking if me and DH are going with her family to Disney world next August. DH privately texted me (he’s at work) and we had a little laugh about it, because with the house and work and a baby that will be around 4 months old at the time... no. Plus, we went to Disney on our honeymoon. We had a BLAST, but we aren’t interested in going back any time soon, especially when our kid won’t be old enough to ride rides.
We mentioned several times in the text that we are trying to save for several big purchases, the baby will be too little, etc. She just doesn’t know how to take NO for an answer. She keeps saying that we are going to be broke forever anyway, that it’s all about family memories, that we HAVE to go, and if we don’t go we HAVE to dog sit for them. I kept my cool, but I’m so irritated. I’m sorry we’d rather save for important family purchases than buy junk we don’t need and take vacations that will only be stressful for us. I know this pales in comparison to the things you ladies have dealt with, but it’s just so irritating. We want to do things differently for our child. We have the chance to have a stable future with plenty of opportunities for travel, but we have to be smart now. And she just doesn’t listen. It’s all a joke to her.
Add to this that she is STILL insisting that she hold a sex reveal for “her first niece or nephew” even though I’ve mentioned at least fifteen times that I have no desire in other people knowing the sex of MY CHILD before I do.
ETA: @BarefootContessa, what your MIL did is absolutely disgusting and I’m so, so sorry. The damn nerve.
She decided my BIL is too “boring” and doesn’t like that he spends his time outside of work with their kids instead of doing “fun” things like going to concerts.
So that’s where she is tonight. While he works late, she asked my in laws, her soon to be ex in-laws, to watch her kids so she can go to a concert with another guy. She has been to 15 concerts with this guy over the course of the summer. We are all very certain they are having an affair.
Ugh. So disgusted with her.
@lilpotatomama the rule I’ve learned and applied for most of my adult life is that you get to protest/make your case once when you think someone is making the wrong decision. Once you’ve said your piece, and they’ve stuck by their decision, you shut up and accept it. Protest too often and you can expect to lose that privilege too. Your SIL needs to learn this.
tmblickley I'm having a similar situation where my SIL miscarried in June (her first pregnancy), I conceived in July and am due in April. To compound it she's been trying for about 1.5 years and we got pregnant the second month (she knows it happened quickly for us). My SIL and I don't have a great relationship to begin with... it is fine but we aren't true friends/confidants or anything. I thought we would be but it just never happened. We are neighbors, I live on a farm, with her down the lane and my MIL & FIL across the lane. All close proximity and this is the first baby. The family is a lot less excited and supportive then I thought they would be. I know it is because everyone is sad for SIL. If my SIL still isn't pregnant by April I'm not sure how she'll handle it. I'm laying low and giving her space but wondering if you have any advice. I realize this is hard for her in a way I can't even imagine but still disappointed people aren't so excited or reacting like I'd expect...
Did the hurt heal with your sisters? What allowed you emotionally to connect with your nephew?
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Married 7/6/13
EDD 2/5/21
DD 4/19
Let your SIL engage with your pregnancy on her terms, please don’t force excitement on her and her husband- they’re grieving, and they may be scared they won’t have the family they imagined. Don’t totally hide from her, but let her know you’ll give her space, no explanation needed, and talk to her about not-pregnancy stuff. For the love of god don’t complain about symptoms around her (that was my biggest trigger, at least- I would’ve given anything to throw up all the time). Let her choose her good days to interact.
It sounds like you’re trying to be sensitive and kindhearted, and I’m positive she appreciates that. I’m also sure that people in your family *are* excited for you, they’re just trying to be kind too (and may be worried about their own excitement souring if something goes wrong now that they’ve seen it happen- people all try to protect themselves). They’ll all love the baby, please don’t worry about that.
I agree with @lin0442, please don't complain about symptoms. I would also suggest giving her a heads up on any social media posts or baby-related parties, which can be a trigger.
I'm still not Ok with my sisters because they made my loses about them, and said things like everything happens for a reason and I would be fine if I never had kids. But I don't let it hurt my relationship with my nieces and nephews.
Maybe it's different for everyone, but I felt that after my loss people just gave me too much space, like didn't dare to ask how I was doing or just told me I could talk to them when/if I wanted to. For me the biggest support were the friends who constantly kept checking in on me with short but simple "how are you/things today" it can be easy to feel isolated and like people don't care when they tip toe too much. I found with my SILs they only congratulated when they herd I was pregnant but then radio silence after the loss which I thought was weird even though they may have just tried to not upset me.
@honey_suckle
tmblickley
Thank you for the insight ... I really appreciate it. I haven't seen my SIL in weeks and have been sort of "hiding" but also traveling a lot for work. I'm going to try to stop doing that and have more normal interactions. honey_suckle you raise a good point about gentle support but I'm not sure it is best coming from me.
lin0442 my SIL doesn't have many friends and isn't someone to use online forums or social media and I wish she would to be able to connect with someone like you would could really empathize with her. You are correct it has only been a couple months and I need to be patient. Thanks also for assuring me they'll love the baby, that gives me the feels because this all feels more heavy and complex than I expected.
Married 7/6/13
EDD 2/5/21
DD 4/19
I feel like both sides of my family are crazy sometimes!! My first pregnancy was a roller coaster. My SIL and BIL announced that they were pregnant after only a few months when my DH and I were trying for over 2 years with fertility treatments. Of course we said our congratulations but then I went outside and cried on the phone with my mom. About a week later we finally got our BFP! A week later, I found out it was ectopic and it ruptured my tube and I had been bleeding internally for almost 12 hours so I was rushed into surgery. I will NEVER forget what my MIL said when we found out I had to have surgery. "At least we know you CAN get pregnant". It was a couple of years ago but I can still replay the exact scene in my head. I was in such a state of shock (and pain) that I couldn't even react to it. When we got pregnant again and told her that it was a boy (this would make her 5th grandson, no granddaughters), she said that she was excited but her faced looked so disappointed. And she couldn't even hide it. I was so upset that she was happy about my SIL's boy but disappointed in mine.
What takes the cake is what she did at the birth. She did the same to my SIL but we thought there was no way it could happen again. VERY WRONG! We had warned all of the nurses throughout the entire labor process and it seemed like they didn't believe us until it happened. When I started to push, DH let the whole family know so they wouldn't try to come to the room until we gave the OK. Well, within less than 2 minutes of him being out (im not kidding about less than 2 minutes), there was a knock at our door. It was my MIL! She had blown up my husbands phone with at least 30+ texts asking for pictures of the baby and we could hear each chime as they came in. When we didn't answer, she came to the door. She wanted to see the baby. When a nurse said that he just came out, she asked if the father could come out and see her. Yes, 2 MINUTES after his first child was born, he was supposed to come out and talk to her. When we refused, she yelled through the door for him to come out. I told him just to go and get her away. She was asking is she can come in and see him. When he firmly said no, since I was still in stirrups, she got mad. She then demanded a picture. He said fine I'll send a picture when he is finished getting checked out. Then she insisted it be with her nice camera and not a phone. Then when he said that he will take it and give it back later, she said "No, take the picture and I'll wait right here for it". By that point I hadn't even seen my son's face yet and she is making all of these demands! When everything was done, my nurse said "I thought you guys were just exaggerating about her" We all just laughed!
This time around we are not telling ANYONE I am in labor until I am either pushing or the baby is here. The only people that will know will be SIL and BIL because they will be watching our son.
Birth might be a big mystery to us both, but if I draw him into intentional conversation about a small aspect that I’m reading about, such as the use of pitocin or any article on Evidence Based Birth, then he forms an opinion and a plan. Ditto swaddling, or introducing chores, or educational material, to DD. I mean, I might be the one finding the resource for him, but it’s eliminated a lot of his doubts
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
They'd been feuding with BIL for even longer and told us one year not to invite him and his family to a Christmas party thrown by my husband's Grandma because my niece is "rambunctious and loud" (total BS).
Last year we were invited to FILs 60th birthday party but told not to bring DD even though they hadn't seen her in a year. This year they unfriended me on FB with their mutual account because "it's only to keep in touch with long distance family" even though she clearly was fb friends with all her kids. The last straw was when they didn't send DD a birthday card this year, I blocked them on all social media and we haven't said one word about this pregnancy to them and have no intention of contacting them again.
@hungrybogadile my MIL insisted her boyfriend be called Pop Pop but I never encouraged it and I'm glad because she left him this year
It's difficult to describe how erratic my parents' lives are - my dad works for a very strange company and literally travels across the world on a whim all the time. He's been doing this for about 8 years now, and it's still hard to get used to. It's seemed like a miracle that he managed to do things like show up to things like show up at my wedding and my sister's wedding (which were single day events, 7 years apart). My mom travels with him off and on. Anyway, the most stressful part about this is how either or both of my parents are prone to giving less than 24 hrs notice and saying "hey we're going to be in town, let's hang out, oh also can I stay with you?" Mostly, they are in Asia, so it seems really strange that suddenly my jetlagged parents are at our door from 15 time zones away.
Today my mom informed me that they're attending the Thanksgiving get together that we've been planning for months with my brothers and my in-laws. There's no place for my parents to stay, but I guess with a whole week's notice, it's a luxurious amount of heads up to find them accommodations.
That said, it is always nice to see them, I just wish that they could plan and schedule like normal people.
Apparently there’s going to be an eclipse tomorrow. My MIL texted DH to tell him that I need to pin a safety pin TO MY UNDERWEAR for the baby’s safety.... and he actually seriously wants to go after work and buy safety pins so I can do this. WHAT??????